House

As I get closer to selling my home, I am very sad to leave the joy behind.  There was such great love all over that home and I will cherish, honor and be grateful to have had the experience of it. 

I now need someone to come in and take over the love there so that I may be free to create anew.

The pain is great of letting go.  The hope is big of finding my way anew.

I am told when one door shuts, another window opens.   I'd like to request that as the one door shuts - I Believe - until I am at the open window...

May you believe that you have 'this', 'you', and everything you need to continue on always.

Empath

I have always been deeply connected, yet not always consciously and many times resistant of this truth.   Much of these 'knowings', I have resisted and called my 'crazy'.  Below is a very good description of an 'Empath".  I wanted to share because I find the information very helpful and interesting.  Just Be U!!!  My biggest wish for everyone.

  This is from Angel Reader NZ, Facebook

"1. Knowing: Empaths just know stuff, without being told. It’s a knowing that goes way beyond intuition or gut feelings, even though that is how many would describe the knowing. The more attuned they are the stronger this gift becomes.

2.     Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums, where there are lots of people around, can fill the Empath with turbulently vexed emotions that are coming from others.

 3.     Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own: This is a huge one for Empaths. To some, they will feel emotions off those near by and with others they will feel emotions from those a vast distance away, or both. The more adept Empath will know if someone is having bad thoughts about them, even from a great distance.

 4.     Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable: The more attuned an Empath becomes the worse it is and may make it so they eventually have to stop watching TV and reading newspapers altogether.

 5.     You know when someone is not being honest: If a friend or a loved one is telling you lies you know it (although many Empaths try not to focus on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be painful). Or if someone is saying one thing but feeling/thinking another, you know.

 6.     Picking up physical symptoms off another: An Empath will almost always develop the ailments off another (colds, eye infections, body aches and pains), especially those who they’re closest to, somewhat like sympathy pains.

 7.     Digestive disorders and lower back problems: The solar plexus chakra is based in the centre of the abdomen and it’s known as the seat of emotions. This is where Empaths feel the incoming emotion of another, which can weaken the area and eventually lead to anything from stomach ulcers to IBS (too many other conditions to list here). Lower back problems can develop from being ungrounded (amongst other things) and one, who has no knowledge of them being an Empath, will almost always be ungrounded.

 8.     Always looking out for the underdog: Anyone whose suffering, in emotional pain or being bullied draws an Empath’s attention and compassion.

 9.     Others will want to offload their problems on you, even strangers: An Empath can become a dumping ground for everyone else’s issues and problems, which, if they’re not careful can end up as their own.

 10.    Constant fatigue: Empaths often get drained of energy, either from energy vampires or just taking on too much from others, which even sleep will not cure. Many get diagnosed with ME.

 11.    Addictive personality: Alcohol, drugs, sex, are to name but a few addictions Empaths turn to, to block out the emotions of others. It can be a form of self protection in order to hide from someone or something (external emotions).

12.    Drawn to healing, holistic therapies and all things metaphysical: Although many Empaths would love to heal others, they can end up turning away from healing (even though they have a natural ability for it), after they’ve studied and qualified, because they take on too much from the one they are trying to heal. Especially if they are unaware of their empathy. Anything of a supernatural nature is of interest to Empaths and they don’t surprise or get shocked easily. Even at the revelation of what many others would consider unthinkable, for example, Empaths would have known the world was round when others believed it was flat.

 13.   Creative: From singing, dancing, acting, drawing or writing an Empath will have a strong creative streak and a vivid imagination.

 14.    Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for Empaths and pets are an essential part of their life.

 15.    Need for solitude: An Empath will go stir-crazy if they don’t get quiet time. This is even obvious in empathic children.

 16.    Gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated: Work, school and home life has to be kept interesting for an Empath or they switch off from it and end up daydreaming or doodling.

 17.   Finds it impossible to do things they don’t enjoy: As above. Feels like they are living a lie by doing so. To force an Empath to do something they dislike through guilt or labelling them as idle will only serve in making them unhappy. It’s for this reason many  Empaths get labelled as being lazy.

 18.   Strives for the truth: This becomes more prevalent when an Empath discovers his/her gifts and birthright. Anything untruthful feels plain wrong.

 19.   Always looking for the answers and knowledge: To have unanswered questions can be frustrating for an Empath and they will endeavour to find an explanation. If they have a knowing about something they will look for confirmation. The downside to this is an information overload.

 20.  Likes adventure, freedom and travel: Empaths are free spirits.

 21.  Abhors clutter: It makes an Empath feel weighed down and blocks the flow of energy.

 22.  Loves to daydream: An Empath can stare into space for hours, in a world of their own and blissfully happy.

 23.  Finds routine, rules or control, imprisoning: Anything that takes away their freedom is debilitating to an Empath even poisoning.

 24.  Prone to carry weight without necessarily overeating: The excess weight is a form of protection to stop the negative incoming energies having as much impact.

 25.  Excellent listener: An Empath won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care.

 26.  Intolerance to narcissism: Although kind and often very tolerant of others, Empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider another’s feelings or points of view other than their own.

 27.   The ability to feel the days of the week: An Empath will get the ‘Friday Feeling’ if they work Fridays or not. They pick up on how the collective are feeling. The first couple of days of a long, bank holiday weekend (Easter for example) can feel, to them, like the world is smiling, calm and relaxed. Sunday evenings, Mondays and Tuesdays, of a working week, have a very heavy feeling.

 28.   Will not choose to buy antiques, vintage or second-hand: Anything that’s been pre-owned carries the energy of the previous owner. An Empath will even prefer to have a brand new car or house (if they are in the financial situation to do so) with no residual energy.

 29.   Sense the energy of food: Many Empaths don’t like to eat meat or poultry because they can feel the vibrations of the animal (especially if the animal suffered), even if they like the taste.

