The Tapestry

I'm 'stealing' this from a woman who was Head of Volunteers for a Hospice Company in my community.  She has the biggest heart, most kind soul and gives of herself like I have seen no other give.  She is a special friend and lady.  I am blessed to know her.

She writes:  "A story that makes sense to me is that our life is a tapestry.  On this side we see the knots and tangled threads, sometimes making it hard to understand what it all means.  On the other side, God sees the beautiful finished picture.  Dear one, my picture would not be complete without you woven into it."

Nothing more needs to be said.  Beauty emanates from this for me.

May you believe that the 'knots and tangled threads' in your life are making a beautiful picture that will one day be complete. 

Our Own "BE U" Star

I have officially named a beautiful star in our sky - Be U.  We have our own Be U star that is up there looking down on us.

I imagine it sending its great light into each and everyone of us.  Its light will enable us to see our own path more clearly and follow it smartly.

I imagine the star sending its beautiful energy into whatever part of your body you want to connect with it from (if you choose to) and feel it's magic (whatever that means to you). 

I imagine its beautiful soft white light over my entire body, in each and every cell energizing my mitochondria (part of the cell where energy is made). 

I imagine our connection from up above and my soul being more shining than ever.  I'd like to think that I can connect to the star's brightness lighting my own true power. 

May you believe that the star (or the universe) is your connection to your own inner strength and that your ultimate life is just waiting for you to choose it.

May you Shine On!

New Year

When I used to run my fitness business, the beginning of the New Year was probably the most busy time.  I'd have aerobic classes of 35 people; all with their resolution to get healthy and fit.

By the end of January, I had 15 or less in my classes.  The clients that hired me for personal training did stick with it usually til the end of February. 

I was lucky enough to get people that really worked hard and kept with me all year.  It was great fun for me.  It was the major part of my life and I was exercising at the beach where I lived.  Two of my favorite things in the world and I was living it. 

Many, many moons later, I am not at the beach and I am not exercising regularly. 

I did have scleroderma then and I did have pain; however, the pain was there but I considered it a nuisance.  I now consider it debilitating.  I'd like to go to no pain; and, if I cannot, I'd at least like to go back to considering it just a nuisance!

Two things are 'talking' to me here.

One - that almost everyone or a lot of us KNOW that exercise is a good, happy path.  Perhaps, we don't even have to say exercise.  We can use the word movement.  We all know to move our body, to use our muscles, our bodies are better human bodies.  We just feel better all around.

Two - that my thinking and being on my path of loving what I do is really important to being happy and being able to live with pain; with pain not being the major part of my life.  Doing what makes me happy and things I love to do are critical to me and, perhaps, can even help me to put pain on a lesser scale of importance than I have it now.

Just thinking.

So, my child is almost grown and my job of being a stay at home mom is no longer fulfilling my need to feel accomplishment.  So, it's time to figure out what I want to do when I grow up, again.

I woke up asking my body what it needed and it told me Exercise/Movement.

See how easy it is to figure things out....!!!!!????

My wish for you is an easy answer to fulfill something within yourself that you need. 

I truly believe that this will make us better people to make our world a great place for all who are in it.

If there is a void, fill it up I say.

I'm Counting Down

With what little energy I have left (ha), I am counting down to the New Year ringing in! 

I am looking at it (for the first time ever) that this is my powertime to begin anew; start fresh.  Let go of old and grab onto the new.  To really let go of the old, unhelpful habits and grab onto the new and better ways of being 'me'. 

In the past, I have been with family, partied hard with friends, danced with lovers and played with my child on New Years Eve.  My life was good and I didn't need or strive for much change other than my usual thought of doing things healthy. 

This past 2010 has been one of the quietest, alone, most life altering me's I have ever lived.  My whole thought process and the way I look at things have changed dramatically.  It was the unhealthiest and, what I usually would consider, most unproductive year I've ever lived.  I am hoping that 2011 will be the most alive, surrounded by love, life fulfillment years I will ever live and continue on from there.

In reality, the changes I have made, felt and lived have been the most productive in all my years.  I kept telling myself it's not really where I want to be and, yet, I am really in my 'right' place.  I know I am on my 'happy' path even though 'happy' isn't what I am feeling mostly.  However, I am feeling inner peace and I am feeling, living and breathing me.

My goal (since I started this journey of my inner knowing and road to inner peace), 19 years ago at the age of 31, was "that I truly know everything I need and want and what would be best for me to do; I know it right here in my gut - yet I don't know how to get it out here; out here living, breathing and doing it".

Now, I know how.  I, still, do not always do it.  But I have done it a lot the latter part of this year and I KNOW HOW!  Very productive in that sense.  Not productive in the sense of being out with friends, traveling, (I'm sitting here thinking of what to say and not much is coming, so maybe it's more a feeling of nonproductiveness than a reality.)

To put it another way, my little 'Mercedes' is now working in unison with my adult 'Mercedes' and we are ready to drive on.  HA.  We are ready for the open road in front of us and we merrily and knowingly want to drive fast (at times) with the open windows on the open roads; music blaring.  Enjoying, embracing, and loving wholly as me. 

So, come on 2011.  I am ready for you and I welcome you.  I thank 2010 for so much growth and love of self and finding a passion in reaching out to all of you; and, in turn, finding me.  Being Me. 

