Oh, the family. Why do I expect more from them? Why do I think that they should have my back more than others? What does this kind of thinking create in my life.
I allow others to be and feel and act just as they are. When it comes to my family, just the three of us, I expect more. I demand more. I worry more.
I think we need to be and live and act in certain ways. When this doesn't happen; which is often the case, I let myself down.
How can I think and feel different to get new feelings and reactions from myself.
This is an extremely hard one for me and I've been stuck here for a bit. Oh, the family.
May you allow your family members love you in the way they best know how. Is it possible to accept that this is enough?
Wowza. Big for me.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Purpose
My house is empty again. I enjoy the quiet and the peace. I have lost the purpose of helping others. My 'purpose' feels greatly diminished and so do I.
Interesting. I weigh who I am on how I can help others and how I make them feel. While I feel this is a beautiful thing, I do not want this to be my only purpose. I am more than this.
We can, perhaps, have more than one purpose on this earth. Perhaps today is about pampering myself.
I have contractors coming. We are updating our theatre. We just put it in a bit more than 10 years ago and the equipment is considered 'ancient'. What have we allow happen to ourselves? I buy into it. I do not have to and, yet, it is hard for me not to. Mmmmmm
So, as I consider all my purposes today...
May you be onto your own.
Interesting. I weigh who I am on how I can help others and how I make them feel. While I feel this is a beautiful thing, I do not want this to be my only purpose. I am more than this.
We can, perhaps, have more than one purpose on this earth. Perhaps today is about pampering myself.
I have contractors coming. We are updating our theatre. We just put it in a bit more than 10 years ago and the equipment is considered 'ancient'. What have we allow happen to ourselves? I buy into it. I do not have to and, yet, it is hard for me not to. Mmmmmm
So, as I consider all my purposes today...
May you be onto your own.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Another Day
Today is another day to have the day I want to have. How extraordinary, perhaps, it is to be able to create the day I want to create for myself.
Every sunrise offers me new hope.
May you take your day and create what you want with it.
Every sunrise offers me new hope.
May you take your day and create what you want with it.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Silence
"The Lord speaks in silence and in silence, He is heard." Mother Mary Clare
Some of us are afraid of silence or uncomfortable with it, at times. If you allow yourself to be silent, what do you hear?
May you hear your truth in your silence.
Some of us are afraid of silence or uncomfortable with it, at times. If you allow yourself to be silent, what do you hear?
May you hear your truth in your silence.
Balancing
I'm trying to balance my life with others. Feeling and giving myself what I need while being present for other people's needs and feelings as well. Balance does not come easily to me. The 'pull' of others is great.
My need to have everyone around me okay before I choose to be okay was endless. However, it ends here. I'm not sure I even consciously knew I was doing so.
I do now. Like Oprah says, when you know better; you do better. I now know better. I choose to do better. I can be okay and still help others. I can be happy and be around people that are not. I can choose strength over defeatism. Is this even a word?
I now choose to own who I am while encouraging and being open to others. I just might become quite fond of this!
May you own who, what, where and how you truly are. It just may be your brilliance.
My need to have everyone around me okay before I choose to be okay was endless. However, it ends here. I'm not sure I even consciously knew I was doing so.
I do now. Like Oprah says, when you know better; you do better. I now know better. I choose to do better. I can be okay and still help others. I can be happy and be around people that are not. I can choose strength over defeatism. Is this even a word?
I now choose to own who I am while encouraging and being open to others. I just might become quite fond of this!
May you own who, what, where and how you truly are. It just may be your brilliance.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Full House
I have a full house of 'kids' just now. It feels great and it feels scary. Never know what one will do! and they bring such life and energy to my home!
I am grateful. I am tired. I am learning to balance who I am with whatever is going on in my life.
I am blessed.
May you know/feel how you are blessed today. Because you are. There is something(s) you are blessed with. I believe.
I am grateful. I am tired. I am learning to balance who I am with whatever is going on in my life.
I am blessed.
May you know/feel how you are blessed today. Because you are. There is something(s) you are blessed with. I believe.
Choose
How will I choose to live my day today. I am going to enjoy my day even if it kills me! Ha.
The weather is beautiful. The sun is brilliant. The humidity is low. All is well in my world in this minute.
May you know all is well in your world in this minute.
The weather is beautiful. The sun is brilliant. The humidity is low. All is well in my world in this minute.
May you know all is well in your world in this minute.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Beyond 'Corny'
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
It's Time to be
The One and Only YOU.
I did say beyond 'corny'! Ha!
Are you BEING YOU in these surrounding moments?
Violets are Blue
It's Time to be
The One and Only YOU.
I did say beyond 'corny'! Ha!
Are you BEING YOU in these surrounding moments?
4 of Spades
I just got done posting my 'Much Confusion' post and I picked a playing card.
4 of Spades
"Rest and retreat. Decisions made in calm."
May you rest and retreat from time to time.
Meaning by www3.sympatico.ca/terrir/playing_card_meanings
4 of Spades
"Rest and retreat. Decisions made in calm."
May you rest and retreat from time to time.
Meaning by www3.sympatico.ca/terrir/playing_card_meanings
Much Confusion
It seems like we, as the human race, are connecting more and more with the confusion/fast paced/chaotic reality of what is. We want to kick back just a bit; live our life with more ease and inner guidance.
Many of us are in change. Change of jobs, change of locations, change of relationships, change of the way we feel and see things.
It's somewhat unsettling and it's somewhat miraculous.
We are, together, creating the world that we want for our children and grandchildren and certainly ourselves.
