Not as Easy

I am finding it harder to know easily what to write and/or say.  I hesitate to start typing here in this moment.

I have the bird out of its cage on the small back enclosed patio.  She is a very happy bird.  My dogs are not so happy.  My one girl sits and cries wanting to go 'visit' with Sunshine the bird.

The other one is a little 'dense' and not as concerned by the bird flying around happily.

The sun is shining; it is not as humid and the sun is hot and the breeze is breathable. 

I wait for my daughter to come to go to the gym.  I'm feeling a bit weak and dizzy; lightheaded even.  I will go to the gym with the goal to start slow and see where I end up.  I drank some Gatorade because my resting pulse was lower this morning than usual and it is already pretty low.  

I believe it's all the change in me and around me.  I am a bit overwhelmed and unable to take it all in and unable to feel completely safe and/or trusting the process of life easily just now.

There is a huge part of me that does trust life and myself to be ok forever.   Yet, there are some cells of my body that still want to mess with me and keep me where I am.  Some would say it is the ego.  Some would be right, most likely.

I am not speaking my truth and I cannot seem to stop it from coming forward and sharing it.  While this is what I wanted, I did not realize I would then have to learn more by way of handling, sharing, and continuing on in this truth.

Woo Hoo.... more 'enlightenment'.   Where are the angels?  Where is the full blown out peace?  Where is the complete ease that enlightenment brings one?  Ha.

I heard it say that to achieve enlightenment, one must be willing to look and act head on to change.

I am changing and I'm still a huge work in progress.   And I go on.

May you allow yourself to evolve through your truth, your own reaction to your truth and staying in truth even as you question it.  Enlighten on! 

Freeze or Go

..."that he freezes in action...  "... The more you love your art/calling/enterprise, the more important its accomplishment is to the evolution of your soul, the more you will fear it and the more Resistance you will experience facing it."  From the book "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield

I have fear and am afraid (know great resistance) of going after my inner knowing that I am here to help others be their truest of self.  I believe I'm supposed to be out in the world speaking what I have learned.  I am so afraid to speak out in the world.  I wish I didn't know this was my 'calling'.  I wish this wasn't for me to do.  I know I'm going to rock helping others be their truest and best selves.   Just have to get it going on.  lol  Whoomp there it is again...

May you know and embrace your 'calling' and "live your unlived life"*.  Steven Pressfield

Calling

"Remember our rule of thumb:  The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it."  From the book "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield

May you walk through any fear and do what you are meant to do.

Present

"When the alarm goes off, I use it as a reminder to immediately get into my 5 senses for 1 minute or so.  By making a conscious effort to be aware of what I see, hear, taste, smell and touch, I'm not just physically being where I am, but I become physically, and consequently spiritually, present.  This fun little process has taught me, over time, how to move out of the hustle and bustle that we tend to get caught up with each day, and how to take time out to get present.  Ultimately, being present has allowed me to be more relaxed and open to the flow of life. 

From the book "Easy Breezy Miracle" by Emmanuel Dagher

May you take time to be present to where you are and how you feel. 

Present = Gift

'Live in the present; that's why it is called a gift.'  Unknown

"On the other hand, there are some people that always focus on the future by looking for the next thing to satisfy them.  What I've noticed is that many of these people are rarely satisfied, because they aren't able to enjoy their present experience long enough due to the fact they are constantly looking towards the next thing to satisfy them."  From the book "Easy Breezy Miracle" by Emmanuel Dagher

May you give yourself the gift of the present.

Known/Unknown

"Live purposely by going beyond comfort every day.  Do not fear the unknown, fear not knowing."  "From Hurt to Happiness" by Mike Van

May you be 'in the know'.

Thank You

Thank you for coming to my blog.

My hope is that you connect to what comes up for you while reading the posts and allow yourself to honor, love and live your own truth. 

Just Be You

I believe our reason to be here now, on this Earth, at this time, is to live the truest of selves, together.  I believe this would be pretty cool!  lol

Thank you to the people in:

Russia
United States
United Kingdom
Germany
Sweden
Poland
Italy
China
France
Ireland

Namaste'
which to me means I honor you through the depth of who I am to the depth of who you are. 

May you "Namaste'" every one you encounter starting with YOUrself. 

Declaration

A week or so ago, I declared that I was not going to allow tension in my body.  While for a few days, there was little tension in me; today, it is not the case. 

I have great tension and dis-ease prevalent.  I'm moving about breathing heavier, holding on tightly and not trusting myself to just be and be able.

I do not like this 'feeling'; physically nor mentally.  It is very unsettling and very uncomfortable.

Much of my thoughts are negative and holding on for better, easier days.  While my mind knows that this is not what I choose to do, there is a force here that feels greater than myself not allowing ease in all my situations that I encounter and create.

So, what to do...?  I am uncertain.  My goal is to embrace this tension; get it's message(s) and move on.

Will it work?  I haven't a clue.  Will I do it?  Yes, I will.

Hello tension - talk to me!   lol  Yikes.

May you embrace what you are/feel/believe and live through and on as greatly as you can.

Dis-Ease

I was walking my dogs this morning and my one little girl likes to run after the geckos.  She runs under the bushes if I don't catch her in time.  

Well, she did just this and got tangled and stuck.   Although she had no clue that she was stuck; it was I feeling stuck having to go in after her...

I had a melt down.  I am certain this meltdown had more to do with the way I was feeling than having to go through spider webs to unhook and free my dog. 

I found myself begging God for ease.  I want to know 'ease'.  I want to feel 'ease'.  I want to 'be ease'.  I am 'ease'.  "I am ease" is what the conclusion of my melt down led me to.