May you live U in 2011.  I know there is great beauty, great power and greatness in you.  My wish for you in the New Year is to Be U in everything you do as much as you possibly can.

If we find times (which I think, we certainly will) that we lose connection with our inner knowing for a moment or two, may we quiet and ask ourselves what our 'happy' is in this moment and decide (using all the information we have) what is the best course of action to take in this situation. 

You know you got it if it makes you stand proud, feel strong, and feel inner knowing peace.

Perhaps, we can strive to put our breathing masks on first always, before we put them on others. 

I apologize for what I feel is babbling.  It's just so important to me and I so want it for myself and 'the world'  - YOU.

When that clock strikes twelve midnight and 2011 arrives, I am ready to arrive completely with it.  I hope you find yourself completely arriving in your life also.  If you are already you, perhaps, you can tweak things so you can be the most productive YOU that you know you can be. 

Perhaps, we can even bring our most wildest dreams and know they are possible and even make them real!  Wouldn't that be a blast.

Blast off with 2011! 

Where I'm At - 1 Day Before New Year's

My life has been somewhat challenging, to say the least, these past couple of days.  The cold, snow and wind have been crazy here.  It's 18 deg outside presently and it feels it.  Brrrrr..  (I do know it's winter!)

My hands are swollen and my thumbs seem to be the most hurtful.  [It's all that texting.  Guess I better take a break from it.  One would think I would just stop doing it for a bit.  It has become a definite way of communicating for me and it's not that easy to just stop for me.  Just try getting a phone away from a young one who has lived with one most of their life just for the heck of it.  Can we say 'third arm'?  ha.*even my fingers don't want to stay real!]  My feet are fragile to walk on and my body aches.  I'm feeling kinda decrepit this week.  I don't like it.  I'm antsy and can't find solace.

I'm seeing things quite differently and not liking what I see.  I'm also wondering why I wouldn't be 'sick' doing things and living the way I am living.  A big OUCH.

The Being U thing (for me) is definitely the only way to go.  I told someone yesterday that I have been allowing myself to be pulled  from my head and my feet and each arm and leg has an animal on it that I give all of me freely to 'out there'.  The more I am in 'here'; in my heart, my inner knowing, my true-ness; the more I am at peace.  It's actually a beautiful thing.  For me, not so easy to stay here, however. 

Simple example would be that I think the dogs want a treat so I give them one.  Yet, in my inner knowing I know it's not good to give them too many.  The right thing for me is to give them one when I know it's a good thing; not when they are sitting there wanting it because I'm in the kitchen and I taught them when I eat, they get a treat also.  (I think this is a really silly thing to share, however, it definitely is one of my inner 'battles'.)

It is my new habit to stay within and share from within.  I am working extreme hours and burning extreme energy to make this new habit a true 'auto-pilot' mode for myself and discard some of my old auto-pilot behaviors.

In doing so, my life is on constant change mode.  It is certainly a ride, not usually an exhilarating one.  The work it takes to 'change' is certainly a work-in-progress for me and the energy is absorbent.  The people around me, I believe, are also having their own challenges and changes and wars of their own.  The people that are supporting me most are fluctuating and feeling their own lives and it can't be easy to support me right now, I believe.  Yet, I have people doing it beautifully and I thank them tremendously. 

The Nelson Mandela poem about when we are true and powerful, we help others to be true and powerful.  It doesn't always come in feeling powerful.  In fact, sometimes I can feel pretty weak.  However, the power feeling does come.

One example - (mmmm, not so easy to come up with one) it's hard because I'm ok with throwing myself 'under the bus', but I do not want to publicly throw a loved one under.
   ..........          .........

Actually, this is extremely hard for me.  My mind has become muddled and can't grasp something to put together here...... (WOW)  crazy. 

It's pretty much about me being unhappy with some of the ways things are done and run in my life presently.  It's hard because it is about the way I see and think my life could look like that would help me feel more alive and smiling often.  And, it's not what my life looks like.

So, this is a pretty big week for me.  Realization, Anger/Shame that I've allowed my life to grow in this direction to this point, and now asking for what I need and want.  (big, big sentence for me)

I need to be with this realization for a bit.  I will decipher and take it from there.

In the meantime, my wish for you is that you are living you and you have it 'going on'. 

Here comes the New Year.  For me, it really is NEW.  I'm bringing alot of my 'old' with me and what is no longer working for me, I'm leaving behind. 

Old meets New - what a lovely thing for me.  Bring it!

Thoughts

If you can dream it, you can become it.

 If you can think it, you can achieve it.   (author unknown)



If a thought passes your mind, it is a true thought for you.

If you feel something, it's yours to feel. 



Your life is yours, own it and keep it.  It's the only life you can live.  It's the most valuable thing you have.



Don't stop or bury your dreams; they really might be on to something.




Today is a good day to make it a good day.



I love myself because.........(it's yours)       

New Year, Improved U

With 2011 arriving in a few days, I am seeing my 2011 version (no holding back) of myself strong, dynamic, shining and bright.

Bright in the sense of much light, continuous influx of information and alot of good energy throughout.

Shining in the sense of much light; like the sun has much power and radiance.

Dynamic in the sense of knowing and choosing the things that allow me to feel like I'm on my right path.

Strong in the sense of being able to react positively to this choosing and not living with fear of failure and the ability to pick myself up when I do fall.

