Supposed

I am going with a 'whatever I am feeling, I am supposed to' day.

I am supposed to feel delirium.  I am supposed to feel challenge.  I am supposed to feel peace.  I am supposed to feel heartache.  I am supposed to feel frustration.   I am supposed to feel great love.

If I am feeling it, I am supposed to.

May you feel what you feel -- just maybe, you are supposed to...

just saying

Delirious

I won the auction again last night on the house that I like here in Florida.  I get an email after telling me I won that the auction was unsuccessful and it is back on the online website.

There is no person that I can find that can give me guidance.   

I am delirious following this house.  I did put a bid on this new auction.   This will be the fourth auction for the same house.  w h a t ?!?!?!  I have 'won' twice and it went under contract once. 

It is what I tell myself that makes me delirious.   I tell myself this is the house I fell in love with.  I tell myself that it is mine.   If I did not put attachment to this whole scenario - I would not be delirious.

Am I or am I not supposed to be delirious....  I am too delirious to know!

I think that there is nothing here to make sense out of other than this website has my attention only if I choose to give it.

I sit with what is.  I walk through this.  I ask for signs.  I pray.  I talk to whoever will listen. I listen to whoever will talk. 

And, as I'm going through this process - there is way more energy that I am expending on my house in Pennsylvania that is going through a major renovation project and this, too, is an 'interesting' path that I know little about.  

Delirium sets in.

I am whole.  I am love.   I am okay even though I don't always feel so.  As I type this, my fingers are purple.  I am completely present to what is.  I walk this path that presents itself to me.  I create anew with what I have to work with knowing that everything will work out as it is supposed to. 

I am present.  I am involved.  I am living my whole self in truth.

I love myself.  I love others. 

I am here walking the path as best as I know how allowing life to flow through me. 

We are a neverending 'round' of energies that flow through and on and around.  I believe we are all recreating our world.  It is not as we knew it.  It is not how it will be. 

We are all okay as we live through; receive our lessons; share our joys and love on.

May you live through, receive your lessons, share your joys and love on.  May you do so, present, as yourself. 

Diffi Cult

We are all in the Diffi Cult.  We all have things in our lives that we consider difficult from time to time.

"Bless your difficulties and ask to see their hidden guidance.  Have the courage to accept what you discover and to initiate whatever action your healing requires."  Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, PH.D.

May you be aware of what you are considering difficult and why.  May you, perhaps, choose, when you can, to consider other viewpoints of each situation.  It just may be that this [difficult situation] was not in your plans that may make it the most seemingly difficult. 

Allow yourself to ponder, feel, and walk through it only as you can.  Love yourself.  Be gentle on yourself.  Ask for divine guidance.  Be open to the way that presents itself to you. 

My wish.

Malachite

Green Malachite

"If you are attracted to this stone, you are (or are about) to go through a major life transformation. This transformation may be practical, changing the way you live and work, but it also goes much deeper. It is about spiritual evolution, energy blockages in your mind and body from past experiences being untangled and released. You are becoming wiser and in the process learning to truly value yourself. You may find the process unsettling, initially you become more aware of what you don't want, rather than what you do. That's fine. First we must acknowledge the need for change, only then can we start to look for alternatives. Malachite is the stone of prosperity and abundance, when you start to look up, luck and fortune are waiting. It can signify the end of destructive romantic relationships and the dawn of pure love. By picking this stone you are unconsciously telling the Universe, 'I am ready for success. I am ready to lose the negativity. I am ready to be passionate about my life'."  Karina Collins

May you connect to the passion in and of your life.

Ugsome

I just want to share this word that I find funny.  Ugsome.  Perhaps, this is where 'Ugh' has come from.   Hoot!

Ugsome
'Horrid; loathsome (dictionary.com)

May you stay clear from the ugsome.  When you cannot, feel the 'ugh'; do not ignore it.  May you know that you have your own back and that you have everything you need inside of you to walk through and create anew.

Ask

"I wake up asking whatever is going on inside my body; it's the same discomfort I've had forever, to show itself.  Pop gently.  Let it come up and out.  I ask the universe for clear and easy understanding and I ask God to let me be the best me in His light."

an excerpt from a text I sent a forever friend this morning

May you be the best you in His light.  May you be the best you that you are here on this earth to be.  Be the best you.

My wish.

                                                        "Just let go.
                        Let go of how you thought your life should be,
       and embrace the life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness."
                                                         Caroline Myss            

Dolphin

The last post I did, I intuitively wanted a picture of one dolphin jumping out of the water for it.  Bing.com was courteous enough to have this said picture easily achievable as I googled same. 

I then wanted to understand the possible spiritual meaning of dolphin.  I googled this.  (Isn't it wonderful to have the most grand amount of information right at our fingertips!) 


"Some artists utilize the protective, stabilizing, compassionate demeanor of the dolphin as a message of wellbeing to the pure of heart."

"There is a key understanding because the dolphin meaning is connected with themes of duality.  It has to do with the dolphin being both fish and mammal.  It is both of the water, and an air breather.  Ergo, dolphin symbolism talks to us about "being in two worlds at once."  Indeed, the dolphin is a great conveyor of the concept of yin and yang."  whats-your-sign.com

May you BE in the world that you are in.... just as you....just with love.   Live on from this place, perhaps.

                                                      Unknown

Trusting Self

Perhaps, when it is hard to trust the situation(s) one is in, it is best to know that one can trust one's self.  That whatever comes from around the corner/from above/from below/from any angle, no matter what - I will be okay.

It amazes me the challenges that I am feeling just now.  A lot comes from fear of doing the wrong thing, so, I am realizing it is best if I just trust myself, walk through and be open and breathe.

When I get 'caught up in it', I do not react as well.   When I step back a bit, I respond more strongly from within.   I like this latter response of self best.

I am being bombarded with decisions, idea, questions, situations from many different areas in my life.  This is what I guess some of us may call 'transitioning with some unexpected tough situations'.   I am choosing to be tougher by being gentle and trusting myself.