Can some dis-ease possibly have to do with the lack of ease....   I don't know.

I pray for ease.  I pray for ease for all as we journey on to our best selves. 

May you welcome ease in everything you do; as often as possible.

                                                                   Unknown

Exercising

I am moving!  It feels so wonderful!  It may be the greatest gift we can gift to our self. 

I am listening to my body.   I have some thoughts that I cannot do it and it never ever happens that I cannot.  Some days I surprise myself and other days I am gentle. 

Today, as I was putting my sneakers on; 4 minutes later, I had them on.   Yikes.  They are pull straps and with my lovely fingers and the very small knob that needs to be on them to pull the shoe open and closed...  well, it is a hoot.  Although, at the time, I was not 'hooting'!  A new pair just may be the answer...I tried these because shoes that tie mess with me also. 

It is different than it used to be for me.  And, I can still love it.  I love the weights.  They energize and fulfill something in my soul.  I guess I love the challenge and I certainly love the results.  I am stronger, firmer and more 'svelte'.  lol   This is the miracle of the human body; to move it doing whatever it is that brings joy.  I believe this also enables us to be closer to our whole true self.  Those endorphins, that make us feel good that release during exercise, are a joy themselves.  So many good things happen!

I take turns on the treadmill and the elliptical and the bike.   I have done a few yoga classes.   My body is thanking me every chance that it gets.

My ears still ring, my head is heavy and my body is asking me where have you been....

I move on....

May you move your wonderful and magnificent body that supports you through every moment of every day functioning all by itself without you having to do much at all.....   Love it back....   May you move it through joy when you are ready. 

Who wears socks like these anymore!?!?!  lol

Grandeur

I walk in grandeur.  I walk on and through.  I ride the roller coaster of life and it's exhilarating and very scary and rough.

This is life here on our Earth.  Right now, in this moment, you are alive.  You are living. 

Ride the Wave; Be All That You Can Be; Life's a Beach; It's the Climb; The Road Less Travelled; Be in Peace and Not Pieces; When You Know Better You Do Better; Just Be U...  All these quotes are true for somebody.  Sometimes, millions of somebodies.  Sometimes, one somebody.

Nothing; nothing matters more to your life than the way YOU see your world.  If you do not like what you see, change your thoughts, your words, change the way you are looking. 

If I see a sick dog, it makes me sad.  And, if I can see that this dog is being loved, being cared for, sharing love...  I see beauty.

If I see a sick animal uncared for....  there is always one thing I can do to help...  Take it to a vet, give it water, give it shelter.  If it is a dried up worm with barely no life left... I can put it on the grass to let it die in the best comfort possible. 

Yes, many things are hard; not right; awful things.  If each one of us follows our truest of self through love, we can choose to change something.  Hopefully, with this one change, and our collective 'changes', CHANGE will continue on and spread and, just maybe, tomorrow -- there will be one thing that is less hard, not right or awful.

I believe. 

May you know the part of yourself that believes as well and have this part with you wherever you are.

                                                          Photograph by Geff Gorman (FB)

Posts

It is getting harder to post because I am in 'deep'.  I think my husband and I
'reach(ed) the unreachable star' yesterday.   Our relationship is at a whole new depth.  There isn't anything outstanding that I need to discuss with him that is bothering me or holding me back or that gives me a headache!  lol

We have worked through many issues, thoughts, situations, experiences and reconnected at a deep, deep, level.  I always knew he is my soul mate.  I was so very, very, very, much in love with him and he was my dearest and deepest trusted friend when we married.  I do not know how people that do not have this strong of a connection stay married as months, years, decades go by.  It is, without a doubt, a 'place' to reach and grow to one of  the deepest levels of who we are.

So, as I recover from a weekend of talk, banter, discussions and learning how to communicate each other's way at it's (hopefully) depth:  his in business mode, mine in feel mode.....  Wowza.   We both expressed what we needed to and we were heard and listened to.

HUGE.

I'm tired just as I discuss it here ever so briefly.  It brings me back to numbers, percentages, fractions and huge, in-depth, spreadsheets.   I kid you not.   I found myself bored and not able to take it all in.  And, when I decided I can do this for the sake of 'reaching the unreachable star', it worked.  I'm sure that he is also drained.  It took a lot of work for us to connect through what is not our strongest points.  I have business savvy and he has feelings, but it takes a lot of work from each of us for the opposite of what we are good at "to be front and center and present for extended periods.  I found I was able to speak in a way that I knew she heard me and she was able to speak in a way she knew I heard her... this required a lot of active listening." 

"After spending many frustrating conversations for us both, huge energy draining attempts to get on the same page"*...we have found our communication, for today, for us both to speak and to be heard.  "It feels glorious."*
*quoted from my husband (how about that!)

May you learn how to communicate in your most important relationship(s) as you may reach your glory on a deepest possible level.

                                                      RFK Bridge, New York

Release

I release all of me that does not come from the depth of who I am.  Whoomp, there it is!  

I woke up this morning thinking this thought.   I liked it.  It felt good.  It felt right.

I release me.  I release all that is not me.  I am me.  I am...

May you allow who you are to be the biggest participant in your life.  With ease, and gentleness.  Amen. 

Just When

I'm reminded of when I wrote in a past post that I've had enough suffering; please let it be so... or something like this.

Well, just when I think I have much figured out and I'm going to head down 'Easy Street' for a bit, BAM, more learning comes my way in the form of --

My inability to stand strong in my very own beliefs and allowing another to own their own beliefs.  It seems that there is such a fine line that divides people that there is always 'seeping' going on.