This would be an improved me.  I am ready to be an improved me.  I am ready to live an improved life.

How do you see the 2011 version of U? 

   Go for it.  Dream big.  I believe in U. 

THE END!

So many possibilities!  ha.

Not allowed

I think it would be sad if we were not allowed to share our beauty.  What if we had no one to to share a movie with; have a conversation with during a meal; tell a joke to; or if we didn't have the ability to simply state a sentiment to a loved one. 

Could you imagine how lonely that could feel.  How empty a human being would be if they hadn't another human to share 'human-ness' with.  It makes me sad just thinking about it.

What if someone shut you off or down if you were expressing your thoughts/feelings.  What if you were ridiculed for certain beliefs.  What if no one cared what you were thinking or feeling.

To me, life is about sharing ourselves.  This is what living is to me.  If I had no one to share life with, I would not survive.  I think I would be deflated and I know I would shut down.

In fact, I think I learned about this as a child.  My guess is that a lot of us did.  Some of our parents were too busy working and being responsible and doing what they needed to get through their own lives.  Some of us didn't even have parents.

I believe, with me, I did learn how to shut down because, at times, no one was there that was able to hear my way of thinking; my different needs and beliefs.  I believed (for a time) that it was me that created more chaos in my parents' lives by just trying to share myself.

Didn't see this coming.

So, I stopped sharing.  Because, at times, when I did, I felt the response was a hollering to or ridiculed because no one around me could imagine or understand or had the time to be able to listen to me and what I was feeling.   Or I was alone.

That was then; this is now.  I can be there for me now.  I have people in my life that are able and more than willing to listen to me; to support me.  AND, most importantly, I know how to support me.  (or at least I am getting better at it)

I am realizing and believing that if I believe in myself, know I deserve goodness and happiness; I do not need others to make it so for me.  I am in charge and capable and loving and knowing.

I can take myself to the movies if I choose.  I can go out to a restaurant and there's always someone there that I can chat with or meet with.  I can call someone on the phone or even text a joke to a friend.  I am free to tell someone that I enjoy them just because.

I know blessings.  I know connection.  I know love.  I know fulfillment.  I have dreams.  I have drive.  If these things were not inside of me, I believe I wouldn't know or have them.  Everything just might come from within.  Is it mostly about the connection we have with ourselves?

Just like if someone tells you they think you have a big stomach.  If I have no problem with my stomach, it won't resonate with me.  If I am bothered by my stomach, this could affect me strongly.

We all live through our own experiences, beliefs, thoughts and knowing.

My hope for you is that you have someone that hears you.  And, on the other side, I wish you great listening skills as well.  

This is life.  Without this, I believe, I am not living.  LIVE ON!

Finding Something to Write

I'm sitting here starting post after post.  Yes,  I have started two posts and deleted them.  I want to say something interesting, helpful, exciting.

I've got nothing!  Again.

Here's to just being.  What a beautiful thing.  Watching the snow come down.  Feeling the purr and the warmth of the cat at my back.  Listening to the water trickle down the fountain.  Seeing the glare of the lights on the Christmas tree out of the corner of my eye.  Smelling the candle that's burning of pine scent.  Nice, very nice for me.

Later, I have some cleaning up to do; putting things away, figuring out what's for dinner.  But, for now, just being.

It's a beautiful thing.

My wish for you today is to just be with your beauty.  Share the beauty that is within and around U.

  

New Year Contemplation

It's time to start thinking about bringing in a New Year.  I think of things I'd like to accomplish; things I'd like to change and things I'd like to hold on to stronger. 

I'd like to accomplish being more out there in my world.  I'd like to feel more alive and exhilarated.  I'd like to laugh and dance more.

I'd like to change some dynamics in my immediate family and prioritize a bit differently to achieve better balance of give/take and play/work.

I'd like to know more about what makes me tick.  What I can do to help others to tick more soundly.  I'd like to hold on to who I really am and use this knowing for living life more fully and helping to empower others.

As I say this, I feel like I may be perceived as boisterous and cocky.  I do not want to be perceived this way.  I do not believe I am coming from that.

I say this from a place that when people around me are being true and real about themselves, it gives me a sense of calm and strength.  When I am around people that I perceive to be untrue or too much pretense, I find myself feeling uncomfortable and frightened. 

Where do you see U in the New Year of 2011? 

Weakness/Strength

I am questioning why is it when I feel the most vulnerable and weak, as I share my innermost me; (the me I am embarrassed about) is also when I feel the most strong and empowered.  Wow.

Confusing to me, to say the least.

As I am sharing my thoughts that I feel I shouldn't have; the feelings that I feel are wrong to feel, I find it frightening and I hear an inner voice that tells myself it is weakness and it is wrong.

When I choose to ignore this inner voice and share these feelings/thoughts to my loved one; AND I'm still alive AND the world didn't end AND my loved one is still around; the strength and the inner power that I feel is exhilarating.

Dare you try this for yourself.  Share something that you think you shouldn't feel or something you feel vulnerable about and see what evolves.  It may be something really big and different.  It may be nothing.  Regardless, I find it extremely helpful to my inner peace; my being me.  I hope it would do the same for you; to be u. 

In other words, own what we feel and, if possible, share it with a loved one.  Not, behind a person's back, but with the person who is helping us to bring about these feelings.

What a fun 'game' this can be.  ha.

