Be U: I'm Counting Down

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, December 31, 2010

I'm Counting Down

With what little energy I have left (ha), I am counting down to the New Year ringing in!

I am looking at it (for the first time ever) that this is my powertime to begin anew; start fresh. Let go of old and grab onto the new. To really let go of the old, unhelpful habits and grab onto the new and better ways of being 'me'.

In the past, I have been with family, partied hard with friends, danced with lovers and played with my child on New Years Eve. My life was good and I didn't need or strive for much change other than my usual thought of doing things healthy.

This past 2010 has been one of the quietest, alone, most life altering me's I have ever lived. My whole thought process and the way I look at things have changed dramatically. It was the unhealthiest and, what I usually would consider, most unproductive year I've ever lived. I am hoping that 2011 will be the most alive, surrounded by love, life fulfillment years I will ever live and continue on from there.

In reality, the changes I have made, felt and lived have been the most productive in all my years. I kept telling myself it's not really where I want to be and, yet, I am really in my 'right' place. I know I am on my 'happy' path even though 'happy' isn't what I am feeling mostly. However, I am feeling inner peace and I am feeling, living and breathing me.

My goal (since I started this journey of my inner knowing and road to inner peace), 19 years ago at the age of 31, was "that I truly know everything I need and want and what would be best for me to do; I know it right here in my gut - yet I don't know how to get it out here; out here living, breathing and doing it".

Now, I know how. I, still, do not always do it. But I have done it a lot the latter part of this year and I KNOW HOW! Very productive in that sense. Not productive in the sense of being out with friends, traveling, (I'm sitting here thinking of what to say and not much is coming, so maybe it's more a feeling of nonproductiveness than a reality.)

To put it another way, my little 'Mercedes' is now working in unison with my adult 'Mercedes' and we are ready to drive on. HA. We are ready for the open road in front of us and we merrily and knowingly want to drive fast (at times) with the open windows on the open roads; music blaring. Enjoying, embracing, and loving wholly as me.

So, come on 2011. I am ready for you and I welcome you. I thank 2010 for so much growth and love of self and finding a passion in reaching out to all of you; and, in turn, finding me. Being Me.

May you live U in 2011. I know there is great beauty, great power and greatness in you. My wish for you in the New Year is to Be U in everything you do as much as you possibly can.

If we find times (which I think, we certainly will) that we lose connection with our inner knowing for a moment or two, may we quiet and ask ourselves what our 'happy' is in this moment and decide (using all the information we have) what is the best course of action to take in this situation.

You know you got it if it makes you stand proud, feel strong, and feel inner knowing peace.

Perhaps, we can strive to put our breathing masks on first always, before we put them on others.

I apologize for what I feel is babbling. It's just so important to me and I so want it for myself and 'the world' - YOU.

When that clock strikes twelve midnight and 2011 arrives, I am ready to arrive completely with it. I hope you find yourself completely arriving in your life also. If you are already you, perhaps, you can tweak things so you can be the most productive YOU that you know you can be.

Perhaps, we can even bring our most wildest dreams and know they are possible and even make them real! Wouldn't that be a blast.

Blast off with 2011!

No comments:

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!

Coming for the Real You.

Friday, December 31, 2010

I'm Counting Down

No comments:

Post a Comment