Happy New Year 2015

I'm achy today; inflamed.  I feel like my breath is escaping me some and I'm a bit stiff. 

It is damp and wet outside; a perfect day to hang and just be.... and this is what I am doing. 

I am ready to ring in the new year and I have some good food and my family to do this with.  How blessed I am.

I offered on my Facebook page, "Just 9Be U",  to perhaps, put one (or several) things on a piece of paper that you do not want to bring into the new year with you and then burn the paper and let it (them) go...  I wish this for you as well; if it feels right for you to do so.

I am choosing to believe that what we all have experienced and 'traveled' through these past few years with so much change, unknowingness, adversity, challenges, really good things, world connectivity, and as our own present self, we will now bring into fruition our best selves from the inside out.

I have this belief that if we all live what is inside of us to live; from the truest depth of our self, through love; individually, together... we win.  !

I so want us all to win.  To create the world that feels happy, loving, safe and supportive for all us humans.  Even as we know sadness and disparity, we also know support, love and ability to face and live through the pain that we encounter from being 'mere' human.

I hope you have a wonderful transition into the New Year 2015 and I hope you choose to bring your true self with you, lovingly, into every breath and every situation you take and encounter.

May you live YOU in 2015...   Just be 'SO YOU'.   (as told to me by Mya Breman) 

Greatest Exam of All

I think that I may be living through my greatest 'exam' of all.  With the new scleroderma doctor telling me that many scleroderma patients do not have pain and live without pain management; and the new therapist that I just connected to telling me that she doesn't understand why I feel certain ways and most women she knows would not feel the way that I do about certain things, I am not feeling very supported professionally just now.  Yes, if he can get me pain free, I am open to it.  I'd say hip hip hooray...   If she can get my happy on speaking this way, I am open to it. 

I've been extremely lucky for the past 15-30 years hooking up with some awesome doctors.  I know this now more than ever.  I often told my Rheumatologist of over 30 years that he has saved me many times.  I understand now that there have been a lot more times than I truly understood.  I have never been told by a therapist that there is no reason for me to feel the way that I do; nor 'should' I. 

I am feeling like this just may be a 'gift' for me to 'walk my talk'.  To trust my own inner knowing.  To KNOW, BELIEVE and PROCEED FORWARD in trusting myself that I know more about how I feel and what is real for me more than any person outside of myself --  To listen to my true inner voice first.

What to do; what to do; what to do then.

As I look up at the sky just now there is a very dark gray sky as the backdrop for the trees. How interesting.

My dogs are barking at the lighting landscapers in the back yard.  The trickle of the fountain is annoying rather than soothing.

Hoot!  What a test!

What will I do...  How will I handle my health concerns...  How will I handle me...

Time will tell.   On this exam, the goal is not 100.  The goal is to stand completely and lovingly in my own and whole truth.

I am going for a cranial sacral session this afternoon at the Upledger Institute.   I'm anxious and excited to see what comes up for me.  This is the company that I was trained by in Cranial Sacral I and II. 

If you feel like you, too, are taking a great exam...

May you weather the storm, learn to dance in the rain and bring your truest of true selves with you.

Connect to and Own the wonder of You.   This is my greatest wish for us all.  

Merry Christmas 2014

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it.   Merry-ness to all.

I am in my new home decorated kind of nice and it surely is comfortable.  I am hooked on this Facebook 'party' and I see many people struggling with feeling allowed to be who they truly are; especially with family. 

May I offer to bring your true and open self with you to whatever celebration you attend or create.  May you be courageous enough to show your family/loved ones who you really are and how you really feel.  Baby steps are allowed.

I am learning to do this in everything and I am learning that it is what brings me my greatest peace.  I walk away from the pain if it is the last thing that I do.  I am so lucky that my family is now at a point where they know to question me and encourage me just a little further than what I know how to give at times.  When I believe that what I am feeling are childish feelings/beliefs, I find myself hesitant.  This is when it really is wonderful when my loved ones encourage me to share.  Just thinking and judging my feelings this way is what stops me from sharing.

What I feel is real.  Perhaps, I don't need to judge my feelings at all.  Just let them be here.  Let me own them.  Let me share them.  This is truly where the miracles happen.

Even if I don't get the response I want or think I need, I know that I am standing in my truth.  My truth is beautiful.  I only want to love and be loved.

Perhaps, now is a better time than ever - while we are all gathered, many feeling stressed or discomfort...  be the first to walk in your truth; from your heart.   You will only gain YOU and what an awesome gift that is for all.

You know what is best for you.  I honor where you are.   I wish you to be fulfilled and living in your loving truth.  Let them see your vulnerability; your sadness; your need for love. 

Merry Christmas and the gift of YOU is what we all need.  You were born this way for a reason.  You were born this way to complete and add to the puzzle of life.  Bring your puzzle piece with you.

May you be true and loving to you which in turn is true and loving towards others.  Only you know if today is the day.... or if there is a person or person(s) you can do this with. 

I wish you joy, peace and love from within, without.

