Laryngitis

As I come here against my own great fear, I have experienced some things since I had my 'visit' to my new Rheumatologist here in Florida.

Two of the medicines I was asked to try did not work out as I experienced great itching and laryngitis almost immediately.  (Layrngitis can stand for being so angry one cannot speak...per Louise Hay in her book "You Can Heal Your Life".) 

I feel confused and saddened that every time I go to use my hands (because that is where my sore thumbs are), I experience a shooting pain and a discomfort that I'd rather not experience.

It is once again Christmas time and I am blessed to have a family that will do much of the decorating while allowing me to put some of my opinions in and they honor me by listening to some of them (ha).

I feel tired to even have a conversation with the doctor.  I feel close to giving up as I believed this 'pain' to be behind me since I am now living in the sunshine state; a place I knew I wanted to live in since I was 17...  I feel I had it figured out and that I would not get any more sores since I was pretty much sore free for over a year.

I'm mad at myself that I don't feel better and cannot do better than what is my truth for today.  I'm resting more, I'm sitting more, I'm more angry at my truth.

I know God/the Universe works on their time, their schedule, their 'knowing'.  I know in the big picture these things are not so big.  But during the processing of 'it', it feels BIG.

To just wash my hair, hold an IPad, pet my cat, pull up the covers -- OUCH.  So, I do my best.  I walk on through what is my truth and I allow the ugly feeling of anger.  Maybe some day I will allow it and not call it 'ugly'.  That would be a good hoot in my book...  I remember days when I did not know how to connect to anger because of my belief that it is ugly. 

Is it because the temperature has changed even though it is not cold, it is 30 deg F cooler than what it was.  It is the stress of moving, the stress of selling my beloved house in not the easiest of circumstances, is it my family all under one roof....  Yes, yes, yes and maybe yes.....?!?!?!

And does it really matter why... I always thought that if I knew the why, I would know the answer.

Perhaps, the unknown why's and the unknown answers are just a part of our human experience.  They must be because we all have them.

May you just live in your truth and love yourself through and trust and believe you are right where you are supposed to be and 100% guaranteed - change is coming.  So be happy in this moment as best you can and allow this moment to live through you as everything that you are, feel and do.

Just 9Be U

I am finding myself more and more on Facebook and Twitter as I feel I have less to share here that would be helpful and that I would know how to share freely and easily as I process many new feelings and situations within my own life and my own self. 

I am living daily in the every day 'stuff' that has to be done as I create this next chapter of my life through action and connection outside of myself.

I am finding myself with less free time as my daughter and husband are home 50-75% more than they have been in the past. 

I know our world is at an all time 'loud', perhaps, exasperating level, full of contemplation and awareness.  I believe we see and feel and are less afraid of our true selves than we have ever been as a whole.

It is still not easy to 'see' everything that is right in front of us.  However, I think more and more of us are understanding and buying into the belief (because it feels rightly so) that to love and take care of our true and unique self, we are better able and more available to be kind, have love and share light and darkness with each other with more success and ease.

This is a good thing.  The more kind, loving and open we are and supporting each other to be the same, the more we feel our worthiness and that our own priority, destination and reason for being here is to live our true and best self.

May you believe in your own worthiness as I do. 

I believe you are here now (just as you are) because this is your worth and our guide to a more fulfilled life and world.  And, your worth is great. 

Worthy on; from the inside out. 

Shambala

It looks like we have found an owner for our house up north.  We are going through the paperwork and negotiations and hope to have it no longer a physical part of us before the end of the year.   Moving on and from this expense and commitment will be a truly 'opening' part of our lives to move forward wholly.

It is bittersweet.  I wish the new owner much success and happiness in that awesome, loving, beautiful, and exciting home as they make it their own.

It was our 'Shambala'.   It hasn't been for some time and it was too hurtful to think of it as this identity instead of just a beautiful piece of real estate.

I wrote this on my 'Just 9BeU' Facebook page.   Thank you for being 'here' to let me share this with you...

"Shambala... A place of peace and harmony for all living things.

 May we create and know 'Shambala' here and now.

 Shambala lives on if we allow it and participate as such.

 May you live on Shambala in all that have 'experienced' you and in all that will continue to create their own version of Shambala until we truly blend as one. I believe in Shambala. I believe in you."