Is there something you feel very strongly about that you can dare to share it with the person that helps you to create this feeling?

OOOPS!

I published everyone's comments (THANK YOU) but, after doing so, I deleted them from the comments section thinking they were still on the actual post that was commented on.

I realized, just today, that this was not the case.  Once I delete them from the comments section, I delete them from everywhere.  Ooops.

I need the 'commenters' to know this; that I do care. 

I am sorry and thank you for your beautiful 'share'.

I did say I know how to type and edit somewhat; I certainly do not know but the very basics of blogging.

My wish for you is to forgive whatever will be better for you to forgive and let's all learn in unison about forgiveness and moving forward happily in life.  (I'm not completely sure I saw this wish coming; but I'm going to 'let it ride'.) 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Letting Go.

Filling Up

Joy

Comfort

My wish for you is that you have a day of letting go, filling up, joy and comfort!

Merry Christmas dear 'connected' one.  Ha.

Merry Christmas.

Mercedes

Thank You for Helping Me Feel Connected

I started my  BE U blog on August 14, 2010.  I have posted 219 posts.

What started as an 'audience' of 0 is now approximately 20 daily visitors.  I have about 140 visitors per week.  I know as far as the internet goes this is a very small number.  However, I am grateful for each and every one of you.

I am not looking for fame; in fact, I'm afraid of it.   I believe I am truly only looking for connection of truth and inner knowing. 

People from the Countries of the United States, Germany, Denmark, France, Canada, United Kingdom, Netherlands, Croatia, Russia and Slovenia have been listed on my site (in that order of most visitors to least). 

I am very grateful to you for helping me feel connected to you. 

I had no idea that this blog would lead me where I have gone.  I am grateful that my goal is truth and openness.  I have had some real 'real' moments; some aha moments; some shameful and embarrassing moments; some happy and sad moments; some painful and hard moments; and some exciting and over the top moments. 

I got a plate saying BE U on it several years back.  I picked my name (and put it on a hat) while having fun dabbling in bellydancing.  I loved typing ever since I found it.  It was easy for me and I was sort of good at seeing mistakes and spelling words. 

My life experiences of trials and tribulations have brought me here; as yours have brought you to where you are at.

My hope is that you are finding your truth and openness in whatever way that works best for you. 

Truly, thank you for giving me connection and I promise to strive to share my truth as I know it.  May you connect with something here and find your own way to just  simply  BE U.

Thank you.

Christmas Eve!

Today, I'd like to focus on Jesus' birthday.  Happy Birthday Jesus.   I celebrate You today and my connection to You.  Everything I am is because of You.  You are the light, the way, the beauty within and around me.

I'd also like to focus on birth, in general.  The miracle birth of babies.  Birth of new ideas, new moments, new beginnings, new ways, new happiness, new u.

Nothing is wrong with the old me; I would only like to elaborate on what makes me happy and dissolve what keeps me stuck.

May you connect to the birth of Jesus today (if this is what you wish), and create new elements in your life on the road to being and sharing the best u u can be.

May you stay connected to your goal in each moment and follow your happy. 

1 More Day Til Christmas

Lunar Eclipse with a Cross (sort of)

Interesting.  (sort of)

 

                         May U have a Blessed Christmas.  

BLESSED:

(Dictionary.com)

Divinely or supremely favored; fortunate: to be blessed with a strong, healthy body; blessed with an ability to find friends.

blissfully happy or contented.

bringing happiness and thankfulness: the blessed assurance of a steady income.

Lunar Eclipse on Winter Solstice

I see it!  It's cool.  The stars are shining brilliantly as well.  Gorgeous!

We all share the same moon.  We all play under the same moon.  We are all connected by the same moon.

Moon energy can aid us in healing and spiritual growth.  I say we all get us some of that!


.
"(MG)–The celestial eccentricity holds special significance for spiritualities that tap into the energy of the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year and a time that is associated with the rebirth of the sun.
“It’s a ritual of transformation from darkness into light,” says Nicole Cooper, a high priestess at Toronto’s Wiccan Church of Canada. “It’s the idea that when things seem really bleak, (it) is often our biggest opportunity for personal transformation.
“The idea that the sun and the moon are almost at their darkest at this point in time really only further goes to hammer that home.”
“It’s seen as a time of rebirth or renewal because, astrologically, it’s a time where the light comes back,” said Shane Hawkins, a professor of Greek and Roman studies at Carleton University in Ottawa."
("In Flex We Trust article")

I welcome the light.  May we all use the light so we can see clearly the way to Being U.

The first picture is the eclipse.  The last two pictures are the full moon the next night.  (really, really
 amateur photography)

2 Days Til Christmas

Nothing more beautiful or magical.....

When people connect on the level of complete truth, complete vulnerability and completely being who they are through love of themselves and others; there is NOTHING more beautiful.  Absolutely nothing.

We, as humans, are meant to connect in this way. 

The greatest gift we can give to ourselves and others, is our totally true selves.  No judgment, no constraints, no fear.  Just put it out there.  Be totally U and it's amazing what comes back.  No greater beauty.

I believe there is no greater human power than this.  No greater reward than this.

My wish for you today is to share your real inner knowing and truthful being with someone you feel the need/desire to do this with. 