North House

My beautiful and once loved greatly (and will always be in my heart) house in Pennsylvania is being sold now at 10:00 a.m.   New owners have come and the pressure to upkeep it and the haven that it has provided me with will be over on paper.

I have made it to this day.   I do not allow myself to feel too much as of this moment. I dimly feel.  I know there is pain here.  I know there is hope.  I know there is unbelievable gratitude.  I know there is a time to let go and move on.

This is my time (for real) as the papers get signed.

I cry.  I have tears.  I know not of great elation... yet (perhaps). 

I know I am where I belong and awesome things are yet to be lived.

I say goodbye to my fabulous Shambala and that is all I do for now.   I say goodbye.

May you be where you are and allow yourself - your whole self to embrace what is through love, hope and 'inner knowing'.  May you be open to where it may lead you.  May you believe that awesome things are coming your way....  It is 100% possible.

Let us live on and through the love in our hearts with whatever life presents to us.  My wish.

Be the love you wish to live with.

Christmas Desires and Spirit

I hear many people saying that they want to skip Christmas; they don't want to be obligated or know that they 'should' do this or they 'should not' do that.

I understand.  I hear them.

I'd like to offer to not do or worry about any of the above.   To start the new tradition of doing Christmas from our hearts and enjoying it, presenting it, being it, living it, doing it, breathing it in the way that makes ourselves most happy and/or content.

I believe that as we do this, we encourage others to do the same.  Christmas is about the birth of Jesus.   Christmas spirit is about good will toward men and women.  Christmas is about being together with those that support our happy and the person we are.  It is about supporting others' happiness and who they are. 

May you have the Christmas that warms your heart, encourages your dreams and lives through the spirit of sharing love, truth and peace.

May you allow this to be your tradition.  May you be honest that this is what you wish to be so; for yourself, for all those that you love and for even those you do not know.

May you give through truth and love to bring you 'home' to you. 

STOP whatever you were previously doing and breathe.  Feel what it is you want and go for this.  Love yourself through enough not to get mad at people for 'making' you do or be or act any way that is not who you are today.

Cheery Christmas to one and to all.  You are allowed to follow your cheer. 

As I Sit

As I sit here contemplating life; thinking about when I feel good the world looks good.  When I feel off the world looks off...

It is no wonder that loving ourselves from the inside out is probably the most important thing we can do for our world.

If we all were happy within ourselves, life would be a more upbeat thing.  As many are hurt and bewildered, life can be hard and challenging.

Yes, even when we are happy, life can still be challenging.  However, we just may be stronger to take on these challenges, let them go or know exactly how to process them better. 

Just what if our challenges were for our growth and when we accept them as such, growth happens easier and faster.

I'm hurting this morning physically, which in turn is turning my emotions to less than fun.  Hearing my new rheumatologist say that people with scleroderma do not need pain medicine hurt.  I have scleroderma and I am in pain.  The weather is fluctuating  from 80 during the day to 60 deg F and lower at night.  I feel this.  I don't know why but I do.

My body swells up, my hands become more stiff and purple and I become sad.   Life doesn't seem as beautiful.

It is my truth and I will walk through it open to the beauty because I do believe there is beauty here always.

I know I will ask my new rheumatologist how many scleroderma patients he has and I know he will say none.  I know this because he just got out of school and why they are being trained in scleroderma (it was not a common medical word or training 30 years ago), he has told me he has only seen it in training.

I fight with taking medicine and not taking narcotics.  I know they help my ability to do more.  What if it is better for me not to do more.   It's very confusing and I walk through the confusion as I don't know what else to do.

I live me as I am now until I evolve as future me. 

May you live you as you are now and look for the beauty as you evolve into the future you.

Now is all we have.  It is enough.  You are perfect just as you are. 

                                                    Unknown

Merry Me

I'm wanting to offer for you to notice how you feel when you read these words. 

May you notice your initial reaction.  May you realize the reaction you would like to experience.   May you breathe and do one thing that will get you closer to your chosen reaction if you are not quite there.

I wish you 'merry' from the inside out.

Between

I am between getting pedicures and beauty treatments and getting blood tests and health tests.  I am between Christmas and settling in nicely to my new home while my old house is going to settlement in less than one week.

I am happy and content.  I am threatened and agitated.

I am in peace and calm and experiencing pain and harsh emotions.

I'm not sure what to say or how to say where I'm at except for the above sentences and truth. 

I walk on knowing that I am living in the now and fulfilled as best as I can be just now.  

I'm yearning for fun and happiness.   I'm allowing frustration and sadness.

I guess it's fair to say I am experiencing all that life has to offer us 'mere mortals' and it is okay.

May you experience the truth of you; the truth of your life and the truth of your emotions.  May you experience all that is present for you to experience through compassion, self love and inner knowing.

'Grow' on.

December 15, 2010

Just for the Fun of it, I thought I would look at my post for this date back when I first started blogging.  This is what was present on today's date back in 2010. 

I wish for your mind to participate where your body is so your thinking stays in the Now...

......


Right now, I'm sitting here with my feet up in the air and my three little dogs and one cat trying to get the poor little mouse (who I might add is not so small).

