Changes

"Many are struggling to get through this era and I know great things are coming our way. For all of us! There is much good to be had! We just have to change with the changes!!!!!"

Above is a paragraph that I found myself writing to a friend.  I wanted to share it with you as well. 

I believe changing with the changes is so important for my peace of mind.   I believe that I also want to be true with myself and others as I find my way to change with all the changes around me and the constant change within me.

I do not want to be left in the dust!

May you allow yourself to change if you find the old way is no longer working for you.

"Nothing changes if nothing changes."  Anonymous 

What is helpful for you to change right now in this moment?

Survival

I did survive the dentist office today.  Yes, it did take longer than anticipated.  Yes, I needed more novacaine.  Yes, it was a challenge.  My legs were up and in the air, I was pinching myself to hold on and be still and let the practitioner get his job done.   Yes, I felt more than I would have liked to.

YES, I SURVIVED.   It's what we humans do.  We win many of the battles that are presented to us in this 'game' of life. 

My hope is that you trust that you, as a human, will always survive and move forward.

Operating

I get to go to the dentist again this morning.  I'm uncertain if he is going to work on the part of my mouth that is not healing from the last surgery or if we are going to work elsewhere in my mouth.  The not knowing is what is freaking me out the most. 

So, I say, it is what it is and I will be okay.  I feel sorry for the dentist that he has a challenge with me.  He, too, will be okay.

May you know that wherever you are; whatever you are doing; things will change and survival is imminent, until it is not.  Everything works itself out as life moves on.  It always has; it always will.

I'm trusting in the process right now; although my heart is beating fast and I'm afraid.  I do trust that I will be back here saying that it wasn't the easiest and I SURVIVED.

May you know that you will survive almost everything that comes your way.

Judgement

I heard it said that depending on how much we judge others, we judge ourselves at least double the amount.

How much are you judging yourself today?

Hurting

Our world is hurting.  Many of us are hurting.  Some of us are not.  We are all doing the best we can with what we know and who we are.

I went to a Rehab facility today.  It was the first time I ever visited one.  I was very impressed with the people trying to change their lives and create a better world from within.  Saddened by the many people hurting in so many different ways.  Encouraged by their bravery to look at themselves in the mirror and share what they see to the best of their ability.

My first thought is most of us are trying to hide who we truly are because of fear of not being worthy enough; or too different or not different enough.  Fear of letting someone down by not being like 'they' want us to be or just plain fear that pain is going to come their way again and not be able to cope or handle it.

I've been in a nursing home for volunteer hospice work.  I've seen a line of wheel chairs waiting at the elevator doors just to see who will get off the elevator and see if they can catch someone's attention.  The wheel chairs will be forever imbedded in my mind.  The people in the wheel chairs will forever be imbedded in my heart.

If we can each just be there for one person today, even with just a smile, I believe our world will be brighter.

If you need a smile, may you know I'm smiling now.

Together, we can create the world that we love participating in and sharing.  If I'm my true self today, then I've done my true living for today.

And, there is a lot of living to do.

May you do your living today and share a smile.

Tarot Card Time...Again

From the book, "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

The Emperor

"The Emperor keeps our feet on the ground and stabilizes us.  He establishes his firm domain over the physical realm, ruling with thought and intelligence.  Yet he is linked to the otherworldly dimensions that must be traversed not in body but in spirit.  He keeps us anchored while we penetrate those uncertain frontiers, giving us a lifeline before we feel ready to let loose our earthly bonds and fly."

Are you ready to continue your flight?

Reach High

Without reaching for it, it would be hard to achieve it.   If I do not try to do better, it won't happen.  It doesn't always happen when I do try.  Oh - where I'm at!.....

My head spins wanting to fight the truth of my mouth misery.  I want to 'will' it better.  I can only try. 

I'm finding that (or is it my imagination?) when I am just about ready to act on change, my body tells me different.  It tells me I'm not ready.  The world isn't ready for me.  Let's face it - I'm scared to be in the workforce world!!!!  I am not the person I was when I was last ventured out banking on myself and working hard and sharing life.  I am a different being.  In truth, I am more the person I was born as.  However, the confidence of this person is not the same as the person I created to show to the world in the past.  Not yet, anyway.

I have a new persona; a new direction.  I know differently now than I did then.  In truth, I'm weaker (MUCH) physically.  AND, it was a lot (a lot) about the physical last time.  Hey, it's what I sold; what I did for a living.  It was glorious for me and to me.  The fitness field was my passion.

Now, I know different (for me anyway).  I know that, while having a strong physique is a most beautiful gift to oneself, life is also about connecting to our internal self, stretching the mind and opening the soul to the world.   Living one authentic self in a depleted body is more real than living one strong, svelte self in pretense of what ails one.  (oh, I do not want to go here) 

Yet, this is what I did.  If I hurt a finger or my hands were cold and purple, I would continue on.  I would ignore what what going on within me and I would continue on.  I did not let it stop me, change me or phase me.  If I wanted to do 100 leg lifts, then I would do 100 leg lifts.  I wouldn't tap into the body saying, Stop, take a breather.  It worked for me then.  It does not now.