LOL --  In this moment anyway.   A few moments back, my hands were purple and I felt very stressed.

I am living my human experience.  Of this, I am certain.

May you live your human experience and know that you can always choose to trust yourself.

                                                                   bing.com images

Bite the Bullet

I'm just going to 'bite the bullet' as soon as I get done here and see if my 'number' goes past the other bidder's number for the house that I feel for here in South Florida, USA.

I know it is only a house and what matters most is where I make my home.... and I would love to make it there!   I am open to making it there.  And, if God or the Universe has another plan for me; then that is the plan I will ride.  

But, waiting and wondering (with 3 days left on the auction) where things are number-wise with this house -- well, I'm losing sleep.  So, while my husband is traveling and I'm on my own, I'm just going to bite the bullet and log on and go as high as was discussed between my husband and I.

I have calls in to try to find which bank owns this house, is there another way; if this house in as good of condition as it looks, yadda yadda.   I am doing everything that I know possible to walk forward through this.

We are talking with people up north as to the best direction to rebuild and reestablish the level of quality and comfort that was once my Shambala home.  It will never be my Shambala again and I know that it can be a perfect place for another family.   It's going to be a bit of a long process and it may even be harder to 'build' this time around as the insurance company is the 'bank' and not us. 

We live and we learn.  Man, do we learn. 

Look out, when I'm ready to have some fun - look out - FUN will be had.   Until then, I walk through establishing and reestablishing myself somewhere and everywhere.  And, letting loose has to come.  Hence, the yin and the yang!

I love on.

May you know love in your heart as you 'learn' all that is in your life to learn just now.  May you allow for FUN; great fun, when you want/need it.  May you balance through. 

                                                     emmanueldagher.com

Disappointments

I went to the playing cards and picked the 2 of Clubs.  From serenapowers.com, it reads:

"Two: Gossip. Disappointments and opposition."

Yes, I guess this is about right for how I am feeling. 

Sometimes life hands us disappointments and opposition.  It just is.  I believe they are just feelings like happiness and togetherness.  However, happiness and togetherness feels better on the inside.  Is this because this is what I taught myself; perhaps, what society taught many of us all growing up.... 

Just what if a disappointment leads to a better path.  Or better yet, takes us away from a path that may be more harmful than good.

Who knows...  Not I.   Anything is possible though, yes....

May you allow disappointments and oppositions lead you...  with love and hope in your heart.  My wish is that you are led deeper into yourself and  towards a happier, more fulfilled you. 

Too Funky

LOL.  I went to look online at 'MY' house that is for sale and the website is down.  Too funky!  Hoot.

It is nice as I don't need to decide if a put in another bid just now or not. 

The decision was made for me. 

May you allow synchronicities, circumstances and coincidences to just be what they are.  It is what it is.  You have yourself no matter.  Go with the flow of what is.  May you have fun with them even.

Yin/Yang, etc. etc.

I am 'in deep' with houses.  A house that I wish to let go of up north that has been destroyed by water.  A house that I wish to achieve down south that can only be purchased by a online website that does not have much traction as of yet.

I am sad.  I am hopeful.  I want to quit.  I want to learn.  I want to hide.  I want to put myself right in the middle of it all. 

Another way to describe my current state is that I am experiencing both yin and yang simultaneously and am very aware of it.  Even though I do not feel okay, I know that I am okay.

"I believe everything and nothing."  Sinead O'Connor on OWN said last night and it strongly caught my attention. 

I am learning that I sometimes think that I know every thing.   I sometimes think that I know nothing. 

I picked a tarot card wondering if I will get 'my' house during this auction or if maybe it's better not to bid too strongly this time around for reasons that are hard to explain but understandable as I learn more about this website.    That, maybe, there is a process to it and it is too early in its stage.  And, yet, there is no guarantee.   

The card I picked was "The World"

The World
"The World is the achievement and culmination of our goals.  On the highest level it is the merging of our individual personality with the Anima Mundi, the soul of the world.  The Anima Mundi strains the ability of words to describe it, and it can seem paradoxical.  To the Neoplatonic philosopher it is the highest form of the divine presence that we can comprehend.  It is at the centre and the circumference of being.  It is outside space and time, and yet here now.  It is composed of neither matter nor energy, but is the mother of both, continually creating the universe.  It is the intelligent, compassionate guide that is evident in the evolution of life.  It is both masculine and feminine.  Though dual-sexed, we call it 'she'."

"The Anima Mundi has been with us guiding us throughout the journey; we could not be alive unless this was so.  She was with us when we were the Fool in the beginning.  We are still that same fool now; the only difference is that we have dropped our blindfold and have become conscious of her for the first time.  Now we are aware of the infinite creative potential that was here all the time.  This knowledge is bliss."

From the book "The Alchemical Tarot by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place 

So it seems to me that I am experiencing all that is human.  I know that there are way harder things in life to deal with.  I know that life can be easier and smoother as well.

I believe there is a reason for everything and whether it shows itself to us or not, it is our choice how we respond, feel and live each day. 

I am trying to decide how long I want to sulk in my truth.   I am open to learning the best way to walk through and create a better world for myself and all those I touch. 

So, while there is yin/yang in every situation and every person, we can choose to accept it and do our best or sulk and say 'why me'.  Perhaps, both are necessary for fulfillment. 

I do not know the best answer for anyone other than myself.   Sometimes I do not know the best answer for me. 

I do know I will allow where I am to lead me to where I am going as myself.  Open heart, faith, truth, love and belief that I have everything inside of me to be all that I am.  I am all that I am even when life sets me aback.  I am all that I am as I live joyful moments.  So are you.  It just may be in the 'knowing' of this and the awareness of our 'being' that gives us the best possible 'us' to move forward with.

I do not know what this tarot card has to do with helping me to know/understand/guide me with buying this house.  I do know that I am getting many signs that all that I feel now is real and it's okay and it is a must for me to get to the next chapter of my life--to get to a more evolved me. 