 30.   Can appear moody, shy, aloof, disconnected: Depending on how an Empath is feeling will depend on what face they show to the world. They can be prone to mood swings and if they’ve taken on too much negative will appear quiet and unsociable, even miserable. An empath detests having to pretend to be happy when they’re sad, this only adds to their load (makes working in the service industry, when it’s service with a smile, very challenging) and can make them feel like scuttling under a stone.

If you can say yes to at least 10 of these traits (especially 1 to 10), you could very well be an Empath.
Empaths may carry many of the same traits but they/we are still individuals.  We can override or block certain traits and some traits will come and go over the years (strengthen or weaken) as life circumstances change. Once one has become aware of one’s birthright of being an Empath (this will normally happen when any, or all, of the above traits start screaming at you for attention), it is then we can find remedies to ease symptoms and perhaps discover what our true role in life is.
           I am complete empath, and have learnt how to handle it.
           Are you one too?
           More to come about this
            Lamanda
            Angel Reader & Rainbow Light Healer"

Realization III

Wow.  I am getting bombarded with information that I feel like I have been living and did not have words to represent such.  My actions and feelings were/are mine.  They are real.  I did not have mindful meaning to some things, however, until now.

My beautiful Shambala that I built in Northeastern Pennsylvania, USA...   My fairly large, built from our vision home.  I heard the phrase 'a slice of paradise' today and this is certainly what this house felt like to me.

Today, I released it into the Universe to be sold.  I cried.  I held on.  I let go.  I'm still not 100% and I'm closer than I ever have been in 'seeing' it as someone else's and no longer my own.

I realized that this house to me was tied into my 'worth'.  I was beyond proud of it and I loved sharing it.  I let it become who I am.  It humored, comforted and, in ways, enslaved me.  My life was so much built around my home.

While this is not an all negative thing by any means, there is some negativity, perhaps, in it.

I wrote to one of my undying friends today this...

"Hmm.  I often feel like this [not good enough to share myself physically in the world as I am now].  This feeling became very prominent (loud) afterwards [talking about aggressively selling my home].  Oh sh*t.  I hide behind that house.  Oh sh*t.  I let it be my worth in many ways.  I was proud of it.  I loved to share it.  Now I don't have it to be proud of or share.  Oh sh*t.  That's it!!!  Gross!!!  Ok.  Thx.   I have much to process..."

LOL and true.  I am here in the midst of my truth that I have to change up because I want to stand as ONLY ME and be good enough, strong enough, firm enough, easy enough, just enough with Just Being Me. 

May you truly believe you are enough just as you are today.  May you look in the mirror and tell yourself you are enough just as you are, exactly as you are, in every way.

This doesn't mean that you may not want to change things and live a better way of living you.  And, as you are today, you are right where you are supposed to be.  And, with what you know now, you are creating anew exactly what you want to live, be and do going forward. 

Nothing but Struggles

I have nothing to share as I sit here to say hello.  My thoughts go to if I would let go of any struggles, how would I feel.  WOW.   I think I would feel awesome without any struggles.   I realize that I am the only one holding onto a struggle that my mind tells me is so.  I can choose to let it go as such.  Perhaps, I can see it as a hurdle to jump over, through, or on.   Because as I'm going forward... these are the only ways I see me passing it to continue my journey.  Of course, I could go under it as well.  I'm thinking that you can think of ways to pass it as well. 

It could be blown up, burned, taken down.  It could be painted, ignored, lifted.   So many ways to deal with struggles.

May you explore the easiest, gentlest way for you to get through any 'hurdle' that may be in front of you.  Joining in is also a possible possibility.

We are the only ones that put limits, hurt, worry and even struggles in our life.   If we do not see them as such, are they?  Is it possible that there are other ways to look at what is right in front of us...  Hmm

May you allow your open heart, your truth and believing in yourself to be with you wherever you find yourself.

When you hurt, it is okay.  Feel the hurt.  It is, more than likely, yours to feel.  When one has been trampled on.. there is no pain quite like it.  Feel the pain, know your greatness even through and in the pain, and as best you can and when you are ready, love yourself to another part of what you want to be, feel, do, and live.  I am sorry you know this pain.  You matter.  Your life is yours to live.  Your life is important.  Continue on and share who you are with us, lovingly.  Thank you.

Bird

I brought my cockatiel, Sunshine, down to Florida with me this year.  She always had friends in her cage with her and this past winter, she was the only bird left out of six.  I didn't want her to be all alone so we drove her down in the car with her new cage as well.

She loves being out on the back patio near the small lake, the other wild birds and the beautiful fountain that shoots up out of the lake.

She sometimes gets antsy and jumps from one bar to the side of the cage and  back up to the bar again and again and again.

I'm sort of, kind of, feeling like Sunshine.  I'm feeling a bit antsy.  This is a much smaller place where I currently am and there is no where to go.  To walk from the living room to the kitchen to the bedroom is only a few steps.   I feel like I am like Sunshine going from the living room to the kitchen to the office and back again and again.   This isn't sitting comfortably with me.   I do not want to sit in this.

I'm waiting for my daughter to go to yoga class late this afternoon and I have the mats ready and waiting.  lol  I'm playing with the dogs and throwing their toys and chasing them around the little room we have.  As I'm typing this, I now know that I was extremely lucky to have so much space to live, breathe, share and play in and take care of up north.  It's going to take me a while to get used to this.  I'm already anticipating just a bit more room for my new living space. 

Yes, I have the whole world to play in.  I've played some in it in the past.  I'm happy to not be travelling right now. 

So, as I'm feeling antsy, I also realize that I'm 'talking' antsy.

I have no answer for it just now.  I only recognize what it is. 

May you recognize what is for you just now and take it from there - wherever and however you'd like...

                                             From "Beautiful" Pictures of Nature! Facebook
                                                                                I love this shot.  Antsy!  lol

Humid

I awake to a humid, hot, hazy, lazy summer day here in South Florida.  The sky is clear, dark, cloudy, blue, grey and dark blue.   It is a normal summer day.  The weather changes from moment to moment.  I like it.  I welcome it.  I know it will not get cold.  I am grateful for this.

