Today

Today is a day about moving on.

I have a physical appointment scheduled to get doctors set up down here in Florida.
I am letting go of 'my' house and looking for 'my real' house.

It is time to move in and move on.

It was more fun doing this when I was young and stupid.   lol

And, I know once I allow myself to feel settled, I will allow myself more peace within and without.  There is something about me knowing I don't belong here any longer.  My 'lesson' here is over.  I will not allow myself to find contentment.

I want contentment. 

May you know what you want and create it from within without.

I love that within without statement for some reason.   lol   ...having my within and without matching as much as possible.

Last Bid

This will be the last 'auction' I will bid on (as I feel now).  I just bid on 'my' house again.  This is the 7th auction for this same house.   It has been four months.  Yikeser!   I cannot make sense out of nonsense.

The bidding ends tonight a 1 a.m.   How do I find myself here...   I never know where I will find myself.  I walk on and stay in each moment as much as possible. 

This house is advertised online at one price.  It is saying I can purchase it now at another price.  It is listed as two different location sites.   I am done after this.   I have persevered, challenged, moved through and stayed open for as long as I can on this property.   I have given everything inside of me to give.   I have done everything I am capable of doing.  This is it.

I am open to where I will end up as it being the best thing for me now, at this time of my life. 

I walk on.  I walk through.  I walk past.

Life is for living and living I am.

May you live as you are; just as you are.

Feel you, breathe you, share you, live you...  just as you are...   now, today.  You matter.  You are perfect just as you are.  No judgement; only allowance.  My wish. 

It is my Birthday. do do do do do do do do

As I awake to my 54th birthday, I know it will be a good year.  5 + 4 = 9    9 has always been my favorite number.  It is a number representing completion.  

I'm going with the thought that this is my '9' year.   All my inward work is completed for now and it is now time for me to share my 'learnings' with all those that find and connect with me to do so. 

Yes, this scares me.  Yet, it excites me more.   It is my destiny.   It is my next chapter.  It is my path that I have been experiencing all of life for.   I believe.

I'm not a different person.   I am owning the person that I am and walking into my light; my life - all of it; completely. 

Nothing will hold me back from living the life that is inside of me to live.

May you let nothing hold you back from living the life that is inside of you to live.

JUST BE U.   JUST 9BeU.   Be you to completion.   Be all that you are.  Share the truth of you.  This is my greatest wish from deep inside of myself.

                                                       Unknown

Leave one way/Come back another

I left the apartment to walk the dogs this morning happy.  I came back cranky.  One pulled this way; the other pulled that way.  One wanted to run; the other wanted to walk.  I didn't handle it too well.  It surely got my attention to how miserable I was allowing myself to be.  We walked a full walk and the dogs came back happy.

I put the bird outback and she is happy.   I have a window open because I have a newt inside the apartment and I'm trying to encourage it out where it belongs.

I want out.  I want to be where I feel I belong.   LOL   

This is a huge learning for me.   I am not a house.   I am not what I surround myself with.   I am not what I like.  I am not what I am comfortable or uncomfortable in.   These are just beliefs and feelings in each moment. 

I can choose what I enjoy feeling and what I do not.   I can embrace it all.   I can shut down.  I can thrive.  It is up to me.   Darnit and Yay.

May you realize what you are allowing/choosing/feeling within; in each moment.  May you respond with your best self habitually and easily moving forward.

Going

I'm going out for a simple lunch at the mall with a girlfriend; my birthday lunch.  One might think I was going to meet Oprah.  To just get out of the house and make sure the dogs, bird, wash, doors, contractors are all okay and that I'm dressed FEELS like a whole lot of work to go out. 

I'm telling myself it's a long trip; I'm telling myself the bird has to be covered so the sun doesn't shine hard on her; the wash has to be put in the dryer --  I find myself feeling very childish and berated with these thoughts.

I know everything will be okay.   I know I will love it out there in the sunshine, at the mall, with a friend. 

Yet, my whole being shakes with anticipation of not being able; not being good enough.   I'm feeling like there is a plentitude of people waiting at the mall for my arrival to judge me.   Ha; not even the person waiting for me at the mall is going to care what I wear or look like.  I'm sure she has her own thoughts going throughout her own head.

If this is human, I don't want it.   Ha.   This is humanness of a woman that has struggled with her ability to use her fingers.   A woman who has struggled with pain.   A woman who has been 'in' for the last five years.  A woman who has lost her safe and beautiful haven of a home and is living temporarily in an apartment that is set up as such. 

I don't find safety in this.  Again, just like my home is inside of myself - I now have to 'own' the thought that safety is also inside of myself -- that I can and will handle anything that comes my way.   That if I am happy and fulfilled, those that I love will not banish or be impacted negatively.   If anything, my mind knows that those I love will be impacted positively if at all.   I will be more of a joy to be around if I'm happy, smiling, dancing and laughing because I am ME.

