Be U: When it Feels Like You Just Can't Help A Person

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, November 1, 2010

When it Feels Like You Just Can't Help A Person

I read somewhere the other day that it was an awful feeling not being able to take pain and hurt away from a person. That it can make a person feel helpless and useless to not be able to help someone feel better.

I wonder if we just tell it like it is; say what's truly on our mind. Share the frustration and anger in that feeling with the person that we'd like to help. Say how powerless we feel to help them. State whatever we feel in each moment that we feel something. Don't edit our thoughts so much as to 'spare' the sick person.

State what is truly going on inside of you because of your love for and lack of ability to help them.   Sometimes, the professionals cannot help. Why would we think we should be able to.

I believe I am a person that can't be helped. My loved ones see me suffer and hurt every day (especially now with winter weather). I do not want people tiptoeing around me. I do not want them to fear that they can make it worse for me. They owe me nothing because they are healthy and I am not. We all have our struggles; they are just different for everyone.

I need and want their honest and brutal truth of how my illness affects them. Sometimes I think it's easier for me as the sick person.

This is a wonderful 'place' to be our authentic self. What if in sharing what we really feel, think, and need (because of the illness in the home) would be the ultimate gift to the sick person and to all in the household.

I know one psychologist stated that living with an illness is like living with a terrorist. You never know when they are going to strike and on what level.  This resonated with me. And, I know, it's not only the one with the illness that is affected. It affects everyone around the illness as well.

I don't like stating that I am the one with scleroderma.  However, I realize now that I am not living my truth when I pretend or hide how I am feeling. When I want to act like I do not have scleroderma, I am not being authentic. Yucko. (didn't want to go here!)

One never is done learning/growing.

Is today the day to try a new approach (with our loved ones and/or ourselves) regarding a truth about what struggle we live with? Can we allow it to come from the real truth?

No comments:

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!

Coming for the Real You.

Monday, November 1, 2010

When it Feels Like You Just Can't Help A Person

No comments:

Post a Comment