Be U: Brrrr Urrgh

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Brrrr Urrgh

Wowza! It has reached the lowest temperatures here in the United States in about 30 years. It is in the 40s here. It is feeling mighty chilly to my bones. It even 'looks' cold!

I understand it is 0 deg F and -12 wind chill up north. I am so grateful I am not there. The cars and their doors do not even want to open up and 'play' in this temperature. Please be safe my friends.

I hope everyone is out of the cold and has some warmth. And, I know, in most probability, there are many that are uncomfortable. May we know how to help these people when we come across them. I don't think the human lungs can work at full function when it gets this cold.

I took Little Bear to the vet where they used a 'cold' laser on her neck yesterday. The doctor feels she is in good shape and just to keep her quiet for a bit longer. I am hopeful. It's been what it feels like to be a long road that we have been on. And, we are walking it.

I did get my new car and I think I am 'sick' in it (ha!) and I love driving it and have a lot of fun playing with all the knobs and gadgets. It's a 'vroom vroom' type of car and I enjoy it every time I get in it.

I am still, as vigorously as I know how, working to achieve a home and I do still have my eyes set on this particular one that I fell for that is on the auction website. I walk gingerly (and determined) as far as my investigation and communication will take me.

I feel closer to my goal of being settled as I work on my website and LinkedIn accounts. I really want a fun fulfilling and challenging career out in our world with the hope of feeling more productive and helping others to be and live their own best life possible. If/when I land this, OH, will I be a happy, thriving, living woman. I choose to enjoy where I am as much as possible because I am 'here' for a reason; and I still have a yearning to live in a house and have a social career.

I believe the dis-ease of scleroderma has taken me on many roads that I would not have traveled unless I was searching for peace within; a painfree life and answers to heal and/or live with such a painful and disfiguring disease.

May you accept what life has made and given you. May you embrace and move onward from here. May you dig deep to know who you really are and may you envision the you that you want to live as.

Unknown

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!