We are not just walking around blindly. We are walking with purpose, sense and eyes more open than ever. This is what I believe. Maybe because this is what I'm doing. Most likely, it's because this is what I am doing. Ha.
May you have your senses on ON today and discover the best way for you in each moment.
I believe putting this energy out into our world is a positive energy for all.
Many of us are in change. Change of jobs, change of locations, change of relationships, change of the way we feel and see things.
It's somewhat unsettling and it's somewhat miraculous.
We are, together, creating the world that we want for our children and grandchildren and certainly ourselves.
We are not just walking around blindly. We are walking with purpose, sense and eyes more open than ever. This is what I believe. Maybe because this is what I'm doing. Most likely, it's because this is what I am doing. Ha.
May you have your senses on ON today and discover the best way for you in each moment.
I believe putting this energy out into our world is a positive energy for all.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Living My Truth
I am so living my truth in MOST aspects of my life. It takes my breath away because I'm afraid of the response I might get and it empowers me beyond anything I've ever known before.
I'm dealing and working on many relationships and all are going very well. I am learning to speak my truth through calm and love and it empowers the whole situation each relationship is in.
It's can be quite debilitating beforehand and after I share my truth, it can be quite empowering and forthcoming and enable great growth for all.
May you speak your truth in a peaceful and loving way as much as possible. May you feel the empowerment of same.
I'm dealing and working on many relationships and all are going very well. I am learning to speak my truth through calm and love and it empowers the whole situation each relationship is in.
It's can be quite debilitating beforehand and after I share my truth, it can be quite empowering and forthcoming and enable great growth for all.
May you speak your truth in a peaceful and loving way as much as possible. May you feel the empowerment of same.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Friends
I have my young little friend here with me still. We have just celebrated his belated birthday today. We had great fun.
I do find it very hard to save reserved energy for myself when others are around. I hear them without them talking. This is a great gift; however, it can surely feel like a curse at times as well.
I want to hear myself and respond favorably to what I hear. Mmmm. It's very easy to be deaf when it comes to myself.
I'm working to balance hearing all, perhaps. I'd like to give first to myself at times. I know I give greater when I do this. It does not come naturally just now.
I know my world is better when I allow it to come naturally and I am open to allowing some of my energy to fulfill my own needs. What a concept!
May you fulfill some of your own needs today FIRST!
I think I'll try it; I think I just may like it. AND, the world may just not end!!!! Ha.
I do find it very hard to save reserved energy for myself when others are around. I hear them without them talking. This is a great gift; however, it can surely feel like a curse at times as well.
I want to hear myself and respond favorably to what I hear. Mmmm. It's very easy to be deaf when it comes to myself.
I'm working to balance hearing all, perhaps. I'd like to give first to myself at times. I know I give greater when I do this. It does not come naturally just now.
I know my world is better when I allow it to come naturally and I am open to allowing some of my energy to fulfill my own needs. What a concept!
May you fulfill some of your own needs today FIRST!
I think I'll try it; I think I just may like it. AND, the world may just not end!!!! Ha.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Blazing
It's a blazing day full of heat; close to 100 deg F. It's the solstice and summer is here!
As the heat is a-blazing,
May you be a-blazing as you carve your world into the world you want for yourself.
I'm giving it my best shot. It is not easy; but not impossible either. I want to continue to try to live the life that makes me happiest and happiest for all that I know.
May you know moments of 'success' today.
As the heat is a-blazing,
May you be a-blazing as you carve your world into the world you want for yourself.
I'm giving it my best shot. It is not easy; but not impossible either. I want to continue to try to live the life that makes me happiest and happiest for all that I know.
May you know moments of 'success' today.
Whose Energy Is It
I realized today, while getting a massage, that I am very good at knowing other people's energy and needs. I can tap into them almost simultaneously to meeting them or connecting with them.
I think I take on another's energy and forget my own. If an animal is hurt or injured; I feel hurt or injured. If a human is down and out, then I know down and out. If a person is chaotic or challenged, I feel and know what they are feeling. If they are happy and silly; I know happy and silly.
I'd like to own what I am feeling and stick with this. I'd like to be helpful and compassionate without draining myself or changing what I have inside of me.
Is this possible? I do not know. I am hoping to find out.
May you own what is inside of you -- it is beyond special; whatever it is. It is your truth.
Perhaps, one of the main reasons we are here on this earth is to live and share our truth. Wouldn't that be a hoot - If we could all do this lovingly, openly and with support of one another. What if our own individual truths were all puzzle pieces and when put together, we find an answer/abundance/and peace in this most magnificent puzzle of living together.
I think I take on another's energy and forget my own. If an animal is hurt or injured; I feel hurt or injured. If a human is down and out, then I know down and out. If a person is chaotic or challenged, I feel and know what they are feeling. If they are happy and silly; I know happy and silly.
I'd like to own what I am feeling and stick with this. I'd like to be helpful and compassionate without draining myself or changing what I have inside of me.
Is this possible? I do not know. I am hoping to find out.
May you own what is inside of you -- it is beyond special; whatever it is. It is your truth.
Perhaps, one of the main reasons we are here on this earth is to live and share our truth. Wouldn't that be a hoot - If we could all do this lovingly, openly and with support of one another. What if our own individual truths were all puzzle pieces and when put together, we find an answer/abundance/and peace in this most magnificent puzzle of living together.
Zoos, Parks, Playgrounds, Eating
I'm with my 11 year old friend and having a fun time. With all the fun, I am seeing balance is still very important to me. I'm not good at balancing in the healthiest way. I am learning to do better.
I disregard myself, which, at times, is a gift. However, at other times, it's a curse. BALANCE.
