Flux

Do you feel it?  This state of flux that our world is in...

I feel it.  My world is 'flux-ing'!  Many changes are occurring in my relationships, other's people's relationships, schools/jobs, re-locations, it's probably real close to my Durby's time to go and some people I talk to....

many of us agree - that the options that are in our lives are ones we'd rather not choose from....  I'd rather have different options I am telling myself.  Of course, they could be worse and I surely do not want to go there.  Yet, I feel myself resisting the options of certain situations I need to proceed forward with.

This is what I consider a state of flux.

State of Flux - "a state of uncertainty of what should be done"  dictionary.com

If you, too, are feeling this state of flux...

May you trust yourself, trust the process and trust your decisions that, by moving forward, we are creating a better world; together.

Without a state of flux, perhaps, the most important decisions would not be reached.  It is not fun, it is necessary; and it is almost exciting for what is to come.

But, what do I know?!   Ha.

I am trying to come from the place of being grateful to have options. 

Hazleton

I'm off to Hazleton to visit my amazing 92 year old aunt.  She is a strong, independent woman. Probably one of the first from her generation. 

She worked her all life and supported herself and is still independent.  To me, she is truly an amazing woman.

The weather is getting cooler here in Northeast United States and where she lives, I'm thinking, the leaves will be colorful and 'party-like'.  Nature's beauty for sure.

May you participate in the beauty of the nature that is around you today.   An ultimate gift.

Mini Vacation

I'd like to try to take you on a mini-vacation.  I'm thinking you deserve one today!

Imagine that you are laying on a soft, fluffy cloud.  It envelops your body and supports you completely.  You are supported from your head to your toes.  Your mind is on nothing but yourself laying on this cloud that fits you perfectly and supports you completely.  You let go and just are just because.  You are completely pain-free and content.  You take several deep breaths and you feel the cloud starting to take you away - taking you to one of your favorite places.  Imagine your perfect place.  Imagine the rate of travel, the perfect temperature, the perfect sounds and smells.  Just be with you and your cloud traveling to the most perfect destination.

Once you arrive, you feel the beauty.  You are one with it.  You sense the feeling of complete freedom and time doesn't matter..  You see things that make you smile..  You feel the smile deep within your heart..  You love this place and it makes you feel the best that you can feel..  You have everything you need in this place.  You do whatever you enjoy doing.  Stay for a bit and be with it all....  The perfect picture and you are in it....  Breathe deeply again and relax your body even more...  Let go even deeper...  Enjoy the feelings, the sights, the smells, the sounds.  Feel the happiness of what is.  This is your vacation.  You can have or do whatever pleases you.  Close your eyes and imagine.  Stay as long as you'd like..

Take another deep breath, and prepare to go back to your cloud (if you left it) and again feel it's softness; feel the complete support enveloping your body and nourishing your soul as you lay down.  You are completely safe and have whatever is important to you in this moment.  Let your cloud bring you back here to your present.  Let it carry you however it feels right to do so today. 

Now, start noticing your body now without the cloud.  Notice how you feel, your thoughts, your environment.  Notice how you can take this feeling with you wherever you are.

May you take your happiest feeling of you with you today.

Made It

It was a long day yesterday to drive out of town and be with a friend during knee surgery.  AND, I would not have been any other place.  It was a success and now the healing begins and with the healing - transformation and new knowledge; trials and tribulations.

Life is quite the hoot.  One never knows what the day will bring and the possibilities are endless.  To accept what occurs and go with it, for me, is more peaceful than fighting what is and trying to pretend, change or ignore what the truth of each situation is.

So, as I am open to accept what is my life - all of my life - I process it lovingly and openly with trust that I will be okay and things work out as they are meant to.  I do try to work with and towards what I feel and think I want.  I try to do what is in my best interest to accomplish goals and outcomes that I strive for.  And, I also try to allow life to give me what it wants.  Because, I am learning (being close to 100, ha) that it's coming whether I'm open to it or not.  Life happens whether I want it to or not, at times.  When I process this life and accept it to my best ability, it flows through me more easily and, at times, quicker.

So, I left at 7 am; got home at 10 pm (woo-hoo, long day for me).  I accomplished my goal and I feel good about this accomplishment.  I'm grateful for it.  I'm a better person for it.  I am fulfilled by it.

May you be grateful and fulfilled by your goals of today.  This, in itself, is huge.

Every day we get an opportunity to feel grateful and fulfilled; how lucky we are.  May you be lucky today.

Stepping Ahead

I'm going to help a friend go through knee surgery tomorrow.  Actually, all I'm doing is getting her there.  She needs to go through it herself. 

We all need to go through our own stuff in order to move forward with ease of movement and open arms and a full functioning brain --  Or at least as full functioning as I can currently get mine!

My brain does feel frozen some.  It feels full, yet stagnant.  It is not a good feeling.  I can even call it a scary feeling.  I am not on full throttle nor is my brain willing and able to take much more information in.  I have been both these places in the past.

I am just being with what I've learned mode now.  I am living through the new-ness of me.  I'm not sure how I'll react or feel to certain stimuli.   I do know I'll react in my truth.  This is scary for me!  I hope I don't embarrass myself or hurt anyone and I also hope that I am capable.