I know my truth, yet, when I hear an other's, I allow myself to get confused and/or dizzy with seeing the same thing in two (or more) very different ways.  Yikes!

I am still learning how to know my truth and live in my truth deeper, firmer, stronger while still being compassionate and empathetic to an other's own truth; especially when I let their truth interfere with my own.   

It is a large 'wall' to pass through/around/over. 

May you have your own back and your own truth of who you are with you always; especially as you hit your own 'walls' in your own journey.

I believe this is the best way to 'conquer these walls' with as much ease as possible.  Perhaps, even one day, to see them as beautiful gifts. 

Teach

I have but one thing to teach....   "JUST BE U".

You already know/are everything else you need...!  Just 'tune in'. 

May you give yourself full permission to Just Be You.

                                           EWAO Facebook page/"Huron Eye"/Russian Sky

LuLu

I am hoping to take 'crazy' out of my vocabulary when I am referring to myself!  lol

So, 'lulu' is what came out today!  oh my!

As I was 'shutting off' for the night, something told me to pick a Tarot Card.  Usually I run my right hand over the deck of cards laid out across each other and I close my eyes and feel 'heat'.  This heat prompts me to pick the card attached to the heat (as I believe it to be).

Last night, for the first time, I could not feel any heat.  I found this interesting.  So, I used my left hand and, yes, heat was felt in it.  I picked this card and, below, is its description.

[Please note:  It is my understanding/belief that our dominant hand is our adult hand and the less dominant hand could be construed as our inner child's hand.  So, one could write a letter with the less dominant hand just to see what comes up.  If this resonates with you, I hope you have fun with it.  It certainly has connected me to things I wouldn't have connected to otherwise.  Feel it; let it go.]

One of Coins

"You are at the beginning of wellbeing, which could pertain to physical health, material comfort, or receiving or giving nurturing.  You are on the right path to acquisitions, wealth and success in the material world.  Do not forget, however, that every manifestation in the material world emanates from the spirit."

From the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

May you hear the words that you refer to yourself as/with, and change them up to be more self supportive. 

Humdinger

'Humdinger' is the word of the day on Dictionary.com.   I feel like I'm living in 'Humdinger-ville'.  This is a great word.  Humdinger.  

May you be open to experience your own 'humdingers' .

 

 Uknown

Continuing On

I am knowing that this is where I'm at... I can no longer wait around until I feel better, stronger, different.   This is me.  All of me.

I find myself 'itching' to get out; to not 'just be' anymore.   I can 'just be' anywhere I am. 

If my dogs bark, I get angry.   If they have to go out, I'm feeling interrupted.  I don't only want to take care of a home and a family any more.  I need to take care of the spirit of the woman that is me.  I don't quite know what to do explicitly, and I do know that it's not being taken care of in the way that only I can.

So, out I go.  I hear myself saying "I just need to get away from 'here'."  I know love 'here' and I also know I need to experience more than this at this time of my life.

I feel like I'm 'climbing the walls'!  Lol and Hip Hip Hooray.   I want more for myself. 

While I'm not feeling good being in these feelings.  I am grateful for these feelings because I know they are exactly what will propel me to 'experience more'.

May you listen, hear, and respond to your feelings, thoughts and emote through and with them.

                                                         "Survivor" CBS

I'm

I'm somewhere between lost and found!  lol

I don't truly know where I am.   There is much that seems so unfamiliar.  There is much that is familiar. 

I am still following instead of leading. 

I'm following 'others'.   

...  I am finding it interesting how most of us say 'other's needs', other's opinions, other's feelings; don't let 'others' tell you what to do.   If we are all saying 'other's...  what are we?   Aren't we the 'other's'?  Yikes

It is time to get out of every one else's needs, opinions, and feelings and stay coming from our own.  It's okay to share, care, help.  It is not okay to ignore, disassociate, and/or dismiss our own needs, opinions and feelings.

May you be more found than lost! 

Working

I'm working on better communication going forward with my man.  OH BOY!  lol

While he has asked me to leave him out of this blog; yet supports me with it....  it is hard to post when I am strongly involved with learning and growing in my relationship with him.

He is coming tonight!  I know excitement, anticipation and anxiety.

It is like I get set in my way, my schedule, my daily-ness and then he comes and 'my way' gets disrupted.  It has been like this for 20 years since he created, and we accepted, a job that has him traveling much during the week. 

So, he comes in tonight and, because of my choosing, I'm already rearranging things for his comfort and his stay.  I want him here and it's an adaption for all... until we finally, figure out a better way to have his income and have my health.... 

We cannot foresee much in life.  We can only do the best we can with the 'cards' we are dealt.  I believe this is what he and I have done.

There has been much greatness and much hard work and much flexibility and much giving up time with each other.  There has been good, wonderful decisions.  There have been not so good decisions.

And, right now in this minute we are married 22 years and going forward with great hope of more greatness coming our way.  How lucky we are to want to continue on together, forever.

Working together to raise our one and only brilliant and lovely child has been more like a tag team effort.  It worked for us a lot of the time.  It didn't always work for us.  It was what we created with what we knew, who we were, what came our way and what we were able to build together.  I am so grateful that I was there when she took her first step, said her first word, went to her first year of school, rode her first horse, took her first driving experience, graduated from high school and found the most perfect college for herself.  I was there.  I witnessed and experienced it all.  I am very blessed because of this. 

I also gave up my exercise company, playing out in the world alone, being with many friends often and exercise from time to time.  I alone chose to give these things up.