So, I walk on feeling low.  I walk on knowing that I am okay.  I walk on in this very different space in the most true self that I have connected to yet since birth.

I still do not want to be this 'nutty' person thinking, feeling, being, sharing this 'crazy talk'.  Yet, this is I.  This is my purpose today.  This is my purpose -- to be my authentic self no matter what. 

My greatest joy would be that me being my nutty and authentic self would encourage and allow you to be yours.  That our authentic selves will unite as one unit here on our Earth.  That this unity will allow every single, breathing and living creature live the yin and the yang and authenticate our truth.  That THIS TRUTH will make each one of our lives more fulfilling; more complete here on Earth now.

May you live your authentic truth.  May you not pick and choose that which you want to either feel or ignore.  May you just allow what is inside of you to flow through and out knowing that you are living your purpose because you are allowing the flow of everything inside of you to be within and without your being [just as you are now today]; in love and in light/in fear and in darkness -- Love on. 

Checking in

I'm checking in.  I'm wondering how many of us compliment ourselves.  I'm hoping you compliment yourself today.  Look at yourself in the mirror and see all the glorious and wonderful things about yourself, period.

May you tell yourself "I love you' and feel the love that you have for your self today, and always; more and more and more.

                                                         Self-Unite Facebook

is it Real if we Don't Tell

I just told my husband's niece, my wonderful niece, about our home up north.  How hard it is to talk about it for me.  It feels like it makes it more real if I talk about it.  Of course, it is real regardless.  But, for me, sharing the pain perhaps makes me feel it more than I want to.  Experience more than I want to.  Open up to it more than I want to.

I have talked about it to very few.  What comes to mind is when I never talked about my dad leaving me.  That too, was like, if I don't talk about it it won't be my story.  If I don't deal with it, it won't be real. 

I did 'wake up' one day and realized it was real no matter how I reacted, thought about it, or shared it.  This is/was my reality.  I may as well feel it and let it go. 

Me accepting it does not make it more real even if it feels this way to me.  It's as real as it did happen.

Perhaps, this is why many of us do not talk about or even 'see' the 'elephant in the room'.  It hurts too much.  It feels too difficult.

I am learning that accepting it and dealing with it through love (or not) makes it go away or hurt less (or different) instead of ignoring it or not wanting it to be so.

I can process hurt much better when I walk through - right smack in the middle of it as it presents itself to me.  Yet, I still want to take it slow, resist, pretend to myself otherwise.  Perhaps, this is an old habit that I am ready to let go of.

I'm not sure what to do with this information other than to allow it to be a part of me because this is what is presenting itself to me just now.

May you embrace or at least acknowledge what is being presented to you as soon as you can.  I do not think it leaves us or goes away.  I believe it keeps coming back until we acknowledge, process, feel, learn, and evolve through it.

May you allow yourself to evolve through what is presenting itself to you today.  Just what if, as easily as we evolve through the joyful, loving situations; we would learn to easily process through the painful, learning situations.  Just live.  Just walk through.  Just be with what is and feel what you do and LIVE IT ALL with easier acceptance.

I'm not too sure about this....  and, this is where I'm at in this moment.   I honor you and where you are just at this moment.  Namaste' 

                                                     Snow Sculpture - Unknown

Oh Boy

It looks like MY house is 'active' and back on the market.  I do not see it on the online auction website and I am being told by professionals that this is the only way to still purchase this home.

What a ride!

I will continue to watch for it and be open to having it all work out as best for everything.

My adrenaline is high with excitement and my mind knows that this could just be a tease of some kind.

I walk on.  I walk through.  I walk as well as I can through this.

May you walk through as well as you can.  Be all that you can be.  Believe in miracles.

I do.

Don't Want To

I don't want to come 'here' and 'see' what I'm thinking! 

I have a hurricane, tornado, flood, fire and the Bermuda triangle in my head today (or so it feels).

I'm working with my property manager and the contractors, appraisers, insurance agents, adjusters to get some kind of plan to move forward with my house in Pennsylvania.  This is no easy feat and I am filled up with questions, answers, trust, little trust, uncertainty and hope.  I am filled with new information and problems.  I am filled with sadness, despair, worry and inner belief that 'it will all work out'.

I'm dealing with my body acclimating (or trying to) to climate change of 25 degrees or so on a current daily basis.  My body doesn't do so well with quick climate change and especially when it goes down instead of up in temperature.

I think I see that the house I wanted IS back on the market like I prayed for and my mind is having a hard time believing this and letting the joy of this enter my body until I confirm it with a professional.  I have called three people and no one is readily available.  Hoot.

My Little Bear was treated with the laser therapy yesterday because she had a few tremors after having two wonderful, joyful days of almost complete ease.

My husband is in Canada.  It is the first time he has traveled since before Christmas.  It is an adjustment for me.  I had scary dreams last night.  Ha!

My mind spins with many emotions, thoughts and unfamiliar noise.  Again, I don't have an anchor just now; but then again, this may be a good thing because I don't really want to anchor down 'here'. 

So, I trust the process of life.  I connect to my innermost me and I know that life will be easier and more joy-filled again.

Until then, I process through.

May you process through, anchor down, or  just be  depending on what you really want to do.

May you do what you really want to do.

Breaking/Blessing

The blessing is in the breaking.  That which refuses to be broken, refuses to be blessed.  It is the breaking of life that produces the blessing of life.  T. D. Jakes 

I believe.

May you feel, experience and walk through the 'breakings' in your life and be open to receive the blessings that also come.  May you be gentle on yourself and not harshly judge your reactions to each experience as you do.

My wish is that you connect to and know gratitude for the blessings in each situation.

Where I'm At

I'm in the middle, top, and bottom of a pretty chaotic life.  I'm in between houses and the one I'm leaving is hugely destroyed by water pipes bursting; the one I want to go to can only be achieved through an auction where they set the standards, the prices, and the avenue of achieving it.

I'm in cooler than comfortable weather although I'm not in cold temperatures and for this I am grateful. 