Is it time to be honest with yourself and another; hear it from within; voice it on the outside and share what you've been wanting to share with another.  Whether it be a parent, a child, a sibling, a friend, a lover, or even a stranger; Is it time to use courage to voice what you've been needing/wanting/wondering if you should/could/would share.  You know you want to do it; is it time?  I wish you courage without an agenda.  Just share what is inside of you that's been wanting to come out.  No other goal that that.

May you share your ultimate gift today - YOURSELF   

3 Days Til Christmas

Gratefulness

Things I'm grateful for at Christmas.

The lights.

My tree.

My family.

My friends.

Cookies.

The 'Spirit' in the Air

Jesus

Music

Time Off the Regular Schedule

See People I Haven't Seen in Awhile

Talking to People I Haven't Seen in Awhile

White Christmas is always nice (for the day)

How Can this Look Like a Christmas Tree!

Too funny.

I'm grateful to know gratefulness.

What are you grateful for at Christmastime or anytime?

4 Days Til Christmas

Christmas music.  How lovely, how wonderful to hear the music of Christmas.  Every year, there is new music and every year we get to listen to the songs that we've heard our whole lives.

My favorite song is "Oh, Holy Night".  I enjoy it.  I find peace in it.  I relate to it.  It's been my favorite since I was in second grade. 

I was in a Christmas Play and I got to play "Mary" and this song was forever etched in my soul during this play.

Today, I blasted it and really let it run through me.  I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I felt good.  I felt the Christmas Spirit.

What is your favorite Christmas song and have you really listened to it this year? 

 

Hope All is Well

I don't feel like all is well in my world.  I feel restless; I feel tired. 

I have no sense of where I would be best to be or what it would be best that I was doing.

I have a few big issues with a sick friend, a friend getting a divorce, another having to move out of their home.  It seems like my world is not in a very peaceful place presently.

First Christmas I can remember as an adult that I don't feel like I know where I belong.  I've been staying pretty isolated this past year and I'm finding it hard to readjust to the new me in my new world.

I think I used to be able to let go of the not so good.  Really, I'm not even sure I was in 'touch' with the not so good. 

I am seeing pretty clearly what is in my life and the realness of the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful and I'm a bit awestruck and overwhelmed.

I'm choosing to 'sit' with it a bit and see and feel and, hopefully, let my 'inner knowing' guide me, lead me and place me.

My wish for you is to allow and be okay with wherever you are and whatever you feel and to not run away from the reality of your life but embrace it, know it and make it what you want and truly know your 'happy'. 

We are all in charge of our own lives.  This is good news and this is not so good news, perhaps.

Hope all is well just as you are.  If you've got happiness today, I hope you grab it, bathe in it and respect and admire it.  You deserve it and gratitude is a beautiful thing I think.   No matter where you are in your life, KNOW that you deserve your 'happy'.  We all deserve our 'happy'. 

May you make today happy being u!

It's Interesting to Me

It was interesting to me when I heard one of my closest/dearest friends having to listen to a doctor and learn how to move more and eat less, basically.  It was much more a step to step approach but the bottom line was just this.

Move more than you eat and weight comes off.   Burn more calories than we eat and weight loss happens.  This, of course, is the simplistic version.

What's most interesting to me is that I feel like this is 'common sense'.  What I'm becoming aware of now is that it's common sense for a lot of people to just know how to take care of their needs first because their life works easiest this way.  It's just what they live and know.

I'm learning that, apparently, I was not present on the day(s) that 'take care of your needs first' was there in my life for me to learn.  As, I suppose, this dear friend was not present on the day(s) that helpful eating habits were available for her to learn.

Perhaps, this 'common sense' was not anywhere in our childhood and was not available for us to learn as children.

I'm seeing that just because it's what I live and know, it certainly isn't what others live and know and vice versa.

I heard someone say today to not make life about themselves and life works better.  My lesson now is about going internal and considering my needs that my life works better.  This person, I presume, was saying go external and consider others' needs and her life works easier.

Here comes that word again..... Can anyone guess it......The word that just may be the most important word to live, and best to predominantly work on to achieve; in the English any language...



B A L A N C E 



With balance, both options are perhaps available and helpful.  Having and knowing the proper balance for you may be the 'bestest' way to live.

Now, achieving this....that's a whole different post.  One that I don't have too much knowledge on.  The how to somewhat eludes me for now.

Where are you today in balancing the internal and the external worlds of U? 

Believing in My Inner Knowing

I am thinking, feeling and dealing with things (that pop up in every day life) differently and I am confused and somewhat paralyzed with responding to them.

All this hard work that I've been doing; about my inner knowing and bringing it out into the world has been a lot of really great lessons, growth and change.  (Hey, am I finally becoming an adult.)

I guess it's time to incorporate and work with what I've learned and now live my truth and I am unable to work on 'auto-pilot' right now.  It's a pretty strange feeling for me.  Definitely NOT in my comfort zone.

I did walk around responding the same, feeling the same and acting the same as I did for years.  Hence, auto-pilot.

So now I'm finding new and better ways that work for me in this chapter of my life.  It's interesting and hard how I seem to stop and have to think about things and then respond accordingly.

i.e.   A friend called and told me she needed me.  My initial reaction was to drop everything and go to her, no matter what it took out of me.  No matter about the other people in my life that would be affected.  No matter if most likely it would not accomplish anything. (of course, I don't know this for sure; but betting on recent past behavior and experiences...)