Back to my communication with my husband.  We are going forward as a couple again; this time with a recently grown child and I hold on to things that hurt me in the past, felt walked over at times, and want appreciation for allowing him to be the best that he could be on the job and out in the world.  It is what worked best for us and we both just want to be appreciated, honored and loved for who we are and what we did and how we loved, supported and gave to each other.   Is this my version of a mid-life crisis..  Maybe.  Is this just being human..  Maybe.  Is this me needing more connection with my man.. Maybe.

And, I'm open to doing better, creating anew, admitting I'm far from perfect, I made mistakes and I know that this man is the man that I'm supposed to be doing exactly this with.   Huge Learning.

So, as we communicate and let go and build anew.... emotions are rampant, feelings are out on the table and love is in the air.   Oh what a long marriage entails.

Entail on and marry away and continue to always, as best we can, come from a truthful and loving place as often as possible.

This is no easy feat.  Marriage is a continuous, never-ending work in progress.  Some great times.  Some rough times.  Some so-so times.   We've had them all. 

It seems that when he was 'out', I was 'in' and when I was 'out' he was 'in'.  There was always one of us fighting to stay in.   So far, we have won!  What a upside down, backwards, fast, slow, above water, below water roller coaster ride we've had, thus far. 

Communication changes all the time as we ourselves change.  What a 'hoot' and, perhaps, the strongest place to find one's truest of self. 

May you communicate with your partner.  If you don't have a partner just now, may you be truly open to having one if this is your wish or may you be happy alone for now.   I do know that it is more desirable to be lonely when I am alone than lonely when I am in a relationship.

Lessons are everywhere, never-ending, and the most wondrous lessons are not what I call easy.  And, we can allow ease....

May you allow ease in all your relationships as you speak your truth, lovingly.  May I offer, if you cannot speak your truth - write it, sing it, act it out.... Just be sure to let the person you are in this relationship with know your truth as lovingly and gently as you can making it all about you and how you feel, think, and what you want.  (This way we don't make the other person go on defense, hopefully.)  It just may allow for greatness and, at the very least, both will know where you stand.! 

*Edited with and accepted by my husband

                                                                         Unknown

 

Unknown

Purple

As I'm stating what I feel to be true for me today, I am cold.  My hands are purple and my nose is cold.  My feet kind of/sort of hurt as I walk on them. 

Am I this afraid of who I am???  Who I am meant to be???   quadruple yikes!

I believe that I am here to heal the world.  I believe that I don't know how to be this person.  I believe there are many that are here to do just this.  

One only has to want to.   I want to.

I walk on... purple me... and all.

May you walk on just as you are and be the truth of who you are and what you are meant to do.

Together, living in our truth.... WOO HOO   we are going to have the BIGGEST PARTY BASH ever!

Are you ready?

May you walk (run, bike, swim, dance, work, horseback, love, write, teach, learn, row, sail, etc.)  your truest of self towards the biggest bash ever...   Our World United.!.!.

May you find the part of you that believes and forward on...

GRATEFUL

I sit here in front of the computer, at the desk, on a big black soft cushioned chair realizing how lucky I am.  I am here day in and day out sharing stories, thoughts, 'aha moments', beliefs, hardships, fabulousness and different situations with many. 

I learn every day many new things on how the Human Being, and it's deepest of self connected to the Spirit, lives, breathes and thinks.  I LOVE THIS.

How lucky I am to be doing what I love; to have the time to just be in the middle of truest of life's situations that many wonderful people are willing to share with me.

I am reminded of a Facebook post (from Rebel Thriver) that was a picture of a Light House setting off a beacon of light and the caption read "Lighthouses don't go running around all over an island to find boats to save; they just stand there shining." Anne Lamont

This resonated with me and brought me peace.  While I don't want to claim that I'm this beacon of light that can shine for others...  I need to claim that I'm this beacon of light that can help others shine their own light.

I am aware of many 'healers' and people 'coming out of the woodwork' and sharing their desire to help others grow; to be better, live happier, healthier, more fuller lives. 

Our world is changing for the better.   I believe.   I look for it so I see it.  IT IS PRESENT.  Good things are happening.  Our consciousness is becoming one as many are willing, some are forced and some may have to be carried kicking and screaming AND we are more aware of how the inside of ourselves affects the outside world and, also, how the outside of ourselves affect the inside of who we are and what we feel (how we are responding to same).  In truth, as I'm proofreading this, I realize that I am all three of the above..  willing, forced and kicking and screaming.  Yikes

We are more aware than ever. 

I am grateful to feel this the way I do and, while it is a heavy load (and one I've been afraid of for so long because of how I perceive(d) myself), I AM GRATEFUL to any and all who have helped me in this lifetime grow into this STRENGTH to FEEL THE WORLD and the individuals in it.   Now, I hide because I do not know how to do more or better just now. Yet, I want to.

I think, just now...   Who am I to have this beautiful gift...   Who am I not to share it...

Oh the webs of resistance I weave.  I've gotten very good at it.   I know that there is no where left to hide.  My time has come.  I am learning that it is far from the big deal that I feel it to be. 

I'm excited, anxious, in awe and scared that this is true.  I am open to BE ME.  My fear comes from... if threatened, will I survive?  Of course, I will.  And, if I don't I wasn't meant to.  And, I have to give it all I have.

Please let me not hold back anymore.   Let me rip.   Egad

May you not hold yourself back anymore.  BE YOU OUTLOUD.  BE YOU LOUDLY.  BE YOU PROUDLY.  BE YOU FULLY.  BE YOU LOVINGLY.  BE YOU WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE, ARE AND CAN DREAM UP. 

BE U

YOUR TIME HAS COME.