I feel uncertain, unstable and very in the moment.  I am finding myself in each and every moment more and more.  I'm thinking I am enlightened more than I ever was.  I feel, hear and am each moment. 

While there is a great peace in it for me, there is also a newness.--  an uncertain-ness, uneasiness because it is a completely new normal for me.  And, it's okay.  I am so not on auto-pilot.  I am on slow manual maneuver. 

Tomorrow doesn't matter as much.  Yesterday is only a part of me.   I feel what I feel and I embrace it.   I am not trying to change it much.   I see a new and different (in some ways) picture of my life going forward.  There is no hesitation or drama around it.  I know I will be okay no matter what comes my way.  There is a part of my mind that tells me to not believe this.  However, most of my cells believe this.  I stand strong in this belief.

I speak my truth.  I share my truth.  I am open to hearing other people's beliefs and truth-isms.  I accept who they are as I speak my truth lovingly. 

So, with this great humidity/heaviness that I am feeling, I walk on.  I am inside of my body and I am owning who, what, where, why and how I am as best as I can with as much awareness as possible. 

May you be where you are and love yourself through. 

Gym

I have been going to the gym regularly for over a week now and I have to say I love it.  I feel like I am home.  I have the energy and I love moving with music in my ears. 

I do the treadmill, the elliptical and weights.  Tomorrow I will take a yoga class.  It is great fun and my body can't wait to get back there. 

It truly is an anti-depressant, a health pill, a calorie burner, a heart lover and so much more....

I don't know where I'll be tomorrow, but today, I am in a good place with this.

My feet do hurt some; they get numb and sometimes my hands get purple.  I am doing my best to respond to my truth and do what is best for me.  I think I'm doing very good.   I am aware and I listen and respond to this awareness.  I don't push past where I know I don't belong. 

May you do your best to live your truth and process lovingly and easily what information this truth gives you.

Another Perspective

While I was just talking to a friend who I count on continuously for support, she told me that she realized this morning that she is so grateful that she can be there for her daughter when her daughter asked for her help.  She knew such gratitude and love while supporting her own daughter.

She stated how when we were our daughter's age, we didn't have an adult to easily turn to or to support us; that we ended up strongly supporting each other.

We both agreed in how blessed we are that we know we were able to support our own daughters and help them to stand strong in who they are as young women, humans, friends and their very own life creators.

So, as I was thinking yesterday on who and what I created and chose for myself,  my beautiful friend was contemplating how her daughter was who she was in liaison with the relationship and hands on approach my friend lived as a mom.

Fun, validating, exciting and just feels right to be 'here' now.  I walk on with this knowledge.  I stand strong in my belief in what I created.  I know gratitude in allowing this awareness and blessing in life to happen. 

Beauty is everywhere.  We only need to look harder for it, at times.  And, other times, it is so ever-present, it cannot be denied.

May you know the beauty of your own life's decisions that brought you to where you are right now, right here, in this moment. 

I believe there is individual and/or collective beauty in most everything; as hard as some things are.

Realization II

I'm mentally tired before I even start to type this post.  I know it is an important one for me and I have no sentences in my head to help me to get started or direct me.

I've always realized that I've been saying how I've given up who I am and somewhat lost myself for wanting to be here for my family.  I stopped continued exercise, stopped working and became a stay at home mom and house manager.  I made a beautiful home for my family and I've always been there for anyone who would need or want my presence.

I recently heard myself saying... Yes, I did give what I knew and enjoyed up; pretty much 7 months into my pregnancy.  AND, I now realize that I did this for no one but myself.  This was my need that encouraged me to do so so that I could support more fully my husband and/or my child.  I did this because I wanted to.  This was my goal to stand by and support their lives.  This was my life.  This was my choice.

No one made me do it.  No one told me to do it.  No one demanded or expected me to do it.  I can even say that I am blessed because my husband supported me doing just this. 

As time went on, and I was 'here' for them, they became used to me being on call.  This is what I taught them I would do.   It all came from me.   My goal was to be here to support their lives and this is what I needed/wanted to do for myself.

I feel good that I supported them to be the best that they can be.  I'm not sure they would say I did this.  I think and believe I did; for a large part of their lives at least. 

As my daughter is transitioning into college dorm life, I am still here for her needs as she processes the transition from traveling her whole life to staying put for the college year.  It is huge and I want her to know that I am here and that I know she can and will be able to do whatever/however she chooses.

I also feel that I did what I set out to do.  I achieved my goal.  I now choose to get my life as I want it from my own internal (just for me) goals as a woman that wants to experience more of life; more of the world around me and within me. 

I loved (most of the time) being here for others.  I now want to work it from a place of being here for myself in a way that self comes first.   And, as I write this - I cannot come up with a good way to get around the fact that what I did and how I lived was for myself.  However, myself as a mom, wife, sister and friend.   Now, I want to live as the woman I was born to be in my own skin.  I may want this woman to roar as a stand alone being again.  I need this.  I believe.

I will still love, share and want what is best for my loved ones.  I now want to know (again) what professional productivity feels from the woman that I am.  I loved working very full days and sharing myself with the outside world.  I want to do this again.  I need to do this again.  I need me to thrive as just me; no attachments.  I want to 'sell' me and be all that I can be.

I will also be my daughter's mom.  I will always be my husband's wife.  I will always be my friend's friend.  I will always be my sibling's sister. 

I now want to play my 'own woman' again.  I hope I know how.  I am sure going to find out.  There is a force here pushing me to this and an excitement that renders it useless to resist.

I am woman, hear me roar.  LOL.  at least meow for now.....

I know exercise is going to be my passageway from where I am today to where I am going to be tomorrow. 

I can't wait to move my body again tomorrow.  It is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself alone.

May you be aware of one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and 'give on'.  Just give it up for yourself now.  My wish for you.