So, just because I've been doing something all my life doesn't mean it 'should' still work for me now; that it is, without a doubt, the thing I need to continue on doing because it's what I know and what has previously worked for me.  Just because I always enjoyed and and did it this way; well, today life is different.   I am different.  Life changes.   People change.  I changed.

I remember someone asking me decades ago, if I was the same person today as the person I was when I was very young.  At that time, I answered, "no way".  Today, I answer, "I am undoubtedly the person I was when I was little".  I am connected to this person; this person resides within me - her and I are one.  I left her for a long time.  I couldn't take and feel and deal with her pain.  I now have taken and felt and dealt with her pain.  The pain is still a part of me, yet, the pain is extinct.  I have felt it and let it go.  My guess is that I probably could tap into it from time to time if something triggers it or reminds me of it.  However, I have processed it and it doesn't contribute negatively in my decision making.

I thought when I achieved this, I would heal my body.   I would no longer have physical signs of the internal pain that I once had buried deep inside.  Part of me believes I did heal.  Part of me believes my hands have more blood flow; more life.  I'm waiting for my fingernails to grow.  Only time will tell.

Yet, why do I suffer with my mouth now.  Why am I not healing from the dental work.  What more is there I need to learn to be free of pain; free of suffering on a regular basis.   I am totally, totally wiped out from suffering.  If I chose, I could most likely let it embody me and disintegrate me.

Hope is the strength that keeps me going.  Hope is the joy that I feel to know and connect to others through.  Hope is the breeze within me that will not quit.  I have hope that I will feel good and strong one day - one day soon.

Til then, I pray that hope keeps supporting me and challenging me and guiding me to a more fuller, present, open, and more alive 'me'. 

Talk about reaching high!  I might as well go for it all.  If I don't reach for it - I have no chance at all of getting it.

May you reach for what you want.  It's okay.   The 'want' is there for a reason.  Wouldn't it be a hoot to get it?

                                      This is a picture of the pond with the sky reflecting on the water.

Understanding

It has become clear to me this morning that I think, act and feel, in many ways, the way that I do because during all of my adulthood, I had the knowledge that my death could be just around the corner.

I'm not quite sure how I act, think and feel differently. I surely cannot or don't want to put it in words just now.  It hurts my head too much (ha).   I just know that many people tell me I do.  I am still open to learn more about this.

We all think, act and feel like we do because of where we've been, who we are, and where we believe ourselves to be heading.

So, we cannot change where we have been.  We can change who we are on some levels and we most certainly can believe differently about our future if and when we want to.

How does your thinking, acting and feeling FEEL on you today?

Uh Oh

My dental surgery that was done over a week ago is not healing too well.  I do not think it took.  I am sad and depressed.  It's sort of like I expected it.  Is this why it did not go well; or, just because. 

I still have hope that healthy skin will grow and it will heal on it's on.

So, I have a choice in this moment.   Sad and depressed or Hopeful.

Sounds to me, like I have all three going on at the same time.

What will you choose for you today? 

Beautiful Breeze

It's hot outside.  It's sunny outside.  There is a beautiful breeze breezin through.  It feels wonderful.  I just want to be outside. 

I fixed the fountain in the pond to be back in the shape of a mushroom.  I swept the steps of the pool because noone has been in for a few days.  I played with the dogs.  I enjoyed the work that the contractors accomplished.

My friend is finding her way.  I am so grateful to see one beautiful woman from deep down in the darkness - see light and grab onto it and fight with everything she has to jump into the light.  I hope the light shelters her and surrounds her.  I hope she allows the depth of herself to come out to the forefront and 'play'.  I know she is going to do wonderful things as she becomes who she is meant to be.  I am honored to be able to watch her grow.

The breeze of life flows through us.  The breeze of life is always flowing.

May you allow the 'breeze' to take you where you know you belong.

Crazy Day

It's a crazy day here at Shambala, my home.  We have power washers, tub fixers, fish guys and grooming day.  It's the hustle and bustle of taking care of my home...again.  I have no where to hide.  I'm very fortunate that I have people that help me. 

I would love to know how to feel settled while having the work done, however.   Good and Not so Good with everything.

Perhaps, I can just look at the good and ignore the not good.  Is this the best way to get through the day?

Mmmmmm

I do not know.

May you know what to do with your good and not so good today.

Propel

I need a propeller to propel me forward.   That's how I feel today.  I'm anxious and excited to do something, yet, my body will not cooperate and get me dressed for the day and take me out to play.