May you have your own version of Shambala-ing on.

Wondrous Lime

I really have no corresponding words for the above picture.  I just enjoyed this lime so much, I wanted to share it with you.

This is a picture of a lime I picked from my new back yard.  It was the most juiciest, richest smelling lime I have ever had the pleasure to enjoy!  Truly!

I am grateful for this little wondrous lime.

May you be grateful for the little wondrous things in your life.  May you notice them more and more.

Your Story; 'Their' Story....

Unknown

 

 

As

As I sit at this computer listening to the water trickling in the fountain, watching the fronds of the palm trees blow haphazardly in the warm wind; As I feel the tight skin on my face and the dryness of my skin; As I 'hear' my fingers that want to reach out and know fullness and softness, I wonder what it is I will 'type' about today.

Yesterday, the sore on my thumb, while walking the dogs, got 'in the way' of the leash and my affected skin pulled up and away from the thumb.  Where usually infection (pus) shows itself when this happens, healthy blood decided to show up instead.  As it hurt so terribly that I wanted to run from it (and the pain that I was experiencing), I was overjoyed to see the beautiful red flow freely. 

I have found a website on Facebook that has all scleroderma patients linked together sharing and talking about their experience(s) with the little known and (what can be) hugely devastating disease. 

I do not want to be one of them.  I do not want to speak, think, talk, or experience what they do.  Yet, some of this is my truth.  I can see and hear myself in their communications.  I can feel myself experience what many of them experience.

UGH.

We are very much the same in many ways.  We are very different in many ways.

May you live You as only you can and may you give yourself permission to be your unique self.  May you be uniquely you.

I support you to be your greatest unique self as humanly and as spiritually as possible. 

"Be-You-tiful"   (Unknown)

                                                       Unknown

Rheumatologist

I went to a new Rheumatologist (arthritis(scleroderma)) doctor today with the goal of finding and connecting to a (a new 'my') doctor here in Florida.  It was interesting as this was a new connection for me.  I was comfortable as I could be with my Pennsylvania doctor after knowing and working with him for over 30 years (on a regular basis).  We worked together to keep me alive and to be able to thrive as wonderfully as I did.

We pretty much started where the other one left off.  However, this doctor did give me a drug that 'rubberizes' red blood cells in hope that my blood will be able to flow better through the small capillaries in my fingertips.

I felt more like a 'sick person' during the visit than before I arrived.

I am asked to get a pulmonary (lungs) test; an echocardiogram (heart) test and more blood testing -- 'just to see where we are'.  It is a fine idea.  It is not a fun idea.

I'm settle into my quiet self as I allow this new path to take root within my being.  What feels best for me... What is my greatest path to go down just now...  Where does my 'wholeness' want to take me...  How am I in this moment and where do I feel/know/believe I want to be going forward...

May you always live your life through love, gentle strength, awareness and kindness.  Perhaps, this is where our greatest growth happens and our greatest paths open up.  To be true and authentic in every breath we take allows our most true and authentic paths to show up for us.

                                                               Unknown

Deep

I am in deep muck.  How do I find myself here when I'm 'supposed to'/'want to' help others get out of their own muck. 

I guess, I have to admit that I, too, am human.   I, too, know challenges and I also know what it is like to encounter 'the unknown'. 

I tell myself when I am supposed to know answers to certain things (especially things that I would like to know more peace and ease with), I will.  And, until then, I breathe and I bring my true self into each breath to experience a most fulfilling life possible.

Perhaps, being fulfilled is not about having it all and knowing it all.  It is not about being right.  It is not about feeling over the moon happy all the time.  It is not about constant ease and peace.

Perhaps, being fulfilled is about being true and allowing my feelings - whatever they are - be.  Allow myself to feel my feelings as only I would know how to because of my knowledge, my experience, my demeanor, my personality, my quest. 

I allow myself to be a total participant in what life offers, shows and challenges me with.

May you allow yourself to be a total participant in what life offers, shows and challenges you with knowing you are okay and in the big picture that is your life, you are living the best version of you [just now] that you know how to with every breath that you take.

                                                    Unknown

Failure

"Failure WILL HAPPEN, expect it.  When it does, embrace it.  Recognize that it is part of the learning cycle.  Ask yourself:  'what good has come from this situation?"  There is always some good that comes from failing most times; you just need to look for it.  Henry Ford said, "Failure is only the opportunity to begin again."  Winston Churchill said, "Success consists of going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm."