May you live YOUR best balance today.
I disregard myself, which, at times, is a gift. However, at other times, it's a curse. BALANCE.
May you live YOUR best balance today.
Monday, June 18, 2012
What Fun
I'm going to pick up my long time friend's 11 year old son and hang with him for at least a week. I cannot wait to go to the zoo and to see what he has on his mind!
May you do something extra fun for you (and maybe another) today.
May you do something extra fun for you (and maybe another) today.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Happy Father's Day
A man is a very important, wonderful experience. A man plays an extremely important part in a child's life. A man can offer strength, stability, cognitive guidance and love unlike a woman.
I did not have a man guiding me in the way that I needed one. I did not have a father figure in the way that I felt loved easily. I will never know in this lifetime what it is like to have a man show me love, strength or stability from an adult/child relationship.
I have seen my child have this. It constantly amazes me the independent love of self she has. The road that she lives possibly because she does have a father's love and support whenever she reaches for it. It is a beyond beautiful thing to me; maybe moreso because I did not have it.
If you have/had a father's love, know how lucky you are. Embrace it. Take the good of it and tuck it away with you forever. If you did not, know that you deserve it and I am sorry that you did not have it. I believe I am who I am because of it. I love who I am. So, in a roundabout way, I can be grateful that I know my dad loved me in the best way he knew how. It was not that I was not lovable. It was that he was not at a place to give me the love I felt I needed.
I am exactly who I am because of my experiences. You are you because of your experiences.
May you love who you are and know that everything in your past, has brought you here, to today. What are you going to create moving forward? Everything you need, you already have in you. Find it, tap into it and fly.
Happy Father's Day to all the great fathers out there. My world is inspired because of you. Thank you for knowing how to step up, love and teach. You are greatly appreciated.
If you are a Father struggling; I am sorry. LOVE your way through. It's never too late if there is breath in us. You can still make a difference if you choose to.
I did not have a man guiding me in the way that I needed one. I did not have a father figure in the way that I felt loved easily. I will never know in this lifetime what it is like to have a man show me love, strength or stability from an adult/child relationship.
I have seen my child have this. It constantly amazes me the independent love of self she has. The road that she lives possibly because she does have a father's love and support whenever she reaches for it. It is a beyond beautiful thing to me; maybe moreso because I did not have it.
If you have/had a father's love, know how lucky you are. Embrace it. Take the good of it and tuck it away with you forever. If you did not, know that you deserve it and I am sorry that you did not have it. I believe I am who I am because of it. I love who I am. So, in a roundabout way, I can be grateful that I know my dad loved me in the best way he knew how. It was not that I was not lovable. It was that he was not at a place to give me the love I felt I needed.
I am exactly who I am because of my experiences. You are you because of your experiences.
May you love who you are and know that everything in your past, has brought you here, to today. What are you going to create moving forward? Everything you need, you already have in you. Find it, tap into it and fly.
Happy Father's Day to all the great fathers out there. My world is inspired because of you. Thank you for knowing how to step up, love and teach. You are greatly appreciated.
If you are a Father struggling; I am sorry. LOVE your way through. It's never too late if there is breath in us. You can still make a difference if you choose to.
Where I'm At
I'm quiet inside. WOWZA How nice and foreign to me. I'm just being where I'm at and taking in each moment. I feel numb. I'm questioning whether it is numb or quiet/calm. I believe it's more the latter.
I see myself planning more; interacting more in the physical. I have much more energy as I go about doing yardwork/summerwork outside. It's very enjoyable to me. I do what I can and want and then I am pleasantly content with what I have done.
My mind is not anxious to say much. My fingers do not fly across the keyboard with much to share. There is not a lot inside of me that wants to come out. I am content.
It feels, and my mind labels it, boring. However, I know different. It is peace from within. It is peace having the inside of what is for me connected and working in conjunction with what I show the world and my outer 'doings'.
It's pretty cool. So, I sit with what is and where I am at; happily.
May you lay/sit/stand/walk/run with what is and know contentment in same.
I see myself planning more; interacting more in the physical. I have much more energy as I go about doing yardwork/summerwork outside. It's very enjoyable to me. I do what I can and want and then I am pleasantly content with what I have done.
My mind is not anxious to say much. My fingers do not fly across the keyboard with much to share. There is not a lot inside of me that wants to come out. I am content.
It feels, and my mind labels it, boring. However, I know different. It is peace from within. It is peace having the inside of what is for me connected and working in conjunction with what I show the world and my outer 'doings'.
It's pretty cool. So, I sit with what is and where I am at; happily.
May you lay/sit/stand/walk/run with what is and know contentment in same.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Come Back
Start Again by Counting Crows
This is the song I heard as I headed out to have breakfast and get my hair back to blonde. I'm ready to start this segment of my life as I am. I'm ready to help others find their way to the best life they have inside of them. Get in there and help pull it out.
There will always be surprises; good and not so good. There will always be challenges; fun and not so fun. There will always be detours and roadblocks and wide open roads. This is life.
However, if I approach as much as I can, with open heart, mind and feeling, then I'm living my dream.
May you be open to living your dream. Each day is a new day to start over, continue on, lay back or dive in.
It's always good to put words to one's dreams as well, I find for me. We have to have dreams to be able to achieve them.
This is the song I heard as I headed out to have breakfast and get my hair back to blonde. I'm ready to start this segment of my life as I am. I'm ready to help others find their way to the best life they have inside of them. Get in there and help pull it out.
There will always be surprises; good and not so good. There will always be challenges; fun and not so fun. There will always be detours and roadblocks and wide open roads. This is life.
