Beginnings

Perhaps, I need a 'life coach' to be a life coach. 

I am ready.   I am ready to work.  I am ready and prepared to be able to offer my services to those who want them.  I have gone through much training.  Personal training and challenges and classroom lessons and seminars.   I have passed the tests that professionally enable me to offer my services as such.

And, here I sit.  Somewhat frozen still. 

I know that in my head I have four possibilities - four thoughts - four places that I would be beyond happy to work; happy to share my knowledge; happy to spend time involved in what presents itself. 

One would be the country club where I live; at their fitness center and/or spa.  Another would be at an "enlightenment center" which is just around the corner from where I live.  Another would be a "rehabilitation center" here in the area.  And, perhaps, the most 'out-of-the-park' connection would be to work with Oprah and connect somehow to help support and better our world.  She does have almost the whole world in her hands.  HUGE responsibility.   Through "Just 9Be U, LLP", perhaps, I can touch down on all and/or more. 

Each time I connect or think about any of these possible options, I get excited, happy.  I know that I am capable and would be a positive presence.  Each time I think of reaching out and committing, I get scared and there are many cells in my body that want to stop me from committing. 

I think I am over the 'what if' of what if my family needs me.  I know that I am stuck in the 'what if' of the what if my health stops or won't allow me.  It is a real fear. 

And, I know it is only a fear.  Man, fears can feel so strong; so devastating.  They can freeze me up, out and solid. 

So, while I am starting to feel 'antsy' doing what I've been doing, I am not seeing my legs stepping forward into something different.

I shake in anticipation. 

It seems at night, I am less afraid, feel my best and starting to feel like I can take on the world; so to speak.  It is the morning that my fearful 'cells' are more prominent and I hear myself saying 'what were you thinking - how can you possibly commit to anything when you feel this way'.

A wonderful friend and hairstylist I know suggested that the way I feel in the morning is only temporary; to think of it this way.  That's some pretty good advice.  I've been working with this.

It is my hope that one day I am going to wake up and just know, be and go.  I know I am ready.  The 'doors' that I am connecting to and finding open will turn into fruition for me and I will be where I know I am going.

I read statements that say 'Be patient.  Things happen in the exact right time and the universe has you.' 

I also hear myself saying that I am a loser; albeit, with relief, I am hearing this less and less. 

I find myself knowing that where I am today and where I have been is exactly educating me, preparing me and gearing me up for what is definitely to come.

It is, once again, the fight between Mercedes and Flair.  The two parts of me that is the biggest war I will ever encounter; the war within one's self.

I am open to things happening, my legs moving, to stand in (and have) confidence and trust in my ability to do exactly what is inside of me to do.

Maybe it is a good idea to enjoy where I'm at because we all know that life, ['I, you, us and we'] never stays the same forever.

May you embrace where you are while you 'play with', 'visit' and 'work with' everything else about where you want to be and go...   And, when it is time, you will know and you will go and you will be ready as you are ever going to be and you will 'jump'...

Namaste.

Miracles

What if we would just think of ourselves as what we are...  Miracles.

How we come into this life; onto this earth is scientific, yes.  And, it is also miraculous!

We breathe.  Our body functions.  Our minds test us and build us up. 

How can there be so many billions of us and we all look and act different...  Miracle.

To be kind to one's self always - a miracle!

To love all parts of ourselves - a miracle!

To always share what is inside of us through the most gentlest and loving place we know - a miracle!

Through the miracle of life, as we accept what comes up for us and bring our true encounter of same into it and through it, we are living miraculously; we are living fully out loud and fully whole and alive.

This is the miracle that I wish for you.

May you be the miracle that you are and allow yourself to be what and who and how you are from the most gentle, empowering, loving persona that you are capable of.

As we share our individuality; together, in truth, support and love - we do, perhaps, live (claim) the miracle of ourselves.

I'm in... 

                                      

Power

Power.

The power is within you.   The power is you.  Your uniqueness is your super power. 