I guess just the fact that something in me is excited to do something is a really wonderful thing.  I've been very content with just hanging and being with my animals and healing and going inward and working with the workers on my home.   (I'm not so content with the home thing!)

It's been 16 years of planning and building and upkeeping my Shambala home.  It's an awesome home; it's not maintenance free in any manner.   It's comfortable and fabulous, it requires a lot of movement and money.  Moving to always be getting something done.  Money in order to buy the equipment or the contractor's time to get it done.  I'm sure a lot of you can relate as homeowners.

Shambala means a place of peace and harmony to all living creatures in Sanskrit.

We have had many fabulous parties and get togethers.  We have had many guests.  It has been truly wonderful.  I now want something different. 

So, if a propller is what it takes, I will find it and use it to propel me forward.  I'm ready.  I only need to find the way.  Being ready is half the battle - I hope.  Finding a way - well, I believe when you want something bad enough, the way will come if I am open to it.  So, bring on the WAY!

May you propel to where you want to be, if just for a visit.  May you allow the way to come to you and jump on and go!

Awareness

We, as a people, are so much more aware of what is real in our world.  Or is it just me?  Perhaps, I've been blind and shut eye to it.  I've ignored what wasn't right in my small area of the world.   Yet, even in my small area, I've been blind.   Mmmmm

Awareness is leading the way for many and, even though it feels and is quite difficult at times, I believe that GOODNESS, even GREATNESS will be exhumed and grow as we share our truth of what and who we are and what we know.

I'm finding it difficult to write.  I'm now, maybe, even more aware of what Im writing and questioning (and not judging it too kindly with openness) whether or not it's ok to write my truth.

Some wonderful lady once asked me how I can put it all out there and write like I do.  My answer was that I am overly anxious to let my fingers fly with what is inside of me and I know I'm being true so it has to be ok.

I'm not overly anxious anymore probably because some shame and fear is sneaking in.  I will prevail for now.

My mouth is healing much slower than the professionals thought.  However, in fairness, they do not really know my truth.  They know I've been diagnosed with scleroderma.   They are not aware, perhaps, of what that can truly mean.   So, I'm still eating eggs and oatmeal and pudding and althought the discomfort is present, it is different.  One day at a time.  One meal at a time.   It's only been one week. 

I still feel much confusion and I cannot pinpoint why.   There is positive change I am seeing and there is also change I'd like to happen that I do not currently see.  I still see suffering and hardship.  I take on others 'stuff'.  I'm great at it.   I'd like to be empathetic and choose not to own their suffering with them.  I'm working on this.  Perhaps, I just answered the question, 'Why am I confused?"  Ha.

May you be aware with gentleness, kindness, openness and a willingness to try to understand another's life that is foreign to your own.  May you be gentle on yourself as you become aware of things you know you want to change about your own life.

I hope we choose to carry on with awareness and change with gentleness of ourself and one another.  I know it can be done, I live it every day.  I don't know it all of the time, I am working on this.  For those that like it rough, can it be a rough gentleness?! Ha.  (Talk about an oxymoron.) 

Fear

I come from fear.   Fear of not doing enough, being enough, feeling too much - not using my brain enough, my skills enough, my social game enough.

Here comes this MORE concept.  I 'should' be doing more.   I don't want to 'should' on myself...ever!

There are many positive and not so positive life changing experiences I am watching and living.  Addiction, whether people will get help or not; my communication in relationships is getting better; people are relocating, and changing jobs.

I know this has always been the case.  'Change is inevitable'.  Why, now though, does it seem to be scarier for me.  I think I used to thrive in change, look for change and welcome change.   Is it because I'm getting older that change is scaring me more.   Or, is it just my mindset, period.

Alot of change is good, positive.   Some change is scary.  Often change transforms us.  Many times, for the better.

I want to let go of fear - because it is nothing but a feeling, a sensation.  How amazing these people are that skydive, climb mountains straight up, do over the top things.  What drives them?  Why do they want to walk into fear.  Is it because many times, nothing is there.  Fear is more a moment than a living force that embodies us.   However, I can let it embody me.  Why? 

Something about self-worth, self-trust and just plain trust.   They trust they will be okay.  Perhaps, this brings it more home for them even.   Hey, if I can do that - I certainly can deal with a bump in the road that comes my way when I least expect it.   I don't know.   I have no desire to jump from a plane.  It doesn't bring any excitement to me.  Am I afraid?  You bet.  However, that is one fear that is not necessary for me to get over today.  Or is it?

IDK   IDK    IDK    IDK.

I sit in I don't know.

May you let it be okay that there is something you don't know (and would like to) in this moment.

Connection (A Lecture)

Is the way I am connected to people, the person I become?  Is my connection to nature rejuvenating and helpful?  When I get excited as I enter a big city, is this what is living?

When I look at what a person does for a career - I immediately think they are an expert in that field.  Wait.   This is not where I want to go....