I tried to get him with a large cup, but he ran.  I believe he is up the Christmas tree. 

Life is full of moments, isn't it.

I imagine some of you are cybershopping, wrapping, working, catching up, and planning for tomorrow.  I'm hoping all of you will soon be having your sleep time or rest time or quiet time.

Guess I'm going to have to look up mouse and it's spiritual meaning.  I'm just going to have to.  I can't resist. 

I know it means scattered thinking.  We all know I have this!

Til next time.  Please don't forget about you.  You are the most important person in someone's life!  Yours.

How many of us would be sitting in a room on a computer with a mouse hidden in the Christmas tree right  smack next to us?  

Talk about courage.  If that thing runs by me or near me, I'm done. ha.

------

The Tapestry

This is a repost from December 2010.

I'm 'stealing' this from a woman who was Head of Volunteers for a Hospice Company in my community.  She has the biggest heart, most kind soul and gives of herself like I have seen no other give.  She is a special friend and lady.  I am blessed to know her.

She writes:  "A story that makes sense to me is that our life is a tapestry.  On this side we see the knots and tangled threads, sometimes making it hard to understand what it all means.  On the other side, God sees the beautiful finished picture.  Dear one, my picture would not be complete without you woven into it."

Nothing more needs to be said.  Beauty emanates from this for me.

May you believe that the 'knots and tangled threads' in your life are making a beautiful picture that will one day be complete. 

                                   My mother did this probably 40 years ago...  I miss her. 

Mad Hatter

I'm waking up with my 'mad hat' on this morning.  I'm mad.  I'm angry.  I'm irritable.  I'm fidgety.  I'm unfocused.

My daughter leaves tomorrow for a week up north with family and friends.  My husband is done traveling until next year.  I am involved with the 'remnants' of decorating and my front and back lawn is a bit torn up and a new layout is in progress.

I feel the need to run.  I feel the need to know freedom.  I feel the need to drive and see where I end up.  I don't know if I will give myself permission to do this today.  I hope I will soon.

Even the trickling of the water in the fountain is agitating to me just now.  Yikes!

I have become 'unbalanced' and I NEED TO PLAY.

I believe giving myself what I need will make me an easier person to be around.

May you give yourself what you need.

What

I'm 'hearing' that what I am saying is what I mostly need to hear...

As I am sharing this from my Facebook page,  I am reminded of this.

"Be the beauty.  Love yourself through.  Share your true self.  Walk on with gentle strength.  Live Free."  Just 9Be U, LLC

 

May you live free.

 

                                                            Unknown

 

12/13/14

My life does not feel like it is flowing smoothly just now.  And, I know in the big picture of things, it is.

Settlement on my north house is before Christmas.  We are having landscape work and there is discussion about a fish tank being created for us.  My doctor and I are still creating a relationship and learning how best to treat symptoms of pain and dis-ease.  I walk on and through the best I know how just now. 

May you know peace believing that the big picture of your life is beautifully in sync, order and happening for the greatest good of the growth and experience that is YOU -- only you can be you.

Choose to participate with kindness, gentle strength and love as often as you can.

I wish you peace within as you connect to it without.

Sad is Just a Feeling

"It’s okay to be sad.  You don’t owe anyone a performance of being okay when you feel like you’re falling apart.  It isn’t your job to smile or hide your truth to make other people feel more comfortable.  If it gets awkward, let it be awkward.  If people try to silence your pain by telling you to get over it and cheer up because you’re no longer fun or you’re ruining the mood, you don’t have to push away your sadness.  You have to honor your feelings and trust that you don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to feel what you feel.  You don’t ever have to sacrifice your self care for the sake of people who only want you around when it’s easy and comfortable.  Their discomfort isn’t about you — it’s about them and their own limitations, and no matter what they think or say, you deserve to give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you feel.  You’re allowed to show your feelings honestly.  You’re allowed to talk about your pain and reach out for support.  You’re allowed to scream and wail and cry.  You’re allowed to be sad."
—Daniell Koepke

May you allow yourself to feel, be and express everything that you are.

                                                     Unknown

Here

'Here' ...   as in present.

Being present in this moment, I am here.  I feel the cat on my lap.  I hear the heater on (for the first time in this new house as it is 55 deg F outside this morning).  I hear the trickling of water traveling down the fountain.  I see the shadow of the palm trees dancing on the side of the house. 

I feel pain.  I feel discomfort.  I feel constriction and tightness in my face, skull, hands and feet.  My immediate reaction is not to want to feel this.  My 'follow-up' reaction is asking what is my body wanting to convey to me.  I can honor myself by not fighting what I feel and participate.  My first reaction may be to run.  My 'follow-up' reaction is to embrace myself.

Embracing feels more magical than running.   Although running sometimes wins out, just now I embrace the ringing in the ears and the tension within.   I find myself taking a deep breath.   I find myself doing a mental body scan.   I find myself being here in this moment with my truth.

I feel whole.  I feel loved.   Just now, here, in this moment.

May you be aware of what you are doing...  Are you running...  Are you embracing....  Are you doing something else...  Is there something you can do that you'd rather be doing....