Power.  What is power?  The dictionary says that it is "ability to do or act"; "great or marked ability to do or act"; "a person or thing that possesses or exercises authority or influence".

So, yes, everyone of us has power.  If we all used our 'power' to benefit ourselves and each other, 'power' would be pretty darn cool. 

Amazing things we could make happen.  Amazing things we could produce.  Amazing things could be a constant.  Amazing is who we are.

Perhaps, to just believe this about ourselves is what gives us the power and what makes it so. 

May you try it out.  May you try out your power.  May you use your ability to do or act in positive and loving ways.

Power you up and on...

Let's just see where this can get us.  What a great 'experiment' this could be..  !!

                                             

 

 

Bubbling Up

I feel a lot inside of me bubbling up.  I feel happiness, joy, love.  I feel enough is enough and I wish pain could and would just disappear from everyone's life.

As I let pain go; as you let pain go... Is it possible for us to, at the very least, let some pain go.  Is it possible at the greatest level, to allow no more pain.  To believe in no more pain.  To stop it.  To not buy into it...

War is an ugly thing.  I don't understand it.  Putting others down to win is ugly and exhausting to me.  Creating war within by not accepting or flowing with what is takes more energy than accepting what is and bringing our true self to it. 

Yet, many of us do not always choose this path.  I wonder why.  Is it just habit...  Is it society...  Is it fear of creating pain for others..  What a 'hoot' that is..

By not sharing our truth to protect someone never seems to work long term.  And to live with it, hurts everyday. 

Yes, we humans are good at pretending otherwise by not feeling or letting our thoughts go where the pain is.  But, in truth, isn't the pain always being carried within - can't we always tap into it.  Or constrict (hold tight) by not tapping in). 

If we get rid of it by speaking it; feeling it; allowing it; being with it... It is gone and it does not harbor down within us.

Let's stop pain.  As best we can; with what we know.

May you speak your truth; share your truth; live your truth from the most loving place inside of you.  May you courageously speak what you are really feeling and not let anger or silence stop you.   May you be free of as much pain as possible. 

Oh, to live in a life that shows our love and hurt instead of our anger because of wanting to be loved and it not happening in the manner we think it 'should'...

May you never 'should' on yourself or another.   May you always let your truth out.

This is the path that I want to live on.

 

Flow

To allow life to flow through us and by bringing our true presence to it is fulfillment.

To allow life to flow through us and by bringing our true presence to it is fulfillment.

By being present; fully present to our own ability, is to experience the life that we are meant to experience. 

Shifting in and out of awareness, connection, and to ignore what doesn't feel good and embrace what does feel good has been my way for most of my life.  I went from good to good to happy to happy to creating contentment as long as I could.  Then BAM,

I could no longer do this.  I had to address certain issues that kept coming up in the recesses of my mind.  I could no longer ignore that I struggled when certain words, smells or situations arisen which brought feelings that I so desperately didn't want to feel.

One can only live this way if one wants to keep running, hiding, numbing and/or pretending.

I got to the point, I didn't want to pretend - I couldn't pretend anymore.  I was hurting and I had to show it.  It was a whole new road I was going down.  The natural 'highs' that would come out of feeling something I didn't want to feel, processing it by either crying, hitting/kicking/screaming on the bed or in the car, journaling and then letting it go were pretty great.  I wanted to feel this way all the time...

This release and elation that came with the letting go. !

So, I continue on this journey.  I hear myself asking myself how deep can one onion's be.  It is said to peel away the layers like an onion.  Well, in my experience, thus far, these 'onions' are never ending.  Whew; are they. 

Perhaps, the peeling of the onion is part the human experience.  Perhaps, it is not about creating so much as it is about allowing.  I don't know.

But to flow and allow is far more easy for me now than to pretend or ignore.  It hurts too much to do the latter.

So, I open to flow and allowance.

May you open up to flow and allowance when it feels true (best) to you.