This being human is nothing to disregard or take lightly.   This being human is a challenge and a learning experience.   This being human has many rewards.  This being human can kick me right you know where as I'm at the depth of my 'child created thoughts'.

So, as I'm a spastic woman getting ready for an hour or so of ME time, I know that my thoughts are just that -  thoughts.   So, I will change them to know that I'm allowed to do what comes peaceful and enjoyable to me and I'm allowed to be peaceful and enjoy it while I do it.

So, there.....    Egad

Craziest stuff ever.    I want to resist this childishness.   It feels stupid   It sounds stupid.   Yet, if I resist it and do not embrace it, I will never change it and I certainly do not want to hold on to these thoughts anymore.

I have the dogs, bird, wash and apartment all taken care of.   They are safe while I go out and 'play'.  I am entitled to this and more importantly it is essential for my fulfillment.

And so it is.

May you fill yourself up with all that is real and happy from the deepest part of yourself.

5s

Yesterday I celebrated my 23rd wedding anniversary.  It was a lovely day.  We had massages and went and took several pictures on the beach as it was a picture perfect day.

I realized it was 23 years on the 23rd of April.  'My' house, which is getting less and less likely to be 'my' house; the address is 131 = 5.  1+1+3.   I have been seeing a lot of fives lately.  I wake up this morning and the clock time adds up to 5.  (I am having fun now!)   

I look up five and it says 5 is all about change. 

I'm so ready for more change in my life.   I'm ready for positive, fulfilling change.  I'm open to receive it.  Bring it on, I say; please! 


"The vibrations of the number 5 are those of personal freedom and individuality motivation, making positive life choices and/or changes, transformation, adaptability and versatility, resourcefulness and auspicious opportunities.

Angel Number 5 is a message from the angels that important life changes are upon you and these changes will bring about many positive opportunities for you.  The angels ask that you look upon these changes with an optimistic and positive attitude as they are destined to bring you many long-term benefits.  Remember to be grateful for the auspicious opportunities ahead of you.

When Angel Number 5 appears repeatedly it is a message from your angels to do with your health and wellbeing.  Your angels are helping you to make positive, healthy lifestyle choices and changes that will enhance and benefit you in many ways;  physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Rest assured that your angels love, support and encourage you through these transitions, and if feeling any fears, ask for angelic guidance any time you feel the need.

The repeating Angel Number 5 tells you that only you know your true heart's desires, and only you can fulfill your own destiny."
From sacredscribesangelnumbers.blogspot.com by Joanne


May you fulfill your destiny as only you can; each and every moment you breathe.  Fulfill it by being true and loving to yourself (and others) and all else will fall into place.

For me, 'answers' used to be 'out there' past the horizon.  Now, I believe 'answers' are right here where I am standing; they come best from within.

P.s.   As I await this 'change', my goal in this moment is to 'experience' it. 

Today

Today I have been married for 23 years.  We seriously dated each other for 6 years before we were married. 

Whew.  A couple can surely get to experience an awful lot in this amount of time.

I have had the best of my days with this man and some of the worst situations of my life.  I feel like we were destined to be; to challenge, encourage and support each other to be the best version of our selves. 

We have had better anniversaries than this one.   This one is full of turmoil, transition, challenge and many unanswered every day questions.

However, I know he is here for me.   I am here for him.  We have wonderful memories to look back on.  We have a beautiful future of unknown beauty. 

Today, we have beauty in our hearts and love for one another.  Only us.

We are going to get through these challenges and be the best version of US yet.  There is still much to see, do and be.

As I celebrate today with the man I chose to marry on this day 23 years ago on the island of Kauai, at sunset, I allow the beauty of what was, the love of what is and the dreams of tomorrow support me.

May you allow the greatness that is YOU  to flow on and support you always.

More Weird

I first started off telling myself that I must be getting 'more weird' each day.  Then I changed this thought to I am having more fun each day.

I went to the tarot card deck and stated out loud if I could have a card to share with the world for Earth Day.  Below is the card that I picked (or did it pick us - ha!)...

The Lovers
"The Lovers card signifies joy, the fulfillment of our desires, sensual pleasure, and ideally a balance between the male and female aspects of our personalities.  The Lovers are in harmony with each other, and therefore with the entire physical world, but until more depth is gained their harmony can be disrupted by the natural tendencies of desire."

From the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

May you discover and connect to deep love for yourself and others and be open to creating harmony throughout our World.

