Be U: Up Again but Rock and Rolling

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Up Again but Rock and Rolling

I am awake again; awaken by pain in my fingers. My thumb mostly. OUCH. They are raw and swollen and they are demanding my attention. OUCH is really all I can think of.

I'm okay though. There are worse things in this world to deal with. We all have our struggles and it's time for the struggling to cease, I say.

I wonder if we all jiust did what worked for us more often than not, how less our struggles would be. And, then, how much the world would change?

Is there a fear of playing too much, laughing too much, relaxing too much for most of us? If we weren't out making money, would our immediate world suffer. What if, we just quit our job because it wasn't making us happy. How would we survive in this human world? I often thought that if our family income would stop or change, we'd end up on the beach in 'paradise' fishing and exercising for a living. That kinda sounds like heaven to me and yet, we are living the 'rat race' as well. Why? Because we were taught this is what we need to do. We really haven't tried it 100% any other way.

The unknown can be so scary. However, sometimes what we are living is scary and because we are living it, it seems comfortable because we know it. (sidenote: **Oh my, talk about scary -- just as I typed this (I'm sitting in very low light), a 'stink bug' climbs up onto my white screen. At first I thought it was in the screen, but no; it is real -' woke' me up! looked so big - lol**) Yes, life can be scary. ha!

I want to still strive to live my happy and more than not. Pick the situation/things that really put a smile on my face. When I lived alone, this is what I knew and breathed. When I had a beautiful child, something clicked and my tone in my life became much more serious. She is 16 now. It's, perhaps, past time to show her what makes her old mom rock and roll, so to speak. Not just every now and then, but on a daily, life-altering basis.

OK, I have to go look up stinkbug!........In Ted Andrew's book Animal Speak.

I am under Beetle. I'm guessing it's in the beetle family. Looks like it to me. Here goes:
Keynote: Resurrection.
(then this is summary of what is written)
Symbol for new life. It is associated with metamorphosis and change. It says to ask yourself do you have a need for metamorphosis? Are you in the process? If so, what stage? Do you need a change? Are you needing new sunshine? It is time to resurrect some aspect of your life? Is it time to leave the past behind? The beetle can show you how to do this with the greatest of success.

Can't make this stuff up! Can't make it up! Too, too interesting. (I kid you not this is how it all played out; just as you see it.)

I did put the stink bug out back into the windy, freezing weather.

I say, please, please show me the easiest, quickest way to the new and improved (pain-free would be nice) me and I don't want to leave out 'with greatest of success'! Ha.

If you are ready, I'll share my 'beetle' with you, unless you may very well have your own.

Are you ready to metamorphosize into the real you (needs/fears/dreams) to yourself and the world?

Let's rock and roll!

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!

Coming for the Real You.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Up Again but Rock and Rolling

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