Breezy

I just came in from a warm and breezy walk with my dogs.  Little Tiffany (mini Yorkie) walks, runs and tells me where to go.  Little Bear (Pekignese) sits in the dog stroller and is relaxed and enjoys looking around. 

Never did I think I'd be pushing a dog in a stroller.  Never say never!  Little Bear had severe back surgery because she lost the use of her back legs 5 years ago.  She can walk and run fine.  She just doesn't seem to enjoy going on a leash.   When I pull the leash out, she hides under the table.  When I say 'stroller', she comes out for me to pick her up and place her in it.  What a hoot!

Anyhoo, it's a beautiful day out.  The sky is blue with some white fluffy clouds.  It is over 80 degrees F and it is very breezy.   It was a beautiful walk and both of the dogs seems happy and relaxed now.   Little Bear went out back and did her business.  She still runs and chases her stuffed toys that she brings to me.

Life surely is full of everything.  I am feeling more settled than ever down here in my new home, new surroundings and new lifestyle.  The doctors, pharmacists and insurance company are starting to work with me and help me to take care of my health.   I went to get a blood test yesterday; just a routine one.  It still amazes me how it is more about the drug (what feels to me) then it is about the dis-ease and symptoms.  This is why I say, like I've always said but maybe more than ever now, healing it is an inside job for me.  That is why I still am searching for healing, better health and less pain and discomfort.

It took me 10 minutes to take off a necklace last night, but, I did get it off.  Grasping things off the floor is still a challenge and forget about making a fist.  The lady that drew my blood asked me to make a fist twice.  She realized I was...  The best that I could anyway.

I'm walking almost daily and adding pushups.  I've always stretched and I continue to do this.  My goal is to get back into the gym and do weights and cardio.  I pray that I find myself there one day soon...

I eat small portions and it takes me a while to eat because the opening of the mouth is constricted.  I have not one full or pretty nail on any one of my 10 fingers.  My toes are still doing pretty good.  The skin around my wrists, ankles, fingers and face is very tight.  My organs are still working good and I continue to take vitamins, omega's and turmeric/bromelain (for pain/inflammation).  DHA; I enjoy as well.   I have been taking a lot of the vitamins constantly for over 20 years. 

I could be so much worse.  I'm grateful for everything that I have learned because of this journey.  I have delved into the depth of me.  I am excited and in awe of the vastness of each of us. 

I realize that I just ended up sharing 'Where I'm At' and I hope it helps you to realize where you are at and know gratitude through your own journey.

May you journey on, in, through and forward. We all have our ups and downs; on times and off times.  We live through peaks and valleys.  It is, perhaps, the human experience.  May you experience you as best you can.

Gettin' It

I just got home from a three hour massage.  It was called a  "Neuro Spatial Alignment" massage.  To me, it incorporated Cranial Sacral, Shiatsu, Myofacial Release and Lymphatic Drainage.  It felt like it pulled many different modalities of therapy into one.  How so very cool.  How brilliant this therapist is. 

The therapist insists that I won't 'go back' from whence I came.  My body is now changed.  Ok.  Sounds great to me.

My goal was to be open, expand, allow oxygen and blood flow and have it all work as smoothly as possible.  We shall see.  I very much want to believe.  I do believe. And, I still want to so desperately experience same. 

I had the same massage the other day and I surely found myself with a lot of energy.  Me - energy !?!  Whoop Whoop.  !!

All I can do is continue to try new things, new thoughts, new ways of 'being' to get my complete self and get on home to ME.

Wishing you continued - whatever it is you need/want - to feel like your complete self is home in YOU.

Your life matters.  You matter.  I care.

Bringing one's self home to one's self is knowing peace, love, truth, trust and vitality of same in as many situations, manners and breaths as possible.

May you find yourself home.

 

From Me to You and You to Me

Energy.  We are all energy.  I may use energy differently than you.  You may use energy differently from me.

When we let off energy, other people feel it, pick up on it, walk in it (or around it).  The air you breathe comes from the same air I breathe. 