Walk

I had a lovely walk with the dogs this morning.  It was a quiet morning filled only with bright sunshine and a comfortable temperature.  We went extra long and, yet, when we came in, Little Bear went crazy running in circles.   Tiffany chased her around and I sat on the floor and reached my feet.  My feet are not what they used to be.  Hey, I'm not what I used to be.  It is okay.  It feels different because it is different, I suppose.

Anyway, back to the brilliant weather.  It's Earth Day and I want to thank the Earth for supporting us all; supporting me even as I have not treated her perfectly.  She still shares with us the most exquisite beauty and nourishment. 

Interesting how Earth is known as a 'mother' and a 'she'.  We women surely are extremely strong especially in what matters to us most.  Most of us support our loved ones (in a way only a mother can) and some of us do not always get treated with the respect we would like.  Our beauty is insurmountable and we, at times perhaps, give more than we take.

I know there are many men like this too.  Men have their own wonder.  I appreciate them.

So, as I step barefoot onto Mother Earth, I thank her for supporting me wherever I am and wherever I go.  I thank her for her beauty and her guidance when I choose to stop, look and listen.  The mountains, the water, the flowers, the trees, the animals, the whispers and the loud ferocious storms; through all of this, she talks to us.

May you send your blessings out to Mother Earth today and may you stop, look and listen as often as possible.

                                                             Unknown

Tarot Time

Two of Coins
"You are balancing or holding on to resources.  Your wealth will not diminish, though there may be some strains.  If you do not have much, the message here is that with economy, much can be accomplished with very few resources.  Note that the eagle is really the lion's own tail.  Thus, it shows a holding on to what you already have.  It the card relates to physical health it means that health is good in spite of stress."

Ace of Staffs
"You are experiencing the beginning or birth of something that will require a lot of energy, like a new job, a new project or a new relationship.  Even though it requires energy, it gives energy back to you in reward."

Six of Swords
"You are keeping ahead of troubles with the help of higher forces.  These higher forces can manifest themselves through circumstances or people near you.  The message also might mean that you should get away from troubles for a while by relaxing, or taking a trip.  Or, it may symbolize a safe journey ahead for you."

From the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

Change is always happening.  Challenges are always present.  Answers are always available.  A new door is always waiting for us to open it. 

May you stick with your instinct, trust your wisdom, follow your dream and never stop believing in miracles.  Participate with what you do have and believe in what you create and what you feel.

Miracles come in from all directions.  May you be open to them.  Balance on.

I believe.

Alan Cohen

From the book "A Deep Breath of Life" by Alan Cohen

"Steadfast in truth, I march on to my destiny."

"The human spirit was the strongest medicine on earth."

"Life is too important to be taken seriously."  -- Oscar Wilde""

May you stay true to who you are and what you feel.  May you allow your spirit to lead you to your destiny.  Keep things 'light' -- everything is temporary.

 

Help

"Help me trust that the decisions You make through and around me are perfect.  I am in my right place on my right path.  I cannot lose because God is with me."  From the book "A Deep Breath of Life" by Alan Cohen

May you trust that you are in your right place on your right path.

Bam

In and out of my hands that fast; again....   I won the auction - 'auction was unsuccessful - didn't reach reserve amount'.  

Man, I'm not sure this is the kind of company I want to do business with....

6 auctions later -- winning all six -- and the house is still not offered to me..... Yikes; triple Yikes.

I walk on....  I'm open to finding the bestest house for myself and my family.   It is not about 'if'; it is about 'when'.

I still have a wee little bit of belief in me...  I walk on with this.

I do feel beaten down.  I do feel frustrated.   I do feel sad.

I also cannot do anything more about it from where I stand.

May you accept what you cannot change and go with the flow of what the Universe offers you; as best you can.  

With continued open heart and open mind; I walk on.

This, after a long walk and a long drive, is the conclusion I have reached in this moment.  Ha.

I am going somewhere.  I just don't know where yet.

Today

"Today, everything I do from morning meditation on -- eating breakfast, going for a walk, writing, reading, even recreation -- is governed by one purpose only:  how to give the very best account of my life that I can in the service of all."
  Eknath Easwaran from "en*theos" email

May you live the very best You that you can.

Happy

Happy Easter.   Happy Spring.  Happy Happy Everything.    Today I will allow happiness to be my goal and my right.

I am blessed for so many reasons.

May you realize how blessed you are.  May you allow your blessings to bless you.

Today could be about resurrection.   Resurrection means coming back from the dead; revival.  I'd like to think that, perhaps, for we humans that have, perhaps, been 'asleep'; and with what I see and feel happening in many areas of our world, we are (in a sense) resurrecting and coming into our full selves and allowing ourselves to feel, share and breathe our truth in and out.  To live our full life that is at our fingertips, within our beings and from our heart to live.