From the book "Embracing Your Unlimited Possibilities" by Carol A. Briney

May you allow any failure you may 'think' is failure and let it grow you and may you be open to taking the, perhaps, unexpected path that is being offered or open instead.

Unlimited Possibilities

"Our life does not have to be one of struggle and hardship.  We do not have to sacrifice to get what we want.  Struggle and sacrifice often work against us in our quest for success.  The interesting and wonderful thing is that just on the other side of fear and resistance is something wonderful that you want.  Allow the Divine to work through you in joy and happiness.  Your ability to listen to your Divine Guidance and take action - even baby steps will help you to dissolve your fears and be on your way to living a life of Unlimited Possibilities."

From the book "Embracing Your Unlimited Possibilities" by Carol A. Briney

May you be open to connecting to 'joy and happiness' in your 'quest for success'.

                                                         Unknown

Where I'm At

I am in sunny and warm Florida.  I am in a new home for 3 months now.  I am still reaching out, knowing and sharing with many people the depth of who we all are.  It is my calling.  It is my blessing as I live here on this Earth with you. 

I am more settled than I've been for years.  I still feel the need for more settling in as my goal is to get the cars in the garage and have everything that I am keeping in its place as best I can. 

I know great gratitude for this.  I know peace in this.  I know happiness in this. 

My insides are achy.  My thumbs have ulcers.  My mind is less confused.  And, my mind would love easy answers to have a healthier body.  One that doesn't fight against itself as all autoimmune dis-eases do. 

I am reaching out to professionals to see the latest medicine and discoveries where scleroderma is concerned.  I'm reaching out to professionals to help me to accept this pain and how best to process it. 

We received a bid on our house up north.  It is lower than I would like and we will walk through this to see the outcome.  I bring my true and honest self to it and ask for guidance how best to navigate so all walk away as fulfilled as possible.

I did yoga out back on the patio with my awesome daughter yesterday.  It was lovely.  My body was so happy.  I surely connected to many parts of my body that wanted my attention feeling the tightness it was showing me.

Most of the window treatments are done.  I'm going to go with sheer orange on my office window.  The color is just 'calling' me!  Hoot. 

I'm still eating quacamole and garlic hummus everyday and still crave it.

I'm trusting the process of life as often and strongly as I can.   I know in the big picture of my life, these little things that are 'bothersome' or 'scary' are only stepping stones to a stronger, happier, more fulfilled life.

It is the dark and the light that propels us and makes me me.  It is the dark and the light the propels us and makes you you.

The human experience is light and dark.  I say send love to the dark and be love in the light.  Love through it all.  Love yourself - all of you as best you can.  You are unique.  You are made to be here on this earth just as you are.  Share you.  Share your uniqueness.  Love your uniqueness.  You matter here in the big picture of living.  You were born to matter because you do.

May you live in your uniqueness that our world needs just because you were born with it.  It matters where you are at.  May you be kind to yourself or whatever it is you need just now - may you give it to yourself; if at all possible.

Walk on

May you breathe, share, live all of you.  May you walk on as you.  May you, lovingly, share your truth to propel you into all that you are and all that you can be.

As you bring your truest of self into every relationship, situation, circumstance and nuance, you know that your truth is what is guiding, creating and propelling you into your future. 

This YOU cannot be wrong.   Whatever comes from this truth is your path and yours to live and embrace; encounter and experience.

The relationships that bloom from your truth are the relationships that are, perhaps, the most meaningful and can encapsulate the beauty and vibrancy of you.

As you walk through what you are feeling and experiencing with awareness and fulfillment, You are present for yourself and can stand strong in who you are. 

This is living a fulfilled life.  This is, perhaps, what the greatest experience of being human is.

My wish is that you live your life fulfilled in each moment because you own/delve into everything that you breathe.

Walk on.  Walk on. 

Oh Boy

I am hurting in my body and fingers.  I am angry with myself that I find myself 'here'.  I do not wish to participate in this same old habit of my body (hurting when it turns cold).

I thought just being me would take it away.  I thought being in warmer ('sunnier') weather would help completely.  Being my authentic self would alleviate some if not all dis-ease.  It was working for a while.  I wasn't in great discomfort anyway.