I trust the process and I'm grateful to be here.  However, 'here' is not a comfortable place. 

Where I was - I am not there.

Where I want to be - I'm sort of here.

Where I'm going - I can't wait to find out.

May you step ahead with everything you are.

Note:  I just opened a chinese fortune cookie.  It reads "Adventure can be a real happiness.".  Ha.

Doing

This reminds me of....

"We are not human doings, we are human beings".  Anonymous

My guess is that you are 'doing' today; are you also 'being'.....

May your doing and being being balanced where you are fully participating in each moment of your day.

In truth, I'm not sure how possible this is.   I do know that I can 'be' in some of my day.  I also know that many days many moments get away from me.

As you are here reading this sentence, notice your body, notice where your feet are, are they flat on the floor or tied up in crazy shapes; is there is any tightness in your body, perhaps, your shoulders; is your mind fully engaged here or is it onto the next thing already; where are your arms, your hands; is your jaw relaxed or clenched; what about your forehead....

May you be in your moments and experience them as fully as you can today.

Family Doctor

I never have had a family doctor as an adult.  I never needed one.  I never had a cold, flu, fever or sore throat other than the one time I had my tonsils out at 14.

I never had a common illness a day in my adult life.   And, yet, I was sick almost every day.  Interesting.

The rheumatologist that I've been seeing regularly for 30 years has been after me to get a family doctor.  I guess I found one.  The family doctor immediately disagreed with one drug that I'm taking and wants me to quit that and start another.  Again, interesting.

What's a woman with my characteristics supposed to do!

So, I have a family doctor.  I think he/she is supposed to keep the documents and follow their patient in all that they encounter in the 'sickness'/'illness' department.  I've joined the 'club' so to speak.

I know medicine is amazing.  I know it has saved several million lives and ailments.  I am grateful for this.  I find it fascinating and interesting to learn and see what can be done.  Truly, miracles have happened in the name of medicine.

I still believe that if I listen to my inner knowing/inner voice that I can free myself from many ailments.  If I live the me that I was born into this world to live; I believe I can be and feel whole.  Of course, whole means different things to different people.   But, what it means to each individual, this 'wholeness' can be achieved.  We've all seen it in amazing people.  It is truly beautiful to experience. 

May you get your 'wholeness' on today and live in it.

                                                      Mmmmm.  Are these bananas whole?  Ha.

It's All About You

Ch Ch Ch Changes

I'm very sleepy today.  I took a nap and it felt wonderful.  I'm trying not to buy into my habitual guilt in allowing myself a nap and, even perhaps, moreso, to feel wonderful.  Mmmm

I think I hear voices that are not my own in ......(something is stopping me here in my tracks)

It's very interesting how my mind won't let me process, currently.  My mind won't find the words to what I think I want to express. 

I haven't been eager to blog.  Is it because the greatest change of all is upon me and with this change comes stagnancy of just being with what I am; what I know and who I'm becoming?

This 'great change' is the new me.  Allowing all my hard work, experiences, findings and contemplating to create the change of not being afraid to step up and share the real and true me always; and in each and every moment.

Every encounter I am having is a fresh, new encounter.  It is not habitual.  It creates a new opportunity to do better (or worse) and create the world that I want to be surrounded by.  This is no easy feat.  This has been no easy ride. 

It has been exciting.  It has been informative.  It has been life altering.  I have been blessed to discover the truest of self (or so it feels so most of the time).

It isn't and wasn't easy to look and see what I created and invited into my life on my own accord.  It isn't always pretty to look at the truth of what surrounds me because of my own thinking and decisions.   It was life-draining energy to let go, rebuild and allow a new life to be formed and presented from within.  I think that I did this.

Do I have a clue as to what to do with it or where it's going?  Not really.  I do know I look at and see each situation through loving eyes and an open heart.  This is huge and because it's me and what I wanted, it feels natural.  Not a piece of cake, but natural.

May you allow your natural instinct to take you on the ride that is knocking on your door to get underneath you and create the you that is yours for the taking.

I must be possessed or on drugs or sleep deprived or something.....  Where do I come up with this stuff?  My inner being is saying one thing and my judgemental mind can be harsh and critical.  The fight within is real.  When I let this judgement go..... is this when I truly win?

New York, New York

I visited my young, beautiful, loving niece in New York City, New York, USA, this past weekend.  To see one's niece be old enough to live on her own and do it grandly -- it's surprising how fast it comes; entertaining to learn more of who she is; heartwarming because she has such inner and outer beauty; and it was a highlight of my life.

To see this little beautiful baby turn into a young, beautiful woman is one of the greatest gifts here on Earth. 

We had fun, saw sights and explored.  I was able to get a feeling for how a New Yorker lives!  OH MY.  It surely is quite different and unique from any way I've ever lived.

May you be open to experience all of life; not just what you 'know'.

                                             The East River

Too Tired

I'm too tired for words.  I am in the moment, in the process, in my life living.   I am too tired for words.

May you know where you are whether you have words or not.  May you be; just be today.