However, if I approach as much as I can, with open heart, mind and feeling, then I'm living my dream.
May you be open to living your dream. Each day is a new day to start over, continue on, lay back or dive in.
It's always good to put words to one's dreams as well, I find for me. We have to have dreams to be able to achieve them.
Friday, June 15, 2012
One Toe
I have one toe out the door and the rest of me still here. I'm getting very bored and I'm feeling the need to explore. I'm getting antsy staying here with my dogs and animals and feeling the need to be amongst the people. I feel I am on the verge of change... again.
I'm confused, or is it just scared; I'm ready to grow and share personally and I'm not sure where to begin. I say just go out and do it; whatever IT is.
I'm having breakfast out and then getting my hair back to normal. I'm still a bit unsettled in my thoughts and my thinking is still not as clear as I want it to be.
I'm feeling as I write that all these words are non-sense. Yet, they couldn't come from a more truer part of myself.
I'm struggling to put into words where I'm at; to put a voice to all the extremes that I am feeling.
I hear everyday about struggles from people that end up in the hospital; that feel chaotic and crazy; that feel they are living backwards; that are confused and, mostly, just extremely unsettled.
Our world is changing; it always has been; it always will be. We need to continue on. Together, the power of good can win and we can sail more easily again.
No matter what age, where we are - we have much opportunity right in front of us. Some of us are already experiencing many. Some of us are not.
May you take the opportunities in front of you and grab them and sail on.
See the squirrel above the bird feeder on the tree going for his opportunity!
I'm confused, or is it just scared; I'm ready to grow and share personally and I'm not sure where to begin. I say just go out and do it; whatever IT is.
I'm having breakfast out and then getting my hair back to normal. I'm still a bit unsettled in my thoughts and my thinking is still not as clear as I want it to be.
I'm feeling as I write that all these words are non-sense. Yet, they couldn't come from a more truer part of myself.
I'm struggling to put into words where I'm at; to put a voice to all the extremes that I am feeling.
I hear everyday about struggles from people that end up in the hospital; that feel chaotic and crazy; that feel they are living backwards; that are confused and, mostly, just extremely unsettled.
Our world is changing; it always has been; it always will be. We need to continue on. Together, the power of good can win and we can sail more easily again.
No matter what age, where we are - we have much opportunity right in front of us. Some of us are already experiencing many. Some of us are not.
May you take the opportunities in front of you and grab them and sail on.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Teenager Zone
Oh my. Our children are certainly our best teachers. I continue to learn from mine. It is quite the coo. I have to start letting my teenager more and more freedom to be who she is. To her just going about her day and following her beliefs feels normal and no big deal.
But to her mom, me, wowza. My little baby is doing things and feeling things and needing things that I have never experienced before and all I can say is, it's quite the coo.
I want her to have her own wings. I want her to fly high. Why does it feel so hard to not be as big of a participant in her life as I was. Or, perhaps, am I just as needed, but in a much different - stay out of my way, kind of way. Please be here for me when I need your involvement and please allow me to handle my own things my own way.
Oh, if it felt that simple to allow! It usually does not...
So, life continues on. I continue to learn. I continue to be amazed. I continue to be challenged.
It's quite the coo.
Coo meaning to me - quite the hardship and beyond wonderfulness I have ever known.
God may not always be this 'serious'. However, this is serious learning. I welcome the challenge....for today.
May you welcome the challenges in your life through trust, joy and openness of more than one way; the way that settles within the best for the life you are living today...as you move forward.
But to her mom, me, wowza. My little baby is doing things and feeling things and needing things that I have never experienced before and all I can say is, it's quite the coo.
I want her to have her own wings. I want her to fly high. Why does it feel so hard to not be as big of a participant in her life as I was. Or, perhaps, am I just as needed, but in a much different - stay out of my way, kind of way. Please be here for me when I need your involvement and please allow me to handle my own things my own way.
Oh, if it felt that simple to allow! It usually does not...
So, life continues on. I continue to learn. I continue to be amazed. I continue to be challenged.
It's quite the coo.
Coo meaning to me - quite the hardship and beyond wonderfulness I have ever known.
God may not always be this 'serious'. However, this is serious learning. I welcome the challenge....for today.
May you welcome the challenges in your life through trust, joy and openness of more than one way; the way that settles within the best for the life you are living today...as you move forward.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Massage
Ahhhh. The massage helped me tremendously. It's interesting finding out and feeling the tightness and stress in one's own body when it is manipulated and helped to do so. I never am more in touch with what is going on within myself than when I am on a massage table.
It's quite enlightening if one wants to be enlightened. Or, so it is for me.
I used to come from a strong, defined muscle that needed pampering from working so hard. I now come from a place that is open to learn and gather more information about what I'm feeling and experiencing.
How cool could it be to come from both places together. Pretty dang cool, if you ask me!
May you come from the place (within) that is most helpful and appropriate for your life as it is today.
It's quite enlightening if one wants to be enlightened. Or, so it is for me.
I used to come from a strong, defined muscle that needed pampering from working so hard. I now come from a place that is open to learn and gather more information about what I'm feeling and experiencing.
How cool could it be to come from both places together. Pretty dang cool, if you ask me!
May you come from the place (within) that is most helpful and appropriate for your life as it is today.
Arm and Hand
My arm and hand are still 'talking' to me. It is hard to type and the ache is changing from dull to loud to dull again. I have my good friend and massage therapist coming this morning and I am praying that we can work through this and have it disappear just like it came.
It's cooler and windier this morning. Everything is wet and the pond waters are very muddled. However, the fish ate as vigorously as ever and the plants are finding their home amongst them.