What matters to me most is how people feel when they leave me.  Are they inspired?  Are they sad and defeated?  Am I any of these things or all of them?

What matters in life is to do our best.  What does this mean?  Does it mean to accomplish and achieve the most.   Does it mean connect to as many as possible.  Does it mean have the deepest relationships as possible.

What if each day we could have a different meaning in life.  One day we live for happy, one day we live in sad; one day we strive to achieve the grandest; another day we accept and love what we have and are. It could be in increments of moments as well.   It seems this is what most of us are doing - yet, we (or most of us) strive for MORE.

What if totally living is what you were doing right now?  What you were doing yesterday.. what you plan to do tomorrow.

This is life.  Nothing more; nothing less.  Don't wait til tomorrow to use the fine china or wear that fancy dress or connect to someone you think special.   Live today.   Live it how it best suits you. 

While you are living the best for you; it inspires me, and others, to live the best for themselves.  Whatever you are feeling right now in this minute - own it.  Own where you are, what you are doing, what you are feeling and own your dreams.  Speak them, feel them, live them.

This is living.  Waiting for tomorrow to be happy, or to lose pounds or make more money or to connect with someone to be happy.....  isn't living  (or I guess it is)  but I hope you choose today.   I hope you choose today to be happy and if you feel like something or you feel like nothing... accept it.   Accept it in the moment you feel it and carry on.  Proceed forward.  Process you.

For the sake of my (our) sanity, just BE YOU.  If you are hurt, say it.  If you are sad, be it.  If you are the happiest ever - share it.  Grab what you have and live it.  If it's not for you - change it.  If it's for you - savor it.  Believe that what you are doing today is what life is all about.  A perfect 'more' is unachievable.  You, with everything you are, everything you know and everything you have today is achievable - you are already there! 

Let's all step through our own fear and live the life we want to live no matter how weird, crazy, nuts it is.  Follow as close to your true self as possible, while coming from your infinite connection that you brought with you at birth, so we have a semblence of peace.  Create new ideas so we have growth.  Own what is inside of you because it's real.  Come from what your soul knows....

How 'soulful' are you?   How 'soulful' do you want to be?  What if bringing your soul to the forefront of this life is your sole purpose of living.....    Mmmmmm    And, from this, there are many 'branches', roads, extensions that we can all benefit from. 

Happy is the Sol when a Soul comes to light.   (i've lost it now)!... or am I just getting it!   Ha.

Change is Happening

I see people searching for their way, finding their way and changing their way.  This is good news for all of us.  Our struggles are so in our face presently; it's almost impossible (AND MANY, INCLUDING ME HAVE TRIED) to not see them. 

So, I see them and I share my truth about what I truly feel.  Scary and so rewarding.  Most people in our lives want us to be happy; they love us.  It may be deep down from time to time (as well as our own love for others), and if I stop to think (feel), I know for certain it is there.  People love in the best and only way they know how in the present moment.  Sometimes it's perfect.  Sometimes it's not.

Love is about wanting people in our life to share it with.  To share our everyday moments with one another.  To listen and support each other's path of challenges, enjoyment and dreams.

Love is not about making myself different for anyone.  Love is not about wanting others to be different for me.   Love is about accepting and supporting.  Love teaches.  Love hurts.  Love is trust to share our true self.  Love is da bomb.

How is your love feeling on you today?   for yourself, for others; may you be open to feel the love...

                        I want to not share my love with someone 'later', I want to Share the Love Now

How to Word It

I'm not sure how to put into words what I am feeling this past week.  I'm off kilter and feel sad.  I have hope in my heart and heaviness in knowing all the struggles that many are going through just now, including me.

My dentist trip is over, for now.  I have rebuilt bone and cosmetic artificial gum in my mouth.  Oh, technology.  AND, what I buy into.  It's a heck of a thing and yet I'm grateful for the choice. 

My mouth is sore, I cannot chew much food for 7 days (some diet) and should be all healed in 3 months.  Wowza.

I feel sorry for myself at times and wish I would just wake up with a song in my heart and dance in my step.  Wish I knew the answers and, even better, how to live them.  I wish I could take pain from everyone and give peace to all.

This is not my truth.  I can listen, talk, suggest, do - I cannot take your pain.  You can listen, talk, suggest, do - you cannot take my pain.

In truth, we really cannot live each other's lives or pain for them.  I do believe the pain we do have, we have the answer for (it may not be the one we want) and will be okay no matter what.  In truth, we are okay no matter what.  Somethings hurt, hurt deeply.  Sometimes we humans feel like there's not another step in us.  Sometimes we are so lost, we can only be in our loss.

We have all known wonderment.  We have all known great happiness at one time or another.  We have all known great sadness if we live long enough. 