My family is settling into their own individual lives and doing a brilliant job with some issues/problems/drawbacks; but for the most part - smooth sailing.

My dog that has had back issues for two months is coming around and I am very hopeful she will be okay, joyful and pain-free soon.

My head spins with information that is foreign from the tragedy in my northern home.  The immense amount of people and paperwork that are/is involved and just the sadness at the unexpected loss and challenges that come with same can be overwhelming.

I'm researching job options in a career of wellness and life coaching.  My body aches because I'm allowing too much stress and not enough fun in my life just now.  My balance of stress and fun is not close to being okay with me. 

I don't feel okay and, yet, I know that I am.  My 'inner knowing' knows that I'm okay and now the 'outer knowing' needs to catch up.

There is a great shift in my whole life and while some of it feels tragic, unknown and uncertain, I know myself, I know the love and light in this world and I know hope.

So, I sail on with these 'knowings' as I sure as heck am NOT going to throw an anchor out here!! 

May you sail on and anchor where you choose as you navigate all that is you(rs).

                                                       Unknown

In Flame

Inflammation -

"Probable Cause - Anger and frustration about conditions you are looking at in your life."

"New Thought Pattern - I am willing to change all patterns of criticism.  I love and approve of myself."  Ha! 

 From the book "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay

I guess I am still resisting that I am settled here for now... 

What is a human to do>!>!>!?!?!?

This is what I'm working on...  I want to say only nice things to myself.  If my thinking feels harsh towards myself - I will change my thought.

May you realize how you are treating yourself through your thoughts and self-talk.

 

Dr. Martin Luther King

Thank you Dr. Martin Luther King for not being afraid of your dream(s).  Thank you for being so brave and changing our world towards love.

I have a dream that peace will overcome war and love will overcome hate (in a very imbalanced way) where peace and love will be plentiful.

May you have a dream that comes to fruition and changes (y)our world always through love.

                                                    Unknown

Strong Emotion

I like the song "Sweet Emotions" better, AND

what I am feeling are strong emotions.

I'm feeling boredom, loneliness and frustration.  Is this what will propel, enable and encourage me to get out and get moving...  ACT upon something - anything that connects my soul to the outside world in person. 

I have fear of what I am capable of and, more intently, not capable of.  I have fear of committing to something that I may not be able to stick with because of my health.  I have fear of leaving my current 'job' as the 'central staging light house' for whoever sails through, around, towards and away from me. 

Fear is a four letter word for me. And, it is so not real.  I know it in my mind.  However, I feel fear in my body but it has to come from my mind, yes....Instinctual fear is what is helpful.  Manmade fear, I am not so fond of. 

What am I capable of...   I am brilliant at knowing other people and caring for them with ease and wanting what is best for us all as a whole and the individual as a whole as well.  So, I've been searching wellness, health and fitness, rehab facilities, Hippocrates and other places that I feel they do this kind of work at.  I have fear of selling myself without letters behind my name and formal education.   Yes, I have taken many classes and experienced and learned many things about life and living because I aways found it fascinating and miraculous.  Yet, on paper, I'm not looking too brilliant; not the usual brilliance when one goes out looking for a respectable job anyway.  (This is a judgment that is stopping me; hmmm.) 

It's 55 degrees and now it's been three days in a row and my body is swollen.  Perhaps, I will look up inflammation in Louise Hay's book, "You Can Heal Your Life" to just take a gander and have some possible information that may help me to lighten up.

Whatever strong emotion(s) come up for you, may you welcome all emotion(s) as best as you can.  I have learned that they present themselves for true reasons.  And, always, the stronger the emotion - when I get to the other side of it - the stronger the knowing; the joy.

Feel it - Process it - Let it go - Move forward.

Namaste'   I honor your emotions and life works so much more interesting, smoother and it's more informative when we honor our own self, along with our own emotions.   Open to what is and use all your resources to process YOU.

Honor On.

Even though I feel in a funk and it's way too funky all up in  here for me...  I trust that I am right where I am supposed to be.  I know peace in this trust. 

U matter.   U are enough.  Ur emotions matter.  Ur feelings matter.  U are what your life is all about.   When U are good,  your world is good.  When your world is good, it presents a better world for others. Let's all get good.  Be our truest of selves through love, understanding, truth, trust and support of the same.   Baby steps allowed.  Giant steps welcome. 

                                     JUST BE U

Imagine

"Imagine" -- what a great song by John Lennon  -- but I'm getting off track...

"In your imagination, you can replace the thought of I will one day be in a better pace, with I am already in my mind where I intend to be.  This may sound irrational because you are accustomed to evaluating your life on the basis of what your senses tell you is your reality."

"Wishes Fulfilled:  Mastering the Art of Manifesting" by Wayne W. Dyer

I believe I lived much of my life this way.  I know when I was in my 20s and would sometimes feel lonely and 'single'...  I would tell myself again and again that for right now "I can do what I want with who I want how I want and when I want where I want.  I know my life won't always be this way.  I know things change all the time so I'm going to enjoy this while I have it."   It worked beautifully for me.  I had great fun and often.  I lived the life that was inside of me to do so and I knew fulfillment.  My 30s were the same as I married and had a beautiful baby girl.  A friend had told me that "they grow up so fast, enjoy every moment" and I did!

In my forties, I was so busy raising a child and building and upkeeping homes and traveling to and from Pennsylvania to Florida, gathering animals, taking on volunteer hospice work, inviting people to live with me as they healed their lives....   I just was in each moment and I feel I did well.  I know much gratitude for it all. 

My late forties, something in me changed.   I got tired.  I wanted change.  I wanted - no I needed more peace within.  I didn't want to keep going as I was.   I wanted to slow down, stop, go deep within (full time) and see what would come out of this.

So, here I am at 53.  Why do I not tell myself that this part of my life, too, will change.  Enjoy it exactly as it is because it is certain to change.  Why am I allowing it to feel 'hard'.   Perhaps, this is just where I need to be right now to move forward; to learn; to grow.  While it doesn't feel as 'fun', 'easy' or 'as rocking'...  it is my truth and a lot of it is hard for me.