My wish is that you do just this.

May you choose wisely and lovingly how you live in this moment that is your truth; your life; your choice;... your moment.

 

Y O U

"Today you are You, that is truer than true.  There is no one alive who is Youer than You."   Dr. Suess

May you enjoy, have fun, allow and own being YOU.

                                                           lizclimo.tumbler.com

So Many

I have so many emotions flying, hanging, sorting and traveling all through and around me.  With a December 22 settlement date for my once beloved home in Pennsylvania, there are plenty of people touched, accessed, acknowledged and challenged to get this job done. 

It is a bitter pill.  It is a chill pill.  It is (what feels to me) past time and it is a sad ending.  It is a blessed ending.  It is an ending that I hope will bring forth a whole new beginning for the many that were involved with upkeeping, running, living, experiencing the best; and recently, the worst of 'Shambala'.  It surely feels like this house and property has a life of its own. 

It will never be what it was for me.  I'm forever grateful that I, along with many people I cherish, got to live and experience my home as a resort and a place of great serenity and beauty. 

I miss the ease of all it had to offer.  I don't miss the work or the expense.

I have created much stress for myself these past two years and allowed what was to challenge and beat me; to challenge and 'grow me forward'. 

I have sores on my fingers and tension in my body and exhaustion in my mind.  I have hope in my heart, love in my being and a happy 'knowing' in my wholeness.

I'm uncertain exactly where I am as I don't seem to want to pinpoint it.  I have feelings of where I'm going -- to work to support others in their own growth.  I have no concrete-ness of anything.  And, it feels okay.

I have faith and trust in the process of life and the Universe.

So, as I twirl within all that is, I look forward to stopping at a path or two and walking down it/them into a settled, fulfilled self and connected to all that I am and all that surrounds my human life. 

I am still getting 'acquainted' with my new doctor.  I am still open to creating a new and best solution here.

I am not in what feels like ease just now.   I am in what feels very real and life altering and I am okay with it.  I am different.   I am okay with it.

I love on.

May you love on and through what you feel, know and are just now.  You are the warrior of your life and you have everything you need to live everything that you are from the inside out.  May you do just this.

About

It is not about how many people I connect to, discuss with, or encounter - it is not about how many people I befriend or tweet ...  It is about the one person who is smiling just a little brighter from the inside out because of something we shared. 

My wish is that...

May you smile just a little bit brighter from the 'something' that connected us to each other.

Greatness

"Your greatness may not be great to every one but that doesn't make it less great."  Rita Owens, Queen Latifah's Mom

May you allow, own, live and be your 'greatness'.

Barre Spirit

I went to a "Pure Barre' class with my daughter yesterday and it was quite fun.  My body was very happy to move!  There were a few moves that were impossible for me and the rest of the class was doable.

Today, I wake up to body parts that I forgot I had!  lol

We are in the Christmas Spirit and I feel balanced somewhat to be getting things done and not overdoing it.  I'm aware of same anyway!

During this Christmas season, if you like a traditional holiday, may you give it to yourself.  May you create it for yourself through what you feel, how you're life presents itself to you and with love and gentleness of the true Christmas Spirit.

You are in control of you...  May you stay aware of the answer to the questions:  What is my goal in this moment?  Am I breathing?  Am I treating myself the way I want to treat myself?  Am I doing this in the most beneficial way to allow peace, ease and joy into my life which, in turns, opens the same 'doors' for everyone you encounter.

May you bring your truth and love into the true Christmas Spirit that is happiest on you.

Is it At All

Is it at all possible that this is what some; many; all of us are living through.....as our world unites around, within and amongst us....

I believe we have grown so much and so fast as a whole and it is possible we are now at one of the most significant and, perhaps, most difficult individual challenges (and worldwide challenges)  - which is our deepest rooted fear(s) becoming pronounced.  We are being 'touched' and even forced to look deeply inside and to be very aware and connected to this truth; our own total truth. 

May you embrace as much of your truth as you can through love and trust.

Trust the process. Let it play out as we bring our truest (and sometimes scariest and most difficult) selves into each situation from the place of love within; without.  

If you are having a rockin', easy time just now...  Enjoy it - every breath!

Namaste'. Be open to allowance, ease and love as you live You into this moment.

Good Night

As I get ready to go in and read for the night, I stop by the computer to 'check in'.  The Christmas lights are on and the temperature is a cool balmy.  (figure that one out!)

My cat is here wanting to type with me (really wants my attention) and I'm waiting for my daughter to come down to say good night as my husband is on the road.

My hands are a bit in discomfort and I'm happy to be going to rest.

I look forward to a brand new day; a new brand new week and all the fun and brilliant things it will show me.

I am reminded of the song 'Good Night Sweetheart' and I wish you an extra pleasant night tonight (whenever you get to yours).

May you always have a song in your heart, a dance in your soul and a note to remind you that there is always something good in your life.

Laryngitis

As I come here against my own great fear, I have experienced some things since I had my 'visit' to my new Rheumatologist here in Florida.

