Human. To Be or Not to Be

Sometimes, I feel like it is very hard to live the human side of me.  There is pain; there are questions; there seems to be right from wrong; ease to hardships.

I'm not much liking it in this moment.

Since I have last written, we are still slowly moving into the condo, the Thanksgiving holiday has passed (hope you had a nice one if you celebrate it), and I have had to put my Little Bear (just about 13 years old pekingese) down as she got very sick and her back surgery 10 years ago had caught up with her and her spine just froze and she was not getting better.  It was a very sad time.  There was beauty.  There was great difficulty.  There was love.  There was calm.  There was absolute loss.  The great emptiness and loss is also met with a balance of, for both her and I (I hope), freedom, peace, gratefulness and a forever bond of love.  

I do know that the very unsettling time is beyond my ability to explain.  I do know that the joy she brought me was/is much greater than this one day that can really grab hold if I allow it.  I choose not to allow it (as best I can) and I picture her with her animal brother and sisters that have already crossed over.  I picture her with her ears flapping, her tail up and a big smile on her face running.   I so enjoyed when she did this.  I think she enjoyed it too.  She can now do this again.  I need to believe this.  This is my story and I'm owning it.

There feels like much turmoil happening right now to gain peace, calm, ease and totality of the truth of who I am.  I believe our world is going in this direction and there is a lot of letting go, releasing, allowing, acceptance, growth and openness being demanded of us.  It feels like we can choose kicking and screaming or trusting and flowing in our truth with what is being shown to us.  I am doing my best with trust and flow over the kicking and screaming.  It just feels better to me.  And, I believe we are going the direction we are going no matter which we choose.  I choose freedom to live who I am; again and again and again.

May you choose freedom to be you from the most loving and open place inside of you.  

If you feel turmoil, may you believe that through this turmoil - on the other side - is the freedom to easily live the life that is yours to live.

May you let yourself feel all the human feelings within you and that come up.  May you choose to allow the spiritual oneness and love, along with the human demands create the you that you so want to live.

This humanness can weigh me down and, if I let it, the spiritual inner knowing can always win.

We cannot run with our tail up, smiling all the time because this is not the human experience.  The totality of the human experience shows us great light and it also shows us great darkness.  The spiritual side of us knows that all is great light and that to be human is to win or to learn.  Life is flowing just as it is supposed to or it wouldn't be so is what I tell myself.  

May we all learn loving ourselves and, in this, may we only be and share love with each other.

This, perhaps, is where spirit and humanness work best together.

Blessings to you all.  Blessings in the way that you learn with as much ease as possible and love with as much kindness as possible.

May you choose the best of you and, in this, choose the greatest of all paths...  loving kindness.  

What's Happening

It is a sunny, warm Saturday morning.  The sky is blue and bright with clouds sprinkling themselves into the picture.  There is a little breeze.  It feels bright and lovely.

Something clicked in my body recently where pain is more apparent and requesting my attention.  Oh, how I don't want to invite pain in.  I truly ask it to leave and allow its energy to transform into love.

At first, I was unaware.  Recently, however, I see myself holding my hands more often (because they are cold and hurting).  There is purplish blue present again and my sensitivity to cold (even cool) is back.  My body screams and the tightness of my skin, perhaps, feels like a very tight girdle/spanx is upon it.

I do not enjoy typing this.  There is great hesitation and sorrow.  It feels like a disbelief is present as I do not want to believe that I feel this way; now.

Yet, this is my truth.  I tell everyone to embrace their truth.  This is what I believe is best.  So, I take a deep breath and I embrace that this is where I am.  And, I can feel many cells in my body so wanting to resist this embrace.  I am open to peace, calm and letting go and meeting my self, and my body, where it is showing me I am.

Numbness in my face.  Fingers sensitivity to touch is on high.  My ears are ringing and I want to run from myself.  And, I know running is not the answer.  Loving myself is.

Another deep breath, and I say 'I love me' out loud.  I LOVE ME.

May you tell yourself 'I love me' every chance you get; every time you just may feel opposed to exactly just this.

We can't always be where we want to be or feel how we want to feel.  We can always choose love.

May you choose love.

Car 54, Where are You...

Our world is not in the place I wish it to be.  There is so much suffering.  There are so many with great hardships.  There are so many experiencing pain.  There are way too many in the hurt(ing) stage and not in the awesome stage.