You are a blessing.   Be the blessing that you are.

Amen.

                                                 "Martin Soulreader", Facebook

Healing

I just love this picture that I found on Martin Soulreader's Facebook page.   He offers it as a healing picture.

May you enjoy it as much as I do.

Bid

I, again, won the online auction.  I believe this is the fifth time.  It was supposed to be over at 10 p.m.   At 9:55 p.m., another bidder came on board (after six days of no other bidding) and that person and I proceeded to bid for the same property until 1 a.m. in the morning.   The other person finally didn't want it anymore and I won.

While, I felt happy, I also feel very hesitant because of what I have experienced these past four months.  The house currently says 'offer is in review' and I walk on anxious and breathing to hear that they are finally willing to complete this deal.

When I tie myself to an outcome of any situation, I can create stress for myself.   I'm doing a very good job of it just now.   A small part of me is calm and completely believing.  Another small part of me is giving up myself in order to make this happen.   Another small part of me is completely being myself to make this happen.  Another small part of me knows fear.  Another small part of me knows that no matter what, I will be okay.

So, as I await the online site's answer, I have many small 'parts' swirling around inside of myself.  From moment to moment, I'm not sure which one will show itself.

My body and mind feel on high alert.  My soul rests in it.  My heart feels a bit agitated.  My whole being awaits.

I live in this moment because this is the only moment I have.  However, there is a drive that is pulling me forward in excitement.

One cannot make this stuff up.   One can only be their human self and balance what is inside of them as best they can in each moment, each opportunity, each challenge and each breath.

May you balance your human self with your inner knowing and believe that these two can, will, and do work in harmony when we allow it to be so.

May you allow it to be so.

This is hibiscus that is on the corner of the front of the apartment building I currently live in.  I have been feeding it since I have arrived here and I am blessed to enjoy these beautiful flowers each time I walk the dogs.

Good Friday

I keep hearing in my head.....

"Jesus died for us.  May we live for Him." 

To me, this means it is time to be only my authentic self.   Live the life that is inside of me to live.  Breathe the full life I was born as.  Be the whole person God brought me to this earth to walk as. 

Share the truest of truths and, perhaps, what is the hardest within to share.  This is what will set us free and this is what will create Heaven on Earth.  Just what if....

If Jesus died for you, may you live for Him.

Honor your Creator.  Honor God by living everything you feel within outside of yourself through love and trust of what you really do feel.  If you feel it, it is yours to feel, live and share. 

I believe. 

Thank you. 

In tense

I wake up feeling the intensity of our world.  I don't know if it is what I am focused on or if it is just what is.  Probably both. 

I see all different species of animals playing with each other and creating bonds with humans.   I see seals crawling up onto a man's core and legs as he lays flat on the ground to greet the seals.   I see a deer playing and running with a dog.   I see dolphins and whales interacting with humans.  I see humans watching and protecting baby turtles on their trek towards the water.  I see a hummingbird eating from a man's hand.  I see humans helping defenseless animals to thrive. The beauty of this warms my soul.

I see human tragedies, losses and great sadness.  I see animals being abused and killed. I see suffering from loss, pain and distress.  I see people fighting and hurting each other and animals in most horrendous ways.

The intensity within is great just now.  I send out love and I send it to all.

For a human that truly loves cannot hurt another with intent.   A human that suffers will find their self doing things they never knew of or thought possible.

To be inside a suffering 'being' has to be a terrible feeling.  I can't imagine what it feels like to be inside of a 'body' that can beat, hurt, kill the defenseless and for naught.  The pain and agony inside of a person that can hurt outside of their self in this way...   I cannot imagine.   I am glad it is not me.

Accidents do happen.  Tragedies do occur.   Pain has been a part of the human life forever. 

Just what if, love does carry us through.  Love can win.  Love is what we all want.  Love can be what we all get.   Just what if...   Love will rule. 

May you spread the love within without.  You and your love are magical.  Be magical.

Thinking

If you are thinking a lot, you are not alone.   If you are thinking about how you feel, you are not alone. 

We all want better.   We all want to matter.   We all want to be cared about.   We all want to share love.

I hope this is what the thinking is all about....  

May you be true to yourself as you think on.   When you no longer are thinking, may you win freedom to just allow who you are, feel what the universe is offering to you and GO WITH IT.

Do not always swim upstream, float downstream once in a while.   Balance on.  My wish.

Wowza

Nowadays, banks will not take wrapped coins; we have very little (if any) use of household telephones; many things may sometimes work; many professionals do not know many answers in their field of expertise; many laypeople do not feel so secure and all work very hard.   24/7 is a real thing.   

I sure hope the youth of today are willing and excited to cope with the world like I was when I had my whole life in front of me.  I hope these electronic, competitive times are more easily navigated by them than what I am experiencing. 

