Love

To me, love means supporting another to be the best, brightest, happiest, that they can be; through it all. 

May you know what love means to you and what it means to the ones you love most dear.  You may just find it interesting.

Sultry

I awoke this morning and the sun was hidden and the air was moist.  There was quiet throughout and amongst the trees except for the birds singing their morning song.  There was a stillness and a feeling of the universe enveloping everything, alive and not.  The word 'sultry' came to mind. 

I find it interesting feeling a strong connection to so much change and awareness throughout our world and, now this morning, I feel as if the universe is wrapping itself around all that is. 

A beautiful young woman got married yesterday.  While I do not see her anymore, she was always a sweet, compassionate girl.  I saw a picture of her on Facebook in her gown.  I wonder about her interpretation of the world.  I would think it is awesome; wonderful; fabulous and she has great hope and love in her heart.  Sultry. 

Each of us is on our own path.  Everything that led us to here, this moment, was our path; no mistakes, nothing to change.  Everything we encounter, learn, experience, feel, see and do is living.  This is the human experience. 

May you know and connect to that exactly where you are is your 'living'.  There is nothing more or nothing less right now in this moment.  Yes, it will change moving forward.  What is behind us will not change.  Every single one of us is 'being' right now in this very moment.  We are all 'being' together.  This is life just now today. 

This is something pretty sultry to me.  This knowing that [taking the human mind out of it]...  we truly are, all together, 'being'. 

What you and I do affects others.  It has to.  'Being' in this moment together is the human experience.  Yes, we can strive for great success; whatever that means to each of us.  Yes, we can be nice, mean, calm, cool, crazy, weird, energetic, over the top.   We can be anything we create for ourselves.  We can and will gather things, stir things, create things, move things, build things, change things, help things.  Yet, when we are close to death's door, what we do best is 'being'.  When we come into this world, we just 'be'. 

Sultry. 

No, I did not take extra drugs last night.  Ha. 

May you experience your 'being'.  Perhaps, best through your breath.

                            elephantjournal.com

p.s.  I did not intentionally set the print up to look like this.  sultry?  lol

9 of Diamonds

Just walking by the computer and decided to pick a card.  I picked 9 of Diamonds.

"Surprise with money. New business opportunities. Restlessness"  serenaPowers.com

I'm feeling it!

May you realize what you are feeling and allow these feelings to guide/teach/encourage you.

 

Life is Exploding

Life is Exploding all around us.  Information is everywhere; our thinking is changing; our doing is changing and my hope is that I am becoming more and closer to me as you are becoming more and closer to you.

Pretense doesn't work.  Lies do not work.  Truth is way more complex, interesting and exciting.  Truth is the only way that gets us to where we want to be the quickest.  Know, live and be truth.  Yikes.  I realize I have to own my own truth completely to really share easier the truth of what's inside of me. 

May the truth of being you shine bright and be shared with the world.   May you embrace your truth with love, ease and trust that you can handle any reaction that may come from standing strong in your own truth.

I believe it's what's best for everyone that loves you and everyone you encounter.  When you live your truth, it encourages/forces/allows me to live mine.  Thank you for that.

Light Shine

I read this morning that when one shines their light of love, peace and universal connection, it encourages others to do the same.

My light is shining.  I hope you feel it.!

May you let your light shine through you and out into our world.  It's a most beautiful light.

Just for the Fun Of It

I'm doing opposite today.  Getting up out of the other side of the bed; going to sleep entering the other side of the bed; putting clothes on in a different order; brushing my teeth with a different hand - anything out of the norm.

I'm hoping that these little, yet highly thoughtful changes will bring about bigger, more important changes in me.

Just for the fun of it to see what, if anything, happens.  I am doing my little, habitual things different today.  I'm staying aware and present.  I'm experiencing life anew.

May you experience some of life anew; if you choose.

Where I'm At

I'm alive!  I'm breathing!  I'm excited to see what I am creating next!  I am standing strong in who I am.

I'm tried; I'm challenged; I am sad and lost; I am happy and found.

Currently, I am feeling everything.  I welcome crying; I welcome laughing.

I'm unsettled in my location and life process and it's the perfect time to build anew.

I trust that I will be better than fine.  I'm ready to be forward from where I've been.  I hurt.  I struggle.  I thrive.  I live.

I don't have specifics or a story to share.  I'm kind of all over the place.  I'm experiencing life as I never have before.  More aware, more questioning, more allowing and more accepting of what is.  I have my truth on.  I am connected to it and share it. 

I don't have to be in control and yet I do need to stand strong in my conviction that I do have a choice over my reactions to whatever comes my way.

I told my sister today (a fabulous sister who has stuck by my side and allowed me to process my hurt even when it was more than she needed to deal with or would choose to deal with) that I don't want to be a sister who has to be dealt with.  I want to be a sister who is joyful and loving to be around. 

I saw myself being sad and grumpy (around my sister) like I was owed something because of 'life' not going my way.  I 'woke up' and saw that my life wasn't really all that bad and I am very lucky and blessed in many ways; in most ways that matter to me.

I want to be the person that people leave happy; come open to; and share fun with.  It is a choice.  I choose feeling good.

When I heard myself saying that 'this is awful', a dearest friend of mine said what's so awful about it...  I thought and realized while life wasn't going as I imagined, my situation could be so much worse and the true situation that I am living is what's going to propel me into the life situation that I always knew I would live.  Florida sunshine, beach, warmth and me!   I'm heading to not just spend a few months in Florida, but to have my main home in Florida; be around blue water, palm trees and a climate that I do not have to fear that it would hurt me by turning so cold that my fingers turn blue and my circulation slows way down.  A climate that I thrive in and sigh with relief in.