                                                                lol

What Makes U Unique.

This is another 'draft' that was floating through my blog.

I thought just now - what makes me unique; unlike no other.

My DNA, my fingerprints (really), the exact thoughts in my head from the experiences I lived.  The way I treat people, the way I see people, the way I see things.

I love looking at nature and love the feeling of awesomeness and expansiveness it gives me.  It seems to open me up to all things possible. 

Watching my cat, I see how calm and quiet she is; but when she needs to jump up to get away from the dog, her power is on.

We can turn on and off our own power.  Our thoughts are probably what drives this.

Today, may you think only the thoughts that feel good on and in you.  Be aware of all your thoughts that come from deep within and, if only for today, allow love to be present for yourself above all else here.  No judgment, just feel and allow love. 

Your uniqueness is what we need in our world.  Allow it to flow, lovingly.  Please and Thank you.

I Stand

I stand with what is.  I connect to my peace within and I feel my way with wisdom. 

I struggle with what to do first and I look forward to taking action on all that is important.  I'm excited to move on and I'd be more confident if I had a plan. 

Yet, what I have planned has changed and is different.  I ask myself how important is a plan.

I tell myself I am nuts and I get confused and bewildered.

I move on.   I move through.  I move with who I am and what I know just now.

Moving creates.  Moving burns calories.  Moving lets me know I'm alive.

May you move whenever you have the will to do so.

Please note:  This was a draft that I had written on an earlier date.  I just pulled it up 'just because' and it feels like it is the right time to post it now.  Thank you.  Yikes.  Cool. 

Five/Six

I went to my fun tarot cards just wondering what would come up...

Five of Vessels
"You are experiencing commotion, chaos or a loss, but one that is accompanied by a happy discovery of something unexpected.  The message here tells you to look past the loss to what is being gained.  Or it might relate to a sacrifice made or needed to be made in order to gain something better.  The message also relates to giving birth, and expresses the labour pains.  The birth could be the emergence of an inspiration from the unconscious, perhaps one that seems to happen accidentally, or perhaps one that causes some turmoil in life."

Six of Coins
"The card points to generosity, and the innocence of giving without attachment and expectation of return.  Children suggest a beginner's mind; that is, being true to your emotions.  When you are truly loving, you give innocently.  The child with open hands represents accepting.  Wisdom will come from the gift, because to accept freely is to love yourself.  The owl symbol on the exchanged coin also connotes wisdom.  The card may show that in some situations there may be more to the giving than is apparent on the surface.  Attachments and expectations may be disguised, but to give or receive without attachment allows the wealth to flow freely and keeps one in harmony with the soul of the world.  As the I Ching states, 'It is the law of heaven to make fullness empty and to make full what is modest; - high mountains are worn down by the waters, and the valleys are filled up.' 

The tarot card information is from "The Alchemical Tarot" book by Rosemary Ellen Guiley ad Robert M. Place.

The Five of Vessels I can relate to easily.  I'm not as easily certain of what I take away from the Six of Coins.... I am open to process it and see what follows. 

May you be open to process all that is within you with your truth, self-acceptance; and by giving what you are all about a new and fresh take on whatever it is that is in front of you, now.  May you use all of the wisdom you have gathered over the years.  Ha.

                                                  Unknown and very lovable and fun.

Where I'm At

I know I'm physically in Florida.  I know I am here alone with my two dogs and one cockatiel.  I know I am where I belong. 

Other than that, I'm not sure where I am.   I know that I'm on the move more.  I know that sitting with what is is no longer working for me.   I know I have a strong desire to create in action something.  I know it has to do with better health; a stronger me and a woman with great vitality.

I know I want to share this woman with others.  I know I want to share my life and living with others that are open to share themselves with me.

I don't really know what this picture looks like.  I can feel it within me.  I am very excited; somewhat afraid and am very open to seeing where this leads me.

Through movement, good food and awareness, I'm going to rock my own world.  lol and true

May you know what you want/need and may you know that it is possible for you to give same to yourself.  May you rock your own world.

New Plan

My plan for myself now is to push through to exercise as I continue movement, deep breathing and stretching.  I want to work my heart and my cardiovascular system; get my blood and heart pumping, through exertion, on a regular basis.  I choose to add lifting weights through a regular routine to build stronger muscles and bones.  Muscle burns more calories than fat and it keeps our metabolism at a nice 'burning' level and stronger muscles make life easier, I believe.

I want to create more 'powerhouses' in my cells which are known as mitochondria. 

I will start where I am as I do my best to not be embarrassed of my low strength, energy level; comparatively.  I'm happy, at least, that I finally feel like I have a 'level' to 'play' with.  Ha.  I 'play' on.

Look out mitochondria... I'm coming after you.    lol

May you go after what you want to achieve.  Baby steps allowed.  Giant steps possible.

Any step towards your goal is a good step. 

                                                      Unknown (sent to me by email)

Watta Week

Well, my brilliant daughter is in college.   My husband goes north tomorrow.  I am enjoying this week with all it's delightful and extremely challenging changes for my family.  I went real low and I'm up real high.  It was hard for me to sit at this computer because I wanted to experience every moment and not sit and talk about these moments.  I wanted to stay present with my family and encourage them, support them, love them and be with them.

I did this.  I am grateful for this week.  I am grateful for feeling alive and loved.  I am grateful for allowing and embracing change.

I don't know where I'll be tomorrow when my husband heads out.  I am torn between him leaving and me wanting him to stay.  I also know that we are inspiring to be the 'best of' as we are apart from each other so when we get together again, we are more available, stronger and happier together because we are happier within our own lives. 

It is time to be a couple again and not just parents and providers. 

It's strange how I never dreamed of this day.   I never envisioned what this would look like.  I only envisioned getting married and having a child.  I didn't envision what my life would be like when my child became an adult.

This is exciting and this is challenging.  I am up for both.  I am open to anything.  I embrace my life going forward as more of a friend to my child then only a mother. 