My Durby had a hard time getting up this morning. He walked in circles til he was sure he could do it. He loves this weather and is out front enjoying the morning. The one cat, Krystal, is sitting here next to my computer screen and Little Bear and Tiffany are at my feet. How blessed and simple life can be. How enjoyable and full of joy.
Everyone else seems to be sleeping in this morning and I'm glad they are sleeping so soundly and allowing their bodies to strengthen and recharge. It's a beautiful thing to wake up and be excited and ready to get on with one's day. I'm working towards having this again.
I'm giving it everything I have to LIVE.
May you LIVE everything you have.
It's cooler and windier this morning. Everything is wet and the pond waters are very muddled. However, the fish ate as vigorously as ever and the plants are finding their home amongst them.
My Durby had a hard time getting up this morning. He walked in circles til he was sure he could do it. He loves this weather and is out front enjoying the morning. The one cat, Krystal, is sitting here next to my computer screen and Little Bear and Tiffany are at my feet. How blessed and simple life can be. How enjoyable and full of joy.
Everyone else seems to be sleeping in this morning and I'm glad they are sleeping so soundly and allowing their bodies to strengthen and recharge. It's a beautiful thing to wake up and be excited and ready to get on with one's day. I'm working towards having this again.
I'm giving it everything I have to LIVE.
May you LIVE everything you have.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Laying Low
I'm laying low because, right now, it's all I can do. I've gone to two acupuncture visits. Tomorrow, my massage therapist is coming and it's dark and dreary and wet.
The flowers are happy. I'm happy I do not have to water the flowers. The rain is a nice steady, cleansing rain.
Everything is very green. I just saw a 'he' and a 'she' woodpecker eating at the feeder and climbing the tree. The male's red head was so bright and beautiful; especially in the dark, wet day.
The tropical plants came for the pond today. It is truly summer for me now! I love it. My 'pond guy' says he brought a night bloomer that has red, pink and blue in it. I'm looking forward to seeing this!
All is well in my world. I hope you, in the world outside of me, are WELL as well. Ha.
May you enjoy the beat of your life just as it is today.
The flowers are happy. I'm happy I do not have to water the flowers. The rain is a nice steady, cleansing rain.
Everything is very green. I just saw a 'he' and a 'she' woodpecker eating at the feeder and climbing the tree. The male's red head was so bright and beautiful; especially in the dark, wet day.
The tropical plants came for the pond today. It is truly summer for me now! I love it. My 'pond guy' says he brought a night bloomer that has red, pink and blue in it. I'm looking forward to seeing this!
All is well in my world. I hope you, in the world outside of me, are WELL as well. Ha.
May you enjoy the beat of your life just as it is today.
Feeling
I'm feeling that I'm tired of writing that I hurt. I'm feeling that you are tired of reading that I'm hurting. Yet, this is my truth.
It's a much different feeling within. I do not feel exhausted or tired. I have much better concentration. I'm standing taller.
I have a terrible frozen pain in my left arm. Arms are about embracing the joy in one's life. Mmmmm. I do find myself NOT doing this often enough. My left hand is stiff and the pain keeps me awake at night. The ulcers are still threatening AND I think I'm going to win and they are doing to disappear.
After my second acupuncture treatment yesterday, my arm was in extreme pain. The therapist used the needles and moxibustion to unblock the chi. The chi is fighting to stay with the 'known'. My body and mind are fighting to go with the new and easy flow of life.
I feel the great fight within. I can feel the movement in my body as the needle does its work. It's quite interesting. I'm amazed that I am so sensitive to follow the meridian with my mind as it tries to and does open the flow. I WELCOME IT. I feel the my old self wanting to run from it.... The FIGHT.
May the wholeness and openness of who I am, win.
May the wholeness and openness of who you are, win.
It hurts to type with my left hand. My forearm tires and strains easily. I embrace the joy of the sound of the raindrops on the roof of my home in this moment.
May you embrace joy in this moment.
It's a much different feeling within. I do not feel exhausted or tired. I have much better concentration. I'm standing taller.
I have a terrible frozen pain in my left arm. Arms are about embracing the joy in one's life. Mmmmm. I do find myself NOT doing this often enough. My left hand is stiff and the pain keeps me awake at night. The ulcers are still threatening AND I think I'm going to win and they are doing to disappear.
After my second acupuncture treatment yesterday, my arm was in extreme pain. The therapist used the needles and moxibustion to unblock the chi. The chi is fighting to stay with the 'known'. My body and mind are fighting to go with the new and easy flow of life.
I feel the great fight within. I can feel the movement in my body as the needle does its work. It's quite interesting. I'm amazed that I am so sensitive to follow the meridian with my mind as it tries to and does open the flow. I WELCOME IT. I feel the my old self wanting to run from it.... The FIGHT.
May the wholeness and openness of who I am, win.
May the wholeness and openness of who you are, win.
It hurts to type with my left hand. My forearm tires and strains easily. I embrace the joy of the sound of the raindrops on the roof of my home in this moment.
May you embrace joy in this moment.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
It's Ok
I want to say that whatever you are feeling; whatever you are dealing with; whatever you want.... it's okay.
Right now in this moment, I need to be okay where I'm at and what is in my being. I am okay with the process of my life. I trust it will all work out because it always has.
Right now, in this moment, I am okay. I will continue to be okay moving forward. Our world will be okay as we move forward, collectively, to live the reality of what is in each of our lives.
We are an abundant being. Look how much our bodies do without even lifting a finger. We work. We process. We progress. We are.