May you know, see, feel and believe that you are creating the life that you know you belong in from the deepest core of your being through whatever is going on around you today.

 Live on.  Fly high.  Share YOU.

Thank You Friends

I just want to acknowledge all the people from different countries that 'visit' me from time to time.  I am greatly honored and I appreciate you.  My wish is that I may just touch a part of you that really matters to you. 

United States
Russia
Germany
France
Netherlands
Brazil
Spain
Mexico
Turkey
Taiwan
Canada
Guatemala

I do believe that our world is getting smaller.  When I put out good energy here, you feel it there and vice versa.

Thank you for sharing your good energy with our world.  We need you.

May you feel the good, happy energy coming at you!  May you always choose to just BE YOU.

You are enough.  You matter.  You are perfect just as you are today. 

Uncharted Territory

I'm walking through uncharted territory.  I wish to be sailing and this is not my truth. 

I'm realizing that when my husband does something that hurts me, I go over many things in my head that he has 'done to me' over the 28 years we have been together.  (Man, I'm old!)

I realize with this breaking down of my home without my permission or acknowledgement, I'm wanting to blame him again and again.  I know that I have my share of responsibility in letting it happen.   I stayed in Florida.  I didn't ask questions.  I gave permission to put the house up for sale.   I was somewhat at fault as well.  And, I so totally rather put the blame all on him.  This is not the complete truth, however.   I do take my share of creating same.

I did realize this morning, when I went to the storage unit where some of my personal belongings have been placed, that as I blame him and dislike that this is where my life is, I can also be grateful that I did not have to do the work myself.  Yikes.  (Don't tell him!  lol   I already did.)

I also 'saw' my mind knowing and feeling other things that he may have done over the past 28 years that I have found hurt in. 

I realize that I am only hurting myself by thinking this way.  I am the only one hurting (other than the backlash  I put out - which is hurt enough) so severely by my thoughts.  This is what is meant by 'forgiving is about giving oneself peace'.  Why am I still allowing myself to hurt from things that happened even one year ago, let alone 25 years ago...   Triple Yikes!

So, as I chose to not think this way (hopefully), I release myself from old hurts, negativity, my own stories that define my thoughts and I am lighter and more free to love openly and trustingly.

Yes, it can produce fear for me to be open for more hurt AND I do believe that whether I trust or not, the pain (if it's mine to have) will come either way.   I may as well live freer, lighter, and more open than closed, shut down and turned off.  Yes, if I choose not to trust, I can be looking and examining everyone and thing that comes my way.  However, this doesn't feel right for my path.  In reality, I've had much, much more love and goodness from people than hurt and pain.  For this, I am very grateful. 

Bring it on.  Uncharted maps/territories get charted all the time.  Hmmm

May you stop thinking thoughts that are hurtful to you.  Keep only thoughts that feel good on you!

May the time for unlearning what we've learned come easily when it shows itself.

Being

I'm being with what is.  My daughter is traveling to horse shows; my husband is traveling to another country and I'm here 'holding down the fort'. 

It's a beautiful fort and a beautiful fort needs love and people too.  I have many animals and fish here with me.  I have many contractors and much help to help me.  I am grateful for what I do have.   However, it's feeling too quiet in the way of fun.  I'm feeling alone but not lonely.  And, I'm so not feeling like a winner today.  I'm feeling stuck.

I'm yearning for some fun. 

I'm teaching myself how to be 'fine' in a state of dishevel and unsettled-ness.  It all keeps coming back for me to stand stronger within myself no matter what is going on outside of myself.  I'm still learning to always trust, believe and support myself.  This is huge for me.

I so chose to learn to give, to care, to empathize outside of myself.  While I'm happy with and proud of these traits; while I enjoy these traits... I still need to do same for myself better than I do.  I want to stop telling myself, forever and always, that my true thoughts 'should' be ignored and 'I'm crazy' for feeling and being different than others.  I used to always think I was not sensitive in most areas of living and life.  I am now believing I'm extremely sensitive. (What we believe is what the universe responds to).

So, as I am shifting, learning, growing, and evolving to continue on being the truest of myself I can be - I am still responsible for things that need attention, care and projection.

Life waits for no one and I'm either living, hanging or thriving.  I like all three.  I choose all three and am open to other possibilities.

May you live, hang, thrive, etc. and accept right where you are while doing so forever and always. 

"Under all our attempts to script our lives, life itself cannot be scripted."  from "Seven Thousand Ways to Listen" by Mark Nepo

 

Dilly

Dictionary.com word of the day -  Dilly

May you get your 'dilly' on...

I am. You Are.

I am.  You are.   We are. 

We are all complex individuals.  We all have a story.  We all have known greatness and we all have known hardship.

We all move forward with what we know, who we are, where we've been the very best we can in each moment.

This is somewhat of a challenging time for many.  Many are calling this the 'big shift'.  Many believe we are learning to use more of our feminine brain (right brain) than our masculine brain (left brain) which simply means coming from our heart and intuition instead of from our brain and our learned wisdom.  I believe many are awakening to what they like and do not like.  Many are choosing to no longer settle but want and need an universal connection outright and consciously. 