Life is a hoot.  Life is a challenge.  There is beautiful in everything if we believe this to be so.  I believe this to be so.

May you believe and search for beauty in everything as you let the beauty within you live, shine and build upon the wondrous flow of your life as you connect to the beauty that abounds.  Beauty on!

Thank You

Thank you and may you be connecting deeper and becoming clearer to the You that you truly are as we take this journey together.

The following countries are currently here with us .  How grateful I am.

United States, Russia, China, Germany, Poland, Netherlands, Australia, Indonesia, and Thailand

May you just be who you were put on this Earth to be.  May you know YOU by choosing to listen to your own voice over any one else's; lovingly, gently and openly. 

Thank you.

Daughter

My brilliant and lovely daughter is tucked 'away' at college.  She has her room decorated her way and has what she needs to be comfortable and thrive.

I know she will live her way and encourage others to do the same by example. 

I have no emotion as of yet.  I think I'm afraid to feel.  I don't want to feel the pain of my little baby on her own.  I don't want to feel the pain of my loss of not having her near.  I don't want to feel the awesomeness even of knowing she will need me less and less.  I know I will always be her mom.  I know she has many more roads/paths/highways that she will travel without me near.  I know I will always be a part of her as she is always a part of me.

I don't want to type this one out.  I'm not ready to be 'here'.  I'm not ready to let go.  I'm not ready for her to not need me.

I know she will always need me.  The 'need' just changes.  This is the way life is set up to go for the majority of us.  This is not the way it always goes.  This is the way I want it to go for us. 

I want my precious girl to fly high (and low), with love and truth.  I want her to make her own roads and travel down (or up) them as she knows is best for her.  I want her to grow, learn, fear not, fear some, laugh, dance, sing and love.  I want her to have it all.

And, as we all live our own life... we know this to be true.  We get our own gamut of relationships; emotions, trials and tribulations.

We best win when we follow and let our lives flow through the truth of who we are.  Why we humans created this to be so scary, I am uncertain.  For some, it flows easy and true.  Others, it is contracted, damned up and false.   For most of us, it is in between and always changing.

Life; gotta love the ride.  Without the love of the ride, life is more mundane, less energized and certainly can feel boring.

May you love what you do as you DO YOU.  Always be connected to the part of you that is truly you as you maneuver, lodge, dodge and win.

This has just completely exhausted my brain, head, and being.  It feels like my body was not participating and is waiting for me to come back into it to move on forward.  This is my truth just now.  Yes, it sounds crazy to me and yes, I know this to be completely true for me in this moment.

Unknown

Confusion

I am learning that a type of confusion, for me,  is nothing more than knowing the way that comes from deep inside of myself and thinking I need to do it another way instead.

This is where I find myself confused.  If I know that there is a best way to do something for myself and I question doing it another way because of something I see, think or experience, I know confusion.  So, I am asking myself is it confusion or is it not having the courage to do it my way...

If you find yourself confused...

May you ask yourself if you are doing things as you know is best for you...or are you feeling confusion because you are letting external sources lead you astray.

Yikes.  lol   This is what doing 'my work' is all about.  It certainly can be exhausting.  It certainly can be exhilarating.  Hey, it sounds like 'life'! 

May you do 'life' your way with love, compassion, integrity and truth.

Resisting

If my 'crazy' is what I have been resisting and I am now learning that it is a gift and totally what I'm about....

And Robyn Nola's (Robyn Nola, Facebook) 'sensitivity' is what she has been resisting and now realizes it is one of her greatest gifts...

May you realize what you have been resisting that just may be one of your greatest assets that our world needs.

The time has come.... Just Be U.

College

My brilliant and lovely daughter moves in to her college dorm tomorrow.  You may think I am moving there with the butterflies in my stomach!  Oh my!

HUGE!

A wonderful, fun, important step in the direction she wants to take her life!  I'm so proud of her.  I'm going to miss her.

It was much more fun when I was the child leaving the nest than when it is my nest that my child is leaving!

I am not prepared.  I suppose there is no complete preparation for this.  I wish there was. 

I do trust the process of life and I totally trust my daughter to know what works for her and to go for it.  I know she will be kind and open and allow herself to travel her path that she chooses to be on.

I support her completely.  She has been independent for a long time and I know she can handle anything that comes her way. 

I have given/taught her all that I can.  Now it is time for her to fly.  I guess it is not a good idea to clip her wings....  part of me really wants to!   LOL and true

She flies.

May you allow your loved ones to succeed (and fail) in the road that they feel is best for them.  It is up to us if we want to or can participate or not.  Love, to me, is about supporting them on their chosen path and to be true to myself while doing so. 

Fly on my precious one, fly Yo u. 

Monday

Mondays certainly feel different than Fridays.  Yet, I know it is perception.  I'm sure there are many that like Mondays; Hair Stylists and Horse Trainers are two.

Life is all about our own perception.  Life is as we see it.  Each one of us sees life differently.  How exciting and how challenging.

When I honor other people's 'sight', it is easier to honor and own my own.
----
As I am writing this, I am thinking it gibberish.

My truth is that I'm stuck in this moment.  I am not looking forward and I am not looking back.  While this is a goal of mine, and I am here!, I am numb to move forward and I know it is impossible to go back.  Yikes.

So, here I am on a Monday morning.  The only thing that I think I know for sure is that I am getting ready to go to the gym.  Yes, the gym!   I went yesterday and when I was done, I could not wait until today to go back.  This is how I used to think and feel.  I will see if it lasts. 

As I was leaving the gym, I felt and said to myself that this is one of the greatest gifts I can give to myself.  I felt good.  I never heard anyone say that they were sorry they exercised/moved; I have never been.  Our bodies love it.  Our minds love it.  It makes everything work better! 

May you connect to your own perspective that moving your body makes you happy.   May you allow yourself to move more if this is what you want/need.

my treadmill view

Balmy

I awake to a tropical, balmy morning as my dogs are requesting their morning walk.  It is quite different from opening the door and letting them run. 