Nowadays, I don't know where I'm going to be living; I'm surprised daily with news; and the future is completely open to create anew.  Many are having such difficult, intense moments; and

it is a time of letting go; holding on; standing up; sitting down; relaxing; giving it our all; being together; being individuals - thinking that it's how we respond to our world that makes us us; and still thinking that thinking we are the center of our world is selfish....

WOWZA

WHICH WAY IS UP!?!??!?!?!?

This is the question that comes to mind just now --   WHICH WAY IS UP?!    lol and not really

I do believe we are all here together, on this Earth, at this time and it is one of the most dramatically changing times in all of history.  We can connect with people on the other side of the world within seconds; we have computers doing our banking and thinking for us and we have telephones (like a third arm) that have almost all answers to every question imaginable at our fingertips.  The telephones can record, document and store just about anything.  Yet, just possibly, this is a time when many of us feel the most lost.  What is up with this?!?!?! 

What a great opportunity to be found! 

WOWZA is all I can say, feel, think and believe.   I have to remember to breathe today.

May you connect and 'find' yourself and bring all of who you are with you wherever you go.  Go lovingly, openly and share who you are with us. My wish.

This just may be the most important purpose of 'us'.   Learning to share all of what you are about, lovingly and allowing others be what they are all about, lovingly. 

                        

Another Auction

Another six day online auction for 'this' house is ending in 11 hours.   I just put the one and only beginning bid in as my own.  This started as a six day auction. 

I know nothing more than this.   I let my 'being-ness' lead me and I walk on and through.

Only God knows the answer to this.

Only I can do what is inside of me to do.

May you do what is inside of you to do and know that it is enough.  Believe. 

                                                  Patrick Notley, Photographer, Email

Mind and Body - Where are you....

My mind is certainly not where my body is today.  My mind is up north wheeling and dealing with the issues and decisions that need to be 'wheeled' and dealt with. 

A friend reminds me of how I like to say 'be here now' and I realize I want to have my mind where my body is. 

So, as I transfer, sell, move, think about renovating - I realize that I can take one thought at a time.  I can do it the way that feels best in myself and I can allow my mind to be here with my body even though I need to deal with issues that are not.

It is amazing how quickly I can feel like I am up there even though my physical body is not. 

Confusion, chaos and uncertainty prevails just now.   Yet, one thing I do know is who I am and what I believe and what I feel.   I can stand strong and peaceful in this while I deal with the chaotic in that.

May you let your mind be where your body is as often as possible.   May you stand strong, yet open in your beliefs with peaceful believing in your self no matter how much chaos is around you.

If you feel chaotic, perhaps STOP., breathe and acknowledge yourself and ask your self your goal in this very moment and continue on from here. 

Namaste'.  From the depth of myself I honor you at the depth of yourself.

                                                  M. Khan, Facebook "Blood Moon" 

Where I'm At

I've written a letter to the CFO, COO, CEO, CRO, Co-Chairman, Head Of, etc. of the company that holds the mortgage on this property that I have been calling 'my' house.  My drive is still present and I will not let it go until I do (apparently).

I am going to look at other homes to see what has become available and to see if I feel 'at home' at any of these homes that are for sale in the community I will end up living in.

I'm anxious and excited.  I'm frustrated but also trusting the process as much as I can. 

I'm continually mentally and directionally 'move out' of the home up north and every day there are decisions, things and thoughts to handle and process.

I do have one little small ulcer on the knuckle of my pointer finger.  Ouch.  This is the first one I've had in definitely over a year.  Too much stress is not a woman's (or man's) friend.

Stress, I am learning, is just not wanting or accepting what is.  It comes from me fighting part of my own story;  allowing my story to be hard, difficult and even treacherous.

When I tap into that this is such a small picture in the totality of my life and things always work out and we all have ebbs and flow in our life; darkness and light; happy and sad - this is when stress is not center stage but acceptance and trust is.  Oh, it feels so much better to accept what I feel.  It gives me strength instead of zaps my strength. 

Acceptance and trust - when I can get to it - is what feels best within myself and around my self.

May you accept and trust as much as you can today and let the flow of what is your life 'just be' as you participate, seek and be/do who you are in this moment.  Feel it.  Feel You.  Ride the waves.

                                                                     Unknown

How I

How I feel is my responsibility.  Only I can allow/make myself feel certain ways.  I have the 'choice' to feel and respond how I feel and respond.

I'm a work in progress.

May you be a work in progress.

May you take the path that is derived from inside of yourself.

No Words

I feel emotional pain.  There are no words for the pain and dis-ease I feel.  I feel frustrated that this is my truth just now.  I feel anxiety in the way I feel.