Where I'm At

I'm feeling pretty good.  I have no ulcers on my fingers and my body is only a little achy.  This is a great day.  I'm going to New York City, New York to visit my beautiful niece and see how she has her new life set up there and I know it's going to be grand.  It will be my first trip in quite a long time that I'm wanting to do with 100% of who I am.  I've done just a few trips - 2 to Florida, 2 to Palm Springs, California, however, it was with a 'push' because of my health at the time.  It felt like I was traveling with the flu.

I do not feel this way today.  Hip Hip Hooray.  I am very grateful that I don't feel like I have the 'flu' anymore.  I feel okay.

SO, New York City, here I come.  May I, nor it, ever be the same.   Ha!

I'd like to offer that where I come from in the context of writing this blog is that it not be all about me.  It be about you too.

I'd like to share where I am coming from and, yet, just as important to me, is that I'd like you to make it about you and for you to learn about yourself in your way, allow yourself to grow closer to yourself and share yourself with our world.  This is my wish.

So, while I am pretty good in this minute, very optimistic and extremely hopeful....

May you be the you that is available to you from within and enjoy all the exterior delights!

Poem on Pain

Some people just have a way with words that can take me so deep and feel so true.  This is one of those times for me.

"Pain By Karen"

"This pain is relentless.  It reaches in so deep and squeezes and burns.  The healing hurts as much as being injured.  And when its all over, I'm left exhausted and scarred.  Tired of this pain, should I hope to go numb?  Funny how "not feeling" hurts, too."

Brava Karen, Brava and Thank you.

Karen Kemper is co-author of the book "If You Have to Wear an Ugly Dress, Learn to Accessorize: Guidance, Inspiration, and Hope for Women with Lupus, Scleroderma, and Other Autoimmune Illnesses" by Linda McNamara and Karen Kemper.

Karen is a woman I met when I was at an Inner IDEA conference in Palm Springs, CA  and she came up to me and asked me if I had scleroderma.  Seeing her beauty as she was sitting with a sunbeam on her helped me to know that I had a chance of such beauty as well.  Thank you Karen.

May you know the possibility of all the beauty in you.  I know it's there.  We all have it.

 

More from "The Ugly Dress"

"Mama Lowe often said, "Linda, worry is like this rocking chair.  It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere." *

Mama Lowe is pretty smart! 

May you be worry-free today just because you choose to be.


From the book "If You Have to Wear an Ugly Dress, Learn to Accessorize: Guidance, Inspiration, and Hope for Women with Lupus, Scleroderma, and Other Autoimmune Illnesses" by Linda McNamara and Karen Kemper.

Is it Anger or is it......

"Anger is often a signal that you are being hurt, that your needs are not being met, or that your boundaries have been ignored.  It's a legitimate emotion, and it's appropriate to feel anger when you've experienced a loss such as the loss of a love relationship or the loss of your health.  However, feelings such as anger and resentment need to be vented and released because holding onto them keeps you from moving on.  Until you do this, you can't reach acceptance, which is the final phase of dealing with loss."

I am trying to be aware that when I see anger in others, most likely they are really hurt, scared or they feel treaded upon.  My first reaction was to always run and be afraid of the angry person.  I am not trying to stay open to be there and offer support and the ability to listen if they are ready to explore their own anger. 

My 'anger' has always shown itself through hurt and shutting down more than anger itself.  I'm not sure if this is good or bad, maybe I can choose not to have to label it. 

Again, like the brilliant women from The Ugly Dress state:  feel it, release it and carry on.

May you see anger differently today as it feels better on your insides.

Nice to Know

It's nice to know that the way I think and feel can be understood by others.  It's helps my mind to think of sanity rather than insanity and it gives me great comfort.

"However, even with mild or moderate autoimmune illness, the unpredictability is there.  It's hard to plan any thing, even if it's just a week away, because you don't know what you'll feel like at the time.  You can become very isolated unless you have friends and family who understand and accept that you may have to cancel at the last minute."*

I am very fortunate and absolutely grateful that I have many people in my life that have learned to accept this in me and encourage and show an amazing amount of patience and love.  I am one lucky woman.

I loved reading this because I have known guilt around this topic and often heard myself telling myself that I wish I could do better/be stronger. 

I am grateful for knowing this 'passage'.

May you know that what you feel is the experience of YOU and it's okay to share, accept and offer your truth just as it is.  The people that work best in your life will stay and encourage you.  Be at peace with your truth.  Be at peace knowing that this is who you are supposed to be.  The feeling is here because it's real for you.  Honor yourself.

Courage

"Courage isn't always a roar--sometimes it's just a quiet voice in the middle of the night that says, "'ll try again tomorrow."

May you recognize the courage that you have again and again and again and be proud of yourself for your undying courage.


From the book "If You Have to Wear an Ugly Dress, Learn to Accessorize: Guidance, Inspiration, and Hope for Women with Lupus, Scleroderma, and Other Autoimmune Illnesses" by Linda McNamara and Karen Kemper.

Point of View

One woman's point of view.

on scleroderma

"I have an ugly dress; It's tight and resists my body's movement.  It makes my skin feel tingly and prickly.  When I move, it feels as though the fabric will tear.  I face the world in this ugly dress.  And its colors are peculiar; mottled with shades of brown from the sun; And sprinkled with flecks of white from nicks and scratches.  It blankets my femininity and smothers my youth.  It constricts my essence a little more each day; Making my breath shudder and my skin as hard as a warrior's armor."