I enjoy being with them as we walk.  I do not enjoy putting the leashes on and one going after the geckos and one not wanting to walk in the direction that I am heading.  Yikes. 

We are a work in progress and it is okay.

The air envelops me because of it's damp heaviness.  The sun is out and everything is so alive, vibrant and the salt air is calling me. 

I am 9 miles away from the beach and I can still feel 'it' in the air.  I like this feeling.  I belong in this feeling.  I belong here.

As we are preparing to set our daughter up for a wonderful ride through college, there are many emotions/feelings/thoughts that come up for me.  It is a good day.

I have no strong plan of the direction my life is heading and, yet, I know without a doubt that I am going 'there'.

My one dear friend says "think and learn; learn and think".  I say "I'm processing" through it all.  Another says "I feel different than I ever have". 

What every you are telling yourself...

May you believe you have what you need.  I believe and know that you do.  I believe that we are all living, learning, and being just as we need to be today.

May you be gentle, loving, aware and 'processing' whatever is yours to process today.  You have this!  Move through and on with as much ease as possible. 

                                                              Unknown

Here

I awake this morning realizing I am in Florida, USA and I await to see what I create as my new normal.  There are many options, much is available to me and I wonder where I fit.

I hesitate to write a post because I feel that I do not have much to offer or to share.  I am with what is.

Until next time,

May you be you.. as you are with what is.

Eve

It's the eve before I leave my comfortable, safe abode and venture out on a journey that will lead me to my next, new chapter of my life.

It will be in Florida.  I've dreamed of living in Florida since I was 18 years old.  I've been living in Florida every winter since my daughter was born 18 years ago.  I've always lived in dual homes pretty much since I was 19 years old when I had my own apartment and I had a summer beach rental at the New Jersey Shore.

My sense of being in this home is heightened just now.   I walk out back and enjoy the waterfalls whispering and the fish doing their thing.  I stand in awe of the big beautiful trees and I'm delighted in the open space. 

So, as I head into the sunrise tomorrow morning, I have great hope and excitement of what will be. 

I move on.

May you embrace where you are and feel gratitude for what you do have.  I know you have wonderment in your life regardless of anything else.

My House

Below is a video I recently made of my home in Pennsylvania, USA.

I wanted to make it as seen through my own eyes.

My wish is that you would allow yourself a 'mini-vacation' as you watch this and connect to your truest of self.

Thank you.

 20130730161343 draft final.m2ts

Getting Ready

I'm getting ready to head back to Florida, USA.  It is south of here about 1200 miles.  The sun shines nearly year-round there and the ocean is so blue.  The palm trees sway in the tropical breeze.  There is also much traffic and a lot of people where I live down there.

Here in Pennsylvania, I am in the woods and it is quiet and serene.  It gets very cold and dark in the winter. 

I'm in the transit in my mind already.  Hmm.  I just realized this.  I am not here sitting at this desk typing this post.  I am in transit from leaving here to being there. 

The mind can travel far without the body.  This is probably good news/bad news.  Yikes.

So, as I'm every emotion running amuck, I am also calm and know that it will be wonderful and flow nicely.  I will succeed with my goals. 

Letting go is necessary to grab on to something different.  It is how life here on Earth works for us humans. 

Feel it, find it, let it go, carry on. 

May you use your own verbs today as you create anew the life you want.  The life you feel, from deep, deep down in your soul, you are destined to have.  Just live it.  I believe.

Scattered

I have scattered thinking, a scattered house, scattered clothes and a scattered life just now.   I read somewhere that our earth is 'fiery' just now. 

IT sure feels fiery to me - most things; many people; and definitely my nerves!

I am leaving my lovely Pennsylvania house to go back to my Florida, USA apartment.  With the weather still warm and beautiful up here, it is hard to head back down and, yet, I wouldn't have it any other way.

My brilliant and beautiful daughter is heading to college.  She will be moving in to her 'suite' after August 20.  So, we will be down there, in Florida, moving her in and setting her up and letting her fly.  Yikes.

I will be setting up my own world and my husband will come every other weekend until we figure out a better plan.  We have been doing this for most of our daughters life due to my illness, his business traveling, and our daughter's love of horses. 

Yes, I am feeling the need to stabilize more now.  It was fun and exciting and now it's old and challenging.  Same thing; different time; different goals.

This is what life is:  Change, challenges, wonderment, adventure, adapting and learning.  We all experience life.  It is what we tell ourselves about these experiences that make them what they are.

May you tell yourself the positive side of each adventure that you are challenged with and excited about more than the negative.  May you allow it to feel what feels best on you.  May you allow you to be whatever it is you are and still know that you are okay. 

I believe it is a choice.  Like my great friend Ula says... "Choose well."  Hmmm   Smart woman!

Understand

Many people this weekend told me that they are not understanding me.  I believe because I am speaking a whole new 'language'  and just, maybe, instead of this newborn that I felt I was... I am up to at least grade school. 

I am sharing the 'whole of me', now, today, (to the best of my ability in response to the work that I have done).  I want to stay true to this person (myself) while being in the midst of life, living, the world and people.  I want to stand strong for myself while sharing and inviting others in.

I want to experience, even though I'm not at 'top of my game', or I'm not feeling great, that I can still be useful, helpful, loving and even thrive as myself in this thing we are all experiencing called LIFE.  I want to live on by just being present in each moment and share truth, light and love. 

Yesterday was proof that I can be around people and not have to push myself to please what is outside of myself to do.  Huge.

It worked beautifully.  I had a fabulous day with the people that were present and shared who they are with me.  I feel so lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful, loving family.  No, we are not perfect.  (Although some may beg to differ.  lol)  We are all doing the best we can with what we know and who we are.... As is everyone that breathes the same air that is here on our planet to breathe.

So, as I make the truth of who I am, clearer, out loud and from the deepest depth that I know just now... I love.  I learn.  I am.   I believe.