                                                            Ashland Farms

Thank you to my husband for supporting me financially while I explored and traveled many, many, many paths to 'wholeness'.  I could have never done it this complete if it weren't for YOU.  I travel on.. with you. 

Two

I noticed that 2 is a number that has come up for me a few times today.   I noticed that I just 'published' my 2000 post. 

So, I went and looked up information on the number 2.   This is what I found.

"Two: The symbolic meaning of number Two is kindness, balance, tact, equalization, and duality. The number Two reflects a quiet power of judgment, and the need for planning. Two beckons us to choose. The spiritual meaning of number Two also deals with exchanges made with others, partnerships (both in harmony and rivalry), and communication. Two urges us out of our indecision, calls us to unite with like-minds, and like-ideals. Two asks us to exert our natural flow of judgment to do what is best for our souls."
                                                                                    From "whats-your-sign.com/spiritual-meaning-of-numbers"

Hoot.  "Rainy Fall Day" was my 2000 post.

May you have a 'hoot' with signs and 'coincidences' that are all around you.  I believe. Just saying!

                                                       Unknown

Rainy Fall Day

I'm learning the weather here in southern Florida.  Rain, rain and rain.   Just now anyway.  There has not been many days of sun.  No full days of sun for certain.  The storms are invigorating and lovely.  The humidity and bugs are not.  I have a 'funny feeling' that if the sun were hot, it would be WAY HOT! 

It is not [ever] greener on the other side, perhaps.  There is always good with the bad and beauty with the ugly and peace with the chaos.  And, it's okay.

Embrace it all.  or so I tell myself.

I'm struggling with wanting it to feel 'easier' and 'it' not feeling so.   I am still exercising regularly although this is the third day that I did not make it the gym.  I'm feeling more sluggish for sure.

It has stormed all day.   While I took some video of it to send to friends and family, it has invigorated me during the storm, yet, now on the tail end of it, I find myself lazy. 

I have found out, somewhat quickly, that my muscles do, in fact, have memory and my ability to increase on most workouts has been doable.   There are some days, when my body doesn't want to and I honor this. 

I hear my body saying 'thank you', 'thank you', 'thank you'.  I get excited being in the gym.  It feels wonderful to sweat some and get reacquainted with my muscles.  It is a joy. 

I believe it's best for my skin, my heart,  my bones, my muscle mass and to burn calories.   Muscle burns more calories than fat and this, too, I find exciting.  Movement and weight lifting make every day life easier.  It just does.

So, while I wish I was at the gym today because I know I'd feel better after (no one has ever been sorry they exercised regularly), however, getting up at 4:30 am to take a trip to the airport and not falling back asleep set me out of sorts today and I did not push and I am sorry.  I will stay sluggish until tomorrow. 

Yes, I could beat myself up.  And, I'm learning to trust the process and not beat myself up (too bad) when I don't do what is 'right' for myself.  I am open to learning and doing better in these moments and accepting where I am, for now. 

Yes, a part of me puts a "L" on my forehead (ha) and, luckily, a larger part of me is beginning to hug myself and support myself through instead.   It is quite a different feeling than berating and judging too harshly.  It's all really okay.  And, it's all about finding the best balance as best I can.  I'm a work in progress. 

May you hug and support yourself through it all as best you can.  Perhaps, you, too, are a work in progress.  Honor where you are.  You are worth your own kindness. 

                                                         Unknown

Where I'm At

I am in a constant state of flux.  Change in my relationships, change in my locations, change in my mind, change in my being, change in my heart, change in my body.

I'm achy today.  My body does not want to do much.  My dogs didn't want to walk today.  They laid in the grass in the sunshine and didn't want to budge. 

My apartment was filled with life and love this weekend as my husband and daughter and I were all here together.  We had great laughter and we had a few 'disagreements'.  We ate meals, exercised and went looking for real estate.

We searched for barns to house my daughter's horse.  We looked at offices for my husband to possibly work from.  We searched for homes for us all to move to and my husband and I to settle in to. 

It was a weekend of great joy and great possibilities.  It was a weekend of trials and just being.  It was a weekend of the unknown and unsettling.

It was a weekend full of life.

I am a bit mad that my body is achy today; that I don't feel full of energy and ready to go still.  I want to feel like I'm not dragging myself today.   And, dragging myself I am.  What is a woman to do! 

I go on.  I know hope.  I believe in great possibilities.  I know all is okay just as it is.  I believe.

May you believe in great possibilities and be open to create what is the best world for you to live in.    Believe On.

                             Door to one of the beautiful treatments rooms at The Lane Spa

Continuing On

I'm having family moments of greatness and family moments where I still get stuck and do not 'do it differently'.  If nothing changes, nothing changes.   If something changes, something changes.

I am stuck halfway between both... ebbing on each side of the level so to speak, continuously going back and forth and, at times, being right smack in the middle of greatness and losing (or so it feels).

What a hoot that our garage door would be 'here' as well; stuck right in the middle.  The spring on the door has broken and it will only go up halfway. 

The universe is funny this way.  Things around us can show signs of exactly where we are in our lives and give us strength to laugh at it or pains to cry at it. 

We do both.   We humans are made to do both...   To balance what is as best we can with the good and the not so good; even the downright bad.

And, here I go labeling.   What if me being stuck here in the middle feeling wonderful moments and then 'trying' moments is exactly how it is supposed to be.   What if this is teaching me; possibly preparing me to move forward, to be here now, to participate fully in life now.  I can accept things as they are just now.  Know the grandness in it, know the frustration in it and choose to laugh, be happy, love, and share through it all.