Your body works the same as my body works to stay alive.  The breath, the heartbeat, the organs... they all work alike without our having to do anything.  We don't have to start ourselves every day or turn ourselves off every night.  As we get out of our body's way, it works on its own; especially well. 

Yes, sometimes, it needs assistance and/or help, but that is another post, perhaps.

Our minds. Now, our minds are, perhaps, a different story.  Not all minds work/think alike.  In fact, there are not a two that work the same...

It is our upbringing, who we are, what we know, how we respond and what we tell ourselves and what we believe that create our minds.  Oh, the vastness of the mind. 

May you listen, hear and respond favorably to your mind.  If you don't like what you are thinking, change it.  If you love what you are thinking, think it.

I was once taught that our minds think over 77% of our thoughts, the same thoughts, each day, again and again and again. 

What and how you think yesterday, can possibly be what you think today and then again tomorrow.

As you listen to what you think, you have a choice of changing it.  It takes work.  It can take enormous energy and time.  YOU are worth it. 

If you don't like what you are thinking, may you think again, differently.

Another Day

I am home alone.  These days are far and few between lately.  My husband's traveling has slowed and my daughter was around more before she left for up north.  I intend to make good use of my alone time.

My goal is to get a stronger body; to work on my cardio and my muscle strength.  I feel I am ready and I pray I am able.  Ha!

The summer season is soon going to be in full force here which means hot, muggy days and daily rains.  It is a nice change from sunshine and somewhat dry earth.  I find it somewhat exciting to see if I can make it out and about before and between the rains.  One never knows when the rain will fall.

I guess I could choose to look at life this way.  Exciting.  Never knowing what is coming next, yet knowing change is inevitable.  In this change, as I stay true and trusting, I find my best way.  I live my best life.  I am going to 'run' with this and see how it feels on me.  It already feels good.  Hmm.

I am still staying in bed late into the morning.  I lay there relaxed with my animals and think of it as my healing time.  I have to say it feels good when I don't let my mind play the game of 'it is not normal'.  For me, for now; this is my new normal and it feels like such a gift I am giving myself. 

I pick up my IPAD and do my 'work' on it.  I offer up my thoughts on social media and I see and read others.  It can be quite addicting at times.  Other times, I choose to read a book.  There are a few mornings when I lay looking out at the palm trees dancing and the bird's visiting the birdfeeder.  I am grateful my dogs seem to enjoy this time as well.  Even the cat gets in on it at times.  It is truly lovely for my soul.

May you know (listen) to what is truly lovely for your soul and give yourself permission to do it.

 

Love Rains Down On Me

It is time to let you 'rain'.   It is time to let you flow.  It is time to let you live; let you speak; let you feel; let you think; and let you be everything that you are.

It is time to give yourself total freedom to be YOU.  The innate you; the you that you know; the you that you hide.  There is, perhaps, a you that feels vulnerable and there is definitely a part of you that is always connected to YOU.

This YOU is your reason for being.  This YOU is the reason you are here on this earth.  YOU are the reason to be alive as you.

When you are YOU - the YOU that is the most real thing to YOU that you know -- when you are YOU, You are honoring life, the Creator of life, the people in your life, the world and everything that is.  True YOU honors best.

By being you - sharing the gift of you - YOU are living the fullness of your life.  You are walking down your best path.  You have the ability to know great fulfillment.  You have the ability to offer your truth to someone who needs/wants it.  And, without a question in my mind, there is someone/something that needs/wants what you know/have/are.

We can be our own cheerleaders.  We can be our own audience.  We can own our own worth. 

We don't need a millions likes; a thousand people; a hundred connections; ten thank yous.   We need one person to believe in us; accept us, allow us and fire us up.

And this one person is ourselves.  This one person is YOU.

When You give yourself permission, love, kudos and acknowledgment, you don't need it from anyone else. 

Your belief in yourself is enough. 

May YOU believe in yourself and let yourself rain down in pleasure, awe and excitement to be YOU.