AND, I do have in my head and mind and being that I will live in a beautiful house again.   I will have a career in supporting others to live the best of themselves.  I will be content, thriving, loving, happy and jovial again.   I know it.   I feel it.   I believe it.   I do already have it in my mind that great ease of a fulfilled life I will know again.

For now, I am supposed to be unfulfilled because that is what I am.   I am in great transition of living more in Florida than anywhere else.  A dream I knew I would achieve at the age of 18.  An 'imagination' that I knew was going to happen.  I purchased my first home here when I was 40.  I sold my second home here when I was 49.  I have gone deeply inward and have learned and felt much.  Most of it not easy nor fun.

And, it has made me ready.  I am ready for the next chapter of being my own self sharing what is inside of me with whoever wants or needs it.  I am ready to fill myself up again.

Life is brilliant.  Each one of us have brilliance in us.  Sometimes we want to ignore our brilliance whether out of fear of this brilliance, fear of others not being comfortable with this brilliance or, simply, fear itself. 

There is no where left to hide.  It is time to come out and 'play' as you.  You are exactly what your/our world needs to move on to bigger and greater and happier connections and 'things'. 

Live YOU.  Live the YOU that is in your imagination.  May you let your imagination come to life.  The time has come.  Love and truth of your imagination rides on.  May you connect.

                          A beautiful door on a beautiful house in the community I want to live.

                                                                  Unknown

Gratitude

Today, as I start my day, I am grateful for the following things:

waking up to the love within

sunshine

hope

connection to people

food to eat

horses for my daughter

my husband having a great job and sharing it with me

friends that are my lifeline

You  ... because whether I've made you aware of it or not, through this blog, you are also a lifeline for me.

Thank you.

May you be aware of what you are grateful for today.

Knees

This past week has brought me to my knees; in prayer, in hope, in sorrow.  As I sit here and type, my fingers are numb and purple.  I feel chilled from the inside out.  My nose and face are cold and numb.  I feel an 'energy' running rampant in my body and it feels like it is unsure where to land.  It feels like it needs a pattern to follow and cannot find one.

The insurance adjuster - 3rd one - was at my Pennsylvania (PA) home today.  It is necessary for the company to keep sending out new adjusters because the cost of loss seems to be growing daily. 

I am saddened.   I am hopeful.  I'm glad we had insurance.  I'm glad I don't have to live there.  I'm glad I was 'SETTLED' somewhere else when this happened.

It is only 48 deg F here and my body is not doing a happy dance.  The good news is that it will not stay cool and all the vegetation is not asleep as it is up north.  There is much vibrant  beauty still to be experienced.

I am feeling like I matter less as I live a life that I wouldn't pick from a list of choices of how I would want my life to be.  I am feeling unimportant as all of what I was connected to materially has changed.

I saw a woman smelling and holding her boyfriend's shirt as she was missing him as he started a new tour over in Afghanistan.  War is extremely hurtful. 

As I watched this woman hold her loved one's shirt what came to mind is that it is NOT the shirt that she is connected to per se.  It is what the shirt represents.  LOVE - Her Love and bond with her man. 

I knew satisfaction, I knew safety, I knew comfort.  I was surrounded by beauty and living creatures everywhere I went in my PA house.  It is the material things that helped me to feel this way, but mostly, it is what I told myself about these material things.  I liked them.  I found beauty in them.  I found safety in the house.   I knew love everywhere I looked.  I felt comfort wherever I placed myself. 

Now, I tell myself, I am less at peace; less safe, less comfortable.  The beauty of what was is gone and many of my living things have since died and/or stayed with the property.  I do have my two dogs and my bird.  I am grateful for them.  I am grateful to not have the amount of work it took to upkeep the home.

So, as I'm on my knees praying for a connection, a vitality, a WOW to connect to - I know that it is inside of myself.  I want to share this with something outside of myself once again.  I want to be connected to a career, a house, a person, people that will help me to connect to all that I am.  Without connection to use 'it', having all this 'greatness' inside is greatness not well spent.

I want to spend my 'greatness' well. 

We all have greatness.  You have greatness.  Every one we know has something great to offer.

May you spend your greatness well.

Love Yourself

When you love yourself, perhaps, all you are able to share is love.

Be Love.   Be You.   Love You On.

We are so on our way to magical knowing, being, doing, sharing and living.

We are miracles.  Life is a miracle.   Be the miracle that you are by JUST BEING YOU.

I believe. 

May you believe in YOU.

                                                                     Unknown

Who

"From the beginning I had a sense of destiny, as though my life was assigned to me by fate and had to be fulfilled.  This gave me an inner security, and, though I could never prove it to myself, it proved itself to me.  I did not have the certainty, it had me."  Carl Jung  

"None of us are really doing anything, rather we (our bodies) are merely being done."

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal to God."  -- PHILIPPIANS 2:5-6

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited.  Imagination encircles the world." 

 The above quotes are from the book "Wishes Fulfilled:  Mastering the Art of Manifesting" by Wayne W. Dyer
           
To me, what Dr. Dyer is referring to/talking about is we are here on this Earth to live out our journey to learn and grow, support and connect, be and share, live from our 'innateness'. 

I feel I have this desire (I'm uncomfortable otherwise) to connect to many that I encounter.  It is not okay to connect only through our job positions or placements in life.  I have this strong need to connect to each person within, what they are about and what they desire and know.  It's not so much about their title, their outward appearance or their 'doing'.  For me, it is mostly about who the person is when they are just 'being'. 

When we connect to our own 'being' and not get so caught up in our 'doing'... this tells us who we really are.

I have a few friends, acquaintances, connections with people that are always on to the next thing. I myself get caught up in this from time to time.  We are here but our minds are there.  We are saying hello, but we have to run.  We share ourselves and, yet, we are not fully present. 

'They' tell me about everything they are doing or did within a certain timeframe.  They live from moving from this errand to that; from this paper to that book; from this person to that person and I'm not sure we stay fully aware of the time spent in each situation. 