I believe this is the answer.   I still get stuck in my head or my heart and do not handle a present situation to my best ability.   Or, perhaps, being stuck IS my best ability and if I accept it and not want it to be different, I can allow JOY and FLOW of most everything that is.

Oh, I need help on these matters....   And, most 'help' tells me... "This is it"... This is living....  This is life.   There is no more or no less and just walk on.

So, I'd like to offer to you.... my beautiful human being....

Just walk on and through.   You are living your life just now today.   This is it.  No more.  No less.

May you be the total truth of who you are, how you feel, what you know, and how you will go on...Feel it from the depth of yourself and allow life to flow through you with your fullest of potential at each given moment.

Sometimes you'll do great... Other times...  Not so...   You are not alone, this is how we all know life to be.

Live On.

Exploring

I'm exploring my depth.  I'm in so deep, I want to stay here until I feel most complete in my most serious of relationships.

May you explore and find what it is your soul craves.

                                                       Heart and Soul Matters

Time

The time has come.  The time is now. 

May you do what you are going to do with it, gently, lovingly, truthfully from the soul of who you are.

Foot

My foot has a bug bite on it and it itches and is swollen. It is irritating, red and numb.  My body does not seem to like bug bites.  I get welts and itching.

My little pekingese is itching her feet as well.  She has some allergies that make her feet itch from time to time. 

There is a whole lot of 'itching' going on!  lol

Little nuances can be highly aggravating.  The more attention I give them, the more aggravating they can feel.  Yet, I want to not completely ignore them as they are possibly here to be paid attention to.

Fine line.  Fine balance.  Fine life.

We all have the good.  We all have the not so good. 

May you believe that you are here to know the good; to swim and bask in the good.   You were born good.  Breathe good.  Be good.  Know good.   Whatever this means to you.  I wish you good through love of self.

Water

I'm dreaming of water, water everywhere.  I think I dreamed of riding a dolphin.  We are having huge thunderstorms with heavy rain and really loud BOOMs!  My fountain on the porch seems to be running out of water very fast lately; daily. 

Again, with the 'much flow'.

I'm riding through my moments of living.

My little Yorkie is barking away at the bird that sits on the table as it cannot go out into the patio with the storm.  She is persistent.  It is not a 'joy'.

It is very dark and I can hear the rain; see the lightning and feel the thunder as it is so loud.  The apartment's windows rattle. 

My nerves with the barking are starting to rattle.

A moment in time.

May you have a moment in time again and again and may you know peace in chaos as much as possible.

Ace of Spades

I just picked a card....  Ace of Spades

Looking on the Serenapowers.com site, this is what it represents.

"Emotional conflict, obsession, death. Things coming to a head."

Interesting.   The death thing spooks me some and I believe it can be evolving, transforming; letting go of what was. 

May you believe in what you want to create.

9/9

Yesterday was 9/9.  9 +9 = 18 which can translate to 1 + 8 = 9

Yesterday, I was given one of my greatest gifts.  My husband living in his deepest truth.  How lucky I've been since the day I met this man.  We were/are destined to be our most learned lesson of our deepest truth. 

I believe we have arrived.   I know I have...  I think!

What I believe today has often changed on the morrow. 

9Beu has come from my internal source.  Be U explains itself and 9 is the number for completion.

Be U complete.  Be you completely. 

I am now me complete.   For now anyway.  I have a funny feeling that my 'onion' has, still, many layers.  And, it doesn't matter today.  

I stand strong in what I'm about even when I do not even know.  Yikes.  LOL.  Nuts.  And, probably the most truthful thing I've ever stated here on this blog. 

May you know you, breathe you, comfort you, share you.  Let everything you are, thrive through love of the only person you will always only be with for this lifetime... Y O U! 

Share On! 

Oscillating

I am oscillating from peacefulness to hurt and back again.

My home is being liquidated and I am releasing all that was 'as me' there.  It is quite the hurt.  The pain is deep.  I feel a great loss.  I believe the loss comes from a memory or a thought that is provoked about each and most every item that is touched and removed.  The home as a whole was my beautiful sanctuary and private paradise for quite a while. 

It feels like a breakdown of everything that I was.  And, this, again, brings me back to everything that I am, everything that I was and everything that I will be is really inside of myself.

I am one of the lucky ones for so many reasons.

In my great luck, I still know pain.  This is my life's lessons and I accept them as best I can as I stay aware of what it is that shows itself to me just now.   I feel as much as I can.  I allow as much as I can.  I create anew as best as I can. I trust as much as possible.

May you offer yourself whatever you need to allow yourself to know peace as you participate fully in your own life.

May you allow your life's lessons to come to you gently and easily.

I am Being...

I am being with what is.  A have a new way, this is a new day, and I'm walking through with open heart, mind, soul, voice, and deepest truth.  Hip hip hooray!~   I believe I have found what I was so desperately looking for.  ME!   Hmm.

And, I did not know it was 'me' I was looking for, per se.   I always asked for 'peace'.  I did not know that being in one's true self is what peace would be for me. 

I am not floating around with angels flying around my head (or am I, ha).  I still feel desperation, emotion, fear of what if.  I bring my true self with me and I have the greatest faith that I can handle, concur, soar, love, hurt and still be connected to some level of peace.

My belief is that God, our Creator, the Universe, (whatever it is that your highest presence is connected to), that this beautiful all-encompassing "Light" is within each and every one of us.  It is our breath, the way our body works without doing anything, the deep connection/yearning that we all have from time to time, if not always.  I believe that It is this Light that connects us to our true self. 

I am continuing to connect to the essence of me because, then, I will know and connect to the essence of you. 