There is no one anywhere; ever, that is exactly like you.  Nor was there.  Nor will there ever be. 

This is how awesome and unique YOU are.

Allow yourself to BE.   Just BE.  BE the you that you feel and know inside as you feel and know your authentic and innate self.

Love yourself through and out.  Love yourself on.  Love yourself supporting others to do the same. 

In this love of self - as we love our self - perhaps, all we can share, be and know is love.

May we let the pain go; let the hurt behind.

As we let our true love of self lead us; individually, together, we can create a world that reigns with love.  This is the world that I want to live in.   My hope is that you do too. 

I wish you love.  Let the door to your heart swing both ways.  May you let love.

I send everyone that hurts love.   I offer everyone that is suffering as much ease as possible.  I wish everyone that knows pain to also know love.

As we let love be the most prominent emotion and 'drive', just maybe, it is time for love to start being the dominant feeling/knowing/being that underlies everything that is...

What if all we need to do to be part of the solution is to believe that you yourself can let love lead YOU.

I know I can let love lead me.  It is how I live.  It is how I was born to live.  It just feels better in and on me. 

Yes, I have known loss, pain and there is still much unknown in my life.  I certainly am not perfect.  Yet, instead of worry, I choose love.  Along with pain, I choose love.  When hurt, I choose love to the best of my ability.  Anything less than love keeps me stuck in the worry, the pain, and the hurt.

May you choose love as often as possible.

Love is supporting the best of; giving the best of; allowing the best of; connecting to the best of; knowing the best of; carrying the best of; sharing the best of; wishing for the best of; hoping for the best of; speaking for the best of; walking through from the best of...  Living the best of you is love. 

It doesn't always mean you are perfect.  It doesn't mean you never hurt.  It doesn't mean you don't make mistakes.  It doesn't mean that you have all the answers. 

It does mean that you will come from the gentlest, most supportive part of yourself with an open mind, open heart and truth of your soul.  

Perhaps, this is what love means...

May you love...  let love.

 

Monday

Monday, Monday.

Many frown on Monday.  It isn't Monday that makes us frown.  It is what we associate to Monday.  Back to work.  Back to School.  Back to a schedule.  Back to having to get up early and get out of the house.  And, many other reasons; most likely. 

What about the people that have off on Mondays...  It is their sleep-in day.   It is their day of rest. 

What if we could choose to think of Monday as a day; just a day.   Yes, all of the above may be true and, yet, really, it is just a day.  And, most of us have been doing Mondays like we do them for a long time.  Our heads haven't popped off.  We have never not made it through a Monday.  Just what if, TGIM could be a thing.

It is a great time to set intention(s) for the week.  It is a great time to slowly get back into the schedule.  I hear some saying 'slowly -  not a chance'.  Well, then, what if we could get back into the week of things however we feel we must, but with a 'helpful' mindset.

Grateful we have a job to go to.  Grateful we have friends to visit.  Grateful we have opportunities to learn.  Grateful for who we are and what we know and the wonderful weekend we may have just had. 

No, life isn't exactly as we want it to be.  But, we can bring our exact true self with us into it. 

Just, what if we relaxed into it; into our Monday. 

Today, I am alone.  I have the groomer coming at noon.  And, after (and before) this, I can do as I please.  Sounds beautiful.   And, if I don't use this time doing just that, I can create hell for myself.  If I do what I think I'm supposed to do instead of what I wish to do - there is a difference.  Yet, we are the only ones that get to label and judge it all.  What we think about 'it', is what we create..  just maybe. 

Being an adult and being responsible, I suppose, has to be a balance of getting things done that have to be done (still my choice/my priority/my option) and doing the things that make my soul and heart sing and happy.

My goal for today is to move; to start an exercise program for just me.  To move just a bit more than yesterday and to enjoy the things that I find myself doing.  We have been walking as a family and I so enjoy it.  I want to move as me and enjoy this also.  I want to look forward to an hour of 'me time' moving me again. 

May you let Monday be your friend.  May you let all days be your friend. 

