Be U: Two Cats and Two Dogs

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Two Cats and Two Dogs

There are two cats and two dogs in this picture..... Hard to believe?

The white animal closest to us is a Maltese dog, the white animal heading out the door first is a Himalyan cat shaved down to look like a lion (because she hates to get combed); then you have the cat on the bench and in the very front of the picture you can see the ears on the teacup Yorkie.

Life isn't always what our eye/brain connection tells us.

Is anyone still awake enough or not too tired to even care about this? ha.

One week before Christmas and all the parties, traveling, shopping, wrapping, decorating, baking, etc. has me in a state of my body asking me "why won't you give me a rest"; where's the balance that you always are talking about.

It's somewhat interesting because I want to rest and I'm too wired up to do so. Like the kid in me is so excited; however, the adult body/brain that I have grown into doesn't have the energy for the kid in me....

Anyone know what I'm talking about. Want to explain it to me? ha.

Are you seeing the reality for today or are you seeing something that may not even be complete and utter truth? Is it possible to ask if you don't know for sure. Is it possible to live your truth today and not the habit of yesteryear? Is it okay for you to do what makes you feel good and not what you think you 'should'?

Especially now at Christmas, I can feel my habitual ways kicking in strongly. I'd like to be able to choose what works for me this year and focus on this year and fpllow the love in my heart. Scary. If I did this, would I hurt too many people by not following what I know to be the Christmas guidelines? I don't want anyone to feel left out or let down.

Is it possible that we feel more strongly about letting others down than we worry about letting ourselves down? What's up with that. If we do live this way, do we then complain how messed up the others are for making us do this or act in a way we don't want to. Is this way totally fair to anyone.

Interesting and thought provoking maybe. Like you have the time to be thought provoked? ha.

I wonder what Jewish people or non-Christians think of us trying to fill the whole 24 hour day with the parties, traveling, shopping, wrapping, decorating, baking, etc; all in the name of merriment!

Hey, I love it. Don't get me wrong. I totally enjoy sharing the excitement, celebrating, friendship and loving with people in my life. I just know, for me, balance of anything is just about impossible to achieve. Just the anticipation of it all is putting me over the top.

What would Christmas be like if for one year we only focused on Jesus' birth and the love and the awe of that. Just saying. I don't even know if I'd like to try it for a year. It sure can be something to contemplate for a moment I think.

My wish for you is that you are not running on empty; and, if you are, take a moment to do something about it.

I'm thinking the people we want around us will be happy we did. Perhaps, these are the people that will help us to know our reality.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!

Coming for the Real You.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Two Cats and Two Dogs

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