Sad picture beautifully written.

From the book "If You Have to Wear an Ugly Dress, Learn to Accessorize:  Guidance, Inspiration, and Hope for Women with Lupus, Scleroderma, and Other Autoimmune Illnesses" by Linda McNamara and Karen Kemper.

Painful Secret

I read this morning - Dancing Star Kept Painful Secret -

I thought, there probably isn't a dancing star that doesn't have a painful secret.

I have painful secrets that very few know.

I'm thinking each and everyone of us have at least one painful secret if we've lived long enough.

May you feel your painful secret; know you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time and and the experiences you had been through and let it go and move on.  Be okay.

Like Oprah says -  "When you know better, you do better."  It's okay.

Life is possibly not only about 'the climb', but the learning, the experiences and the laughter.  Live on.

Change is Good

As my life, thoughts and my very 'being' changes to what is inside of me and around me, I am grateful.  I am in awe of the possibilities.

I am also afraid of the change.  What I knew wasn't always what made me happy or worked or even felt good.  However, it is what I knew and in some weird way I was comfortable with it; safe almost.

Now, with the upheaval from my work, I am not in my comfort zone.   I am more in my uncomfortable zone.  People around me are doing things and saying things different.

I KNOW IN MY MIND that this is all good and heading in the best direction for us all And, yet, WOWZA, the fear that I can create because things are not status quo astounds me.

Too funny!  This is one word for it.  Oh my!

I will walk (and sometimes run) through this and I hope to get some comfort of what is back in my everyday moments and laugh and share.

May you be okay with whatever comfort level you are in as you are working from your inside out.  May you be trusting the process of life.

If anxiety knocks on your door, may you focus on your goal in the moment.

Good luck with this!   Ha.

Dark Morning

It's a very neat, dark morning here.  The threat of a rain storm is upon us and there's a warm breeze welcoming the day.

It feels fresh and alive and happy outside to me.  Comforting.

I awake not wanting to get out of bed and sad and confused about my direction.   I'm know I'm heading outward.  I know I'm working on a plan.  It's scary and exciting at the same time.

I'm hopeful and open.  I'm safe and certain that that life will process through and we will all be okay.  We all will get through our life's plan and enjoy alot of it and not want some of it.

It's okay.  The pain I feel, the uncertainty, the lonliness.  This is all here to propel me forward, I believe.  So, why it isn't the most upbeat of feelings.  I am open and welcome them.   I will move through them.

May you move through whatever feelings you have today.  May you choose not to bury them and to live them.

 

Way Cool

But, not in a good way!  lol

It is 50 degrees out there this morning.  I feel it in my bones.  My hands and face are numb.  I'm not in pain;  a little discomfort.  The change in the weather is what seems to get me the most.  My body (and, perhaps, mind) doesn't acclimate quickly or easily to dropped temperatures.

I feel a little fearful because I want to keep going in a positive direction.  Perhaps, I need to change my outlook on what's positive for me.  Right now, it's being out there working to help others.  Perhaps, I can just change it to being home helping others.   I do try to do this now.  I want it to be my profession, however.  I want to feel more worthy.  I believe I would feel more worthy if I could financially support myself.  It was something I loved about the me so long ago -  my independence, freedom and sharing life with my fellow co-workers.

I will continue moving forward.  I will not stay stuck.   This is the good news.

I do not know for certain how I will do this.   This is the not so easy news.

May you understand your 'news' today and continue creating it to be as it best fits you.

 

Think Much...

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."  John Wooden


"The kingdom of God is within you."  Jesus of Nazareth


"Work out your own salvation.  Do not depend on others."  Buddha


"Be spiritual and realize truth for yourself."  Sri Ramakrishna

                          Quotes taken from a most inspiring book, "A Life Worth Breathing" by Max Strom  Thank you, Mr. Strom.

And, We Continue On

"Remember as you transform yourself that you are changing the world."  Max Strom

May you live through only love today, to yourself and to others.

Breathe

Perhaps, our world is not where it was just 6 years ago.  Perhaps, there is more open struggle, chaos and change.  Perhaps, we are more connected to the good, the bad and the ugly.

However, I also feel and see that we are connected to the beauty.  I see many of us living our truth more fearlessly; sharing ourselves more openly; helping each other and connecting to each other through the truth of what actually is.

Many are more open to and honest with their struggles.  There is a beauty present in our world of togetherness and human strength and compassion.

I see many more stories of heroics and survival.  The full spectrum of what is shines brighter; more clear.

I just want to breathe through it all.  Breathe in the beauty, breathe through the pain, breathe out the darkness.

May you just breathe and be aware of your breath today.

Forgiveness

"Forgiveness means:  I let it go.  I let the pain and anger and infectious poison of resentment leave my body.  I pull the thorn from my heart."*

May you forgive yourself and/or another today.

*From the book, "A Life Worth Breathing" by Max Strom

Where I'm At

I haven't known where I'm at really.  Not sure I do now.  I still have no ulcers on my fingers.  I'm feeling happier and brighter; lighter even.