If something feels 'missing' or 'off' in your life, I'm thinking that you are feeling this 'change' also.  I believe we are all a part of it whether we feel it or not.  We were all put on this Earth now, at this time, together.  Woo Hoo and Oh Nuts!  LOL

When I see a baby born, people falling in love, friends holding each other up; when I know joy from nature and animals... I know that I am okay and we are moving forward, getting along and creating our true individuality, together.

We all experience the complexities of life along with the simplicities of life.  We all wake up and go to sleep.  We all want to feel loved and know that we matter.  We all breathe until we don't.  We all come from the same place through birth and go back to the same place through death. 

Perhaps, and this is my greatest wish, we can all accept each other through love, openness, connectedness and belief that just because we feel/look/seem/are different here on Earth -- at the core of who we are, we are the same.  We all have this universal life force that is mostly unexplainable and greatly felt throughout each of us. 

It is time to live life in it's greatest form -- as individuals, united....   I want it to be time.

Perhaps, I have been on Facebook too much and, yet, I write this with the utmost of what I know to be true, hope and conviction of wanting each of us to have it all. 

It would feel better to me to know that we all have each other's backs because we know we all have each other's backs.

May you allow yourself to be and share your true self knowing you are going to get the same in return.  It will not happen overnight; it may not be easy and I believe.  I've experienced it with more people than not. 

Yes, it hurts when it doesn't work out.  And, I trust myself to propel me forward and through anything.  That's how we humans are meant to roll!  Roll on, through, and forward knowing that you have your own back always and you can get through anything. Because that is how you've always rolled whether you know it or not.  Just read the caption below....   Cannot say it's wrong!  

Rainbows

Sometimes I want/have to create my own rainbow.  I'm feeling like this is one of those times.

ROYGBIV = Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet.

Did you know the colors of the rainbow are also the colors of the Chakras? 

Chakra - "(in yoga) any of the seven major energy centres in the body" dictionary.com

May you know the beauty of rainbows and the beauty of your body.

Information Overload

For just today, I am only going to follow my thoughts.  Just for today, I am going to tune out what doesn't serve me and know the truth about it.   Just for today, I am going to spend the day with myself being true to me first.   Just for today, I am giving myself permission to hear only what feels good, respond to only what serves me best and do only what makes me happy.

Just for today, I am going to experience the way I am meant to be here on this Earth.  Just for today, I am going to be me without guilt; without question; without fighting with my own inner knowing...loving all of me. 

May this day last forever....

May you know that you are a wondrous miracle and who you are from your deepest self is who you are meant to be and we need you in our world as YOU.

Believe in You

"Hold out for what you believe in. ... Don't Settle."  Circles of Inspiration/FB

I'm holding on and out as strong and loving as I can.  I have to know what I believe in to create what I want.  My 'template' has been somewhat shattered and I am creating anew.

I am going deeper within and sharing further without.  I create on.

May you believe in yourself and never dismiss what you know to be true for you.

Not Easy

It's not easy for me to write, presently.  My mind is quiet.  I have nothing. 

I am within and without as I walk around my home.  I take in the beauty.   I take in the change.  I take in what my eyes and thoughts see and speak.

I know this (where I'm at)  is short term now.  I know that I have been truly blessed to have known such a wonderful home filled with peace, love, joy, people and challenging moments as well. 

I find myself eating too much.  I am eating even though I am full.  I have done this before and it is not my norm.  I find myself uncomfortable and irritable because of it. 

Am I grasping for something and I do not know what to grab onto...  I believe I am.

I walk forward into the unknown with as much trust and knowledge as I can conjure up.

May you walk forward with as much trust and belief in yourself as possible.  Walk on.

Beautiful

It's a beautiful day!  Beautiful dogs; beautiful grass; beautiful air; beautiful birds singing; beautiful you; beautiful me; beautiful us.

May you notice what is beautiful in your life today... YOU!

BE U Ti FUL
 = 9Be U = Being You to Completion

 

Talking to One's Self

I hear myself saying "This is so hard."  "I can't do this." "I can overcome anything."  I can walk through anything."  "I am okay in this minute."    ...

May you hear what you are telling yourself today and keep it or toss it!  I know you are talking to yourself!  LOL

Happy Summer Solstice

Today is the longest day of daylight in the Northern Hemisphere of our Earth.  It is the first day of Summer.  It is also World Meditation Day, including the Southern Hemisphere of our Earth where they are having their Winter Solstice and the shortest daylight of the year.  With World Meditation Day, one is asked to be with oneself and to set intention(s) for our world and send it out to the Universe. 

The Universe will listen and respond.

I'd like to offer peace, light, love and true inner wisdom to each individual, together. 

May you just Be U with everyone you 'touch'. 

May you offer up your intentions and may you experience same. 

May you be gentle and loving to yourself and sharing same with others.

And so it is....

You are loved...  You matter...  Simply because you are.

Full House

I have a full house today.  Contractors such as window cleaners, tree trimmer, house manager, electrician and plumber are coming today. 

It's a beautiful, low humidity, bright sunshiny day.  I'm knowing that my days are limited here and I accept and enjoy easier because of this.

Hmmm.  All of our days are limited everywhere...

May you live like you know your days are limited and choose to give yourself the greatest gift of all... your true self without the worries.  Trust that you will know how to handle whatever comes your way.... because, in truth, you will walk through. 

Worrying about the future forces us to give up the present. 

May you stay present with everything you do today.

Look Out

I'm feeling a bit irritable at times recently.  I feel a bit overwhelmed as well.  I know that I am okay just as I am.  I do not like the feeling of irritability and/or being overwhelmed.  I'm allowing it, trusting it, and being with it in hope of reaching 'good'.