As you bring your true, loving self to each situation; each situation sort of/kind of becomes your friend.

A true, loving self can feel whatever you feel; think whatever you think AND recognize how it floats or deflates 'your boat'.  Decide on if you want to keep the approach you are currently experiencing or change it up some.

May you choose floating as opposed to deflating.  May you choose expansion as opposed to constricting.  May you choose you and kindness to self as opposed to others and harshness with self.  In this, 'others' are more comfortable around us and get our best self instead of something else. 

May you let Monday work for and/or with you instead of against you.  Just saying.  It just may be an option.  I hope it is... 

Things are allowed to feel hard, difficult, uneasy, tiring, lonely, frustrating.   Bring this with you, and, if possible, bring this with you from a place of knowing you are this; owning you are this; and allow the 'best' you to deliver same...  whoop, whoop.   I may be onto something here.   May you grab it and fly if it feels good on you...

Transition

I have 'transitions' glasses.   When I go outside in the sun, my regular glasses turn into sunglasses.  Ha!

With so much technology, we are surely living the most ever like "The Jetsons" we have ever been able to.  So much is at our fingertips.  So much can be figured out for us, scheduled for us, called for us, etc.  Life is very easy in so many ways.

I can write this post, hit publish and send it out all across the world within seconds.  WOW.

I can pause and look up a word; google a subject; save it as a draft.  I can edit, delete and copy.   No more white out; no more tape; no more cut and paste for real.   Cut and paste is now a click and scroll.

And, yet, in some ways, life today feels the hardest it ever did.. to me at least.  Communication is so great that it can breakdown a lot quicker and/or easier.  Connection is so great that we are connected to so many things that we don't know about and, sometimes, rather not know.  Sharing each other's truths is as simple as posting it and reading posts. Sharing untruths is just as easy. 

There is a lot of greatness in this.   There is also a lot of unknown etiquette and many unknown issues.  Even feeling is way 'louder' than it ever was.  We are sharing what we feel and reacting out loud more than ever. 

Feelings all over the map are no longer ignored as much by many.  Topics have to be addressed head on and can't be buried.  There is no where to hide in this new age of technology and human growth and potential.  We are who we are and who we are really does matter and really is necessary to create our happiest and most fulfilled lives; individually, together.

Being our true selves and sharing same is the quickest and surest way of creating our true paths forward.  There really is greatness in this.

Yet, we are all transitioning in our own way(s) together.  We are all living in much unknown and can no longer allow code or ethics or rules to be the only things that guide us. 

We must let our inner knowing guide us and direct us forward.  What used to work - much of it surely doesn't.  My hope is that we don't stay stuck long and we allow creativity to be built from the truth of what we are and what we know now.

Only from this place, is the greatest transition achieved. 

It is the greatest time ever to allow and let in change.  As we all change from within to without from a place of innate knowing and love, it is my hope that, together, we can create a world that transitions from one of pain, poverty, hunger and unrest to one of peace within each of us.   For us all to know safety and love, strength and giving. 

Each person that has breath matters.  Each person that walks this earth matters.  Each person that you come in contact with knows something that you do not and will benefit from something that you do know. 

Hurt people hurt people.  Healed people heal people.  Content people share contentment. 

What we know we share.  What is inside of us must come out to allow wholeness and growth.  What we have experienced is what creates us. 

When we open our hearts, our minds and our arms -- as each one of us does from a place of truth and trust, miracles will be in every breath.

The biggest miracle I would like to experience is your true happiness.  Because I know within your happiness is happiness for others. 

People that are not suffering cannot put out pain and angst. 

May we be shown, taught and open to stopping the suffering.  May we be shown, taught and open to creating peace on earth and goodwill to alive beings...   It has been a long time coming.  Please let the time be now.

Amen.

Enough

I am not going to make it to the 'Feminine Empowerment' class today.  The one that was going to be the beginning of me living me out loud in the world.  The one that was going to be the beginning of me opening up to allow 'more' into my life. 