Who are we when we STOP and just be...  What would we have to share with each other then....

I believe I sit in this 'silence' and like to connect from here.  I support you on your path wherever you are.  My path is to be present to the situation that I am in as often as possible. 

Yes, I need to look ahead once in a while.  I need to plan and make certain appointments.  However, my days of my mind being one place and my body another (unless I'm in the dentist office!) are very limited and I try not to participate in this as much as possible.   "BE HERE NOW."  This is where I want my life to be.  This is where I am most fulfilled.

I'm not saying it's better for you.  I'm not saying it is where I want you to be.  I'm not saying anything other than I know who I am as I sit here and type these words.  I know peace within as I'm not wondering or worrying about what I will do when I end this post.  I know there will be something for me to do.. or not.

And, whatever the answer is -- it's okay. 

May you know who you are when you STOP and just be.  Notice the life in your body, the tension as you lower your shoulders and feel the ground and/or the chair supporting your body and just for one moment - FEEL who/what/where/how you are.   [Yikes!   Where did I come from?!?!?!   LOL  Hoot!]

                                                      Photograph by Geff Gorman

Existence

"A strange uneasiness had become part of Reese's existence."  From the book "Fifteen Minutes:  A Novel" by Karen Kingsbury

I am aware that a strange uneasiness was a part of my existence because my thought everyday, many times a day, was that "I am so unsettled."  I can see where this sentence; this belief would cause uneasiness.  I no longer wanted to accept this uneasiness as I became more and more aware of it and why I was creating it.

I can choose to let this uneasiness vanish.  Poof.  It's gone.

I now say "I am settled just as I am, for now.".  This brings ease and peace within myself.  Much more so than telling myself I am unsettled; especially when I was looking at unsettled as not being what I wanted.

May you notice any 'unease' in your existence.  May you choose to banish it just with a 'poof'!  I support you and believe that you can do this.

Fear

I have so much in my head that I'm not sure it is a good idea to sit here to type.   I may just embarrass myself more and/or show you how crazy I really can be!

I'm dealing with the tragic disaster that is my house in Pennsylvania.  Many inside walls are down.  It has touched close to 4,500 sq ft of the house with less than 1,500 sq. ft. not being damaged.  It is a huge work in progress and hard to understand and feel comfortable with.  I can let great fear in if I think of 'what if'.  I can let a bit of ease in if I think of all I have survived through already in my 53 years of living.  I know I will survive this too.  Good will come out of it.  I only need to walk through it.  I do love building and creating; picking and choosing colors and textures; set up and flow.  It may be a long challenging walk.  I have my 'walking shoes' on. 

The weather here in Florida is quite cool; in the 50s (Fahrenheit).  Yet, the sun is bright; the air crisp for happy breathing and the sky is a brilliant blue that pleases the eye.  It invigorates if I don't go in the shade!  My body is aware of the drop in temperature. 

Little Bear is showing signs of joy!!!!   This is great news for me.  I think her body is starting to strengthen and heal.  I hesitantly say I couldn't be happier.  I know she is going to be joyful and share it with all who come in contact with her.  Hooray for Little Bear!

While I had two or three mornings where I was crawling on the floor with hip and back pain, I woke up the last two mornings and got out of bed easily and so grateful.  I did a lot of stretches; deep relaxation and cognitive thinking in a way that I tell myself I have whatever comes my way.  I am going to enjoy who and what I am in each moment and I'm going to honor myself and others.  I walk on in love.  I have me.  The Universe has me.  God has me.  Others have me.  I am good.

With mindful change; with uncontrolled change; with change... our bodies adapt.  Perhaps, in this adaption, our bodies (and minds)  have to know some dizziness, some discomfort, some foreign and new 'things'.  However, we adapt if we choose to.  I choose to adapt as I create the wonderful life that I know is mine to live.

Yes, I have a lot, a lot.   I also have the tools, the love, the awareness, the hope and the imagination to get on it and through it.

And, so do YOU.

May you choose to adapt and bring all of you with you wherever you go.  May you honor all that you are and all that is.

Honor -  "honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions (dictionary.com)

I honor because it is who I am.  I honor because I feel better doing so.  I honor because I know peace when I do.

                                                     ""Beautiful" Pictures of Nature"

Storms

With many 'storms' within our own lives and all around us; change/shift/growth is taking place. 

We may feel out of control.  We may feel out of sorts.  We may feel like we are not okay.

In truth, we are okay.  We are where we are supposed to be or we wouldn't be there, perhaps.  We are here as humans to learn and grow.  We are here as spirits to share, love and be present through our humanness.

We are here, together, at this exact time to create a more beautiful, supportive, loving and peaceful world.  We are being 'called' to state our truth, live our truth, NOT run from our truth and create a truth that connects to each other as we proceed on.

There is much turmoil within and around us as we create the world that is better, best and bestest for all.  We all want to matter and know that we matter.  If we hurt, we can sometimes hurt others.  If we love, love is what we offer.

May you love through any 'storms' you may be experiencing just now.  May you love always.  May you choose what feels loving to you.

                                                                  Unknown

10 of Spades

Hoot!  Ugh!

as 'read' by serenapowers.com

10 of Spades
"Ten: Misfortune and worry. Imprisonment. Unwelcome news."

How about that.   Can't make this stuff up...

And, I walk through knowing that I am love.  I often told my daughter growing up that "you can't always get what you want". 

Well, I guess it is, currently, my time for this...  Darnit!

May you get what you want as often as possible; through love and truth.

Sad

I am sad; just sad in this moment.  My beautiful home up north is undergoing much deconstruction to construction.   The home I loved down here is 'under contract' and not with me and my Little Bear is still not great and my own hip/back has me only able to move very little.

I'm just going with sad just now.  My hands are purple I would think from the stress that I am feeling.

I have hope; great hope.  But for now, I just want to feel sad.  I want to feel it and let it go.