Two of the medicines I was asked to try did not work out as I experienced great itching and laryngitis almost immediately.  (Layrngitis can stand for being so angry one cannot speak...per Louise Hay in her book "You Can Heal Your Life".) 

I feel confused and saddened that every time I go to use my hands (because that is where my sore thumbs are), I experience a shooting pain and a discomfort that I'd rather not experience.

It is once again Christmas time and I am blessed to have a family that will do much of the decorating while allowing me to put some of my opinions in and they honor me by listening to some of them (ha).

I feel tired to even have a conversation with the doctor.  I feel close to giving up as I believed this 'pain' to be behind me since I am now living in the sunshine state; a place I knew I wanted to live in since I was 17...  I feel I had it figured out and that I would not get any more sores since I was pretty much sore free for over a year.

I'm mad at myself that I don't feel better and cannot do better than what is my truth for today.  I'm resting more, I'm sitting more, I'm more angry at my truth.

I know God/the Universe works on their time, their schedule, their 'knowing'.  I know in the big picture these things are not so big.  But during the processing of 'it', it feels BIG.

To just wash my hair, hold an IPad, pet my cat, pull up the covers -- OUCH.  So, I do my best.  I walk on through what is my truth and I allow the ugly feeling of anger.  Maybe some day I will allow it and not call it 'ugly'.  That would be a good hoot in my book...  I remember days when I did not know how to connect to anger because of my belief that it is ugly. 

Is it because the temperature has changed even though it is not cold, it is 30 deg F cooler than what it was.  It is the stress of moving, the stress of selling my beloved house in not the easiest of circumstances, is it my family all under one roof....  Yes, yes, yes and maybe yes.....?!?!?!

And does it really matter why... I always thought that if I knew the why, I would know the answer.

Perhaps, the unknown why's and the unknown answers are just a part of our human experience.  They must be because we all have them.

May you just live in your truth and love yourself through and trust and believe you are right where you are supposed to be and 100% guaranteed - change is coming.  So be happy in this moment as best you can and allow this moment to live through you as everything that you are, feel and do.

Just 9Be U

I am finding myself more and more on Facebook and Twitter as I feel I have less to share here that would be helpful and that I would know how to share freely and easily as I process many new feelings and situations within my own life and my own self. 

I am living daily in the every day 'stuff' that has to be done as I create this next chapter of my life through action and connection outside of myself.

I am finding myself with less free time as my daughter and husband are home 50-75% more than they have been in the past. 

I know our world is at an all time 'loud', perhaps, exasperating level, full of contemplation and awareness.  I believe we see and feel and are less afraid of our true selves than we have ever been as a whole.

It is still not easy to 'see' everything that is right in front of us.  However, I think more and more of us are understanding and buying into the belief (because it feels rightly so) that to love and take care of our true and unique self, we are better able and more available to be kind, have love and share light and darkness with each other with more success and ease.

This is a good thing.  The more kind, loving and open we are and supporting each other to be the same, the more we feel our worthiness and that our own priority, destination and reason for being here is to live our true and best self.

May you believe in your own worthiness as I do. 

I believe you are here now (just as you are) because this is your worth and our guide to a more fulfilled life and world.  And, your worth is great. 

Worthy on; from the inside out. 

Shambala

It looks like we have found an owner for our house up north.  We are going through the paperwork and negotiations and hope to have it no longer a physical part of us before the end of the year.   Moving on and from this expense and commitment will be a truly 'opening' part of our lives to move forward wholly.

It is bittersweet.  I wish the new owner much success and happiness in that awesome, loving, beautiful, and exciting home as they make it their own.

It was our 'Shambala'.   It hasn't been for some time and it was too hurtful to think of it as this identity instead of just a beautiful piece of real estate.

I wrote this on my 'Just 9BeU' Facebook page.   Thank you for being 'here' to let me share this with you...

"Shambala... A place of peace and harmony for all living things.

 May we create and know 'Shambala' here and now.

 Shambala lives on if we allow it and participate as such.

 May you live on Shambala in all that have 'experienced' you and in all that will continue to create their own version of Shambala until we truly blend as one. I believe in Shambala. I believe in you."

May you have your own version of Shambala-ing on.

Wondrous Lime

I really have no corresponding words for the above picture.  I just enjoyed this lime so much, I wanted to share it with you.

This is a picture of a lime I picked from my new back yard.  It was the most juiciest, richest smelling lime I have ever had the pleasure to enjoy!  Truly!

I am grateful for this little wondrous lime.

May you be grateful for the little wondrous things in your life.  May you notice them more and more.

Your Story; 'Their' Story....

Unknown

 

 

As

As I sit at this computer listening to the water trickling in the fountain, watching the fronds of the palm trees blow haphazardly in the warm wind; As I feel the tight skin on my face and the dryness of my skin; As I 'hear' my fingers that want to reach out and know fullness and softness, I wonder what it is I will 'type' about today.

Yesterday, the sore on my thumb, while walking the dogs, got 'in the way' of the leash and my affected skin pulled up and away from the thumb.  Where usually infection (pus) shows itself when this happens, healthy blood decided to show up instead.  As it hurt so terribly that I wanted to run from it (and the pain that I was experiencing), I was overjoyed to see the beautiful red flow freely. 