Is it a product of our thinking...  Has 'society' taught us to be so assuming, judgmental and hard on our own selves...

Having access to every part of the world has shown us many different ways, beliefs, people and living creatures.  I have never been so bombarded with things that I so wish I didn't see.  And, yet, 'see' I did.

While this is very difficult and heavy for me, it is important to reach out from our most loving place that resides within us.  Love can and will win.   Love can and will change things.  Love can and will uplift people.

When I feel supported and loved, I fly higher.

When I feel unsupported and unloved, I have less pizazz.

Are we all built this way from the beginning and then as we grow we can continue to incorporate this or we can open to changing it...  I am uncertain.

I feel people need people.  We need each other.  If I was the only one on the earth, I don't think I could tolerate it.  People make me laugh.  People lift me up.  People connect me to my truth.  People make me question myself.   People can help me to stand strong in who I am and want to be.  Yet, I have the last thought!

It is in my beliefs that make me who I am.  When I am told something that I just flat out know it is not of me, no matter what they say, it has no affect.  When I am told something that I question or already find challenging, it can greatly affect me.   So it still comes back to me and my beliefs.  Just what if it all came back to you and your beliefs.

I believe that we all want to believe things that make us feel our greatest.  Yet, we don't always choose this.   Is it out of habit; is it out of not believing we deserve it; is it out of thinking we do deserve it...

May you think the things that make you feel your greatest; as often and as much as possible.   May you think the things that make you fly.  May you think to create peace within.  May you think the kind of thinking that uplifts you.

We are all people-in-training.   We can still be awesome while training.  We can be not our best and still be awesome.  We can mess our thinking up and by just being aware that we did, there is awesome to be had.

So, wherever you are, may you connect to your awesome in as much of and as often as possible.

May you think what feels good.  May you be loving.  May you let love be a part of everything you think and may you share love in everything you do.

Love on..  That's where you will find your ultimate You.

Hello Hello

Hello.  Hello!

I'm wishing you peace inside of yourself...

It's been a busy couple of weeks clearing out my home to make it look like a house.  Living in a house and not a home, surely for me, is not the most comfortable thing to do.  And, yet I know great gratitude for living the life that I do.

Our plan is to still move over to the intracoastal waterway and get high.   21st Floor high!  It is exciting and it is challenging.   I have moved into quite a few new houses and made them a home.  It is losing it's appeal that it once had.

I am so ready to be rooted without the thought of one day moving again.  I've lived most of my life out of two places because I chose to.

In my younger years, 18-25, I lived in my apartment and then an apartment at the beach during the summer months.  Then, I lived in my home in Pennsylvania in the summer and my home in Florida in the winter.  I did live in New Jersey for awhile and commuted to my job in Pennsylvania 1.5 hours  one way each day.  For two years between this home and my previous home, I lived in an apartment in my 50s.  That was very interesting to me.  Never say never because we surely never know what life will show us.  May we always say yes through all that is shown us and flow as best as possible through each experience.  

This could prove to be very interesting if we rented this house out just for the winter and then visited between the two -- only five (5) miles away from each other but completely different lifestyles.  My home now has a backyard.  My home on the 21st floor will not.  Ha!

We do have this house up for sale or rent so I trust the Universe to show me our best way.  Guess I can't help myself.  Yikes.

I so just want to be settled somewhere.  This transitional stage is very challenging to me.  I know it can be exciting too.   However, right now, I feel challenged more than excited.  Again, it may be because I've been fortunate (or is it unfortunate) to be able to do this more than a few times throughout my lifetime.

What matters most is our own perspective.  We are the ones living our own lives.  We are the ones experiencing them only as we can.  We are the ones involved.  May we be the ones to choose flow instead of stagnancy;  love instead of fear; ease instead of hardship.  

May you be open to living the life that is yet inside of you.  

I am experiencing purple in my feet, hands and face as I'm letting this challenge me and it is leaving room for the scleroderma to live louder inside of myself.   In truth, I am beat; I currently hurt.  Yet, I am open to it all working out beautifully.

May you be open to believing that your life will all work out beautifully.  If this is asking too much just now, may you be open to being open that your life will all work out beautifully.   If you are already in this beautiful stage of your life, live it up, beautifully, with great gratitude.  

Namaste