I am thinking that I lost me again some.  I gave up on listening to my own needs as I moved and listened to what I perceived others' needs to be above my own.  I guess I can only do this for a very short time before my body begs for attention.

Do I wish this to be my truth... not really

Is it... I'm thinking yes.

I would tell 'others' to be gentle and kind to themselves if they found themselves 'here'.  I am doing my best to be gentle and kind to myself as I experience not feeling like enough; wishing I could do more or better and not wanting to be in pain. 

Oh, this being human is quite the challenge for me just now.

I'm resisting what is...  I know it.

And, just in this moment, I cannot do different.

May you be gentle and kind to yourself when you feel things you may not want to feel.  May you be in your happy as you feel things you love to feel.

May you accept it all as best you can.

Tuesday

The days come and go.  The weeks, months, years and even decades pass. They wait for no one.

I have no thoughts or words that I know how to share.  I have shared everything in me that I am able and know how.

I am here in this present moment and I have no big action plan.

I have no judgment.

I usually hear myself saying 'let's see what the day brings'. 

I am lost between doctors and having medical guidance.  I have been under one doctor's care since I was 21 (over 30 years)  and, after 3 or 4 years of searching, diagnosed with 'scleroderma'. 

I have a new rheumatologist appoint next week.  It is my plan to go into his office with openness, open mind and a fresh start.  I plan to listen to what he knows and suggests instead of going in to share what I have learned and where I have been and what I have tried. 

I do feel like I have stayed mostly on top of the latest drugs and developments where this dis-ease is concerned.

I am starting fresh as this is where I find myself.

I am hurting physically and emotionally where I find myself.  I'm scared and uncertain as to what, if any, 'answers' I will find. 

My hands are swollen as the weather went from the 90's to the 60's in the last few weeks (these are the extremes) and my mind is frightened of the major change and loss of my connection with the Pennsylvania doctor.  We have been through a lot of trying, learning, growing, healing together.  I move on as I am no longer in Pennsylvania.

Much has changed in my life these past two years.  I am in a different place.  My house up north is still for sale so I haven't completely allowed myself to let go of what was. 

That house was built with my hands and needs in mind.  I now live where door knobs and locks, water spouts and nozzles and not-as-easy every day life things are present. 

I know I am okay.  I know I will be great.  I know I will succeed.  I know I will settle in.

Until then, I breathe.  I do what life presents to me.  I live what I create.  I walk on.

May you breathe, do, create and walk on with your awesome self just as you are and just as your life is. 

                                                        Unknown

Our/My/Your World

How are you doing in this world that we all have come into; that we all have participated in; that we all have helped to create; that we all live in... 'How you doin...'

Perhaps, you know.  Perhaps, you do not.  Perhaps, you are teetering between knowing and not knowing.

Wherever you find yourself today, in this minute - my wish is that you allow it to be so as you participate and bring your truth into it. 

Whether we accept it or not, this is our truth in this minute.  We can ignore it, love it, not want it to be so...BUT, it is so nonetheless.

This is you living your life right now.  This is it. 

I accept my success as I am today.  I am a success because I love, I connect, I belong, I curdle, I rise, I experience, I cry, I laugh.  I AM A SUCCESS.

May you know that you are a success just as you are.  As you stay stagnant, as you fly high, as you hover over, as you 'just are', as you breathe - YOU ARE A SUCCESS.

May you own all that you are, all that you have done, all that you are doing and all that you feel and may you live out from here.

Shutters

We have the shutter guys here today.  We are getting shutters on our windows in the Living Room.  We ordered them before we moved in which is approximately 3 months ago.  They are here today.

It is a rainy, gray day.  It is cool; 66 deg. F.  They will be here all day hammering and doing 'shutter' things.

I am excited to see the outcome and change that these shutters bring in the feeling and in the look of the room.

One small thing can change and alter how we look and see things; how we feel and respond to things.

Shut out as you process through what doesn't feel good in you.  Open up to what does. It can be this simple and this complex.  I wish for simple for you. 

May you notice how you respond to things.  If you do not like your response, may you delete it and respond in favor of yourself.

Respond favorably on.!

Where am I...