I wish I could take all these chaotic challenges and create peaceful wins.  I cannot.  What if where we were right now, in this moment is a win for us.  What if, right now in this moment, we are where we are supposed to be to get us ready for the tomorrow we will live.  What if what I was going through was getting me ready to be a better me tomorrow.  I can still live today.  Not always sure I want to do the day, but I can if I choose to.  This is true for all, I believe.

I am down, but not out.  I'm sad but know that there are fantastic things on this earth of ours to see and do.  I am confused but know that I won't always be.  I await full circle change as I get on with my day.

I don't really even know the goal or message in this post.  I'm not sure there is one.  I'm just sharing me in hope that there are connections to be made to strengthen all of us; each and every one of us that is here together at the same time.

I know I've lost my 'auto-pilot' several years back; just going about my day not even thinking about what I'm doing.   I'm not sure what this means.  I'm thinking many are on auto-pilot.  No judgement, just possible.   It sure felt easier, yet, I'm wondering how much I just let go by.  There are so many ways to do this thing called 'living'.

Wherever you are, may you fly as high as you can and trust that, even in darkness, light does come.

Not Much To Say

Lately, I have been feeling like I have nothing to say.  I'm feeling silly and I believe myself to be a bit boring and like I stated previously, words are just not coming to me easily anymore.  I don't feel the 'burn' to write many new posts recently.  I may be sulking just a bit.

I went and picked three tarot cards while thinking about this 'dead end' that I have found myself in and these are the cards that I turned up.


Lady of Swords:
"You have eloquence and are at the peak of your verbal or artistic expression.  You appreciate the beauty of words and thoughts."*

The Fool:
"The Fool represents ignorance or naivete but shows us that everything we need to begin our spiritual journey and to initiate change is within our grasp.  We begin with the raw material of transmutation ready before us.  If we place our trust in a higher order we will be guided through the dangers and darkness and into the light.  We need only open our eyes and go forward with both awe and courage.  As we gain knowledge we will be transformed."*

Ace of Staffs:
"You are experiencing the beginning or birth of something that will require a lot of energy, like a new job, a new project or a new relationship.  Even though it requires energy, it gives energy back to you in reward."*

May your eyes be open and may you see what is right in front of you that you have been ignoring for too long.  May you take it on and know ease of positive change.

*The Alchemical Tarot book by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

Heat

What does one do in 100 deg F weather?  Stay as cool as possible; eat watermelon, go swimming, do hot yoga....  It sure is hot enough.  Even I, who lives for the warm weather... it's just too hot for too long.

And, there is nothing I can do to change it.... so be it.

May you enjoy doing something different today just for yourself.

There's more going on with me... Currently, I have no words.

Dental Work

I'm having more surgery tomorrow on my mouth; my tiny, tiny mouth because of my tight skin.  Poor dentist, poor me.  I am very scared and I am also trusting and envisioning ease.  I'll be glad when it's over.  I'm thinking..  so will my dentist!

I know I will survive.  That is what us humans are best at.  Surviving through.

May you trust that you will survive through whatever comes your way.

My bet is that you've done it before and you'll survive again.

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain."  Author Unknown

Mindful Eating

Mindful Eating is about smelling your food as you sit down with it; looking at your food (the colors/shapes/presentation) and slowly tasting the food.  What is the texture?  What is the consistency?  What are the flavors?  Chew the food while your mind stays on chewing the food.

Be aware of eating.  Let everything else go and eat.  Eat while you eat.

Isn't that a concept?

May you enjoy your food today and may it nourish you fully.

Eating

I seem to keep eating even while my belly tells me it is full.  My mind tells me I need something else to be satisfied.

My bet is --  it is NOT food that I'm needing.   I need a hobby, or an outlet.  Perhaps, a job in the mind/body industry.

I have to know that I am worthy of it first.  How do I know my worthiness.  I am worthy just because I breathe.  I am worthy because I care about people.  I am worthy because I am.

Nope, that didn't do it!!!  I still want some chocolate!

LOL

May you know your worthiness. 

Positivity

I feel it. It's happening!  Positive things are right within our reach, ready to be had.   I am walking through my fear.  I'm biting into the apple and discovering that my truth is what makes the apple rich, so to speak.

I am facing, sharing, taking head on - the most things I am afraid of - with any and all of my relationships.  I feel myself walking through my fear and seeing myself creating a better, more calm and enjoyable life for myself.

I see others taking their big steps in reaching for the tools to create the life that they want.  I see more honesty with friends and families' thought processes.

I believe we are going to survive and within this survival, going to live the trueness of what is and take this truth to create the ultimate living experience for all those that are open and ready for it.

May you be ready to share your truth and reach out and share the 'richness' that is you. 

Words

My mom used to say 'Get it done, then you can relax.'

I, at times, rather do it this way....

"Relax, you'll get it done."

What works for you in this moment?

Another Shot

Today is another day....

to accomplish what I didn't yesterday.

to tell someone I love them.

to be kind.

to forgive.

to be gentle on myself.

to do better.

to let go.