This time I sat for a minute (two days if I'm being honest) and realized that me going there would exhaust me (it's a two hour one way trip).  With Christmas, my own health, my responsibilities here; in reality it would be extremely hard on me.  And, this wonderful friend is stuck in her life so deeply right now (her health is bad, she is beating herself up in many different, unhealthy ways) that she's really not quite the wonderful friend that I have known her to be.

I've been 'running' to her and for her for a few years now.  Doing this because of my belief I need her in my life; it's my job to help her out if I love her.  I want her to be okay.

So, old me would have run up there and gotten myself tired and exhausted.  I would have enabled her to continue her life for one more day as she has been living it.  I wouldn't have been true to me or have listened to my inner knowing.

Am I scared that I'm hurting her more?  A bit, yes.  Do I really believe that I couldn't help steer her towards a better life if I went up there.  100%. 

What I've done in the past for her, most likely, has only kept her stuck.   It did not change her OR help her figure it out for herself.  Which, sadly maybe, is the only way we truly get on with our lives--by figuring it out internally.

This is why I haven't done this 'change' sooner.  It is definitely extremely high on the difficult list for me.

So, I am going to be honest and tell her what I'm feeling and live my truth; my inner knowing; my Be U-ness.  I truly believe this is the best thing for her, me and all that live around us.

I'm learning that if I keep my actions and thoughts about me through love for people; this is the best gift I can give to my world.

I love this person with everything that I am.  I now know that I can't help her until she is ready to truly look at her life and help herself and do things differently.

What do they say at interventions.  I will do anything in my power to help you love yourself and be the best person you can be.  I will not do anything to help you kill yourself anymore, nor be the worst person you can be.   (okay, I said it my way).

The best, most perfect way to do anything is through my inner knowing; through each and everyone of us living our inner, deepest knowing.

Look out, the steam, express, high speed locomotive train is coming through and I cannot stop it nor do I want to. 

God help me!  God help all of us......every one.

Are you on board?  

Is this a Christmas party now or what.

5 Days Til Christmas

Have you been quietly thinking about doing something special for someone that would least expect it?  I say do it.   Do it today!

I have kids' books, a desk lamp, a beginner guitar and a grocery gift card for a woman who has 7 children and is struggling to get by.  Perhaps, a  moment of joy!

Do you see someone who could really use something you are able to give them just because?   Today is a great day to just do it!  Perhaps, help a 'stranger' to smile.

6 Days Til Christmas

Have you taken any moments for you?  People that love you want you to.  It works better for everyone when we feel smiles on our own faces. 

My wish for you is to do something to put a smile on your face today.

I'm told a 'happy' chemical comes from the brain just because we smile.

There used to be someone with a song on UTube called Smile that would visit my blog.  I so enjoyed   listening to and watching the beautiful people from this music video.  It always put a smile on my face.   Thank you.

7 Days Til Christmas

Today, ask yourself what makes you feel most loved.  For me, today, it's someone paying attention to me; spending time with me.

Have you told the people that love you what makes you feel most loved.  No cheating allowed.  No assuming that they know.  Please.   

Two Cats and Two Dogs

There are two cats and two dogs in this picture.....  Hard to believe?

The white animal closest to us is a Maltese dog, the white animal heading out the door first is a Himalyan cat shaved down to look like a lion (because she hates to get combed); then you have the cat on the bench and in the very front of the picture you can see the ears on the teacup Yorkie.

Life isn't always what our eye/brain connection tells us.

Is anyone still awake enough or not too tired to even care about this?  ha.

One week before Christmas and all the parties, traveling, shopping, wrapping, decorating, baking, etc. has me in a state of my body asking me  "why won't you give me a rest"; where's the balance that you always are talking about.

It's somewhat interesting because I want to rest and I'm too wired up to do so.  Like the kid in me is so excited; however, the adult body/brain that I have grown into doesn't have the energy for the kid in me....

Anyone know what I'm talking about.  Want to explain it to me?  ha.

Are you seeing the reality for today or are you seeing something that may not even be complete and utter truth?  Is it possible to ask if you don't know for sure.  Is it possible to live your truth today and not the habit of yesteryear?  Is it okay for you to do what makes you feel good and not what you think you 'should'? 

Especially now at Christmas, I can feel my habitual ways kicking in strongly.  I'd like to be able to choose what works for me this year and focus on this year and fpllow the love in my heart.  Scary.  If I did this, would I hurt too many people by not following what I know to be the Christmas guidelines?  I don't want anyone to feel left out or let down. 

Is it possible that we feel more strongly about letting others down than we worry about letting ourselves down?  What's up with that.  If we do live this way, do we then complain how messed up the others are for making us do this or act in a way we don't want to.   Is this way totally fair to anyone.   

Interesting and thought provoking maybe.  Like you have the time to be thought provoked?  ha.

I wonder what Jewish people or non-Christians think of us trying to fill the whole 24 hour day with the parties, traveling, shopping, wrapping, decorating, baking, etc; all in the name of merriment!

Hey, I love it.  Don't get me wrong.  I totally enjoy sharing the excitement, celebrating, friendship and loving with people in my life.  I just know, for me, balance of anything is just about impossible to achieve.  Just the anticipation of it all is putting me over the top. 