I believe this is what works best in going through and living our lifetime that is right here to live.  When we come from this place that we share our truest of selves lovingly, we can know connection, power, love, success and the greatest that has been offered to us... known and unknown. 

I believe.

I am taking this time to process and feel, embrace and honor what I have discovered...  ME 

I still know fear, I think, because my mind still goes to... I can't be berated; I can't handle harsh hatred.  I don't want to handle 'ugly'.  It does scare me.   I have suffered enough. (I hope)   I have hurt enough.  I have searched long.  I like what I found.

I guess my biggest fear now is...  will I be allowed and/or choose to keep what I found no matter what comes my way.  (I know I am not in the 'present' as I just had this thought.  However, I am here now and this is what matters most and right here, right now is good.) 

I do not know.   I hardly know anything for certain, if anything.

May you find yourself in peace, harmony, and love from your deepest truth.  Once there, may you keep what you are for as long as you are supposed to...

                                                                        Unknown

LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND NOT WHO YOU WANT YOU TO BE... 

Fountain

I had to unplug my fountain on my patio yesterday.  With the big spout of a fountain in the small lake and my fountain on my porch...  there was just too much FLOW going on.   I had to slow it down.   Whish.  Life was just flowing through me, around me, in me, on me, above me, under me... well, you get the picture!   Yikes!

Good stuff and whew!  I'm with what is as best as I can be.

Allow life to flow through you when and if you are ready.   It feels good to me!  I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with it.  And, I'm flowing!   lol

May you allow the flow of your life to live through you easily, lovingly, and may you choose to be okay with what you do not know, yet (or ever)!  JUST BE U, ALL OF YOU - BREATHE U

                                                          Photo by Geff Gorman, FB

All Along

It is interesting to me how all along, throughout this blog, pictures would just be here for the right post.  I'd take a picture yesterday; (recently, saw a picture) and what I would be typing about today - the picture tells almost the same story and just fits so perfectly with whatever it is that I was portraying or representing.  It always happily surprised me and felt so right. 

I would log in to the stats and I'd be right on with the number in my head before seeing it many more times than not.

What I'd write about or if an unusual word would come up - I would later see the same in other areas of my life.  It has been a real hoot; a real challenge; a real eye opener; a real walk on through(er); and a great lifeline for me. 

I'd start off typing and end up somewhere I had no clue I was going.  It has been a true adventure for me.  I have learned so much and have become so aware of myself.  This blog came to me for me.  I am truly grateful.  I am so appreciative that I chose this way.  I can honestly say that it feels like this way chose me.

It was not an easy path.  It was a path to enlightenment.  A path to sit securely in my truth.  I will never be perfect and I embrace this. 

My wish is that it helps you find your own way; believe in your own truth and be gentle, tender and loving to yourself and all that are in your life.

Hurt people hurt people.   It is time to stop the hurt.   It is time to live the way we best can with ourselves and each other. 

We do not know if we have tomorrow.   We know we have breath in this moment.  Do you know you are breathing?  lol 

May you live the life you breathe though you and get to the place that it feels right.

                                                                    My hand. 
                          This picture certainly surprised me, albeit, not happily! 
             This was taken yesterday because someone extremely close to me had
                                            asked me to send it to them.
      I so want to resist putting it here.  I have much apprehension and uncomfortableness.
                                       Yet, I know I'm supposed to.  Yikes.

Where I'm At

I'm in a good place.  Not an easy place but good place. 

I've soared through much more of my own muck these past three or four days.  Getting on the very same page as my husband in every aspect of our lives; an ability to see the breakdown of my Pennsylvania house and letting it go as my own; and transitioning to having my only child in a local college.  I'm settling into my temporary apartment, once again, here in Florida and I'm moving on.

I feel that while some anxiousness, excitability and uncertainty is within, I also stand strong and firm in a belief that I will be okay; better than okay even.  Everything will find it's way, work out great and I will know the feeling of being deeply settled because I'll be burying some deep roots into the ground here.  I know happiness and a drive to support myself, and others, on this ride that is called our lifetime.

I am seeing the most beautiful gift of lovingly speaking my truth and the glow, for a lack of a better word, that arises from this.  The beauty in communication that two (or more) people can find by sharing truth while not judging or anticipating anything else is HUGE.  I mean HUGE!

I'm sitting in my truth.  The interesting thing is that I always thought I was.  It was mostly all internal truth once upon a time.  Externally, I was different.  I'm probably still not as deep as I can go (from my own experience).  [If we are all like an onion and we are peeling away... I'd like to know how many layers can an onion possibly have.  I'm already past way more than I ever thought possible!]  Yet, I feel that I am no longer afraid of who I am.  I am, for the most part, not  (in my corner of my little world) afraid to feel, think, breathe, say, voice, share what is on the inside of myself.   I show it on the outside as much as I possibly can.  I believe this is a huge gift.  I know it is for myself.  I think it is for every one else that knows me as well.

Only time will tell.  I am lovingly open to share from the depth of myself as much as I know how to today.  I come from my truth.   My truth is the only thing that truly matters for me and for the world around me.  I am open to hearing others' truth lovingly as well.  I am learning that it is only what I believe that truly affects me.

When we come from the depth of who we are, we are living and doing what we were created and here on this earth to do.  I BELIEVE.