What are you doing today?

Resistance

I have a big resistance to coming here mostly because I am hearing myself tell myself I have nothing to say.  I'm not 'chomping at the bit', so to speak, to express myself.

Mmmmmm.

So, here I sit at the computer wondering what will come out of me!

It's the middle of summer here and the weather has been hot; not much rain.  Beautiful green on the trees, as full as full can be.  I have a lot of frogs jumping around and ribit-ing outback.  Some end up in my pool.  I have one that seems to be able to jump in and out of the pool.  I see him in the water swimming around (a big one) and then I see him sitting on the side of the deck.  Funny thing.  It's mostly at dusk.  Like, he takes a sunset swim! 

Many butterflies are starting to fly around; many white small ones.  I also see black and yellow ones.  They seem to just be starting here.  A whole lotta dragonflies; 10 at a time on many days.  They representing 'bringing the light'.  I'm very ready for 'light'! 

My relationships are changing dramatically.  They were always good to and for me.  Now, however, I am not afraid to ask or share what is inside of me.  It's quite fun being real and true about my feelings, desires, and needs and not being afraid of negative retaliation.  In truth, not AS afraid of negative retaliation!

My dogs are all doing good.  Durby, my Aussie, is holding his own as he approaches 14.  the love we share.  He has given me many wonderful moments.  Poor dog, has seen the worst of me, for sure.  He just sits near and allows me to cry, scream, laugh, - whatever.   He never tells me not to feel the way I am feeling. 

May you know that what you feel is real and probably because of your circumstances and who you are.   You are allowed and required* to feel just as you feel.

May you accept these feelings of you and move on from here.

*I believe 'required' is a good word here.  Just maybe if we do not resist how we feel, life can be simpler, easier.  Try it, you just may like it.  I am liking it....A WHOLE LOT.

                                                            Dragonfly on tip of the Flower Bud

Sitting in Transition

I truly believe I am transitioning from what I was to what I am going to be.  Here, in the "in-between", I am residing with what is. 

I notice how alone, from my family, I am.  With my husband traveling and my daughter almost 18, they are not around as much as I am.   I am now starting to feel lonely. 

I am noticing that when I awake, I feel groggy and calm.  Calm is not a common word in my vocabulary.

I am seeing that I take care of the house, the animals, the contractors and I am a hub for many.  Or, at the very least, this is how I feel.  I'm not really judging it just now....

I am seeing how I turned away many meals, shows, beach visits, friend visits, shopping excursions and travel to mysterious lands.  (Well, not really mysterious, it just sounded better!)

I really did go deep within myself to find myself.  I FOUND MYSELF!

Now, what do I do with me? 

I know I need people.  I love to be around people exploring life.  I love to help people explore their life.  I love being out in nature.  I love feeling productive and that I matter. 

I now have some energy to do better.  Live stronger.  Enjoy others.

I feel like I WANT to sit in this a bit longer and enjoy it without all the questions in my head, the drama in my head, and the pain in my body and heart.

I want to experience me as I was born into this world.  I feel I'm pretty close (along with all my experiences). 

I am so grateful for the people who have supported me, helped me, listened to me, challenged me and changed with me.  Thank you.

Actually, I'm looking at the name of this post, 'sitting in transition'.  It does not seem possible that one can sit while transitioning.  Yet, I feel like this is what I'm doing.  Wowza.

May you know what you are doing and be present to it.  It just may be the best present you ever give yourself.

Unsettled/Settled

Is being unsettled, the new settled in today's lifestyle. With so much information at our disposal, why am I unable to throw most of it aside?

I love having information such as dictionary, mapping, how old a person is that looks so good on TV at my whim. However, testicle eating fish and other such things I could do without!

The world has gotten much, much smaller with the computer, cell phones and the information highway. We can connect with someone around the world in a matter of seconds, very easily. However, I can also see much more pain and agony in our world that I used to be able to ignore if it wasn't happening right where I resided.

I believe knowing, seeing and even feeling this pain will help us to stop it. I believe the awareness is a gift to change. However, just now, it can be very overwhelming, scary and too much, too soon for me. Yet, it's here whether I like it or not.

Perhaps, just maybe, if we each do what our ability and capability allows, we can, TOGETHER, make OUR world the place we can live fruitfully, happily, contentedly and as peacefully as possible.

Wouldn't that be the biggest 'coo' of all! If all you had to do was live the true you and together we'd be 'happening'...!

Are you feeling it? Ha.

6 of Spades

I just blogged my Best of Me post and I went and picked a playing card.

Fun!  6 of Spades

May be interpreted as:

"Sorrows pass. Journey away from difficulties." *

Oh, this sure sounds good to me! 

May your journey be towards your own contentment/fulfillment/connectedness.