Hence, letting go; breathing deep; trusting I feel this way for real reasons - and let myself feel this way because it is how I feel -  seems to be the answer I choose to 'play' with just now.

Feelings are temporary.  If I wait, my feelings will change.  Something will alter without and within myself that will allow/encourage myself to feel differently.

I honor how I feel even when I don't like it.   Perhaps, I can look at it as an opportunity to change my thinking, change what I'm doing, just be with my truth.

Perhaps, allow my feelings to lead me forward; guide me.

"You know you got it if it makes you feel good."  Janis Joplin

I come from love of self and honor of what is.  No words is/are acceptable if I have no words.

May you come from love of self and honor 'what is' for you.  May you walk through and grow from how you feel from moment to moment. 

Don't hate it; love it.  Hating it just may create more negative energy; weigh me down.   Loving it is positive energy and feels better; lighter.

Honor yourself hating it if that is where you are just now.  It is okay.  Allow yourself to feel the hate, lovingly.  (oh yeah, figure that one out!) 

                                            "The Road to Me" Facebook page.

Oh Boy

'My' house is back on the online website for sale for the 6th time....   I am allowing myself to feel beat up attaching myself to this house....

oh boy, Oh Boy, OH BOY, OH BOY

May you be aware what you are doing to yourself when you attach yourself to a thing, a thought or a person.

Unsure

I'm unsure as to what I am going to write as I sit here at the computer.  It is a beautiful, sunny day and the sound of the fountain on the small lake is soothing and the flow of the water is alive and the air is tranquil.  I see a large white butterfly fluttering by.

I had a cat out back at my window last night meowing unhappily in the late evening.  I went to see what was going on and it ran.  It did not come back.  I sent it off wishing it love. 

Little Bear did not want to walk this morning.  She so resists her leash.  She likes freedom just like her mom - me; the freedom to run and play and just go the direction that she chooses easily and without constraint.

The more 'stuff' I hold on to, the less freedom I give myself.  Oh, the mind...  It can be so helpful.  It can be so constraining.

May you allow yourself to be free of your 'stuff' that is not in the present moment.   If it happened a minute ago; if it happened yesterday or many moons ago; if it is going to happen in an hour or tomorrow or if one only thinks it is going to happen -- let all this stuff go.  Be in this moment and recognize what 'stuff' is not allowing you freedom and, perhaps, question if you are the only one choosing to bring it with you to the very now.  Chances are it is in your power.
  

p.s.  I took the jacket off and she happily laid down on her back and snuggled in.  This picture was from a few days ago. 

Sadness

I still feel sadness at the demise of my pond fish.  It is something that is not understandable at the heart level for me just now.  I'm not sure it ever will be.

I understand scientifically how they died.  I am sad that this is their truth; and mine.

Much that I have envisioned this year is not coming to fruition.  I envisioned some other family loving and cherishing my home and my fish as I did.  That home is gone and it is only a structure.  It will be fine and people will be happy living there - under their own creation; not mine.  Perhaps, this is best for everyone.

The house here that I envisioned myself living in seems to be getting further and further away.  Perhaps, I am not the 'family' that is supposed to live there.   I am supposed to live elsewhere.  

I'm trusting the process deep inside of myself.  Up close to the surface and outside of myself, there is pain, sadness, grief and quiet.  I honor what is.  I honor myself feeling, living and breathing just as I am.  I trust this is where I'm suppose to be.  

I know it is temporary.  I know life is always changing.  

I hope to dig in deep to what is good in my life - and there is much - as I process what hurts me.

Attachment is what hurts.   And, yet, to not have attachment is less fulfilling to me.   My human nature is to attach to things, people, places, feelings -- everything human. 

Perhaps, it is time to detach from what hurts - let the pain be through and done from the past and attach to what propels the happiness inside of ourselves to thrive.

Is it a choice........

I believe it can be.

May you detach from your 'story' of pain and angst.  May you attach to the present of the beauty of what you do have.   May you believe in great possibility as you walk on.

                                                               Unknown

Walk on

"It is not the mountains ahead that wear you out, it is the grain of sand in your shoe."  Robert Service

Take the grain of sand out of your shoe; break the grain down to particles, take your shoe off; walk through the discomfort; ignore the discomfort; let the discomfort propel you...

Whatever it takes to reach the 'top of the mountain', may you do it..  for you.

Now, we're mountain climbing!  lol

May you give yourself permission to find a way and know fulfillment.

                                                    Oprah Empire

May you fall in love with yourself again and again and again.

Deep Breath

I awake to many deep breaths today.  They are needed to calm my insides and connect to my innate knowing.   I'm feeling out of my body and certainly not grounded.