I have found a website on Facebook that has all scleroderma patients linked together sharing and talking about their experience(s) with the little known and (what can be) hugely devastating disease. 

I do not want to be one of them.  I do not want to speak, think, talk, or experience what they do.  Yet, some of this is my truth.  I can see and hear myself in their communications.  I can feel myself experience what many of them experience.

UGH.

We are very much the same in many ways.  We are very different in many ways.

May you live You as only you can and may you give yourself permission to be your unique self.  May you be uniquely you.

I support you to be your greatest unique self as humanly and as spiritually as possible. 

"Be-You-tiful"   (Unknown)

                                                       Unknown

Rheumatologist

I went to a new Rheumatologist (arthritis(scleroderma)) doctor today with the goal of finding and connecting to a (a new 'my') doctor here in Florida.  It was interesting as this was a new connection for me.  I was comfortable as I could be with my Pennsylvania doctor after knowing and working with him for over 30 years (on a regular basis).  We worked together to keep me alive and to be able to thrive as wonderfully as I did.

We pretty much started where the other one left off.  However, this doctor did give me a drug that 'rubberizes' red blood cells in hope that my blood will be able to flow better through the small capillaries in my fingertips.

I felt more like a 'sick person' during the visit than before I arrived.

I am asked to get a pulmonary (lungs) test; an echocardiogram (heart) test and more blood testing -- 'just to see where we are'.  It is a fine idea.  It is not a fun idea.

I'm settle into my quiet self as I allow this new path to take root within my being.  What feels best for me... What is my greatest path to go down just now...  Where does my 'wholeness' want to take me...  How am I in this moment and where do I feel/know/believe I want to be going forward...

May you always live your life through love, gentle strength, awareness and kindness.  Perhaps, this is where our greatest growth happens and our greatest paths open up.  To be true and authentic in every breath we take allows our most true and authentic paths to show up for us.

                                                               Unknown

Deep

I am in deep muck.  How do I find myself here when I'm 'supposed to'/'want to' help others get out of their own muck. 

I guess, I have to admit that I, too, am human.   I, too, know challenges and I also know what it is like to encounter 'the unknown'. 

I tell myself when I am supposed to know answers to certain things (especially things that I would like to know more peace and ease with), I will.  And, until then, I breathe and I bring my true self into each breath to experience a most fulfilling life possible.

Perhaps, being fulfilled is not about having it all and knowing it all.  It is not about being right.  It is not about feeling over the moon happy all the time.  It is not about constant ease and peace.

Perhaps, being fulfilled is about being true and allowing my feelings - whatever they are - be.  Allow myself to feel my feelings as only I would know how to because of my knowledge, my experience, my demeanor, my personality, my quest. 

I allow myself to be a total participant in what life offers, shows and challenges me with.

May you allow yourself to be a total participant in what life offers, shows and challenges you with knowing you are okay and in the big picture that is your life, you are living the best version of you [just now] that you know how to with every breath that you take.

                                                    Unknown

Failure

"Failure WILL HAPPEN, expect it.  When it does, embrace it.  Recognize that it is part of the learning cycle.  Ask yourself:  'what good has come from this situation?"  There is always some good that comes from failing most times; you just need to look for it.  Henry Ford said, "Failure is only the opportunity to begin again."  Winston Churchill said, "Success consists of going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm."

From the book "Embracing Your Unlimited Possibilities" by Carol A. Briney

May you allow any failure you may 'think' is failure and let it grow you and may you be open to taking the, perhaps, unexpected path that is being offered or open instead.

Unlimited Possibilities

"Our life does not have to be one of struggle and hardship.  We do not have to sacrifice to get what we want.  Struggle and sacrifice often work against us in our quest for success.  The interesting and wonderful thing is that just on the other side of fear and resistance is something wonderful that you want.  Allow the Divine to work through you in joy and happiness.  Your ability to listen to your Divine Guidance and take action - even baby steps will help you to dissolve your fears and be on your way to living a life of Unlimited Possibilities."

From the book "Embracing Your Unlimited Possibilities" by Carol A. Briney

May you be open to connecting to 'joy and happiness' in your 'quest for success'.

                                                         Unknown

Where I'm At

I am in sunny and warm Florida.  I am in a new home for 3 months now.  I am still reaching out, knowing and sharing with many people the depth of who we all are.  It is my calling.  It is my blessing as I live here on this Earth with you. 

I am more settled than I've been for years.  I still feel the need for more settling in as my goal is to get the cars in the garage and have everything that I am keeping in its place as best I can. 

I know great gratitude for this.  I know peace in this.  I know happiness in this. 

My insides are achy.  My thumbs have ulcers.  My mind is less confused.  And, my mind would love easy answers to have a healthier body.  One that doesn't fight against itself as all autoimmune dis-eases do. 

I am reaching out to professionals to see the latest medicine and discoveries where scleroderma is concerned.  I'm reaching out to professionals to help me to accept this pain and how best to process it. 