I still believe that most are learning how to be in our world today as it is.  Many are not liking some things that they encounter throughout the day.  Most do not want violence and/or hostility in their day.  Most want peace and harmony.

With all of us putting the request for peace and harmony out to the universe so we can be more at ease and know excitement through peace, perhaps, we can accomplish 'life' coming from feelings of what we like (while we still have feelings that come up for us of what we do not like) with an open heart, love, desire, knowledge and the ability to change for the good of all.

I know I want ease and peace during the chaos while I do my share to disengage from chaos and go with the flow and embrace togetherness in my individuality.

I heard today to embrace what makes you different.  I had a conversation yesterday how when we feel different many of us want to hide or ignore this difference (that mostly started from a very young age) for fear of being rejected.

It is now time for us all to embrace what makes us different.  Time to embrace what we know to be true for us and share this part of ourselves as a puzzle piece creating and completing a less mysterious and largest, most glorious puzzle of life here on earth.  I'd like to see what great accomplishments and just plain greatness may come from it.  I believe.

May you put your truth outside of yourself with love, ease and gentleness.

I definitely want to see the beauty that is you from your deepest core.  I'd love to see who we are underneath the pain, underneath the hurt, underneath the anger and with full-on trust, truth and telling it like it is for YOU through love.   What a hoot this world would be.  Ahhh, I can feel the beauty of you now.   LET IT SHINE.  LET IT GROW.   LET IT BE.  No more fighting what is inside of us just because that's what we may have learned and/or created for our self for the sake of not being laughed out, joked about, throttled or misunderstood. 

May we all be open to each other's loving individuality. 

                                                    Pearls-of-learning.com

Breathing

When I focused on my breath, it was suggested to breathe in the good, fresh air and blow out the bad, stale air.  I did this for years.

I now choose to breathe in the new, fresh air and breathe out the good, used air.  There is no 'bad' up here in any of my breath!  lol

May you breathe good, with ease.

Reaching Out

"At times, what seems to be an accusation, in fact is a plea for us to care, to show them that they matter to us."

From the book "From Hurt to Happiness" by Mike Van

Is there someone 'reaching out' to you...   Do you care enough to hear underneath what they speak...

May you 'hear underneath' so it creates a better peace for your life.

A Relationship

"To avoid being hurt, we cultivate assumptions along the way and fail to question them.  Assumptions can cause grief because, in our attempt to avoid getting hurt, we may actually create even more misery.  We don't stop the hurt or fear with our assumptions.  All we do is trade one anxiety for another and we fail to realize that in a relationship each partner faces his or her own set of problems and challenges.  In an attempt to protect ourselves, we build a wall that inevitably pushes away those we love."

"As I grew older and learned more about myself and others, I had to unravel them to see how each was a lie, and posed a threat to my happiness and well-being:

- My partner should understand me well enough to know what to do and say.

- When others hurt me, it is intentional.

- Whenever I'm hurting, someone or something else is responsible.

- My partner doesn't understand me because he or she doesn't care enough.

- Relationships should be effortless.

- Love is a game; all is fair and I can take what I need.

- My partner should accommodate me before I accommodate them.

- If my partner isn't willing to give to me, why should I give to them?

- My partner has no right to hurt me, or say anything that hurts me.

- Treat them mean to keep them keen.

- Always have the upper hand.

- If my partner is ever deemed to be right, that means I am deemed to be wrong.

- Relationships are complicated and will only lead to me getting hurt."

From the book "From Hurt to Happiness" by Mike Van

May you be aware of what thoughts in your head may be hurting you.

Oneself/Others

"Have you ever noticed that the things we dislike most in others are usually the things we dislike most about ourselves?  It's easier to be on the offensive than it is to try to justify and defend ourselves against criticism.  We complain that people don't listen, however, do we truly listen when they share their thoughts and feelings?  Our fear of being hurt is so great that we rarely let ourselves become vulnerable to others.  This is how things become so bad that we end up attacking each other."

From the book "From Hurt to Happiness" by Mike Van

May you be aware of how well you wish to listen external of yourself.

Teaching Hurt

"My paradigm was, "We all teach what we know; if all we know is hurt, it will be the only things we're capable of teaching."

From the book "From Hurt to Happiness" by Mike Van

LOL, this was the next clipping in 'My Clippings' on my Kindle.  I tell myself that this confirms to me that I am on my best path and correctly moving forward. 

I believe.

May you be aware of what you are 'teaching' today.  May you question if it's what you truly want to teach.

Learning is Unlearning

"I comprehended that much of learning was actually a process of unlearning.  Realizing how old, destructive habits caused our current pain and overcoming those behaviors can free us to see new possibilities.  Learning to see circumstances and people through another person's perspective and not our own feelings and emotions was transformative."

From the book "From Hurt to Happiness" by Mike Van

May you empathize with the one that hurts you the most just now...

May you start by just being aware and questioning if one that knows no suffering can share or create suffering for another.

More

We are getting more rain here in the northeast quarter of the United States.  We have had much rain.  I understand almost record breaking since the 1930s.

I'm starting to like the gloomy, dreary, thunderous storms.  There is a strength, a beauty, an excitement in them for me.  It also keeps me inside and still.  I go deeper into my thoughts, dreams, and being.  I'm accepting that because this is what I am doing, it must be what is best for me today.

I'm less excited to share.  I have less to share.  I still willingly share who and what I am and I believe I am going deeper into this part of my self. 

Someone once said we are like an onion and we have many layers.  Is it possible that we have never-ending layers...   I'm thinking yes!