I'm more sure that what I'm feeling is real and mine to own, and I'm MOSTLY okay with it.  I hear, see and think things differently.  I'm nice to myself.  I'm excited about seeing where I go.  I'm hopeful with some hesitation that fall is here; that cooler weather is here.  It's hasn't been a good time of the year for me for most of my life.

I know that I'll carry on until I don't.  I know that there will be magical and magnificent moments and moments that I don't understand and do not really care to feel.

I do know I will feel all these moments to the best of my ability and be gentler and more aware if I cannot.

My mind hasn't quite caught up to all these changes of hearing, seeing and thinking differently.  It's okay.  I know it will.   I say this because it almost feels like my mind wants to run a lot of the time from the reality of what is.  It still doesn't know how to sit in the truth completely.  There is a fight going on.  My mind whirls and wanders and totally messes up with the connection of the mind and my mouth.  What is in my mind doesn't easily come out of my mouth.  Now, of course, I could blame it on older age AND some of it might be so.  I also feel that it's just my ego, heart and soul fighting for the dominant use of my body.  (where do I come up with this stuff? ha)

Anyhow, I'm in a good but lonely spot.  I know how to be me with my small and little world that I've lived in since the beginning of my blog.  I think I now want to take this 'me' and live bigger and explore more and share lots.

May you know where you are, who you are and where you are heading to the best of your ability today AND maybe, most importantly, be okay with it until you can do different.  May you allow today to be an enjoyable day.

Never Know

As I was pulling out of my driveway yesterday to head out for a small shopping spree, dressed with energy and ready and wanting to go, I found myself in tears that I was doing this. 

I was overcome with emotion that I was WANTING to go out and just be in the world and looking forward to a shopping spree. 

I was happy that I felt whole and back among the living, so to speak. 

Now, today, I'm a bit tired, yet there is a true smile in my heart.  I went with a very special person.  I realize now that the patience all my loved ones have shown me, to allow me to stay inward, has been one of the greatest gifts of all.

I had the support I needed to find a new way; to grow a new concept of what, how and who I am today.  HUGE.

Gracious is the only word that comes to mind. 

Gracious:  (dictionary.com)

1.  pleasantly kind, benevolent, and courteous.

2.  characterized by good taste, comfort, ease, or luxury: gracious suburban living; a gracious home.

3.  indulgent or beneficent in a pleasantly condescending way, especially to inferiors.

4.  merciful or compassionate: our gracious king.

5.  obsolete . fortunate or happy.

May you know graciousness today.

Thank you to everyone that knows me for your graciousness.  I know it hasn't been easy to not take it personally everytime I said no to whatever request came my way.  You are one of the reasons I am finding my true way. 

Grateful

I'm grateful for the beautiful fresh air and sunshine today.  I just want to sit on the grass and let it in!  Lovely!

May you be aware of what you are grateful for in this moment.

Temperance

The temperance tarot card tells us:

"Temperance represents the continual process of life.  The key meaning of the card is renewal, a balancing of dual forces, and an achievement of harmony that lies beyond conscious control but simply is.  Temperance is mistress of nature and its rhythms, and perfection is her goal.  She is calm and centred, and maintains her steady rhythm in the face of storms and upheavals.  Temperance reminds us that there is a higher order, a higher functioning, to all that happens.  We can tune into this higher consciousness by simply concentrating on the present moment, letting go of preconceptions based on the past and not holding expectations for the future. 
Temperance is also related to the word 'temper', which means to make strong.  Temperance can help our fortitude."

From the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

Temperance - "moderation or self-restraint in action, statement, etc.; self-control"  (dictionary.com)

Fortitude - "mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously:   (dictionary.com) 

I continue to let go and hold on to my self-control and to know when to do what.  I continue to hold on and let go of my fortitude and love myself through it.

My human side knows self control and lack of self control.  My being human knows strength and has experienced weakness.

May it be okay for you to let go and hold onto your own temperance and fortitude.

This is way too complex of a way to just wish that you allow yourself to feel and exist how your inner self is telling you to do so.  Ha.

Talking to Books

I guess I can say I'm talking to books now, too.  I picked up the book, "eating mindfully" by Susan Albers, psy.d. and said to myself - 'please open to the page that I most need to read just now.'  And, this is what came up, And, it felt right to me!  I'm having fun now!

"6.  Do not judge what others eat.  No one wants to dine with someone who criticizes their food choices.  If someone chooses greasy French fries that you wouldn't dare touch, be aware of your reaction.  Say to yourself, "I'm judging and I need to be more compassionate.  I notice that I become envious and critical at the same time.  I need to focus on my eating and my eating alone."  At other times, you might feel guilt that your "thinner" companion is eating less than you are.  Again, be mindful of your needs and everything going on within yourself."

Very nice way to focus, indeed! 

Note:  I have been known to eat french fries! 

May you focus on what is going on inside of you rather than other people and their 'wrongdoings'.

Put it Out There

I'm putting it out there in the Universe that I'm thinking about being ready (ha) to find myself working in the world again. 

I've sent out my resume to one place and I got offered to apply at a local new spa.   Crazy, when we put it out there and we open our hearts and souls, it's available to us...

How exciting, wonderful and scary.

Maybe this is where  'be careful what you wish for' comes from.