We received a bid on our house up north.  It is lower than I would like and we will walk through this to see the outcome.  I bring my true and honest self to it and ask for guidance how best to navigate so all walk away as fulfilled as possible.

I did yoga out back on the patio with my awesome daughter yesterday.  It was lovely.  My body was so happy.  I surely connected to many parts of my body that wanted my attention feeling the tightness it was showing me.

Most of the window treatments are done.  I'm going to go with sheer orange on my office window.  The color is just 'calling' me!  Hoot. 

I'm still eating quacamole and garlic hummus everyday and still crave it.

I'm trusting the process of life as often and strongly as I can.   I know in the big picture of my life, these little things that are 'bothersome' or 'scary' are only stepping stones to a stronger, happier, more fulfilled life.

It is the dark and the light that propels us and makes me me.  It is the dark and the light the propels us and makes you you.

The human experience is light and dark.  I say send love to the dark and be love in the light.  Love through it all.  Love yourself - all of you as best you can.  You are unique.  You are made to be here on this earth just as you are.  Share you.  Share your uniqueness.  Love your uniqueness.  You matter here in the big picture of living.  You were born to matter because you do.

May you live in your uniqueness that our world needs just because you were born with it.  It matters where you are at.  May you be kind to yourself or whatever it is you need just now - may you give it to yourself; if at all possible.

Walk on

May you breathe, share, live all of you.  May you walk on as you.  May you, lovingly, share your truth to propel you into all that you are and all that you can be.

As you bring your truest of self into every relationship, situation, circumstance and nuance, you know that your truth is what is guiding, creating and propelling you into your future. 

This YOU cannot be wrong.   Whatever comes from this truth is your path and yours to live and embrace; encounter and experience.

The relationships that bloom from your truth are the relationships that are, perhaps, the most meaningful and can encapsulate the beauty and vibrancy of you.

As you walk through what you are feeling and experiencing with awareness and fulfillment, You are present for yourself and can stand strong in who you are. 

This is living a fulfilled life.  This is, perhaps, what the greatest experience of being human is.

My wish is that you live your life fulfilled in each moment because you own/delve into everything that you breathe.

Walk on.  Walk on. 

Oh Boy

I am hurting in my body and fingers.  I am angry with myself that I find myself 'here'.  I do not wish to participate in this same old habit of my body (hurting when it turns cold).

I thought just being me would take it away.  I thought being in warmer ('sunnier') weather would help completely.  Being my authentic self would alleviate some if not all dis-ease.  It was working for a while.  I wasn't in great discomfort anyway.

I am thinking that I lost me again some.  I gave up on listening to my own needs as I moved and listened to what I perceived others' needs to be above my own.  I guess I can only do this for a very short time before my body begs for attention.

Do I wish this to be my truth... not really

Is it... I'm thinking yes.

I would tell 'others' to be gentle and kind to themselves if they found themselves 'here'.  I am doing my best to be gentle and kind to myself as I experience not feeling like enough; wishing I could do more or better and not wanting to be in pain. 

Oh, this being human is quite the challenge for me just now.

I'm resisting what is...  I know it.

And, just in this moment, I cannot do different.

May you be gentle and kind to yourself when you feel things you may not want to feel.  May you be in your happy as you feel things you love to feel.

May you accept it all as best you can.

Tuesday

The days come and go.  The weeks, months, years and even decades pass. They wait for no one.

I have no thoughts or words that I know how to share.  I have shared everything in me that I am able and know how.

I am here in this present moment and I have no big action plan.

I have no judgment.

I usually hear myself saying 'let's see what the day brings'. 

I am lost between doctors and having medical guidance.  I have been under one doctor's care since I was 21 (over 30 years)  and, after 3 or 4 years of searching, diagnosed with 'scleroderma'. 

I have a new rheumatologist appoint next week.  It is my plan to go into his office with openness, open mind and a fresh start.  I plan to listen to what he knows and suggests instead of going in to share what I have learned and where I have been and what I have tried. 

I do feel like I have stayed mostly on top of the latest drugs and developments where this dis-ease is concerned.

I am starting fresh as this is where I find myself.

I am hurting physically and emotionally where I find myself.  I'm scared and uncertain as to what, if any, 'answers' I will find. 

My hands are swollen as the weather went from the 90's to the 60's in the last few weeks (these are the extremes) and my mind is frightened of the major change and loss of my connection with the Pennsylvania doctor.  We have been through a lot of trying, learning, growing, healing together.  I move on as I am no longer in Pennsylvania.

Much has changed in my life these past two years.  I am in a different place.  My house up north is still for sale so I haven't completely allowed myself to let go of what was. 

That house was built with my hands and needs in mind.  I now live where door knobs and locks, water spouts and nozzles and not-as-easy every day life things are present. 

I know I am okay.  I know I will be great.  I know I will succeed.  I know I will settle in.

Until then, I breathe.  I do what life presents to me.  I live what I create.  I walk on.

May you breathe, do, create and walk on with your awesome self just as you are and just as your life is. 