If we are here on this earth, in human form to explore these layers, LIVE these layers and SHARE these layers; well, I say layer on. 

It takes great confidence, courage and trust to explore, visit and process the layers of one self.  The reward is true living; true life for oneself.  The reward is true connection to all that is; true connection to the universe that has no words or no concrete knowing.  This 'knowing' comes from believing in what one feels and connecting this knowing to the human brain.  DEEP.   and, just maybe, utmost truth.

I continue to explore the depth of myself.

May you explore what is within yourself lovingly, and easily.  May you allow your truth to rise above your human self.

HUGE!

Hazleton, PA

I went to Hazleton, Pennsylvania today.  It's the first time I've been there since my beautiful Aunt has passed.  It was very different, sad and a bit lonely there.

It's amazing what one can accumulate after being alive going on almost 100 years.  I miss her.  She was a great aunt that taught me much about life and living. 

Mostly 'old school' and, yet, very stylish and kept up with the trends.  She greatly enjoyed shopping and her home was full of her shopping experiences; her travels, and her love of butterflies, candles, owls, and hearts.  She had many pictures of her family surrounding her throughout her home.   

I believe her old time favorites had to be clothes and shoes!  My; this woman has the clothes and shoes.

I realized today, again, how none of this stuff matters when one dies.  It is all left behind.  What matters is the heartfelt memories and connection to it all.  It's about what this stuff means to us; who it makes/helps us to become.

So, I think it's perfectly wonderful to surround one's self with beautiful, happy things that represent a good time; a good memory; a connection to something or someone we love.  I also think it's perfectly wonderful to keep one's heart open and share the joy.  This sharing of our joy is what can make us even more joyous. 

Not sharing happiness, travels, things and each other can, perhaps, make us less exuberant.

May you be exuberant today and know the joy and share your joy of your 'things'.  May you know gratitude for what you do have and gratitude for what each thing means to you.

Gratitude on.  May you allow it to make you feel alive.  Surround yourself with what makes you happy.  Enjoy it while you can. 

Cards

2 of Spades:

"Separation, gossip and deceit. Difficult changes."

I picked this card just after posting "It's Possible".

Anything is possible if one just believes!   I believe.

May you believe that anything is possible.  May you know even through difficult times, some of the best of your days are yet to come.

It's Possible

I went to the psychiatrist yesterday and he confirmed that it's possible to feel everything and all that I am feeling; knowing what I know and living as I am.  I know my life is about this 53 year old woman - me - being completely aware (as best as I can today) and peeking out into the world wondering where I fit in and what I want to be and do while involving myself in today's world.  Scary.  Unknown.  New.

The doctor came up with I have to be out in the world and learn to say 'no' to really know who I am.  Yikes.

I want an easier answer than that.   I said that I just want to wake up and feel 'itchy' to do different; feeling good and ready to dive in; so to speak.   He agreed that it could happen this way.

He was concerned about me connecting to people.   I assured him that I am very, deeply, connected to people.  He then stated concern about me having fun.  Yes, fun could be moreso in my life and I do not feel like I'm missing out.   I know I want to be out, about and having more fun soon and, yet, I'm still getting stronger and firmer in standing in who and what I'm about.

I'm okay with where I am.   I am content.   I do not feel like I am missing out.   I feel like I am processing life through me as I learn, grow, evolve, transform, and connect to all that is and all that may be possible.

It's a big, huge task that I have chosen to take on because of a disease called scleroderma and because of who I am, what I was born to be, what I know and how I feel.  This is a tall order that I have encapsulated to be one with myself and all that is.  To know peace in chaos and love in darkness; to know trust as much as possible and truth in it's totality with my breath.  HUGE.

And, I am here.   I have arrived.   I am whole.  I am who I am on the inside showing/sharing myself on the outside. 

I'm not sure I'm ready for the world and I'm not sure if the world is ready for me.  LOL and there's much truth in this.

So, as I hear the professional tell me that I won't know exactly who I am until I'm out in the world being my true self, I realize that the ringing in the ears may just be about this.  I have known that ringing in the ears can be about ability to listen to one's inner voice (Louise Hay).   I know that I am.  However, I am not listening to this inner voice while hearing many other voices/thoughts/opinions and needs.   Huge, tall order for me!  Mostly because my ability to empathize is very strong.  While I am grateful to feel other people's feelings/needs, I cannot allow my own to become at all obsolete (which I certainly have done from time to time in the past). 

I'll do it when I do it...  If I'm talking about it, I must be contemplating it.   Yikes.  Starting over at 53, is quite the crazy unknown and perhaps biggest dare I have ever set myself up to walk through.

May you walk through what you may have been resistant to do and strongly feel that one day you most likely will be making this move....(a new job/a change in partnership/a new location/a new way of doing things..)   May the wait be over.   May the time be now.

May you be all of you with all of the world you encounter.  The time has come...!?

Jamais Vu

Most of us have heard of Deja Vu before and have even felt it.  It's when being in a certain situation or place feels very familiar, yet one believes that they have never been there before.

Jamais Vu is the opposite.  It's knowing we have been there or done something similar and, yet, it feels very unfamiliar and unknown.

I think we are living in a world with much jamais vu.

We know we are living; many are still in same location or connected to the same people and yet, there is a feeling of uncertainty or the unknown feels prevalent.

Jamais Vu

May you trust yourself to be able to handle any situation that comes your way by checking within to your feelings and your thoughts and applying same to moving yourself forward.