I'm hiring a web designer.  Actually, my wonderful husband is.  I am told I have to come up with a domain name.  How exciting!

How scary I can let it be in the moments I lose trust in myself and the process.

I breathe deep to connect to the trust of what is inside of myself; to my creativity that drives this and the love that honors this.  I always knew I was destined to connect deeply.  I mostly called this 'knowing' my 'crazy.  I didn't recognize this in many others so I had to be the 'crazy' and 'off' one, yes...  No.

"We are all messed up, but we are all perfect.  It's true."   Chris Martin on "The Voice"

So, while what I created up north is devastatingly dying, I am in Florida where I always knew I was going to be one day and birthing this 'crazy'.  Ha.!

It didn't look or feel like this to me in what would be the human world of it.  It did feel exactly like this from my innate knowing and soul.

I breathe deep. 

This is enough for today.  At least, for this moment.

May you breathe deep and connect to your 'crazy'?....   Just maybe it is exactly what you are supposed to breathe and create outside of your being.

Perhaps, I'm really crazy now....offering you to connect to your crazy.... yikes     (lovingly crazy, of course....) lol

                                                    Unknown

Today

I think it's a good day to allow the flow of what is to just be.  Participate from happiness within and allow what is to be.

Accept my life just as it is; know gratitude and allow the love that is in my life to be enough. 

Do not compare today to yesterday and do not wish for tomorrow to be here.

Just allow my today and who I am (and, perhaps, who others are) in it to BE.

Yes, I think today is a great day to allow this full experience to flow through me.

May you allow life, just as it is, to flow through you with only allowing the feeling of 'enough' and 'love' to be with you.

                                                                Unknown

Happiness

"Happiness is an inside job."  Unknown

May you allow happiness inside... to live and thrive.

                                                     Unknown

Fish..

Our pond in the backyard of our home up north has recently 'died'.  As winter thaws and daffodils and tulips peak out from under the surface of the dirt, dead fish float to the top of the murky water.  I am 'done in' with this information.  I am beyond sad.  I breathe, sit and live as I process this grief and, what to me is horror.

Below is an excerpt from a letter I wrote sharing my loss and sadness over the demise of my beautiful and ever so joyful, relaxing pond.  I know I left it to be sold with the house.  I was certain that someone would love and cherish it as I did.

I was wrong.  It seems like I am learning that I cannot always be right.  Although I knew this already, it is getting emblazoned into my being ever so deeply just now.   I have a plan, the Universe laughs.  The Universe is more 'able' than I.   I am 'able' in my ability to deal, feel and know my human self only.  I know I am connected to all that is.  I do not have the power to change to/through my beliefs and make it so if it is not in the grand plan. 

I am in God's plan and hands; not my own.  My 'hands' are to experience what is and my mind is to dream, learn and congregate all for this human experience.  My heart is to love and feel.  Thus far, I have lived spectacular experiences.


"I'm processing huge grief and, unfortunately, I want to blame and I know despair.  I'm mad at God because I think I have been such a good person full of kindness and I tell myself that I don't deserve so much sadness, despair and grief.

My husband leaves in one hour.  He has been away a lot.  He won't be back for 5 days again. 

I truly have to figure out me and live me wherever, however, whoever, whatever...

I pray I will and I can.

The fish have done me in.  14 years of feeding, loving, building and enjoying them.  Whoosh.  Dead.  There's 7 alive.  Our pond guy feels we had 200.  I feel awful for their suffocation.  I'd often wake up in the middle of the night to hang and sit with them.  I concerned myself about the water level, the occasional heron, the flow of the waterfalls.  It was my favorite part of the house.  Well.  No worrying or loving them anymore.  I will always be grateful I had that experience.

And, yes, I had left them anyway.  I'm still feeling yucky about the fish.  Horrible. 

This is another lesson of attachment.detachment.abandonment.

It's all about happiness, contentment, love within and shared without.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.

Be love.

I let go of love once because it hurt so much to lose it.  I don't know where I'm at just now.

Be you well.  You are beautiful, you matter and you are enough."

May you be you well.  You are beautiful, you matter and you are enough.  What you feel is yours to feel -- allow it and be all that you are made of.

                                                       Unknown

May you choose to be love, fair, kind, ______ because that is who you are and it feels good inside of yourself to be this way, period.  Continue to draw up from who you are to have peace within as you experience outside sources. 

Glorious

Today is going to be a glorious day.  I will connect to every one I encounter from the depth of myself.  I will share love, hope, truth and myself.  I will be open to hearing about their lives and their hearts.

I will breathe in and out what is as the world shows itself to me and allow and share as much peace within, as I am able, without.

I will share the depth of myself with the depth of who you are ...  when and if you are ready.