May you love, learn, be and believe as you share all that you are.

Holy Moly

THE TIME HAS COME for me to learn it good (or it feels this way at least). 

My intimate get-together has turned into a party of 30 right in front of my eyes and I'm awake.  

Oh, not so sure I want to be this awake!

I feel that no one understands me.  And, I know because I am not communicating all of who I really am. 

How lucky that this is happening with many of my loved ones around me.  I believe I have always come from .. 'come with your goal and I will help you succeed'.  (I do not know how other people see me..  I do know that this is how I feel and what I am coming to believe just now, today).

I sit in tears; real tears coming down my face; feeling very alone; overwhelmed.  I never really showed my truest of self.  I didn't let others help me or be close to me unless I was feeling good.   I am a pleaser.  I enjoy it because I base most of my happiness outside of myself.  It brings me happiness to see others happy.  I want to consciously be aware what makes me happy, alone, also.  I need to see me happy first.  This is about me not allowing my goal to matter and coming to fruition.

I think this was a false self; based on truth.  However, when I go to the point of exhaustion or not knowing what I like or think at times... this, certainly, is going too far.  It is no one's fault but my own.  I am the creator here.  This is the only way I allowed people around me.  What comes to mind is that I even told a friend that it's easier for me to be around people that need my help than people that do not need me or don't want my help. 

Oh darnit; HUGE; that I'm finding myself going here...  Double Yikes. 

I guess to really change things up, I really have to change things up.

THIS IS NOT EASY.   I have huge fear of hurting others and huge fear of disconnecting from people.  'Old school' for sure.

Well, there is a new teacher in the house; a new school house and I'm in it!  It just may be the hardest place for me to sit.  And, sit I will.  I will not stop now.  This is about having achieved my goal within the goals of others. 

I come from love.  I am love of self.  When I love myself, I only breathe love....  I hope so anyway! 

May you believe that when you love yourself, you only have love to share.  Share love. 

God bless the people that love me.  Herewith so much change up in around me, it is surely to affect them.  I see it happening.  They are telling me it is happening.  I've got your back people.

We have this, together. 

Party

We're having one of our last, if not our last, parties here tomorrow.  I'd like to think of it more as an 'exchanging of energies' intimate get together... (perhaps, it' best not to tell the guests this! lol) It is a family get-together.  My goal is to see every one before I leave and to send off my daughter to college; family style. 

As we prepare, it is feeling more and more like an exciting party, however!

There is much to do.  I am so brilliantly lucky that my husband is writing the shopping list with me, doing the shopping, and all of the other errands.

I will prepare and set up here.  In reality, I was greatly helped yesterday with most of this.  There is not much for me to do today. 

We are having salad, clams, shrimp, turkey and beef hamburgers, hot dogs, and ribs.  We have birthdays to sing about.  We will say our goodbyes, for now, as I leave for Florida this week and much congratulations and pride for our daughter heading off to college.  She will be close by me in Florida and she will be living on campus.  (Oh, the emotions that this brings up for me!) 

More and more I'm realizing how important the moment I am in matters. 

May you flow with the life that is in front of you as you go towards your goals.  You have this.  Today is the day to LIVE YOU.

 

Realization after Realization

I am realizing how I created what is going on in my life.   I bought into it.   I allowed it.  I created the 'me' I am today.  Of course, situations, beliefs of others, and what I knew and who I am affected me; and I am the only one that was and is capable of responding to each. 

If I did not allow 'this', I wouldn't be 'here'. 

Silly little things like not stating what I truly feel, need and want with compassion.   Huge things like not stating what I truly feel, need and want with compassion. 

 It's not healthy, nor happy, to put one's self  last to the point of resentment, hurt, anger, or depression.   It's not healthy to live the dreams/desires of others more than one's own.


I am also responsible for all the brilliant things that have happened in my life.   I also allowed them.  If I wouldn't have 'gone for it'; I wouldn't have 'it'.


Huge realizations.  I guess this is what 'waking up' is all about.  

While driving today, I realized that even though I am flustered with so many emotions and so much awareness - deep, deep down.... I am still okay.   I may feel and be flustered.  I am still me and, perhaps, closer to staying me and living me than I ever have been before.  May I offer to be compassionate for one's self when talking to one's self... Hmm

May you allow your realizations to come forward and know that through it all - through anything - You still have you and you are okay whether your human brain tells you otherwise. 

Embrace Yourself and let 'You' thrive.  This is the best gift you can give yourself and all those that love you.  This will reach out and support the idea that everything is as ONE.  What you do, who you are, how you feel MATTERS.  We all matter.  We are all connected to this solar system, to this planet, to this life force, to each other; at this time, in this place - we all breathe now. 

Be the person you were born to be.  Just be you. 

HUGE!

 

Stomach

I awake this morning to my stomach-my core-my center-my abdominal muscle-my waist-my belly-my gut being a part of who I am.  I feel the length of it.  I feel one with it.  I feel it.

I always knew and have often said, that when I my stomach feels a part of who I am again, this will connect me to the dis-ease that has been with me since a teenager and will also connect me to more answers. 

I feel and am not connected to every part of my body.  I know that I extend past my body through my extremities and all around.  My forehead is wanting attention. Perhaps, this is my 'third eye' awakening more.   My jaw's skin still feels taut and may be the last to awaken.  This would be my voice, my speech, my truth spoken, perhaps.  Fear of this is still present.  Less; but present.

Yes, I wonder what a 'nut' I sound like.  Yes, I know this is 'me'.  Yes, I have anxiety about it.  Yes, I have great joy and sense of accomplishment as well.

Yes, I know great gratitude for the courage to go into what I considered my 'crazy' and tap in and stay there until it feels safe to come out.  I'm still peeking out and it's easier for me to let others in with me.  Yikes.  Look out!