I am sitting at this desk that is semi-comfortable for me.  My dogs lie here in this small room.  My bird sits, happily, out in the patio in 90 degree heat having just taken a spritzer bath.  I wait for my daughter to come home so we can go to the gym.  My husband is in Pennsylvania working ever so hard and will be here for his once every two weeks visit next week.   We are selling a home that we have built our lives around.   We are relocating full time back to Florida, a dream of mine for a long time.   My hands are still somewhat deformed and my skin is still tight.  I'm not completely comfortable in my body and I'm getting there.  I'm eating better but still have a caffeine free diet coke with lemon from time to time.  I am watching how my body reacts to this.   I am living in an apartment and can only think of it as temporary because I like me some space.  I am still living in upheaval and have since I have been 10 or so when my dad disappeared from the family.  Very rarely have I just had one home and stayed put.  I like the adventure I suppose.  I'm comfortable with it.  I do want to stay and make Florida the primary residence and maybe just live elsewhere for 2 or 3 months out of each year.  I want to be a 'great weather chaser'.  I want to share the depth of our world from within and without through love and tenderness.  I believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience and I believe that we are all connected at this very depth of our source of breath.

I may never find out if what I believe is true.   And, it's okay.   I know I am here today breathing and typing this.  I know that I am open and truthful as I can be.  I am proud and happy of who I am.  I am perfect in all my many imperfections.  There is no one else anywhere that can be me.   There is no one else anywhere that can be you. 

May we honor each other and bring our true selves with us wherever we go... as much as possible, as caring as possible; as loving as possible.   This is my wish.   Yes, we may have a long way to go.   I can start with myself.  And, so can you.

May you choose to start with the depth of who you are. May you let yourself feel you (it).   Your light is much needed.  Shine ON.

                                                     Picture from Wild Eye Images

Flight

Then there is flight. 

I love that I see pelican (one of my favorite things) pictures these past three days, and in the order they showed themselves to me.  Sitting on the beach with its beak open, walking the surf beak open and now, flying high beak open.  Oh the signs we see when we want to!

While I want to think that I am this special that all these signs are prevalent to and for me...  Hmm   Well, okay.... I will think myself this special...!!

And, I know You Are this Special.   When you want, the signs will be there and be meaningful to you... you only have to believe and see!

May you believe and see.

                                                   Our Beautiful World and Universe/FB

I am Me

                                                            Our Beautiful World and Universe/FB

If this is a Pelican...  Then this is me...  and how I feel just now!   LOL

May you be okay and know that right now in this very second, you are okay and however you are... it's okay.  You are feeling this way for a real reason...  be with it in whatever way you know how, lovingly as possible.

May you live your truth and walk on, lovingly.

Overwhelmed

I am so pleasantly overwhelmed with so much change, love, truth and all kinds of possibilities as I live in what is.

My head spins with excitement, hope and truth that anything truly is possible.  One only has to believe it so.

I believe it so.

May you believe in the truth of yourself as you also believe in all that is possible in your world. 

Just believe.

Just be you.

Just believe that you can be you, all of you.   Just as you are today, you are enough.

                                                             Unknown, Facebook

Processing

With much transition in my life, inside of myself and in the world... the "process mode" is on. 

I am processing how I feel, what I know now, who I am and where I am going.  I guess I could say that I am always processing in some way or another; that life is a process and this would be correct.

It is very fun and exciting for me; quite the adventure AND it is tiring, exhausting and mind blowing.

What a hoot living is!

My mind is very unsettled yet.  I feel such a change in how I look at myself and life, what I am doing, and hope for where I will find myself.

I feel stronger than I have, more knowledgable than ever and I have more self love that is guiding me.  Woo Hoo!

And, I would never ever call this 'Easy Street'.  Looking, admitting, coming to terms with and moving on is no simple feat.  And, FEAT it surely is!

May you trust the process of life.
May you set sail and end up as close as possible to the truest of you.

                            Photograph by Geff Gorman/Facebook

Movement

Movement of our body is a wonderful gift we can give to ourselves.  It really makes us stronger, keeps us more agile, and helps greatly with our mood.

Most of us are looking for a pill, a quick fix, a fountain of youth when it truly is right here for us to move...  Our own bodies... Move them, work them, use them. 

I don't think it's that we age that is as much of a detriment to health as it is that we don't 'play' like we did as children.  We don't move. 

This could be confirmed by comparing young kids in the past and now.   Look at our obesity level in our beautiful and magical children today.  The need to move is not as present as it has been in the past to communicate, play, speak, and be with others. 

Move.   Move standing in place in front of the TV or to music and just start by marching for 5 minutes.  Perhaps, before you know it, it will be 20 minutes or even 40 minutes.  To do this outside with nature is a big bonus. 

Reach down to your toes and stretch out those hamstrings and lower back.  Reach up to the sky.  Get to know your body and how it feels to be used in the way our bodies are meant to move.

I have been doing this now for only two weeks and it is remarkable how much stronger, alive and happier moments I have.  It truly is the 'pill' we humans can swallow safely and effectively with no adverse side affects unless we do not listen to our bodies and over or under do it. 

May you start wherever you are and give yourself one month to just try to move a bit more than you did yesterday.  My hope is that you never want to stop.

If you are already moving and exercising.... I know you know what I am talking about.

Move on.... This will truly help us to Move On in our overall best possible way.

May you move a little bit more everyday.  Stand in place and march wherever you are.  Whoomp there it is.  Put music, tv, your breath, or run around with your animals, chase your loved ones, search for beauty.... whatever makes you joyful in doing so.....

May you do what makes you feel joyful and alive.   Move something on your body today!  It truly is a remarkable, loving gift for yourself and all those that love you.

And, until you are ready, be loving, easy and gentle on yourself.  This is a good news/bad news thing.  Only you can move your own body in the way that your body wants to move.  Only you can move your body in the way your body wants to move.  Are you ready?