I know better days are ahead of me.  I know great things are yet to be lived through.  And, for today, I am sad.

None of this was in my 'plan'.  Time to come up with a new plan as I learn to allow myself to let go of the old one.

Nothing stays the same.  This is fine news.   Change occurs without our participation.

When I accept the process of what is and I create a new plan, life is decent.

I will let life be decent tomorrow.  I want to feel the sad now.  I feel I am entitled to feel sad mostly because this is what I am feeling.

May you feel what you are feeling and let it go when you are ready.  May you allow your plan to change when it has to and live it out when you can.

"My" House

Well, I was outbid on the website that had my favorite house on it.  Someone took it for the $100K more.   I wish them a very happy life in this very grand house.

I am totally sad and I cried and sat in this 'sad' for a bit yesterday and I just tell myself that it wasn't met to be.  Of course, I still hope for their contract to not get executed and it come to me.  I have no choice but to keep walking forward.

I redid my whole closet here in the apartment.  I was hopeful that I would be heading out to 'my' new home soon.  However, when I was told that I was outbid, I did not know what else to do but get more settled here.  I know I want to feel settled and I am the only one that can make me feel so.

So, as I seem to be coming across rough and challenging 'roadblocks' this very week, I am hopeful that they are here for me to find the correct, best and most fun 'roads' to travel moving forward.

May your own roadblocks turn out to be only a deterrent that forces/enables you to travel your most fun and soulful path going forward.  Travel on. 

9 of Diamonds

9 of Diamonds:

"Surprise with money. New business opportunities. Restlessness."

Surprises/Business/Restlessness have surely been on my agenda lately; whether welcomed or not. 

May you allow the light inside of you to sparkle like a diamond.

                             A lovely pendant of a cherished friend who is a real life warrior in my eyes.

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being." ~ Hafiz

Plate

I have much on my 'plate' just now and when it rains it pours (it has been said).  I stand in it all.  I stand strong.   I stand wobbly. 

Today will unfold much as the cleaning crew (or shall I say 'demolition' crew) goes into the house and clears away all the wet, soiled, ruined, broken remains of what was once a beautiful and warm resort home. 

I believe that everything happens for a reason and in it's own time.  I believe that things hurt.  I believe that we get through; until we don't.   And we only 'don't' one time in all our life.

I feel a bit defeated and I know that I am not.  I feel a bit in shock and, this, I most likely am. 

Yesterday was the 9th of January.  "9"    'my' number.  of completion...

Our house is no longer on the market just now.  I set a new bid on the house I fell in love with down here.  I choose to go through this bidding process again.

I trust the process of life and I am open to learning and being/doing better.

There is much I don't understand.   I believe, perhaps, that the things we do not understand we are not supposed to... yet; possibly never.

I am grateful for the loving support of family and friends.  I am grateful that I have been taught/learned to allow peace and good in every situation.  I sit calmly.  I sit in my unknown.  I am open to 'know' and to move forward and to share all of me in love.

There are many great people working with and for me and I believe mankind has much to offer each other.  Sometimes we are down.  Sometimes we are up.  Sometimes we are status quo.

Wherever you are... May you trust the process of life and allow yourself to participate (truthfully) as best you can with all that you are in the life that is yours.  Allow others to help when you need it.  Help others when you can. 

This is a new day.   A new beginning.  Support - allow it and give it. 

The 'Universe' was not gentle on me yesterday.  I hope to learn and love through every moment.

 

Bidding, Accepting; Which Direction to Go

I went through the whole process again of winning the bid on the website for the house that I 'fell for' and after all day - still had to reject the offer they came back with as it was $100K more than the starting bid (with only myself bidding)....

I continue on and still have hope and will most likely do another cycle.

It has rained here all day.  It is warm (yippee) and very wet.

My head is tired as I called, spoken, connected, written and documented everything I could possibly make happen today to find an easier answer to close the deal on a Florida home.   It is just not meant to be yet.

My home up north had a flood emergency in it today and I'm wiped out from all the 'fun'  (NOT) that I have been experiencing.

Life is way too interesting for me just now and I have hope and love in my heart.

It is enough.   I am enough.   I allow life to unfold in the saga of a home for me and all I hear on the TV is the the weather is flooding out my local area.  Unfortunately, it is also flooding inside my beautiful house in PA and who knows what will become of any of it.  It WILL all work itself out. 

I stand on weathering the 'whether(s)' that are presenting themselves to me today.  Many difficult situations that need to be decided on and paths which will be taken. 

May you 'weather' your own 'whether or not(s)' and allow hope and love to be in your heart.

House of (Tarot) Cards

I am 'working it' to see how close I can get to owning a home that feels like it was possibly made for me here in the Florida, USA, sunshine.

I went to the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place to see what cards would jump out at me when asked the question - Can I make this wonderful house my own?  Will I possibly be this lucky to make it work?

The three cards 'read' as follows:

5 of Swords
"Tarot Wisdom:  Make the best of a bad situation.  Things can be fixed:  you can change your life through work, action, and positive thinking.  The message also points to reclaiming losses.  Or, it suggests to striking while the iron is hot - there is a right time to take action in every situation."

Lady of Staffs
"Tarot Wisdom:  You are fascinated by light and energy, and have a sense of appreciation and wonder.  You have mastered the art of graceful movement in all ways.  You are well suited to start an endeavor in a new area, to make the desert bloom."

King of Swords
"Tarot Wisdom:  You have a deep-seated inner confidence.  This is true inner strength that does not have to be displayed.  Your communication is clear and decisive; you are not afraid to speak your mind.  You are capable of choosing whether or not to respond to the prompts of others, and to separate false preconceptions from fact."

I then continued on to pick a playing card.  It was the five of diamonds.  From serenapowers.com, It reads:  "Five: Success in business. Happy family."

Do I know if I will 'win' the bid on this house and make it work?  No.   Do I have great hope that I will?  Yes.  Is it a hoot how I can 'hear' things in the above tarot and playing card "wisdom"... You bet.  