What would Christmas be like if for one year we only focused on Jesus' birth and the love and the awe of that.  Just saying.  I don't even know if I'd like to try it for a year.  It sure can be something to contemplate for a moment I think.

My wish for you is that you are not running on empty; and, if you are, take a moment to do something about it. 

I'm thinking the people we want around us will be happy we did.  Perhaps, these are the people that will help us to know our reality.

Mouse 'Medicine'

Mouse  (from the Ted Andrews, "Animal Speak" book)

When mouse shows up as a totem, it is either time to pay attention to the details, or an indication that you cannot see the forest for the trees.  You may be getting so locked into details that you forget the big picture.

Ask yourself:  Are you taking care of the trivial but necessary things in life?  Are you getting so lost in the big dreams that you are neglecting other aspects of your life?  Are you becoming so focused on one or two activities that you are neglecting to see other opportunities?  Are you missing what is right in front of you?  Is there something obvious that you are missing or need to focus on?  Are you trying to do too many things at once and, thereby scattering your energies?

Mouse medicine can help you focus and pay attention to detail.  It can show you how to attain the big things by working on the little things.  Whenever mouse shows up there are lessons associated with attention.

I'm too tired to pay attention to this right now.  It's too much work.  Ha.  lol

How's your attention to what's important to you these days?

Mouse in the House

Right now, I'm sitting here with my feet up in the air and my three little dogs and one cat trying to get the poor little mouse (who I might add is not so small).

I tried to get him with a large cup, but he ran.  I believe he is up the Christmas tree. 

Life is full of moments, isn't it.

I imagine some of you are cybershopping, wrapping, working, catching up, and planning for tomorrow.  I'm hoping all of you will soon be having your sleep time or rest time or quiet time.

Guess I'm going to have to look up mouse.  I'm just going to have to.  I can't resist. 

I know it means scattered thinking.  We all know I have this!

Til next time.  Please don't forget about you.  You are the most important person in someone's life!  Yours.

How many of us would be sitting in a room on a computer with a mouse hidden in the Christmas tree right  smack next to us?  

Talk about courage.  If that thing runs by me or near me, I'm done. ha.

Sessions with Doctor and Massage Therapist

I had individual sessions with these people yesterday.  What came away from both (they interrelated amazingly) sessions, was basically I saw my child-self peer from behind a door and my adult-self went and collected her and the two became one again. 

Then, I took both of them (in my mind's eye) and put both of them here in my body. 

I'm exhausted from it and it felt very real.  It sounds very weirdo to me. 

Today, I am struggling from what I believe to be the life force that was created within from this.

Both practitioners suggested and brought up the word 'AIR'.  One said to feel the air inside myself.  I said "What?".  The other said that she is working with air energy and air moves stuck energy better than water and not as good as fire.   I don't get the 'air' thing.  If I ever do, I'll let you know.

I have some 'popping' going on in my joints and stomach.  Is this air?   My thoughts in my head are completely swirling and if I reached in to grab one it would be to run, run fast.  I'm scared of it.  Feel like I can't cope.  When in reality, I know for sure I can cope and am excited to do so and see where I end up from here.

My stomach is upset like I can't stomach it.  It's the old fear holding on for dear life.  Well, I say good riddance old fear.  Bring in the new.  Bring in the new with the New Year coming.  I'm ready, willing, and able to ROCK ON.!

I'm so tired of my habitual old ways.  I'm ready for new and improved thinking, being and doing.

The doctor asked me if I could be any animal, what would I be.  I immediately said the Black Panther.   I'm going to go look up black panther in my "Animal Speak" book by Ted Andrews.

What animal would you be today if you could be any animal that you wanted? 

The Black Panther

The Black Panther, "Animal Speak", Ted Andrews

Wow, longest write-up I've come across; pages!  I'll try to abbreviate as much as possible.  This is also for the leopard, cougar and jaguar as well.

Keynote:  Reclaiming One's True Power   I say bring it, bring it all now!  ha

It reflects an ability to do a variety of tasks as he or she wills; be it physical, mental, psychic or spiritual.  I don't claim to be a psychic.

They have the ability to move with ease or freeze entirely.  People with this totem will find their greatest power in silence as goals are pursued.  Revealing too much or speaking too much about pursuits can counteract some of the effectiveness.  You must learn to pace your work, allowing time to rest and to play.  They must not push too far or too hard on any one task.  They are more susceptible to imbalances.

The female does not like others-even their mates-interfering with how they feel the young should be raised.  Women with panther totems often find themselves raising their 'cubs' alone, whether out of divorce or simply through asserting dominance in that area of the couples' life. 

They have an inner knowing.  They should trust their thoughts and their inner visions (imaginings) for there is probably a strong foundation in reality. 

The panther has very strong hearing.  It also has extremely sensitive hairs on the body.  The skin is our largest sensory organ and we experience much more of the world through it than we realize. 

The season in which their power is greatest is the winter.  The black panther helps us to understand the dark and death and the inherent powers of them; and thus by acknowledging them, eliminate our fears and learn to use the powers. 

It awakens the inner passions.  It can reflect the awakening of the kundalini, signaling a time of not just coming into one's own power, but reclaiming one's true power.

The panther has also been attributed to Jesus.  Because of this it can signal a time of rebirth after a period of suffering and death on some level.  This implies that an old issue may finally begin to be resolved or even that old longstanding wounds will finally begin to heal and with the healing will come a reclaiming of power that was lost at the time of wounding.