* from www3.sympatico.ca/terrir/playing_card_meanings

Best of You

May you know that the best of you is where you've been, where you are and where you are going.

Is it possible not to be the best of ourselves each and everyday.  How we live, with what we know, what we feel and where we are....  isn't this the best of ourselves always?

Mmmmmm    I believe I'm living the best of myself always.  I could harshly judge myself and not like many a things I do; say and think.  Still, it's the best of what I have in the moment.  If it wasn't, wouldn't I do better?

Focus

I've heard it be said before... "What we focus on grows."

I'm noticing that when I look at the sores on my fingers, I am focusing more on the healthy skin around the sores than the unhealthy skin that make up the sores.  This is new to me.  I will see if it matters.

May you focus on what makes you happy and content more than things that are hurtful, frustrating, or unhealthy.

Outside In or Inside Out

I was outside in the 100 degrees F temperature the other day.  I was doing chores and realized that I was very hot, my breathing was heavy and my shoulders somewhat slumped.  For some reason, at that moment, I realized that my body was reacting to what I was feeling on the inside.  Hot, heavy and out of breath!

My mind went to if someone was watching me, I'd most likely stand taller, not show that I was hot and carry on.  Is this my public persona --  To not show what is on the inside of myself.  I wondered why.  The answer was this is what I learned to do. 

I realized that if I was living from the outside in - I would not be aligned with my entire being.  However, when I 'work' from the inside out - I can be one with myself; as dorky and loving as I was being that day (at that moment I was feeding the wild birds).

As I'm typing this, I realized that 'living' is the word I used to describe myself with my public persona.  "Work' is the word I typed to describe my living my entire being.  Mmmm.

I'd like to not work at this anymore.   May it just happen gradually that I am me, and there is nothing I can do about it and I'd like to get to the point that there is nothing I want to do about it....The basis of who I am is enough and grow from here because life on earth offers endless possibilities. 

Are you with me?  Ha.

May we be at a point that what we think, like and know is exactly what we are supposed to think, like and know in this moment.  All the following moments, just may be different  -  and this is okay too.

When I come from a place of my truth and compassion, I believe I am living fulfilled.

Hitting Home

When I heard this, it resonated with me--big time.

"People suffer when they pursue a life or chase a dream that doesn't belong to them."  Caroline Myss

May the life you are living and the dreams you are pursuing be yours!

Doubt

"Doubt is not wanting to put your hand out because there might not be someone there.  Faith tells you there is.  Faith is putting your hand out, in trust, in the dark, knowing someone will take it."  Mother Mary Clare

When you are ready, may you put your hand out and find that you are received in just the right manner for you to move forward to simply...be all of you.

Awakening

"It took everything you went through yesterday to get you ready for what you are about to do today.  You are standing on the verge of a great awakening or you wouldn't be here.  If I'm talking to you, make some noise...."

Bishop T. D. Jakes

Very Busy Week Indeed

an excerpt from an email from myself to a friend.....

"A lot of transitioning everywhere. I also see alot of everyone's truth coming out and it's refreshing as ever to me to know we all have good and we all have not so good and many of us are ready to take it all on.

Together, we can create good, peace and a bond that will make us all stronger. OR so I hope. I just hope we survive this to get to that!!!!"

 

May you survive through your truth as it becomes less of a war and more of an acceptance to change what doesn't work anymore.

 

 

Finding It

I'm finding it hard to sit and read or watch TV or study mind, body, spirit guides.  I've been taking so much in that I just might be full for now.

I just may know myself enough; perhaps, more than I need to.? 

I'm feeling the urge to move, explore, live.  I'm feeling an excitement of anticipation to where I'm going now.   I do have a doubt in my mind that it won't last.  But, I'm feeling it now and right now in this moment - oh, this is exciting and great.

I have three 'baby' sores on my fingers.  I have an uncomfortableness throughout my body and ringing in the ears. 

I also have a desire - a thrill to move on from here and have some fun.  To let be, what is and to use my new tools, energy and power to create a brilliant life.  One that I thrive in.  One that I love in.  One that I am me in. 

How cool to bring one's true self to the game of living.  If living is a game; a game is meant to create fun and excitement.   A game creates a challenge to win; to do our best.  Success is not always possible and the things we learn, see and do just may be the greatest success of all.

 May you be finding it in yourself?  I'm believing that whatever we need, just may be already ours.

Fireworks

Because this is the Fourth of July, Independence Day in the United States of America where I was born; I'd like to ask....

What kind of fireworks are you going to create/allow into your life today?  May they be loving and beautiful.

Elephant

I'm confronting the many 'elephants' that live all around me.  There are 'issues' that I just live with daily and pretend they do not bother me or pretend that they do not exist.  These are, to some, considered 'an elephant in the room'.