Forced Abandonment

I wish I could pretend that I have recovered from the changes that were done to the house in Pennsylvania.   I have not.   I have longer moments where I go unscathed and then I see a relocated wall hanging or the nail taken out where one was and non-matching paint applied to where the holes were from the previous hangers and I break down.   I almost can't breathe.  

This comes from telling myself that I have been violated; that I have been forced to give up my home how I knew it to be; that strangers were in my home and swept me right out of it.

These are thoughts and emotions that are not helpful and do not feel good on or in me.

My brain knows that I do not need such a big house; that I always knew I would not live in Pennsylvania forever; that this was done for me and not to me.

My brain and my heart are not in alignment.  This causes great stress and dis-ease. 

The last time I felt this way was when my dad abandoned me.  It caused me great duress and I was forced to learn to live without a dad.

Crazy how the feelings of both of these incidents FEEL the same and how my adult brain knows how completely very different these two situations are.

It's crazy knowing I feel this way and also knowing that I am creating it in my mind's eye.  It's my thoughts that are creating my pain.

I want to think differently; at times I can and do; and there are moments that I see or experience that someone was in my home and changed things up...  without my permission/knowledge or caring about me at all.

Oh, the webs of travel my human brain weaves for me...  I unravel my thoughts going forward.  I unravel on.

May you be aware of the thoughts that are keeping you stuck in a place that, perhaps, you do not want to be.

Coming to a Head

I've been saying for (at least) months about the ringing in my ears and my head 'wanting to explode'.  (oh my)

I saw this picture on Facebook the other day and I thought - Yes, this is how I feel.   Although, I can see with my eyes; this art puts to a picture of how I feel.   

I went to save the picture and it started flashing at me.   It made a noise while flashing.   Malfunction for certain!  It then disappeared from my timeline.  What a hoot.  

I went back to look later; found it and I was able to get this copy that I'm sharing below. 

I do not know what this little experience of mine means.   I have showed it to a few other people telling them this is how my head feels and most do not comment or know what to say.   Big surprise!  lol

As I sit here, the thunder is starting and the weather forecasters are all saying 'be careful, a big one, hail and heavy, heavy rain'.

I say batten down the hatches..   I await the storm. 

I like storms mostly and with all the crazy, very destructive weather -- I know there is no stopping Mother Nature.  

I know gratitude, I know love, I know appreciation, I know joy and I know hope.

May you know awareness for what you believe makes you feel good and breathe it in and out.  May you let it surround and encompass you. 

                                                                androidjones.com
                                              

Brain

My brain just doesn't want to work anymore just now.  It wants to just be.  I want to just be.

May you give yourself what you want just now.

                                   Please see the fish jumping out of the water to eat the algae; giving itself what it wants!

Middle

I have moments I want to share and I do not have the time to make this happen just now.  I want to say hello and I'll be here soon.

I care.  You matter.   We are living and finding great ways together to live the truest of ourselves.

May you believe yourself  and what you are feeling.  May you hear the softest whispers inside of you.  May you play on with the deepest part of you. 

Waking Up

I awoke to this 'passage' in my thoughts this morning.  I'd like to share.  Thank you for taking a moment to breathe this in... if you so desire.

May you allow yourself to just be love as you go about your day.  Love of self first. 
May you look in the mirror and tell yourself you are there for you.  You will take care
of you.  You love you. 

Let your brilliantness shine on and out and in.  

Have a nice day.  You are loved. You matter.  You are enough. 

May you know deep within your self that this is true.

 

Appointments

I am back to making and having appointments with contractors to upkeep this property.  What a hoot.  Things break and when there are many rooms in a home, many things break...  The upkeep is constant.

Good and not so good to most everything.  I love being in this home and it's natural beauty of wood, stone and marble.  I love being comfortable and in open space with lots of windows.  I love sharing it with people I love. 

Having to give it constant attention and many contractors coming and going -- this just may be the not so good part.  I enjoyed it greatly for 10 years.  The last 5 I was slowing down much.  I think even some of the contractors are overwhelmed with the amount of work.  One or two people can not do it all.   It needs a task force.  Ha.

So, as I wait for the dishwasher guy to come to repair the dishwasher, I sit in quiet.  I put other things off as I wait.   This is how I do it.  I have gotten better at doing my thing while I await.  I have gotten better at being me through it all.  I don't cater to the contractors' times as much as I used to.  I work with them to create what is best for both.  I do need the work done and I have to be open to when they can come out and do it.  However, I have learned that I do not need to go all the way out of my schedule to accommodate theirs.  This was something I needed to learn, I suppose.   And, learn I did; mostly.  Hmmm.

So, as I await today's contractor, I have others to call, more are coming tomorrow and the list is endless.  Anyone who owns a home, understands upkeep.  Yikes.

So, while I did wish for a small home where I could get up and open the refrigerator... I did get this wish in my apartment in Florida, USA.  And, while I enjoy this vastness and beauty of this resort home in Pennsylvania, it is nice not having constant activity in and out of one's home.

So, as I ponder all that is in my world, I create anew; dreams to be somewhere in the middle of these two homes and to have a bit more space than the apartment and a bit less activity of the house. 

As I type this, I hear myself questioning if I sound like a spoiled thing or unappreciative of what I have.   Yet, I know that I have worked very hard and have given up time with my loved ones and other things to create where I am.  I'd like to stand strong in where I am and not hear the questioning whispers of what if, how about, oh my, etc. etc.