AND, just because we are---We are here, in this moment, together, for a reason that is bigger than we can put our finger on.
May you trust that you are right where you need to be....in this moment.
Right now in this moment, I need to be okay where I'm at and what is in my being. I am okay with the process of my life. I trust it will all work out because it always has.
Right now, in this moment, I am okay. I will continue to be okay moving forward. Our world will be okay as we move forward, collectively, to live the reality of what is in each of our lives.
We are an abundant being. Look how much our bodies do without even lifting a finger. We work. We process. We progress. We are.
AND, just because we are---We are here, in this moment, together, for a reason that is bigger than we can put our finger on.
May you trust that you are right where you need to be....in this moment.
Computer Down
My computer was down and unable to find a wireless connection. After many phone calls and trials and buttons, it's up again. Not having a computer these days feels like having no electricity; just not natural!
My left arm has been 'frozen' and swollen at the wrist. It's hard for me to type. It's all interesting. Is there a 'force' that does not want me to blog or is trying to save myself from further embarrassment! Ha.
I see a few underlying ulcers forming in my fingertips. I am trying to lay low and stress free so, perhaps, I can help them to go away and do it differently than I did when I first lost progesterone after stopping nursing so many, many moons ago.
I'm here trying to save myself. Will I win. I do not know. This is serious business.
May you take what's serious and ride with it today if it feels right to do so.
My left arm has been 'frozen' and swollen at the wrist. It's hard for me to type. It's all interesting. Is there a 'force' that does not want me to blog or is trying to save myself from further embarrassment! Ha.
I see a few underlying ulcers forming in my fingertips. I am trying to lay low and stress free so, perhaps, I can help them to go away and do it differently than I did when I first lost progesterone after stopping nursing so many, many moons ago.
I'm here trying to save myself. Will I win. I do not know. This is serious business.
May you take what's serious and ride with it today if it feels right to do so.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Where I'm At
I'm tired today. But, in such a different way. I'm tired in a stress free, relaxed sort of way. Not my usual uptight, tense tired.
Oh, and there is a big difference in these two tireds!
I planted a few flowers and enjoyed pulling every weed and picking up every dead leaf out of the dirt. I stopped when I wanted to and I continued on when I wanted to. What a true gift this is!
My ears are still ringing, however, softer. I feel safe. I feel 'right'. I feel tall. I know trepidation and I know hope. I know gratefulness and I know love of self and love of others.
I am truly blessed. Right now, in this moment, I am great! I'm not ready to run a marathon. I am ready to participate in my life and all the pleasures and struggles that come with living. I know I can handle it. I know I'm open to what is.
I am beyond grateful that I know this.
May you know the beauty of you. You are love, lovable and important in this world just because you are.
Oh, and there is a big difference in these two tireds!
I planted a few flowers and enjoyed pulling every weed and picking up every dead leaf out of the dirt. I stopped when I wanted to and I continued on when I wanted to. What a true gift this is!
My ears are still ringing, however, softer. I feel safe. I feel 'right'. I feel tall. I know trepidation and I know hope. I know gratefulness and I know love of self and love of others.
I am truly blessed. Right now, in this moment, I am great! I'm not ready to run a marathon. I am ready to participate in my life and all the pleasures and struggles that come with living. I know I can handle it. I know I'm open to what is.
I am beyond grateful that I know this.
May you know the beauty of you. You are love, lovable and important in this world just because you are.
What I'm Learning
I am learning that to listen to my mind and body's needs is what creates strength, health and beauty in my life and the world around me.
To be true to me enables me to be the best that I can be in the world and the to the people that are connected to me.
To be true to me is the best gift I can give to the world.
May you be true to you and know that it's the best gift you can give to the world. REALLY TRUE.
To be true to me enables me to be the best that I can be in the world and the to the people that are connected to me.
To be true to me is the best gift I can give to the world.
May you be true to you and know that it's the best gift you can give to the world. REALLY TRUE.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Acupuncture
I did it! I went. I walked in and said "I've been on a very long journey that brought me here to you today." "I'm ready to let my chi flow." I was there almost 2 hours.
It was great! My whole head and body were buzzing so loudly when I first started. It's quieter. I'm ready for full on energy flow within, throughout and around! lol
I'm ready to be all of me and live all of me and feel all that life brings my way.
Bring it. I am prepared. Be gentle.
I am totally the me outside that I am on the inside.... or almost totally anyway! Ha.
I signed up for four more sessions and we will see what we will see.
May you be open to see what you will see!
p.s. I'm still a bit apprehensive about feeling good and alive; I'm open to it being real and staying on course.
It was great! My whole head and body were buzzing so loudly when I first started. It's quieter. I'm ready for full on energy flow within, throughout and around! lol
I'm ready to be all of me and live all of me and feel all that life brings my way.
Bring it. I am prepared. Be gentle.
I am totally the me outside that I am on the inside.... or almost totally anyway! Ha.
I signed up for four more sessions and we will see what we will see.
May you be open to see what you will see!
p.s. I'm still a bit apprehensive about feeling good and alive; I'm open to it being real and staying on course.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Finding Inner Courage
In his book, "Finding Inner Courage", Mark Nepo writes
"As soon as we accept life's most terrifying dreadfulness, at the risk of perishing from it . . . then an intuition of blessedness will open up for us . . . Whoever does not, sometime or other, give their full and joyous consent to the dreadfulness of life can never take possession of the unutterable abundance and power of our existence. Rainer Maria Rilke"
I don't know if this is true or not; it felt true to me as I read it.
However,
May you know your abundance and power. May you believe you have it.