Usually, in the lives of those with a panther totem, there either already exists or will soon arrive upon the scene an individual who will serve as teacher and nurturer and guide upon the heroic path of reawakening one's true power.

*there's a whole lot more, but I think we get the idea.

How do you feel about cats?    How do you feel about reclaiming/claiming your true power by being the true you? 

The Porcupine, "No, I mean Raccoon"

While getting bodywork today, I mentioned the porcupine, but I immediately said, no, I mean the raccoon.

So, Ted Andrews book, Animal Speak, once again....If porcupine has showed up in your life, take a look at your life.  (I've been doing this almost constantly lately.)  "Are you allowing other people's opinions to prevent you from exploring activities that could otherwise be fun and enjoyable?  Are you overly sensitive to the barbs of others?  Are your barbs inappropriate or taking the joy from others?  Are you still allowing the barbs from long ago to aggravate you and sting you?  Sometimes it is necessary to remove the old barbs, no matter how painful, so they do not fester and poison the system."

"Porcupines can show you how to enjoy life and maintain a sense of wonder about it, in spite of negative conditions.  They can teach you how to protect the inner child from all of life's barbs and can show you the strength in your vulnerability."

During this 'massage', the masseuse is telling me how courageous I am and that she admires me (oh, I'm liking this).  I'm saying I don't feel courageous.  She says just how you move and accept and feel what is happening on the table.  I say "do you want to see courageous".  I push my body into her hands and I start sobbing like a scared, hurt child from the pain and emotion stored there.  "I'll show you courageous", I say.  Afterwards, we laughed, a lot.  It was an experience to say the least.  (I want to share that I have worked with this wonderful lady many, many, many hours for many, many years.)  This kind of trust was achieved by work on both our parts.  I asked her later if she was wondering how long she would push back, she shook her head  Oh YES. 

What 'fun', right?   OH MY.
...

Racoon, it can't possibly be as suitable!....

Raccoon is one of the most adaptable animals.  The paws are very dexterous.  Raccoons can be expert at opening lids, latches, doorknobs and such.  (everything I'm not good at)  They love to explore.  The most striking feature is the mask that it wears.  Concealed behind a mask, people could become something or someone else.  They are tools for transformation.  The hidden aspect, the secrecy, helps promote the transformation.  It helps us to change what we are to what we want to be.  It can teach you how to wear a healing mask or show you the face you shall become.  The raccoon holds the knowledge of how to change our faces.

This is very exciting to me because I relate almost completely. 

Have you seen any porcupines and/or raccoons lately?  Like you have time to look for animals these days?  ha. 
 

Mrs. Clause

Mrs. Clause is exhausted and even face down.  She has seen better days!  Mr. Clause's lifestyle, especially this time of year, can be exhausting and demanding. 

Mrs. Clause tries her best to support him and sometimes she just needs to give it a rest and be her own person.  Not only live in his dreams.

She loves, for the most part, helping and guiding and supporting.  And, just once, she'd like to see what it felt like to be completely doing her own thing with complete abandonment; following her dreams and desires.

Right now, there are so many elves and people in the world that need her and she puts them first.  This is okay and she needs her turn more frequently. 

OK, Mrs. Clause, get up Little Bear says.  Get up and be you even when your personality is not as strong as your husbands.

Thank you for supporting Santa because he does great things in this world and for the world.  And, I know you are great too!

Mrs. Clause - Is it time to get out of the kitchen (if that's not where you want to be) and get on the sleigh and take it wherever you want to go?  Let Rudolph's red nose guide you for a change!

Didn't see this coming.  ha.  (again, middle of the night!)

Why does Mrs. Clause not even have a first name.  She doesn't, does she?  I better go back to bed!  ha.

Right Now

Right now,
 please stop what you are doing.

 Relax your shoulders.  Take a deep breath.  Feel the seat and/or floor underneath you.  Feel the support that it offers.

Know that you are perfect and lovable just as you are.

Know, that, Right Now, you are perfectly okay in this moment.

(oh, I so needed that.)

What do you need right now?

Off Day

I am having a sad, not feel good about self, kind of day.  It stinks.  I'm not liking it and I'm certainly not enjoying it.  I want to hide from the world.  I want to hide from myself.

I'm cranky and miserable.  I'm cold and tense.

Not doing anything that I want to do and so I'm miserable and pouting.

Feel sorry for myself kind of day.  I hate feeling sorry for myself.

So, not a good day for me.  Been trying to talk to myself, trying a bunch of different things; but to no avail.

Am I getting coal in my stocking because I'm being a bad girl.  What if this isn't being a bad girl and just being human.

Perhaps, it's okay to feel this no matter how much I don't like it. 

If this is what an off-day for me is really like;  I'm hoping for an on-day real soon!

What if, just perhaps, what if this is a good day for me?  Whose to say.

I have a headache.  ha.  big surprise.

HAPPY One

I want to say something happy and inspiring.  I've got nothing.

So, here is a picture of happy and inspiring.

Content and Just Being U... anyway.   ha.  You Know You Got It When It Makes You Feel Good.  He is doing what he knows makes him happy. 

Looks to me like he needs nothing.  It's all in the attitude.

Why are some homeless people really happy and some people with all the comforts really miserable?

It's all in how we look at things....

May you look at things 'happy' today!