I believe many of us mere mortals are brilliant at disregarding, ignoring and just choosing not to deal with an issue or two (or one hundred) that can be constantly following us around and, yet, because of pain, fear, inability, etc., we just live with them everyday.   I'm a pro at this.

I have recently begun to live more and more of my truth and admit to it and face it head on.  Oh my, an elephant can be so humongous...(or is it?)!

As I admit to what I am feeling through my own fear of alienation, fear of anger or being hurt, I boldly go where I have not gone before.

Anyway, I am trying to, lovingly, explore new ways, through sharing my ultimate truth and shame of this truth, to create a more full, more loving, less tense and less fearful way of life.

OH, bring out the marching band!!!! 

May you, at the very least, start seeing your 'elephant(s)' in your life to create the life of being the true you.

YOU are a beautiful gift that was given to our world.  BE YOU the way God/your creator/the universe/evolution intended you to be.  You know this person, welcome YOU to your life each and every breath. 

So Much in my Head

I have so much in my mind and processing mostly new stuff that I am having a hard time sharing.  I'm not sure where I am and it's not easy for me to 'voice' my own thoughts just now.  They are too jumbled in my own head.

There are many people lives around me in transition just now.  Many could be considered serious. 

I'm seeing some hardship and in this hardship, I am able to see the beauty.  It's quite different for me.  I feel that I am more used to seeing just hardship and struggle.  I do see this.  I also see ease and great timing.   I also see peace and love.  I also see small, small miracles of how things play out.

It is quite awe-inspiring to me.  I feel and know my own struggles and yet, I feel that I am accepting more easily and not fighting what is.  I almost do not feel connected because I'm doing and living differently.   I am not on auto-pilot and it is somewhat harder just now.

Yet, the enlightenment that comes with this is pretty cool.  Just experiencing what is and not ignoring what is in front of me and sharing who I am.  It's a hoot.
------
I notice I have been using the word 'hoot' a bit more.  I don't really know what it is.  It just feels right where and when I use it.  I guess I'm using it to mean an enlightened experience.  Maybe an aha moment to some extent.

Seeing things differently, being accepting and okay and enjoying what is because these individual moments are what make up our lives.

May you have a 'hoot' today.

Where I'm At

I am doing more; getting out more and being around more people.  I am learning and seeing how easily I lose myself and my needs while truly caring about what is going on in others' lives.

I am 'fueled' by other people and I have to learn that my needs matter during this fueling process.  I love hearing and being with others.  It is a hoot for me.  I love sharing what they are thinking, feeling, loving and struggling with.  I really am empowered by people.  I am grateful for this connection to people.

I do find myself giving and wanting to empower back.  I believe I do this pretty darn good.  I want to do this while keeping my own ability to empower myself and not burn out by being in their head more than my own. 

I am better than I have ever been at this.  I see myself fulfilling my own needs while truly wanting to help others fulfill their own. 

I am not comfortable completely with this person that I have become.  I am learning how to 'sit' with this person and not think of myself as selfish or dorky or hurting others.

It's interesting that I was not connected to much of this part of my own thought process since I've been five and in kindergarten; probably when I first started learning about socializing.  I may have given up some of my self while trying to take too much in and not get in trouble or not get anyone mad at me.  Mmmmm

I AM ENTITLED TO BE ME.  I honor everyone when I am me, including myself.  How cool is this!

YOU ARE ENTITLED TO BE YOU.  You honor everyone, including yourself, when you truly shine YOU in each moment.

Is your true light shining in our world today?  My hope is that it is.

Dis-ease

I pulled out the old tarot cards again asking if I'm done with this dis-eased part of my life:

From the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place.  These are the cards I picked.  Interesting.  I wanna 'buy' into it.   I believe it to be possible.

Does believing make it possible sometimes?

Six of Vessels:  "A woman fills five vessels by pouring from a sixth; and from one a flower grows.  The vessels are of different shapes.  From the one vessel she can fill many different ones, each according to its own capacity or needs.  The image on the card represents the flowering of love brought through nuturing and tending."

"Tarot Wisdom:  The message reminds you that loving means to nurture and give what is needed.  This might relate to personal relationships, or to work.  Doing work is in itself an act of love.  However, love cannot be forced on someone; true love is to give what is needed to nurture and create strength."

Are you doing your own work for your love of self?


Four of Vessels:  "Tarot Wisdom:  In unity there is strength, but it is a delicate balance.  You have the inner strength to bear great weight.  You will not break under emotional stress and pressure."

Do you believe in your own power?


Seven of Coins:  "Tarot Wisdom:  The ladder shows the process of evolution, and emphasizes that there is a natural growth order.  An end result awaits you because you planted the right seed and undertook the correct process.  You are reaping what you sow.  The message also might refer to looking back over your steps, or reviewing your progress.  Do not become impatient and try to jump ahead to the end or you will miss crucial steps along the way.

Are you taking the steps that will take you to where you want to go?