All the good in your life...  May you know you are deserving and helped create it and participated, planned and made happen where and what you are.  May you know and own fully everything that makes you happy.  As you do, so do I....   As I do, so do you.

We are all on earth at this time living life together.  There is happy on our road always.  Own it, choose it, allow it, live it.   Just be you and it comes to you because it is already yours.  Believe.   I do.  I want you to also. 

Beautiful

It's a beautiful summer day outside.  My back yard is full of weeds and I still can see the frogs jumping; the fish swimming; the beautiful blue of the pool.   My back yard is wet from much rain and the little dogs' feet get dirty quickly.   They love running free and I love the ease of allowing them to without worry.  It's a beautiful thing!

I'm cooking dinner on the grille and the smell is what makes me most hungry.  The anticipation of tasting that smell!   LOL   It's wonderful to have the human senses at this time!  

I'm a bit numb still and I'm honoring it as best I can.   I'm surprised I'm not beating myself up more for not doing better and allowing what was done to my home without my knowledge.  I guess I know that I'm just as at fault for not being present, more aware and that I didn't ask questions.   Again, we all have learned.  We all have been changed.  Beating myself up does not change the fact of where I am at.

They put holes in walls to relocate pictures and they painted the holes where the pictures were moved with a paint that doesn't match 100% so I see darker spots on the walls that do not match the original paint.  My beautiful plum kitchen is neutral in color.   I understand many people will not like the purple and I still miss it.

Life is interesting.  Never say never.   And accept what is.

This is where I'm at and this is my truth.  I have a pretty good life.  I am grateful.

May you know how good your life is from all vantage points possible.   There just may be more good than one is easily aware of.

Just sayin...

Crippling, Paralyzing

I'm hearing these words some lately.  People (including me)  feel like there are some times when one is paralyzed in one's being-ness.   We feel stuck to move forward.  It is always fear and uncertainty that does this to me.

I ask myself today if this 'crippling-', 'paralyzing-' ness is when God wants me to STOP in my tracks and change direction.  Not only just go left instead of right or over instead of under but come from a different mindset altogether in many of my habitual thoughts.  consciously CHANGE THINGS UP

Perhaps I need to know 'paralyzation' to do just this.  Perhaps, I need to stay with what is for a temporary moment to alter much of what I believe to be true.  This temporary paralysis forces me to think different, do different, be different.

Hmmm.

It is my choice.   I am lucky because it is my choice...   to stay stuck or create anew.  My hope is that you believe it is your choice as well. 

I can stay stuck in the thought that I was violated; hurt; and pounded upon.  Or, I can take this very moment and accept where I am and create as I envision, feel and move towards where I want to be AND, even experience some joy while doing so....(if I fall back once or twice, I honor same)

I believe it to be possible.   I can enjoy the space, the beauty, the nature, the love that is around me as I pack up, move forward, trust and envision what my life looks like, feels like, and will be like moving forward.   Will it be 100% as I believe.... only one way to find out....  WALK ON.....

May you walk on with your feelings, thoughts, dreams, and desires foremost in your mind with joy and trust in your heart. 

We are all here for a reason.  May you bring your inside knowing out to 'play' and may you create anew a wonderful world all around you from within.

Still

I am still finding things that are no longer available to me as I walk around my house.  It is no longer my home.  All my window candle bulbs that I would use to replace a night light and a spray bottle that I used to spray the birds (with water to wet their wings) are no longer here.  It saddens, frustrates and makes me want to give up initially (my habitual response) and then I realize if this is the worst of my problems, I am, perhaps, a very lucky lady.

I can get another light bulb, I can get another spray bottle, I hopefully can get another 'HOME'...  Yes, these things are all replaceable.  I do resist not wanting to have to replace them though. 

My health isn't as easily as replaced.  The love in my heart that I receive of and give away is one of a kind.  My connections to people; connection to self; connection to all that is -- these are things that truly propel me forward and whole. 

When I can stand strong in ME, I have everything I need to maneuver the course of my life.  When I trust that no matter what, I will be okay; when I believe that I am walking the best path the way it is supposed to work for me...  I can stand strong.

When I stand strong in conviction of what is inside of me... I am not a prisoner of anything.

May you not create a prison for yourself and believe that what you feel from deep within is your very best answer.  There may be so many layers on top of this true self AND you are there.

May you believe and trust that who and what you feel from the most silly to the most resistant - when brought out into light, just may take you right where you long to be --  With your true self....

Life's Journey

"It’s the give-and-take between pain and wonder and the way the weather of experience shapes us that is life’s journey, which though we can deny, we can never escape."

--from "Seven Thousand Ways to Listen" by Mark Nepo

Heavy Heart

I'm walking around 'my home' with a heavy heart.   I have moments of great joy and love and then I have tears of loss and change.   Can one mourn a home...  Yes, I can mourn a home because this is what I am doing.

Every where I look I see me and what I think of as 'beauty' for my eyes and my heart.   It's a wonderful thing to surround one's self with things that make me smile.  A piano, a pond, a saltwater fish tank.  I know great joy from these things.   It's the connection to these things that matter most.

A piano because my mother played beautifully; a pond connects me to nature and the outside world that lives all around me and with(in) me; and a saltwater fish tank that has fish with such beautiful colors and a serene gracefulness as they glide peacefully through the water and coral. 

Mother Nature has the most beautiful sights and the most destructive 'anger' that no human can match.  A gloriousness and vast power beyond anything my human mind can wrap itself around or decipher. 