May you open your heart and be ready and believe that what you want can come to you.

On my Way

I'm heading out to shop at the plaza in King of Prussia, PA.  Oh my... it's been a long time since I've wanted to do this!   I feel like a new born setting out for the first time to learn, see and experience a new piece of life. 

Crazy, but true.  I've done this a hundred times before...  but not with my whole self....not in two years... not like this.    Mmmm

Could be a fabulous experience.

May you experience fabulous today.

Forgiveness or Resentment

"The choice is simple:  to forgive or to resent.  Forgiveness brings peace; resentment fosters pain within and eventually expresses itself as harmful behavior and health issues.  It is simply a choice--the choice of your life."

From the book,  "A Life Worth Breathing" by Max Strom

Okay

"Everything is going to be okay in the end--if it's not okay, it's not the end."  Anonymous

From the book "A Life Worth Breathing" by Max Strom

Believe

"God was faithful, His mercies ever new.  And no matter how dark the night, this much would always be true.  Morning would come."

From the book "Coming Home:  A Story of Undying Hope" by Karen Kingsbury

Hold on/Let Go

I currently feel like I need to be holding on.  In fact, I almost feel like most of us could put on seat belts with all the changing and upsets I'm seeing currently.

However, I also know that I have to let go of alot that doesn't work for me anymore, if it ever did.

So, I'm feeling like it's a good idea and important for me to let go AND hold on.  Talk about chaotic change!

This is good though.  I am flushing out/getting rid/changing up my life.  I am stopping to do what I don't want to do anymore and I'm holding on and sitting securely as I move on into this new world that surrounds me and envelops me.  I'm embracing what is and accepting (almost anyway) what I have no control over. 

I'm seeing the good in the bad and the peace in the chaos.  I really have to LOOK to see, feel and know this.  It is a work in progress for me.  However, it is in progress.

May you be in the 'progess' that you want to be in for YOU to live the YOU that you were born to live.

Tinnitus

From Louise Hay's Book "You Can Heal Your Life"

"Problem:  Tinnitus

Probably Cause:  Refusal to listen.  Not hearing the inner voice.  Stubbornness.

New Thought Pattern:  I trust my Higher Self.  I listen with love to my inner voice.  I release all that is unlike the action of love."

Today I am going to the Ear Specialist for Tinnitus (ringing in the ears).

It's interesting to me that I've read the above excerpt from Louise Hay's book many times.  Today is the first time I SAW the sentence "I release all that is unlike the action of love.". 

Me, along with my 5 year old self, saw, read and understands that I hear my inner voice.   I now want to stop telling myself how crazy, insane and wrong it is to feel the way my inner voice is telling me I do.  Mmmm

May you hear your inner voice and lovingly carry it onward.

5 Yrs Old

My five year old self is very present today.  She's been here for several days.  I am presently feeling like a child and very child-like. 

I feel scared and left out.  I feel frightened and unwanted.  I went so far as to say to myself, "I feel like a 5 year old".  When I took it yet another step (that perhaps many would not), I asked what happened when I was 5?  The answer was....My brother was born.

So, at the age of 5 some of the attention I was getting from my parents had to go to the newborn.  Me, as an adult, realizes this and agrees and can understand it.  Me, as a 5 year old cannot. 

So, my 5 year old self (and I believe if you've been five - you have one too! - ha) felt unwanted when my family set the table for everyone but me (guest included) after being told I was not going to eat tacos, which is what was being served.  Oh my - this is a terrible fate for some five year olds.  For my 52 year old self, I knew that I had the power, knowledge and ability to get myself something to eat and sit right down there with them.  But, nooooo.   I allowed my 5 year old self to paralyze myself and just pout and hide; which is most likely what I did when I truly was 5.  Anyone following me here?  Ha.

So, after discussing this subject AND this subject being the last thing I wanted to discuss... I feel that I did not react the way that was best for me.  I wish I would have stated that I was feeling left out and wanted to sit and eat with everyone.  Or better yet, perhaps, I could have chosen to just sit right down and eat what I brought to the table with me.  OR just sit right down and join them, whether I ate or not....  if this is what made me happy.

I did say 5 years old, remember.....

So, for next time (and there better not be a next time!), I know how to react in my best interest.  I know my family loves me.  I know they would want me to sit with them.  I'm sticking with this story from now on. 

May you choose the story that makes you feel best especially if you have a choice between two correct stories.

One, the family did not set a plate for me; Two, the family did not set a plate for me because they knew I didn't like what they were having and they would've still loved for me to join them.  DUH  OK 5 year old, you had to add the "DUH", didn't you!?!?!?!?!?!  

What is my world coming to....

Lovely Fall Day

It's a lovely fall day here.  Sun is out, sky is blue, air is fresh.  Lovely. 

I awake this Monday morning torn.  Torn between where I am and where I may be going.  I watched Durby walk out back and he did a brilliant job on his old legs.  He loves the fresh, cool air.

I want to be here with my animals and hanging just in case my family needs me and I want to be in our world sharing it with everyone I encounter.

So, as I am here in my 'shambala' world, I will choose to be happy and joyful and experience what I have in my life today.

I can guarantee myself that my life will not always be as it is.