"As soon as we accept life's most terrifying dreadfulness, at the risk of perishing from it . . . then an intuition of blessedness will open up for us . . . Whoever does not, sometime or other, give their full and joyous consent to the dreadfulness of life can never take possession of the unutterable abundance and power of our existence. Rainer Maria Rilke"
I don't know if this is true or not; it felt true to me as I read it.
However,
May you know your abundance and power. May you believe you have it.
Soft
I don't know why this word bothers me some. I don't want to be labeled soft, and, in truth, I probably am. Ha.
And, the reason I put this word as the title is because I'm noticing more and more softness in my skin; on my palms and on my face. It's very interesting to me. I like it. I'm a bit afraid to like it. I welcome it and want it to stay. I'm a bit afraid that it will not.
It is something that I'm noticing and welcoming the past few days. Something is also telling me to get accupuncture. See if I face my fear of needles, again, and do it. Will this be listening to my inner voice? Yes. Do I want to listen to my inner voice. Yes. But, I want it to tell me something different! Ha.
This could be one breakthrough I've been living and looking for.
Time will tell.
May you notice something new about yourself and like it!
And, the reason I put this word as the title is because I'm noticing more and more softness in my skin; on my palms and on my face. It's very interesting to me. I like it. I'm a bit afraid to like it. I welcome it and want it to stay. I'm a bit afraid that it will not.
It is something that I'm noticing and welcoming the past few days. Something is also telling me to get accupuncture. See if I face my fear of needles, again, and do it. Will this be listening to my inner voice? Yes. Do I want to listen to my inner voice. Yes. But, I want it to tell me something different! Ha.
This could be one breakthrough I've been living and looking for.
Time will tell.
May you notice something new about yourself and like it!
Something Here
There is something here wanting me to hide from the world. I want the vivacious, vigorous woman to live in this world with. She is not here just now.
Just now, I am tired, scared and uncertain if or how I will feel vigorous again. I don't feel worthy of the world. I don't feel worthy of the people in my world. Yikes. This is not good!
When I do connect with people, I feel stronger/better. When I do open up and share my truth in person, it is a gift. AND, yet, I fear it.
What is up with that?
I continue on. One never knows where one will find themselves. Never say never. It's the journey,, not the destination. on and on and on
I embrace my journey as best I can and
May you take the journey of the real you with you today.
IT IS A GIFT.
Just now, I am tired, scared and uncertain if or how I will feel vigorous again. I don't feel worthy of the world. I don't feel worthy of the people in my world. Yikes. This is not good!
When I do connect with people, I feel stronger/better. When I do open up and share my truth in person, it is a gift. AND, yet, I fear it.
What is up with that?
I continue on. One never knows where one will find themselves. Never say never. It's the journey,, not the destination. on and on and on
I embrace my journey as best I can and
May you take the journey of the real you with you today.
IT IS A GIFT.
Upon Waking
It's a beautiful, fresh air day with plenty of sunshine and an invigorating sense of life. There were 5 bluejays and a squirrel at the bird feeder this morning when I opened the curtains. The fish are much friskier out back and go nuts when I feed them their morning breakfast.
It feels quiet here in this moment.
I'm in ...... I can't even explain how I feel. Mmmmmm
I don't like how I feel and, yet, I feel peaceful with it. I feel on edge and, yet, I feel safe. I think this may be accepting what is. I am uncertain.
I am good in this moment. When I look back, it's scary. When I look forward, it's hard just now. When I am here now, I am just fine. (mostly, anyway).
I feel much and yet I feel nothing. I feel sick and yet I feel real.
I have to admit, this IS freaking me out some.
On day 3 of no bio-identical hormones. I pray my body is fine on its own. I will find out.
May you be all that you need as you share your true self with the world around you.
It feels quiet here in this moment.
I'm in ...... I can't even explain how I feel. Mmmmmm
I don't like how I feel and, yet, I feel peaceful with it. I feel on edge and, yet, I feel safe. I think this may be accepting what is. I am uncertain.
I am good in this moment. When I look back, it's scary. When I look forward, it's hard just now. When I am here now, I am just fine. (mostly, anyway).
I feel much and yet I feel nothing. I feel sick and yet I feel real.
I have to admit, this IS freaking me out some.
On day 3 of no bio-identical hormones. I pray my body is fine on its own. I will find out.
May you be all that you need as you share your true self with the world around you.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Be Still
"Listen for the instruction instead of begging for the direction. Be still." Iyanla Vanzant
I am trying to hear. I certainly am still!
I'm processing; I keep telling myself.
May you be still in the chaos today.
I am trying to hear. I certainly am still!
I'm processing; I keep telling myself.
May you be still in the chaos today.
Not Liking
I'm truly not liking the way I feel right now. I am questioning how much I have left inside of me. I hope it's more than it feels!
Just being with what is; accepting where I'm at as best I can and loving the people that are in my life; this is what I'm doing today.
Of course, my dogs and cats, birds and fish are wonderful as well.
I have guilt that I'm not able to run and play with them like we always did. My oldest dog is having trouble walking more and more. I love them all.
I am blessed.
May you count your blessings today.
Just being with what is; accepting where I'm at as best I can and loving the people that are in my life; this is what I'm doing today.
Of course, my dogs and cats, birds and fish are wonderful as well.
I have guilt that I'm not able to run and play with them like we always did. My oldest dog is having trouble walking more and more. I love them all.
I am blessed.
May you count your blessings today.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Another "Ride"
I am stopping the hormones as of today; cold turkey. We will see what we will see. Yes, I'm afraid and something has to change.
This seems to be my best option currently. I do not want to be 'stuck' anymore. Life is a process. I am processing.