Only when it plays out and happens or doesn't happen will I know for sure.  In the meantime, I am working it as best I possibly can to make this dream become a reality.  I am open to it working out.  I understand the reality that it may not.  And, if it is supposed to be mine, it will.  Just wait to you see MY new driveway!!! 

May you believe in your dreams and 'work them' to the furthest point that you can reach.

United Power

From the "Power of Oneness" Facebook post:

"Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are."  Malcolm S. Forbes

My comment was:

Focus on and own what and who you are.  You are perfect as you.  You are needed to be you.  You are the only one that can be you.  You matter.  HUGE.  Nice.  Thank you.  I value what and who you are.

TOO MANY PEOPLE OVERVALUE WHAT THEY ARE NOT and UNDERVALUE WHAT THEY ARE...

May you value what and who you are.  You are valuable just as you are.  Being and sharing you is your greatest value to our world.  I believe.

JUST BE YOU. 

May you focus on your own uniqueness being a special and valuable thing.  Perhaps, Your uniqueness is your purpose on our Earth.   Just what if....

Man, I would love to find out by us all living with this belief or some form of it therein.

                                                                Unknown

Oxymoron.  Maybe.
However, at the depth of who we are, we are all connected to the same source (as 'breath').  Here, on the greatest surface of human life, perhaps what we are born as, in completion, is what creates the greatest completed puzzle of all time.  Each of us is a unique entity when combined as one, create the life force that propels and carries us all to be, share and live the best of ourselves.  Oh, how the world would look, feel and be when we get to this as a way of life and not just a dream of many dreamers.

Resisting

I'm resisting 'visiting' here because I don't want my story to be my story.  It is cold for me and I am uncomfortable.  My hands are purple and numb.  It is 63 deg.   I can't imagine if I was up north in the 0 deg F temperatures.

It is rainy and damp.

Little Bear isn't doing good this morning and I have a laser appointment for her at 1 p.m.   I'm very hopeful we will see immediate results.  It is getting tiring and uncomfortable waking up wondering how my little 'girl' is going to be each day.  And, Tiffany has been a real trooper with most of my attention on Little Bear.  I find it extremely interesting all this 'learning' around my dogs.   There has always been something about the way I 'see' my dogs/animals.

The bidding for the property I like down here stops tonight at 10:30ish p.m.  I am anxious, somewhat excited and definitely apprehensive to see the outcome of this 'go-around'.  I am hopeful.   I believe.  I am open to accepting the truth of it as I don't give up or in until I 'play' it out as far as I can go.

I am not calm inside as much as I'd like to report.  My nose and face are numb and probably a little blue with the stress and the cold.

My toes and feet are not the happiest 'dogs'.   Get it - "My dogs are barking"....  when it comes to saying one's feet are tired and sore....  (lol)

I have one 'leg' in my apartment and the other 'leg' desperately wanting a career and home.  I know they are coming.  I am losing patience. 

I'm eating more than usual and this, too, makes me uncomfortable.

While working on my website last night, I realized that I want to be able to offer comfort in the uncomfortable.  Perhaps, this is because this is exactly what I am searching for.

I know that I am ok even while I feel this discomfort.  I know that life moves forward and through discomfort. ("This too shall pass.")  It surely is not as fun moving through discomfort as it is living with comfort and we all experience both.

I have increased my medicine as to give my body a break and continue on somewhat functioning while so much change and discomfort is within and around me.  This, too, I can find discomfort in.

Yikes.   I want to run for the hills far away from discomfort.   I will not.  I will stand strong within it and feel it and allow it to propel me in the direction that I choose to walk as new choices arise.

My hip/back is not as tight as it was.  It is still 'requesting' my attention.

So, while I wish I could tell you that everything is good; everything is smooth and that I have no fear and only cheer....  this is not my truth.

I stand in my truth and share it with you in hope that you choose to stand in yours and still believe, know and live YOU knowing you are ok even when it doesn't feel so.

May you know you are a work in progress and you are exactly where you need to be.  You are gaining momentum to be exactly where you find yourself most fulfilled if you haven't already done so.  I believe.

Brrrr Urrgh

Wowza!  It has reached the lowest temperatures here in the United States in about 30 years.  It is in the 40s here.  It is feeling mighty chilly to my bones.  It even 'looks' cold!

I understand it is 0 deg F and -12 wind chill up north.  I am so grateful I am not there.  The cars and their doors do not even want to open up and 'play' in this temperature.  Please be safe my friends.

I hope everyone is out of the cold and has some warmth.  And, I know, in most probability, there are many that are uncomfortable.  May we know how to help these people when we come across them.  I don't think the human lungs can work at full function when it gets this cold. 

I took Little Bear to the vet where they used a 'cold' laser on her neck yesterday.  The doctor feels she is in good shape and just to keep her quiet for a bit longer.  I am hopeful.  It's been what it feels like to be a long road that we have been on.  And, we are walking it.

I did get my new car and I think I am 'sick' in it (ha!) and I love driving it and have a lot of fun playing with all the knobs and gadgets.  It's a 'vroom vroom' type of car and I enjoy it every time I get in it. 

I am still, as vigorously as I know how, working to achieve a home and I do still have my eyes set on this particular one that I fell for that is on the auction website.  I walk gingerly (and determined) as far as my investigation and communication will take me.

I feel closer to my goal of being settled as I work on my website and LinkedIn accounts.  I really want a fun fulfilling and challenging career out in our world with the hope of feeling more productive and helping others to be and live their own best life possible.  If/when I land this, OH, will I be a happy, thriving, living woman.  I choose to enjoy where I am as much as possible because I am 'here' for a reason; and I still have a yearning to live in a house and have a social career. 

I believe the dis-ease of scleroderma has taken me on many roads that I would not have traveled unless I was searching for peace within; a painfree life and answers to heal and/or live with such a painful and disfiguring disease.

May you accept what life has made and given you.  May you embrace and move onward from here.  May you dig deep to know who you really are and may you envision the you that you want to live as.

                                                         Unknown