I am experiencing turmoil within.  I feel confusion and uncertainty.  I feel peace yet with an unknowing that feels new to me.

I am in a new place that I do not recognize and I cannot put words to.

I am and that is all I know in this moment.

I hear the trickle of the fountain.  I watch the raindrops in midair.  I feel a coolness that is uncomfortable.  I breathe heavy with a weight that is unrecognizable.

I embrace what is.  I don't know what I am embracing.  I do know that I'm not running from 'it'.

I am walking through as me.

There is a blankness in my mind.  There is a lack of understanding on where to go from here.  I sit in this.

My thumbs are sore and hard to use.  My face is tight and uncomfortable.  My digestion is off as my belly feels swollen.  My head is tight.  It surely feels like the skin around my skull is way too small/tight and thin for it to act like a comfortable encasement for my skull.  I feel my forehead's tension. 

I feel nutty as I hear/read these words coming from my fingers. 

This is my truth in this minute.  It is okay because it is what is.  I need to believe there is a reason for it.  I believe I need to have a discussion with someone that scares me and feels very difficult.  Will I do it....  I'm hoping yes.

Sometimes we feel like we are lost...  Are we lost or are we being found...

May you allow your path to unfold and participate as only you can and bring you into every breath and circumstance that unfolds in front of you. 

Walk on as YOU.

There is a strong urge to type -- 

Today is a good day for breathing.  May you be aware of your breath.  Breathe life in.  Breathe life out.  Breathe you. 

May you be gentle and loving towards yourself. 

Evening

Evening may be my favorite time of day tonight.  It is dark and beautiful weather.  It is comfortable and there is not a lot of the day left to be doing too much.  I can turn off and relax into the night.

I'm beat up.  I overwork my hands, my body and my mind as I move into my new house and create our new home. 

To find a light switch, to find an outlet, to lock the doors, to remember where the shower is and the toilet room....  It is quite the hoot.  Where did I put the dishes, the pens, the scissors and the dog food.   Where do I put the recyclables and where do I store the holiday boxes.

As I have two chairs for the one office desk, which one do I use. 

I am doing my best to put 9,000 sq. ft. of houses into one home that is less than 3,000 sq. ft.  I'm downsizing.  I'm simplifying.  I'm creating more ease.  I'm being tested on my ability to let go. 

Where do I put the cat litter box...  Where do I put the bird...  

How do I use the oven; the washer, the stove top.  Where are the air conditioning units that I'd like to put good air filters in...

Hoot.  It is quite the hoot.   I have created and decorated a few homes, this is my hardest.  Or so it seems.

I know it is the right thing for myself and my family.  None of us know how to do this as we have never done it before.  I do feel blessed that I lived so 'full'.   I am struggling because the change is big.  It is what I want.  It is what I'm open to.  So, I walk on and 'ache' while I let go of pictures, plates, and furniture that brought me so much joy.  It is really not the 'stuff', it is the memories attached to the 'stuff'. 

I realize that I can keep the memories in my heart and let go of the stuff.  I send it out into the world with love hoping others will have wonderful times making memories with this 'stuff'. 

I'm discombobulated and tired.   I'm thrilled and tried.  I'm happy and sad. 

Such is the human gamut of emotions and feelings.

May you allow yourself to experience the gamut of emotions and feelings that are being presented to you as you walk through the life that you created.  Love yourself through.  Trust the process and trust yourself to be okay as you breathe through each situation you find yourself 'visiting'.

Amen.  Alleluia,  Please let peace, possibility and potential of each situation guide you to your destiny that is within you and bring it without to live all that you are now, today, as your fullest, most awesome self.  Boo-yah!

Miserable

I didn't want to come 'here' as I'm moody, miserable, irritable and cranky.  I don't want to share this part of me.  I'm not sure I know how.   I'm going to type and see what comes up.

I'm sulking because I am looking for new doctors to take on 'my case' of ill health and pain; a diagnosis of scleroderma.

I have had the same doctor for 30 years and another for 15 and as they are 1200 miles away now, I need to replace, restart and refresh my connection to new professionals -- to look at my symptoms with new awareness and new information, perhaps. 

Just making the phone calls makes me angry.  I guess I am mad that I have to still search for help in trying to feel better, stronger. 

I wanted to be 'healed' by now.  My truth is that I am not.

