Be U: Breezy

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Breezy

I just came in from a warm and breezy walk with my dogs. Little Tiffany (mini Yorkie) walks, runs and tells me where to go. Little Bear (Pekignese) sits in the dog stroller and is relaxed and enjoys looking around.

Never did I think I'd be pushing a dog in a stroller. Never say never! Little Bear had severe back surgery because she lost the use of her back legs 5 years ago. She can walk and run fine. She just doesn't seem to enjoy going on a leash.   When I pull the leash out, she hides under the table. When I say 'stroller', she comes out for me to pick her up and place her in it. What a hoot!

Anyhoo, it's a beautiful day out. The sky is blue with some white fluffy clouds. It is over 80 degrees F and it is very breezy.   It was a beautiful walk and both of the dogs seems happy and relaxed now.   Little Bear went out back and did her business. She still runs and chases her stuffed toys that she brings to me.

Life surely is full of everything. I am feeling more settled than ever down here in my new home, new surroundings and new lifestyle. The doctors, pharmacists and insurance company are starting to work with me and help me to take care of my health.   I went to get a blood test yesterday; just a routine one. It still amazes me how it is more about the drug (what feels to me) then it is about the dis-ease and symptoms. This is why I say, like I've always said but maybe more than ever now, healing it is an inside job for me. That is why I still am searching for healing, better health and less pain and discomfort.

It took me 10 minutes to take off a necklace last night, but, I did get it off. Grasping things off the floor is still a challenge and forget about making a fist. The lady that drew my blood asked me to make a fist twice. She realized I was... The best that I could anyway.

I'm walking almost daily and adding pushups. I've always stretched and I continue to do this. My goal is to get back into the gym and do weights and cardio. I pray that I find myself there one day soon...

I eat small portions and it takes me a while to eat because the opening of the mouth is constricted. I have not one full or pretty nail on any one of my 10 fingers. My toes are still doing pretty good. The skin around my wrists, ankles, fingers and face is very tight. My organs are still working good and I continue to take vitamins, omega's and turmeric/bromelain (for pain/inflammation). DHA; I enjoy as well.   I have been taking a lot of the vitamins constantly for over 20 years.

I could be so much worse. I'm grateful for everything that I have learned because of this journey. I have delved into the depth of me. I am excited and in awe of the vastness of each of us.

I realize that I just ended up sharing 'Where I'm At' and I hope it helps you to realize where you are at and know gratitude through your own journey.

May you journey on, in, through and forward. We all have our ups and downs; on times and off times. We live through peaks and valleys. It is, perhaps, the human experience. May you experience you as best you can.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!