Be U: Strong Emotion

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Strong Emotion

I like the song "Sweet Emotions" better, AND

what I am feeling are strong emotions.

I'm feeling boredom, loneliness and frustration. Is this what will propel, enable and encourage me to get out and get moving... ACT upon something - anything that connects my soul to the outside world in person.

I have fear of what I am capable of and, more intently, not capable of. I have fear of committing to something that I may not be able to stick with because of my health. I have fear of leaving my current 'job' as the 'central staging light house' for whoever sails through, around, towards and away from me.

Fear is a four letter word for me. And, it is so not real. I know it in my mind.  However, I feel fear in my body but it has to come from my mind, yes....Instinctual fear is what is helpful. Manmade fear, I am not so fond of.

What am I capable of...   I am brilliant at knowing other people and caring for them with ease and wanting what is best for us all as a whole and the individual as a whole as well. So, I've been searching wellness, health and fitness, rehab facilities, Hippocrates and other places that I feel they do this kind of work at. I have fear of selling myself without letters behind my name and formal education.   Yes, I have taken many classes and experienced and learned many things about life and living because I aways found it fascinating and miraculous. Yet, on paper, I'm not looking too brilliant; not the usual brilliance when one goes out looking for a respectable job anyway. (This is a judgment that is stopping me; hmmm.)

It's 55 degrees and now it's been three days in a row and my body is swollen. Perhaps, I will look up inflammation in Louise Hay's book, "You Can Heal Your Life" to just take a gander and have some possible information that may help me to lighten up.

Whatever strong emotion(s) come up for you, may you welcome all emotion(s) as best as you can. I have learned that they present themselves for true reasons. And, always, the stronger the emotion - when I get to the other side of it - the stronger the knowing; the joy.

Feel it - Process it - Let it go - Move forward.

Namaste'   I honor your emotions and life works so much more interesting, smoother and it's more informative when we honor our own self, along with our own emotions.   Open to what is and use all your resources to process YOU.

Honor On.

Even though I feel in a funk and it's way too funky all up in here for me... I trust that I am right where I am supposed to be. I know peace in this trust.

U matter. U are enough. Ur emotions matter. Ur feelings matter. U are what your life is all about. When U are good, your world is good. When your world is good, it presents a better world for others. Let's all get good. Be our truest of selves through love, understanding, truth, trust and support of the same. Baby steps allowed. Giant steps welcome.

JUST BE U

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!