I am not going.  I hear myself saying reasons like 'I will wait until my husband is traveling and not here.'  'I will start on Monday, the beginning of the week.'  'I did not get my medicine as promised yesterday, they tell me tomorrow - it will be better when I have it.'  'I'm scared.'   'I'm not ready.'  'I don't feel strong enough.' 

I am sure I could continue on.  The bottom line is I am not going. 

I could surely be here putting an 'L' shape on my forehead with my hands.   It may not look exactly like an 'L' (with my hands), but I know what it would mean...  'loser'.  It is how a big part of me feels.

I'm asking myself why push to do something if I don't feel like it.  Yet, do I not feel like it because I haven't been doing much or do I not feel like it because it isn't the right thing for me to do now...

Maybe the why doesn't matter.  Maybe me not going doesn't really matter.  Maybe as I am feeling content in where I am, it certainly doesn't matter.  AND, in truth, I am not feeling content.  I want to want to.  Hmm.  Interesting.

I want to want to go, do things; be things; share things.  I am not 'there' yet.   I believe just the awareness of this and being kind to myself about it may be the best way for me to walk forward and through.  There are classes all the time.  I pray that I will want to go to one very soon. 

I know as I go, it will be awesome.  This, I do know.  It always is.

Until then, I will learn to be with just my husband and I again.  I will be with my dogs; my cat.  I will be happy with the comfort that I have created for myself.  I will type, write, post and blog.  I will share me the easiest, most able way I know how just now. 

May this be enough.

May you find that whatever you are doing; wherever you find yourself, that, just maybe, you can allow it to be enough for now.  Perhaps, this, here, right now, is exactly where and what you are supposed to be doing.  May you find the peace and fulfillment in this.

Trust the process of life and trust yourself that you will do and be exactly how it is best for you today.  Whoop  Whoop

Within the vastness of you, beauty and love lie.  May you tap in and live it out.

                                                         Photo by Dani

Gone

I sit alone.   I sit alone once again.  I find myself 'free'. 

I am uncertain if the word free is accurate.  I am not even sure if alone is correct.

My family has gone home.  My company of almost one month has stopped.  They have flown back to whence they've come. 

My daughter goes with them.

My niece and my daughter left 4 hours ago.  My daughter will be gone for most of the summer.  She is interning up north and living with my sister.  She will be surrounded by work, co-workers, family and her dreams.  I know she will do awesome.  I know she will fly.  I know she will continue doing things that make me proud and happy.  I know she has the tools to find her best way.  I believe in her and her abilities completely.

I sit alone here at the computer.  I have my dogs here.   I have the sound of the fountain and the outside view of the wind waving the trees, bushes, flowers and water in whatever manner it deems.

My goal now is to give myself permission to do me.  To grow me.  To breathe me.  To live me.  To create me.  To follow this inner voice and knowing of a happy, fulfilled and thriving me.

I want this so much.   The only thing that will stop me is me.  My fear of commitment; my ability; my strength. 

I have the inner knowing.  I have the desire.  I see myself in this way.  The only thing that will stop me is me.

I'm asking myself here and now to please do not stop me.  Propel me.  Let me fly once again...

in a professional capacity and in a wonderful social capacity and in a true to myself, moment to moment, way.

All I can do is walk forward.   All I can do is me.   All I can do is be open, expand, create and let go.

We shall see what the me of today does...   (oh shit, lol)

May you walk forward; do you as you; be open, expand, create and let go.  I believe in you.  Fly.

Mind Blown

My whole life is coming together.   What once touched me as harsh, now touches me differently.

What once I believed to be true - "I produce too much collagen"; is now reworded (by me) as "My body produces just the right amount of collagen.". 

What we tell ourselves; what we believe to be true; what we repeat in our minds again and again -- well, it is all extremely important to be aware of.  Because in this awareness, we can decide to talk nicer, think kinder, do gentler.

In this new way, we can change many, many things.  