May you know and live your best option today. May it be a better option than my own!
This seems to be my best option currently. I do not want to be 'stuck' anymore. Life is a process. I am processing.
May you know and live your best option today. May it be a better option than my own!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Answers
I am getting some feedback, some answers. It seems more complex. What a challenge I am facing. It's so confusing that I feel like I'm losing brain cells. Different people, different opinions.
I will gather as much information as I can and I will decide my own fate, I suppose.
There is no easy answer. I thank everyone that has given me educated opinions and options.
No cure. Does this mean no answer.
I move forward as best I can.
May you move forward as best you can today.
I will gather as much information as I can and I will decide my own fate, I suppose.
There is no easy answer. I thank everyone that has given me educated opinions and options.
No cure. Does this mean no answer.
I move forward as best I can.
May you move forward as best you can today.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Transition
My life is in many a transitional state. So much is changing. My thinking, my being, my chemistry; the world closest to me and the world around me; all in a state of flux. I feel it, I witness it, I breathe it.
It is quite unsettling and quite exciting. It is very chaotic and very calm. I feel so uncertain and yet know my certainty.
It is quite the ride. Emotions, thoughts, what I did know; what I do know.... It is the gamut of what is. I am in the center of it and yet, such a minute piece of what is.
The complexities, the simplistic. It is all mine to grab ... or not.
The complexities, the simplistic. It is all yours to grab ... or not.
I create my life. I control my reaction to what is. I can take it seriously or I can take it 'oh well'. I trust in my higher power. I trust that I am ok in this moment at this time. I feel what is. I'm capable of not feeling what I don't want to feel.
Much of the time, I may not even be present to same.
What was relevant, can become irrelevant and vice versa.
Get your happy on. This is what we leave this earth with; what we gather and give from inside of ourselves.
I'm exhausted just thinking about it. My mind spins just writing about it. I could create a judgment here, but why.
Wherever you are; whatever you are doing; whoever you are with - may you live and share the truth of you in a most productive and loving way possible. Amen
It is quite unsettling and quite exciting. It is very chaotic and very calm. I feel so uncertain and yet know my certainty.
It is quite the ride. Emotions, thoughts, what I did know; what I do know.... It is the gamut of what is. I am in the center of it and yet, such a minute piece of what is.
The complexities, the simplistic. It is all mine to grab ... or not.
The complexities, the simplistic. It is all yours to grab ... or not.
I create my life. I control my reaction to what is. I can take it seriously or I can take it 'oh well'. I trust in my higher power. I trust that I am ok in this moment at this time. I feel what is. I'm capable of not feeling what I don't want to feel.
Much of the time, I may not even be present to same.
What was relevant, can become irrelevant and vice versa.
Get your happy on. This is what we leave this earth with; what we gather and give from inside of ourselves.
I'm exhausted just thinking about it. My mind spins just writing about it. I could create a judgment here, but why.
Wherever you are; whatever you are doing; whoever you are with - may you live and share the truth of you in a most productive and loving way possible. Amen
Do Not Know
I do not have anything to blog. I am still trying to connect with people that know about the hormones that I am taking to help me balance them. I know that I have participated and encouraged this.
There is something about me not feeling worthy and afraid to connect and get my needs met here. Just yesterday, I got a call from someone on the west coast that may be able to help me and I didn't answer the phone. I didn't have it in me. This is not helping my cause.
I'm just tired of playing this game of 'find the remedy' that will work best for me and with me. I'm tired of getting hopeful to be let down again and again and again and again (well, you get the idea).
I know I have some left in me and I won't give up. I just hope my body holds out until I can get professional help that can help me at this juncture of my life.
I lack luster, so to speak...FOR SURE.
I never thought I'd find myself here....but here I am.
What am I going to do about it.
May you do what you honestly need to do to better your life today, right now, in this moment. Go! Please.
There is something about me not feeling worthy and afraid to connect and get my needs met here. Just yesterday, I got a call from someone on the west coast that may be able to help me and I didn't answer the phone. I didn't have it in me. This is not helping my cause.
I'm just tired of playing this game of 'find the remedy' that will work best for me and with me. I'm tired of getting hopeful to be let down again and again and again and again (well, you get the idea).
I know I have some left in me and I won't give up. I just hope my body holds out until I can get professional help that can help me at this juncture of my life.
I lack luster, so to speak...FOR SURE.
I never thought I'd find myself here....but here I am.
What am I going to do about it.
May you do what you honestly need to do to better your life today, right now, in this moment. Go! Please.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Man on a Couch
What's a woman to do. I heard something lately that I would like to share.
When a woman is working around the house and wanting help and her man is sitting on the couch watching TV or resting, this can create UNEASE in some women. Now, another woman, if she was on the couch would know to get up and help the working woman out. Not many men. Many do not even know she is wanting help. It is just not in their 'program'.
HOWEVER, if the working woman asks the sitting man to please help her ... Whoola - most will.
What a concept. And, some women want to ask why do we have to ask - because we want help... and, perhaps, it's a good idea to get it anyway we can!
What's your situation today? lol, but true
When a woman is working around the house and wanting help and her man is sitting on the couch watching TV or resting, this can create UNEASE in some women. Now, another woman, if she was on the couch would know to get up and help the working woman out. Not many men. Many do not even know she is wanting help. It is just not in their 'program'.
HOWEVER, if the working woman asks the sitting man to please help her ... Whoola - most will.
What a concept. And, some women want to ask why do we have to ask - because we want help... and, perhaps, it's a good idea to get it anyway we can!
What's your situation today? lol, but true
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