So, as I glide, albeit not always graciously, through the terrain that I have created for myself, I openly feel, taste, see, smell and hear all that is.  I accept with understanding and the unknown that I am living my life today as is; as whole; as broken; with acceptance; and non acceptance as only I know how to do.  I trust that my journey is on track and I allow all of me to participate with love, openness, pain and awe.

I'm enjoying the human experience as it renders itself to me.

May you enjoy your human experience as you deem able and open.

I truly do not know where I come up with this stuff! 

Feelings

I have feelings, thoughts, ways, ideas and issues that are new to me and unsettling.  Much flux is all around me and throughout me and while much is good and easy, some I do not really even have a handle on where I stand with it.

It is hard for me to share when I don't know what reaction I'm mostly staying with as many reactions are going through me.

Words do not flow out of my dis-eased fingers just now. 

I ponder what is and examine what to do with it.  I trust myself when I hear myself with the answers.  Ha!

I am taking judgment of self away.   I'm allowing myself to be my true self.   I blend.

As I'm 'blending', I honor myself and others.  It is all I know today.

It is enough.

May you honor yourself and others with ease today.... just because you can.  And, we always can if we choose it.

                                                     Facebook Post - Unknown

Rainy, Dark

It's a rainy, cool day today; puddles everywhere even some flooding.  The trees, flowers, and grass are happy and just absorbing what they will.

I was out doing errands and bloodwork and things that I felt needed to be done.  It looks different around here - I even took a wrong turn!  yikes.    How soon I forget!

This is a very lush area of land.  Everything is so green and alive; green trees; green grass; green bushes.  It makes me happy to be around it.  I can sit here and type and see all green and then a red cardinal will fly by.  How pretty!  

Last night, a blue heron decided to swoop down from my roof, I suppose.  What a big bird in flight!  He is unwelcome for dinner, however.  No pond fish for him!   I hope!

I move on and through with joy in my heart.  When un-joy comes knocking, I realize it and acknowledge it and ask it to go away; I wish to not go down that road as often as possible!   Sometimes it works; sometimes it does not.

If 'un-joy' comes knocking at your door, may you keep that door closed and open the door that brings you most joy in the moment.  Sometimes we may want to and sometimes we won't and it's okay. Believe you know what is best for you.   You do have this power!

                                     Not sure which joy this is... sleepy joy perhaps!

Speak

"The Universe always says "yes" to whatever you say no matter what you choose to believe."  From the book "Heart Thoughts" by Louise L. Hay

Hmmm.

May you 'believe' what is most beneficial to your good health.  Live on.

                                  

Allowing Others

"I allow others to be themselves.  We cannot force others to change.  We can offer them a positive mental atmosphere where they have the possibility to change if they wish.  But we cannot do it for or to other people.  Each person is here to work out his or her own lessons, and if we fix it for them, then they will just go and do it again, because they have not worked out what they needed to do for themselves.  All we can do is love them.  Allow them to be who they are.  Know that the truth is always within them and that they can change at any moment..."  From the book "Heart Thoughts" by Louise L. Hay

May you allow your 'people' to be who they need to be while being true to yourself.

Just Be U

"To facilitate our maturation from children of God to adults of God, we can engage in practices and exercises that create congruence between our inner selves and our outer expression.  We can support our evolution by selecting a practice or process that harmonizes the outer world with our inner well-being."  From the book "Spontaneous Evolution:  Our Positive Future (and a Way to Get There from Here) by Bruce Lipton and Steve Bhaerman

May you breathe all of who you are and share YOU with our world.

Instead

I am learning more and more that I, as a human, have an easier time when I go with what is real in my life rather than focus on what I think my life 'should' be like.   (Yikes, how did this word 'should' sneak back into my thoughts.) 

It's not an easy place for me to stay.  Things/people/situations come into my life; such as breaking down of my home before it's sold.  When I tell myself I accept it because this IS after all my goal to move out (breathe), ...

no can do.... I'm still not accepting it in most cells of my body.  I still want it to not have happened this way.

And, just like for decades, when I wanted the fact that my father left me to not be my truth... I remember just one day realizing that this was my truth and just because I didn't want it so... had nothing to do with the fact that it was my truth in this lifetime and it never ever was going to change... Acceptance came.  I even got to clarity that he didn't really leave me.  He did the best that he knew how to do and he left and there wasn't anything I could do about it then or now.  I found myself saying that I like who I ended up being and if he had stayed... well, I very likely would have turned out different. 

So, that I am sitting here with nothing on this desk but my lap top in a 'naked' house that echoes is my truth today.  (Ouch)   The sooner I go through the stuff in the garage and continue throughout the house what someone else started, perhaps acceptance will set in and I will have peace in the (perceived) chaos.  Will I ever be totally grateful that I didn't have to do it.... Hmmm   No clue.  I could get there, perhaps.

I still have my pond, saltwater fish, and bird that has been untouched and, in truth, the pond is my favorite thing of the whole house.  I am extremely grateful for the life, sound and constant flow of this beautiful man made pond.  The frogs jump, the fish eat vigorously and swim beautifully with their colored bodies sparkling in the sunlight at the water's top.  The plant life grows and reaches up toward the sun to offer color, shape and life.  It's a beautiful thing.  I feel like I'm out in nature as soon as I walk out the back door.  It is my tranquil place.  I love that I have a tranquil place.

May you have your own tranquil place and may you visit it throughout the day.  A tranquil place can be a place one envisions in one's thoughts -- one can create anything at all by just imagining and seeing it in your mind's eye.  You have the power.  I can 'take' my pond wherever I go.  "The whole universe is within you." Unknown