Be U: Middle of the Night

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Middle of the Night

Here it is the middle of the night. Pain woke me up again. Not as horrible as it's been, but pain nonetheless.

My computer is down and out and had to go to the 'doctors'. I hope I get it back soon. I have this back up computer (apparently). It is not as convenient. It's downstairs on the other side of the house. My house is not tiny. So, access to it and being able to sit with it and write my blogs may be a bit slow; plus tis the season and all that.

I guess I'm saying this because it's not that I am not enjoying this anymore, there's just a 'force' here making it harder for me to get here.

My wish is I hope everyone is feeling the spirit of positivity, light and love. I hope we all stay, as much as possible, on our 'happy' path and do what we want to do; not what we believe we 'have' to do like with past Christmases. Can we make this Christmas a Christmas about love, connection; the real us connecting with the 'realness' of others.

May we find and make the time to truly enjoy and be in the moments that come our way. Can we enjoy and accept what is and make decisions based on our happiness so we can truly share our true selves with others. No falseness (or as little as possible).

Let's reach out and know that we are all doing the best we can with what we know and the experiences we've lived. If there is someone angry in our lives; can we consider that they may be more hurt(ing) and are hiding behind anger. Can we look at others in just a wee bit different light to create a different connection if we want to.

My guess is that most of us (99%) are not bad people. Can we, perhaps, be connected by our untruth part to one or more people and can that be creating falseness or stuckness in these relationships. Is this worth your self-love to consider this. Is it worth your happiness.

I believe we all have something that we think we rather not live with (a pain, a problem). Let's embrace our uniqueness as we celebrate the Season of Christ being born and allow new things to be born in our lives that will be helpful and loving towards ourselves and others.

Again, it's the middle of the night. I know when I ran my fitness business, I used to say I did my most creative work then. (not sure if this is still the case - ha).

Can you be your true self around someone that you'd like to feel connected to in a better light and, at the very least, give yourself peace of mind that you did all you could for your life to feel good about you where a lost or off relationship is concerned.

Can we let the birth of Jesus remind us to give new birth(s) to our own lives and be more of who we really are with the outside world. (scary a bit perhaps) Being You is what it's totally all about. Just what if this is true. Aren't you worth it? I can answer that, YES.

We are here because we are worth being here. Today is a good day to live this. I wish you your U-ness!

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!

Coming for the Real You.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Middle of the Night

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