I hurt.  I get dizzy.  My energy level is low.  My desire to accomplish anything is questioned.  My ability to do 'enough' is frustrating me as I judge myself. 

So, I guess I am sulking.  So, I will sit in my sulk; walk around in my sulk; be with my sulk as best and as true as I can.

I don't even want to be with me.  !

Yesterday, I thought I was 'good' at not letting things bother me.   Well, today, it is another story! 

'Momma told me there would be days like this'....  Yikes.

May you embrace your feelings that you don't want to feel and breathe in and out from the depth of them.  I believe it is worth a shot to see where it brings us.

I embrace my 'sulk' as best I can. 

Achy Breaky

The temperature has dropped 20 degrees.  My body knows this.  I feel an uncomfortableness through my body.  I am so used to this feeling.  I usually don't welcome it.  Today, I feel like I am welcoming it.  I have no clue why.  I'm not liking it, but I am welcoming it.

The muscles feel like they are tense and tired.  My hands are not purple.  This is different news.  The achiness is so loud.  My thoughts go to taking a pain pill so I don't have to feel it.  And, it has been all morning and I have not taken enough to not feel it.  I have taken little. 

I am so very torn between taking medicine for the quiet, numbing affect and feeling what I feel.  Does the medicine make me feel things I don't want to feel...  Is it scleroderma making me feel certain ways... 

I no longer know.  To get help in deciphering this has been impossible for me.  I will still look for guidance and professional advice. 

I live in a world where the people that dispense medicine know the medicine is my best path.  The people that want to do alternative ways guide me into herbs, meditation, inner knowing.   I am uncertain which works for me as I've tried much and I still ache when it gets cold, especially so quickly.

So, what is a woman to do.  I walk on.  I breathe through.  I stay open to finding my best path as I live the path that is here for me to live.

Confusion is prevalent.  To continue to reach out and still be pained is difficult for me currently. 

I am where I am and I do what I do.  I love on and through and out and in.  It is all I know in this moment. 

May you be who you are in this moment.  May you connect to the love that is you.

                                                                Unknown

Download

I believe I'm getting a 'universal download' just now.  I believe I am, along with many people that I know.  I believe that you may be in the process of receiving the same as well.

By download, I mean, chaos, interruptions, being led to pay more attention to things, connecting more to our own truth, being brave enough to share this truth and feeling/thinking/being/walking into unknown territories as they present themselves to us as our true self.

Feelings in the body that may be unpleasant want our attention.  Feeling emotions and not sure what to do with them as I don't want to send them away or ignore them anymore.  Feeling like a shift in our lives may be taking place. 

Sometimes, it's about having way more information than I want and, sometimes, not being able to think clearly.  Way too much information going on up in here...!

I truly do not know.  I do believe that life IS different and this difference is, perhaps, the best time ever to build/create the life we want to live going forward from the inside out.

May you build your life that you want to live going forward from your inside out.  May you use all the 'tools' you have available to you and, creatively, 'be' the life you want to live.

                                                     Unknown

Fear

"Fear is a natural reaction we have when moving closer to the truth."  Pema Chodron

While I am noticing fear less and less in my life just now, I am noticing challenges, change and action into what propels me forward.

I do believe as we get closer to living and sharing our true self, fear does get louder (perhaps) because 'ego' wants to keep us where we are.  We (even though we may not like it)  know that we can live through what we are living through because we are doing such.

With change; the unknown, we are not quite as certain.  We are unsure if we can survive in different circumstances; different areas; different careers; different relationships; different thinking patterns ONLY because we have not done so.

I'm here to voice that YES WE CAN.  YES, we can survive in all kinds of circumstances, climates, changes, patterns, relationships, careers, etc.   YES WE CAN.   YES YOU CAN.

We survive until we do not.  We may as well thrive as best we can today.  Let go of the outside and inside 'noise' that is unhelpful.  If you find your mind going 'there' and it doesn't feel 'right', let your mind rest on what feels 'right'.  Breath is always right.  (just saying)

How do we know the difference -- does it feel real...  Is this what your circumstance truly is just now....  Do you know 100% for certain that this is the truth....

Go where you know reality, your true reality lies...   Breathe, feel and own your grandness through.  My hope is that we do not let anger, fear, or hurt put a false mask/cover on our life any more. 