I ask for gentleness, kindness, ease and truth through same.

Today is a glorious day.  It is another opportunity to live all that I am.

May you live all that you are in all your gloriousness.

                                                         Unknown

Four

I woke up this morning and wrote a check.  Today's date is 4/4/14.  There are many fours in this.  If one adds them all up -- they breakdown to four.    4+4+1+4 = 13; 1+3=4.  What fun for me.

Four:
"The symbolic meaning of number Four deals with stability and invokes the grounded nature of all things. Consider the four seasons, four directions, four elements all these amazingly powerful essences wrapped up in the nice square package of Four. Fours represent solidity, calmness, and home. A recurrence of Four in your life may signify the need to get back to your roots, center yourself, or even "plant" yourself. Fours also indicate a need for persistence and endurance."  From "Whats-your-sign.com" 

For what it's worth...   I hope it 'tickles' something within you.

May you connect to your stability and grounded-ness in all that you do today.  May you feel 'home' within yourself as you create the home that allows you to be the most stable and grounded YOU in all that you do and feel.

Healing

"To be healed, we do not need to add anything to who we are or what we have.  We simply need to become still and allow nature to reinstate us to our rightful condition of well-being."   From the book "A Deep Breath of Life" by Alan Cohen

May you be open to stillness and allowing your 'being' to be well.

                                                        Unknown

Head

My head is heavy today. 

I'm dealing with dead fish in my pond up north; changes and challenges with the renovation and who pays for what.

Down here I'm being with the information I have regarding what was 'my' house (lol-yikes), if only in my head and heart, and paying bills and many new issues that come up as I am transitioning from where and who I am. 

I'm also thinking about getting a website up to enjoy and seriously help others to be and live the best of themselves.

Switching gears is not always easy.  I feel my brain 'gears' are overworked and they need a tune-up and a rest.

I'm doing what I must today and being in each moment and open to still creating anew.  I am hopeful.   I am strong.   I am woman. (what? lol)  I'm just going with it....

So, as I let my head be heavy and not wishing it to be something it is not for today, I know peace in this.  I don't know that I can label this 'productivity' just now, however, something in me is telling me that I may be being just that.  In fact, very productive.   Of this, the judge is still out.  Perhaps, it is better to keep the 'judge' out of it...

May you let yourself BE just where you are and love yourself exactly as, what and who you are in this moment.  Woo hoo! 

                                                        Unknown

Present

"Help me to be fully present.  Help me to find beauty where I am.  I claim the riches of the universe right where I am."  From the book "A Deep Breath of Life" by Alan Cohen

This is a perfect prayer/offering for me just now.

Please allow me to participate, allow, embrace and claim my self - all of me - right where I am.  Amen

May you claim and live all of you right where you are as you are; always.

Crack me Up

I'm obsessed.

I know this.   I want to move into a place I call home and be comfortable and settled for awhile.   It will happen when it is supposed to.  I hope it is supposed to soon.

When we have certain things on our minds and we are open to receive... the Universe can be a hoot!

I look on Facebook and this is one of the first posts I see....  crack me up!

May you be open to receive guidance from the Universe and believe life will all unfold as it is supposed to.  But, in the meantime, make sure your heart is open, love is on and you are enjoying the ride as much as possible.

Beautiful picture.

                                                       quizony (facebook) 

Not Letting Go

I have been told again and again and again and again.... (you get the picture) ...  that my bid will not be accepted for me to purchase 'my' house.

I will not let it go.  I found myself writing letters today; talking to people and sitting with and praying for answers where I'm supposed to be when I leave where I am.   What house; what community, what location (land or beach)...

I feel childish like I won't take no for an answer - or, at the very least, I don't want to take no for an answer. 

I've been wanting to find a four leaf clover.  I have not been able to.   It is not one of my champion things that I do.  In fact, the only time I found a four leaf clover was after my mom passed away. 

I'm all over the place with knowing peace within, knowing anger and disappointment, knowing frustration; and trusting the process.

My 'r' on my keyboard is sticking just now and I have to press it two or three times to make it appear on screen.

LOL  

It is time to regroup.   I need to let go first.   This will be my goal in the now.   Let go of what I thought would happen.  I believed it with everything in me that this house would be mine.   Even as I type this, it is hard for me to accept that it is not.

So, I walk on with what I know.  I process what I know.   I feel what I know.   I look forward to seeing where I will go.

Ha.  Now, the 'r' types easily and freely onto the screen.

Yes, maybe this is the time that I have lost 'it'...  I am surely in a strange place. 

I trust that I am right where I am supposed to be and I will know where to go and what to do when I am supposed to.

May you trust that you are right where you are supposed to be and you will know where to go and what to do exactly at the time that will best benefit you to do so.