May you know that your life will not always be as it is today; enjoy the good, grab the happy and experience the joy.

Ataraxia

Ataraxia (at-uh-rak-see-uh) A state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety; tranquility.  dictionary.com

I'm looking for ataraxia in the chaos. 

My hope is that you see it/have it/feel it/know it/are it.

Losing to Win

"We need to learn how to lose graciously before we can truly be a winner."  Anonymous

Thought

"The thought manifests as the word; the word manifests as the deed; the deed develops into habit; and habit hardens into character.  So watch the thought and its ways with care, and let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings."  Buddha

Will I or Won't I/Do I or Don't I

Fear. Fear. Fear.   I have this sort of/kind of resume that I'm working with.  I sort of/kind of want to send it out and see what I 'catch'.

I hesitate.  I tell myself what if I don't feel good on certain days.  What, with the cooler weather coming, my body changes as it has in the past 30 years.  What if I am not capable or my pain becomes to great.... Talk about NOT living in the NOW!

I currently do not have any ulcers on my fingers!!!!  Hip hip hooray!  I believe I can get through whatever comes my way.   I know I'd be good for some people to strengthen and share the bond of living with.

So, I'm waiting to see what I do.  Will I or won't I walk through this fear and reach out to connect in a professional sort of way.

I want to.   I know it will bring me more life.  I will trust the process and move forward in whatever capacity I can.  I no longer want to be stuck in a non-professional environment...  or something to this effect!

May you get out of your 'stuckness' in whatever capacity you can allow yourself to do so. 

Live Your Truth

I am seeing people live and share their truth AND it is so empowering!  I love it!

So many people around me are changing (or is it me?).  I see things done differently; things said differently; and things just differently all around me.

It's scary some, but mostly it's empowering, delightful and I'm so very grateful to be witnessing people coming into their own and doing beautiful things with sharing of their true selves.

May your share your true self today as you go about your day.

Stretch

I reach my toes every day; multiple times.  My body craves it.  I wish it would crave some more aerobic (movement) activities. 

I do not know if it's my head or my mind, or my body telling me to sit still; be quiet.

I still feel connected to all of me, but my stomach.  I feel more connected to my core than ever... yet, something is missing.

Is it more movement or is there something I'm refusing to see.

I truly do not know.  I am open to finding out.... I think.... Ha.

I do want to be whole; feel whole; be the best that I can be.

What is it I need/want/can change.

I know it's within my own power.

May you own your power and shine it outward.

Proof

I saw a baby squirrel become the 'child' of a soldier on an email this morning.  I see dogs and cats nurturing each other.  I see monkeys feeding little pigs and a mouse hanging out on the back of a cat. I've seen dogs with dolphins being best buds.   I see these things over and over and over again.

Is this proof that we can all get along?   What if all we have to do is want it and believe?  Mmmm

May you get along with the rest of our world today.  May you be open to it and see what happens.

                                                          Imperfec.jpg

Muggy

It's a very muggy day here.  Dark clouds, sunshine, no breeze and wet everywhere.  Very heavy outside, indeed.

Perhaps, it is reminding me to set down the heavy stuff and feel lighter.  I have the ability and I can choose to do so.  We all do. So, will I....

Why is it that even though I may not like something, it's what I am used to so I choose to hold onto it.  I may even dislike it very much, but because I know the familiarity of it, I continue it.

I don't really know what I'm talking about so I am going to take a gander at it.  The fact that I hear myself saying I don't like my life; I am not happy.   These weigh heavy on me.  I want to choose I like my life and I am happy and grateful for what my life is. 

Sure, there are things that I can let go of - me badmouthing myself being a huge one!!!  Maybe I will choose to be my own friend today and see what this feels like.  Actually make a choice to be kind to myself.  Treat myself like I treat others.  Mmmmm   This could be a fun and enlightening 'game'.

May you be your own best friend today.  May you support and honor yourself always.

 

 

Resume

Well, I'm typing up a resume.  !!  It's not an 'old school' resume.  It's not how I used to do things, completely anyway.

I am typing it as my real truth, my real strengths and what I truly seek.  Yes, I feel a bit wacky doing it.  Yes, I feel completely me.

I have to start somewhere.  So, I will start where I know how to and be open and honest and willing to work to offer the best service I am capable of.

Crazy.  Exciting.  Scary.  Ready.

See what happens.   I actually started this in May; I am finishing it now in September '12.

There has to be someone on my wavelength, no?   Ha.

May you send out and live on your own wavelength and may you find others with the same interests, strengths, love and goals that can connect you to what truly makes you and others happy. 

Now, this would be a hoot.  I believe it happens everyday.

May it happen to you if you want it!

Cutting a Branch

I was just out back cutting a large branch off one of the trees because it had white mites eating it alive.  All of its leaves were dropping off.  In order to save the tree, this branch had to go.  The spray that we were using was not working.

Sometimes I have to let go and disengage from certain things that are 'dis-eased' to me.  When I let this portion or thing go, I have more strength to continue forward with good growth and beautiful-ness that can become abundant again.

So, as I let go of what weighs me down and no longer strengthens me, I hope and think that many things will come along that will help me to fly to new heights.

What no longer makes me happy, let it go.  Just because it did make me happy, or I've known it for so long, is not a reason to let it linger in my life.