I can only be open to achieving this in every breath I take.

May you achieve peace within so peace without is possible.

Cranium

My head is tingly.  My mind is dizzy.  My thoughts are incomplete.  My eyes are blurry.   My heart is deciding between open and closed today as every member of my family find their own way through the turmoil of boxes all over the home.  

I sit here with my bird, a lovely yellow cockatiel named 'Sunshine', chirping for me as she can not see me and it is close to her bedtime where I cover her cage with a light sheet.  She is calling for me to give her attention. 

...She was whistling non-stop so I went to her and gave her what she wants.  She is now quiet and, I suppose, happy!  Hoot.

It is quite cool here.  There is a slight chill in the air and it invigorates and enlivens me.  To know that it is cool and, yet, a long, cold, dreary winter is not around the corner is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself.  I have arrived!  Yes!

I still am surrounded by disorganization and change and I know that I am perfectly okay and on my right path. 

Never has it taken me so long to settle in to a house.  And, I feel in no hurry to have everything in its place.  I am honoring the change and my inability to process it all quickly.  Another great gift I give myself.  Woo hoo!

We turn the clock back tonight as in 'Fall back'.  It is now 6:22 p.m.  Tomorrow this time it will be 5:22 p.m.  Strange.  And it just is because a group of people get together and say it is so and a larger group of people accept it as so.   Does time really matter in the big scheme of things... 

Our world has grown and changed so greatly over the last few years because of the internet and the ability to connect to each other.  We contact people we never ever would've before this.  We are never alone.  There are very few places to hide.  When this part of the world ripples, it is now more apparent that the opposite side of the world ripples too and vice versa.  The information that is at our fingertips is astounding. 

We grow forward; together.  We support and 'grow on'.

May we live our best lives yet and live the full life that is inside of us to live.

                                                     Unknown

Knowing Nothing

It has been (what feels to me) a long time since I have posted.  I come with an empty mind and full heart. 

The weather has gotten cooler and it is more alive and less stagnant.  It is a wee bit crisp and lighter.  The skies are more blue and the greenery against it is beautiful as I look up at the dancing fronds of the palm and coconut trees that I love to watch.

My house is in small chaos with boxes all around again as I unpack the last round of my 'stuff'.  My hands are so sensitive I choose to only do a wee little bit at a time.  If it isn't easy, I'm letting it sit.  I do not have the drive or desire to continue to completion just now.  So, I sit in small chaos.  My human brain allows me to ignore it because I choose to. 

It is amazing how our human brains can ignore and/or not pay attention to things we choose.  The saying that there is an elephant in the room and no one talks or deals with it...  most of us humans are pretty good at letting it sit dormant and out of our thoughts. 

I had some "Be U" tank shirts made for my own enjoyment and I am enjoying them.   A rainbow of colors. 

I did not know fear about the upcoming winter weather this year!  Huge for me!  and peaceful.  I so love not having to think so much about fighting the elements of the cold weather, darkness and snow.  I am where I belong.  I know gratitude for this.  Peace is on inside of me where the weather is concerned.

I have all my fountains going in various parts of my home and I enjoy the flow of water and the sound of it trickling down stones, over crystals and through man made rock. 

The bird loves being out on the patio and the dogs love walking in the neighborhood as much as I.  My cat seems very content as well.  We are creating a home. 

We are one - my family and I and we are supporting each other to live our best lives individually; together as best we can for today.  We have made a pact to do so. 

We are settling in, albeit the hardest 'settle' I've experienced as far as moving into a home goes.  And, it is okay.

My beautiful home up north is still for sale and it weighs heavy.  I pray for a perfect buyer to come and love it as much as I did.  Can't make this stuff up....  So, I pray and wait and know that everything will work out in the time it is supposed to.  Even as I feel challenged with this, I trust it is where I'm supposed to be; what I'm supposed to experience. 

Wherever and whatever you are in your life,

May you know and trust that it is all for your higher good of the big picture of your life and you are always okay.

If you are great, may you enjoy every breath in one of the peaks in your life.  If your not feeling as fortunate just now, breathe every breath knowing that you are creating another peak and during this 'down time', it is your greatest opportunity to do so.  And so it is...

I wish you all 'inner knowing' and living your life from the inside out through love; together.

                                                         Unknown