Be U: Five/Six

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Five/Six

I went to my fun tarot cards just wondering what would come up...

Five of Vessels
"You are experiencing commotion, chaos or a loss, but one that is accompanied by a happy discovery of something unexpected. The message here tells you to look past the loss to what is being gained. Or it might relate to a sacrifice made or needed to be made in order to gain something better. The message also relates to giving birth, and expresses the labour pains. The birth could be the emergence of an inspiration from the unconscious, perhaps one that seems to happen accidentally, or perhaps one that causes some turmoil in life."

Six of Coins
"The card points to generosity, and the innocence of giving without attachment and expectation of return. Children suggest a beginner's mind; that is, being true to your emotions. When you are truly loving, you give innocently. The child with open hands represents accepting. Wisdom will come from the gift, because to accept freely is to love yourself. The owl symbol on the exchanged coin also connotes wisdom. The card may show that in some situations there may be more to the giving than is apparent on the surface. Attachments and expectations may be disguised, but to give or receive without attachment allows the wealth to flow freely and keeps one in harmony with the soul of the world. As the I Ching states, 'It is the law of heaven to make fullness empty and to make full what is modest; - high mountains are worn down by the waters, and the valleys are filled up.'

The tarot card information is from "The Alchemical Tarot" book by Rosemary Ellen Guiley ad Robert M. Place.

The Five of Vessels I can relate to easily. I'm not as easily certain of what I take away from the Six of Coins.... I am open to process it and see what follows.

May you be open to process all that is within you with your truth, self-acceptance; and by giving what you are all about a new and fresh take on whatever it is that is in front of you, now. May you use all of the wisdom you have gathered over the years. Ha.

Unknown and very lovable and fun.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!