If there are things that you want to change, be aware how you think about it, feel about it, live around it...  Change YOU up and things will change.

This is my hope for you.  This is my hope for all.

May we change things up within ourselves to allow ease and comfort.  May this 'change up' create ease and comfort in our world.  Oh how I was born to want this and work towards it...   Amen.

Learning

The opportunity to learn is always present.  When we are aware of it, man, it can be pretty loud and sometimes harsh.  Even when we are not aware, it can be pretty harsh.

I have many opportunities to learn to allow what is and to live as it is from the truth of who and what I am.

This is my recurrent theme to learning. 

This is what works best for me.

To be in the moment, know the truth of the moment for me (and often for others), accept it and still allow love and ease into it. 

I am learning that my two favorite things to carry are love and peace.  I am most fulfilled in life when I allow love and peace within. 

I seem to have very little energy for anything outside of this.  What is not in my control is anything outside of myself.  What is in my control is always how I react to whatever is.

I can choose fear whenever I want.  Fear seems to be a easy connection for me.  I'd rather choose love.  Love is starting to win.  Choosing love over fear is starting to dominate and come up as my first choice. 

It blows my mind.  It may blow others'.  Yet, it feels so much more comfortable to allow love and non-judgment than love and thinking what I know what is best for another.

Many times, I don't know what is best for me outside of love and peace. 

I don't think we are on this earth to know what is best for another.  I believe we are on this earth to connect to and live what is best for ourselves.

This is where I find my love and peace.

May you know where you find your love and peace.  May you be open to it always.

                                                    Unknown

Happy Mother's Day!

I'd like to wish each and every mom, mother-in-law, acting mother, like a mother Mom a Happy Mother's Day.

There is no love like a mother's love.

Our world is better because you are a mom.

Only a mom knows what it is like to give up almost everything to love someone with everything they have.  To support someone to be the best that they can be.  To allow a relationship to be prompted through the needs (and desires) of a child.  To do without a shower; without sleep; without sitting quietly and not being disturbed.

My mother-in-law would always say after someone had a baby that "oh my, they sure know something that they did not know before" and she would be correct!

So, if you are a mom, like a mom, acting mom... I want to thank you and hope that you know your awesomeness.

Life goes, is, and flows more lovingly because of you!

We surely are everything to our children.  They are our greatest teachers.  They are forever touched by us as we are by them.  What we put out, give, teach, show and live is seen, shared, and passed on to our children forever.  How we live it is up to us.  How they receive it is up to them as they get older.  The responsibility of this - WOW.

May we put out, give, teach, show and live the best of us not only for them but for ourselves.

Happy Mother's Day!  May you be showered, fed and know peace within!

                                                         Unknown

Hello Are You Looking for Yourself

I come to sit and to say hello. 

I miss coming here 2-3 times a day and just seeing where I am...

Sharing with you my 'crazy' and my 'love'...

I have my sister, niece and a sister-like and a niece-like person coming to visit us this weekend.  We are going to have a mother/daughter weekend.  We did this last year and we are calling this our second annual.  !

My mind has ducks and 'quacking' up on it.  There are two ducks out front waddling around the neighborhood.  I assume a Mr. and Mrs. looking for a place to nest. 

So, as I think of the fun that is about to be had up in here, I think about quacking up.   It is always good to have yourself a 'quack' up time every so often.  Big fun!  I wish that for you.

Everyday there is a physical struggle for me in it.  Mostly in the mornings lately.  I find myself laying in bed for one or two hours before I get up and actually start my day.  What comes to mind is that for years (truly) I would hear myself every morning saying I don't want to get up.  Well, I am now not getting directly up.   It feels good.  It feels healing.  I have some guilt because it feels so good.

Why, pray tell, would I ever allow guilt in because I am doing something that feels good; whole; for me...  That is something I must rectify and, like, now...

May you allow yourself to do what feels good to you and for you and may you do it with complete allowance, openness and love; to your very best ability and with your greatest of ease.

This is what I wish for you today...  and always.