I am trusting myself more.  I am trusting the process of life in most every cell in my body; not just a few.  I am becoming one with what I know, what I feel, who I am, how I do me, how I share myself and everything universally. 

Everything universally, to me, is everything outside of myself.  I know that I am connected to it whether I want to be or not.  Can I embrace being connected to so much...  I do not know.  It scares me.  It excites me.  It empowers me.  It weakens me. 

Is this a choice waiting to be made...  I will have to stay tuned in...

May you believe everything that you are telling yourself from the place within that doesn't waver on what you know is you.

Scared

I'm being with my fear today.  I'm realizing more and more that my fear is only based in not wanting to be who I am.   What a crack-up that is....

I feel it's a huge responsibility to be the truest of true about and to oneself.  It can feel like a burden to have to live as powerful as we truly are.  Especially, until we are living it. 

The fight between what I know from my inner most being and what I grew to learn with my human brain can be quite different.  It is a huge "yikes" for me.

I'm balancing out and moving forward and creating a world of peace between these two situations that I have come to connect to.

My child is raised, I have some strength and I have a great need to help others be their own true selves. 

Where I am going from here... I still do not know for sure.   And, I'M GOING....

May you go and head in the direction that pulls you towards it the most.

This I typed as a draft yesterday...Interesting.

Anger

I just had a brilliant and wonderful massage session.  I really felt like I was in my body and opening up to all that is me and leaving the old fear of myself dissipate.  I felt very blessed, excited and I cried; twice.

The beautiful therapist left.  I received a call, got a notice and my dogs needed attention immediately (or so it felt like this to me). 

I am angry at the world right now.  I don't like admitting it and I also do not like feeling it.  I'm angry at whoever comes my way just now - people; animals, phone calls, texts - even positive 'sayings' or thoughts do nothing for me right now.   I won't let anything in.  I don't want anything to do with what is outside of myself.  I want 'me' time.  I crave it.   I want everything and anything out of my head and I just want to be with the success of the massage and let it process through me and allow my energies to fall into new patterns.  My energy surely does not feel like it knows exactly where to go just now.

So, as I sit myself down resisting these words, I'm angry at myself for feeling this way.  I'm angry at anything that makes me feel this way.   I know I am the only one who allows myself to feel this way.   I know that I feel this way for a real reason, whether I know the reason or not.  I know anger is not a bad thing; it is only an emotion.  It feels 'bad' to me.  My head knows it is not.  Oh, the fight within.

I have no words going forward.  I am with what is.  I sit with what is.  I am hungry to know more.  I want to embrace this feeling and allow it to flow through me.  I sit with my 'fingers' on the keypad waiting for words to come.  None do. 

I'm going to get up, make my lunch and watch the rain, that is threatening to, come down. 

I will see what comes my way next.  How lucky I am that I have the time to do just this.  I know gratefulness in my anger.  Interesting.  I surely do not know anything else.

May you be okay with what you know and what you do not know. 

                                                           Unknown/Facebook

Grow

I want to offer growth today.  Growth of self; growth of our world; growth in our relationships; growth in our job or profession; growth in great health.  Maybe the most important growth we can have is growth of self love.  Because with this, all other growth just may take care of itself.

I read something yesterday that said something along the lines of -- You have berated and belittled yourself long enough.  Try loving and supporting yourself and see what happens. 

I like this.  Many of us have learned to Not be who we are; to not say something that will be wrong in society's eye.  To not do something that will make ourselves 'stick out' or bring attention to.

Many of us are now learning and believing that it's okay to be different.  It's okay to be unique.  It's okay to let the true self shine through out into our world.  When we do this through love of self, all we have is love to offer.

I like this.  This thought eases every cell in my body and every breath I take.

May you shine YOU out into our world today without trepidation (or maybe just a little); with love and support of what you feel and know.  Make today about sharing your idiosyncrasies by embracing them. 

I realized yesterday that I was embarrassed by my 'weirdness' and what I believed was, perhaps, uncomfortable for many and definitely for myself.  I 'woke up' and realized that I could love my 'weirdness' and, perhaps, this was the greatest gift I could offer the world. 

I'm thinking that maybe what you are most embarrassed about/resistant of just may be the greatest gift you can best present to our world.  Hmm  I surely do not know.  I certainly would like you to consider it.  Thank you.

Another Day

We all awake to another day.  I wonder how many more days I have in this life.  In the big scheme of things, the days of our lives are extremely limited. 

The universe knows centuries of lifetime.  The human knows decades; and not all.  This thought awakens life inside of me. 

It does not produce fear in me.  I know the life cycle of a human.  Birth, Life, Death.  We all know this to be true. 

I think we would best live with this knowing prevalent in our every day to day living. 

If you knew you did not have a tomorrow, what would you do today...  Who would you be....  How would you feel...  How would you serve yourself and others...

We truly do not know if we will have a tomorrow.  With this 'knowing'....

May you, along with yourself, make it a magical day of you being you from the deepest truth that you are.

Walk on

I walk on with my awareness of my breath and love.  Everything I do; everything I am, I come from the awareness of my breath and love.

Walk on. 

May you start every situation, every moment, from the awareness of your breath and love.  May you be amazed.

                                              "Beautiful" Pictures of Nature!/Facebook

Much

I've been doing a lot of productive thinking these past few days.  Productive in a way I see and know things about myself and my life more clearly.  It is good information and will be even better when I put it into motion. 

I realize that if I own who, what and how I am completely, I know peace.  If I just go forth with what is inside of me with love and trust, I go forth in greatness of self.

I believe this empowers all of who and what we connect to. I believe it is what we were all born to do. 

May you go forth with greatness of self; especially the scary parts. 

F l o w e r b e d

Hoot!   I saw this while driving down a road close to home.  I had to turn around to take a picture.  A different meaning for 'flowerbed'.  Interesting.

May you connect to more than one meaning for each situation in your life, when necessary.  May you know that the choice of the true meaning for you (in each moment)  is yours to choose.  Choose what resonates best within you.