May you be done with things lingering in your life that weigh you down.  May you cut them out as you reach for your goals!  Ha.

Got Nothing

I've nothing to report; nothing to write; nothing to share.  Nothingness is where I am currently at.  It's a peaceful place.  A place of wonder; a place of accepting what is.  I'm not searching for or running from anything in this moment.  I'm completely present in this moment.

I see the little light coming in the windows.  I see darkness here in the house.  My dogs are around me.  I see them and I hear them breathing.  I feel their presence.  My husband is in the kitchen with the water running at the sink.  I hear the hum of the air purifier.  I feel the air conditioner blowing the air around.  I feel the seat as to which I'm sitting on.  It's comfy and cushiony.  Ha!

The rain is coming down in straight quick lines.  Puddles are accumulating.  Birds are at the bird feeders.  I'm thinking some worms are going to come out for a peak.  They better look out for the birds! 

So, as I state that I'm in a form of nothingness; I see this isn't really true.  There is no drama going on.  There is no problem that I need to attend to.  There is nothing I have to do.  Yet, in reality, there is plenty going on.

So, just maybe, from nothingness comes the truth of what is.  Ahhh, I like this.

May you know nothingness today.

End of Summer

It's official.  Labor Day represents the end of summer here in the Northeast United States.  Lots of parties, swimming and food is usually on the agenda for this holiday weekend. 

I used to get Memorial Day and Labor Day, beginning and ending of summer fun, mixed up.  Then I realized Memorial Day was in May and Labor Day was in September;  May for Memorial Day.   I like Memorial Day best!  Fall is a beautiful time of year here.  The temperatures get cooler and still comfortable for me and the leaves on the trees turn yellow, red, orange and brown.  The leaves 'snow' from the trees.  It's beautiful. 

Winter is beautiful too.  But, for me, from the inside looking out works best.  Brrrr.  I'm not quite ready to go here.

It's still very dark here and rainy.  Summer is certainly saying goodbye.  I do believe it will be here for quite a while temperature-wise however.  September was always my favorite time at the beach in New Jersey.  The crowds are gone and the weather is lovely.  I lived 10 years at the beach and there was not one day that I didn't take in the beauty.  I'll be back there one day.

Until then, I have my pond, pool and comfort of my home.  I have wonderful family and great friends close by. 

I guess I'm feeling a bit melancholy on this morning of Labor Day.  One friend wrote me to have a nice Labor Day without labor.  Pretty clever she is!  lol

So, now, I wish you a happy Labor Day without labor wherever you are, whatever you are doing.

May you allow your life to unfold with ease, trust and knowing that you will be okay no matter what comes your way.  Enjoy today, it will never come again.

Post

I've fallen out of sync here with my blog.  I think I'm tired of typing the same old stuff and words are not flying from my fingers.

I'm a bit irritable with life.  One moment I'm excited and think that I'm unstoppable and the next I'm feeling stopped in my tracks.  Hence, irritability.

There are so many possibilities within my reach and I'm not sure I remember how to reach for them.  It's a very dark and rainy day today.  The dogs have energy that they'd like to expend and with the heavy rain coming down, none of them want to be out in it.

I am recuperating from the long unknowing week I just survived and I am more aware and more alive than I previously was.  I'm just realizing this now.

I saw a movie today in the theatre and also did grocery shopping.  The stores were filled with people busying doing their thing. 

The world feels different to me.  I'm not sure of my part in it yet. I know I want to be in it.  This is good I suppose!  Ha.

So, I'm just 'being' and sharing life with myself and others and it's a good day.  It's a good day because it's not a bad day.... or something like that!

May you enjoy yourself (and others) having a good day today.

Courage

Courage -"the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc.,without fear; bravery" dictionary.com

I realize that when I am just hanging and have no issues and being still, I feel my courage evaporate at times. I feel fearful even.   I realize that when there is something for me to handle, face and walk through, my courage is always with me.

My courage always steps up whenever there is a need for it.  I want to stop looking for it when there is no need for it.  I don't know why I do this, is it fear of not being enough in future circumstances?  when, in truth, I always am enough as circumstances arise.  Perhaps, this is another good time to 'be here now'.  If I am here in this moment, I do not have to worry about if I'll be enough moving forward.  I am 'enough' here now. 

May you know that your courage is always with you; always a part of you.  You are always enough.

I am perfect with my imperfections.  I am imperfect and it's okay.

Trying Something New

Today is a great day to try something new.   Whether it be a new movement, a new food, a new place or a new idea.  A new connection with someone is always exciting as well. 

With all the world our own, there are so many things to try; so many things to do; so many places to see.

I'm starting to work on my outer appearance once again.  I just got my hair done, I'm getting new make-up, some new garments, I have an appointment with a dermatologist and pretty soon my mouthwork will be completed.  Oh la la.

I want to feel good about my outer appearance, my first impression -- the 'me' I present to the world.  All this internal work has left my external look alone for a long time.

Here, once again, balance may just be key to unlocking all of me.

May you focus on learning, listening, letting something new into your life today.  This 'something' may just delight you.  My hope is that it does!

                                        Great Adventure Safari, Jackson, New Jersey