                                                        Unknown

Our/My/Your World

How are you doing in this world that we all have come into; that we all have participated in; that we all have helped to create; that we all live in... 'How you doin...'

Perhaps, you know.  Perhaps, you do not.  Perhaps, you are teetering between knowing and not knowing.

Wherever you find yourself today, in this minute - my wish is that you allow it to be so as you participate and bring your truth into it. 

Whether we accept it or not, this is our truth in this minute.  We can ignore it, love it, not want it to be so...BUT, it is so nonetheless.

This is you living your life right now.  This is it. 

I accept my success as I am today.  I am a success because I love, I connect, I belong, I curdle, I rise, I experience, I cry, I laugh.  I AM A SUCCESS.

May you know that you are a success just as you are.  As you stay stagnant, as you fly high, as you hover over, as you 'just are', as you breathe - YOU ARE A SUCCESS.

May you own all that you are, all that you have done, all that you are doing and all that you feel and may you live out from here.

Shutters

We have the shutter guys here today.  We are getting shutters on our windows in the Living Room.  We ordered them before we moved in which is approximately 3 months ago.  They are here today.

It is a rainy, gray day.  It is cool; 66 deg. F.  They will be here all day hammering and doing 'shutter' things.

I am excited to see the outcome and change that these shutters bring in the feeling and in the look of the room.

One small thing can change and alter how we look and see things; how we feel and respond to things.

Shut out as you process through what doesn't feel good in you.  Open up to what does. It can be this simple and this complex.  I wish for simple for you. 

May you notice how you respond to things.  If you do not like your response, may you delete it and respond in favor of yourself.

Respond favorably on.!

Where am I...

I am experiencing turmoil within.  I feel confusion and uncertainty.  I feel peace yet with an unknowing that feels new to me.

I am in a new place that I do not recognize and I cannot put words to.

I am and that is all I know in this moment.

I hear the trickle of the fountain.  I watch the raindrops in midair.  I feel a coolness that is uncomfortable.  I breathe heavy with a weight that is unrecognizable.

I embrace what is.  I don't know what I am embracing.  I do know that I'm not running from 'it'.

I am walking through as me.

There is a blankness in my mind.  There is a lack of understanding on where to go from here.  I sit in this.

My thumbs are sore and hard to use.  My face is tight and uncomfortable.  My digestion is off as my belly feels swollen.  My head is tight.  It surely feels like the skin around my skull is way too small/tight and thin for it to act like a comfortable encasement for my skull.  I feel my forehead's tension. 

I feel nutty as I hear/read these words coming from my fingers. 

This is my truth in this minute.  It is okay because it is what is.  I need to believe there is a reason for it.  I believe I need to have a discussion with someone that scares me and feels very difficult.  Will I do it....  I'm hoping yes.

Sometimes we feel like we are lost...  Are we lost or are we being found...

May you allow your path to unfold and participate as only you can and bring you into every breath and circumstance that unfolds in front of you. 

Walk on as YOU.

There is a strong urge to type -- 

Today is a good day for breathing.  May you be aware of your breath.  Breathe life in.  Breathe life out.  Breathe you. 

May you be gentle and loving towards yourself. 

Evening

Evening may be my favorite time of day tonight.  It is dark and beautiful weather.  It is comfortable and there is not a lot of the day left to be doing too much.  I can turn off and relax into the night.

I'm beat up.  I overwork my hands, my body and my mind as I move into my new house and create our new home. 

To find a light switch, to find an outlet, to lock the doors, to remember where the shower is and the toilet room....  It is quite the hoot.  Where did I put the dishes, the pens, the scissors and the dog food.   Where do I put the recyclables and where do I store the holiday boxes.

As I have two chairs for the one office desk, which one do I use. 

I am doing my best to put 9,000 sq. ft. of houses into one home that is less than 3,000 sq. ft.  I'm downsizing.  I'm simplifying.  I'm creating more ease.  I'm being tested on my ability to let go. 

Where do I put the cat litter box...  Where do I put the bird...  

How do I use the oven; the washer, the stove top.  Where are the air conditioning units that I'd like to put good air filters in...

Hoot.  It is quite the hoot.   I have created and decorated a few homes, this is my hardest.  Or so it seems.

I know it is the right thing for myself and my family.  None of us know how to do this as we have never done it before.  I do feel blessed that I lived so 'full'.   I am struggling because the change is big.  It is what I want.  It is what I'm open to.  So, I walk on and 'ache' while I let go of pictures, plates, and furniture that brought me so much joy.  It is really not the 'stuff', it is the memories attached to the 'stuff'. 

I realize that I can keep the memories in my heart and let go of the stuff.  I send it out into the world with love hoping others will have wonderful times making memories with this 'stuff'. 

I'm discombobulated and tired.   I'm thrilled and tried.  I'm happy and sad. 

Such is the human gamut of emotions and feelings.

May you allow yourself to experience the gamut of emotions and feelings that are being presented to you as you walk through the life that you created.  Love yourself through.  Trust the process and trust yourself to be okay as you breathe through each situation you find yourself 'visiting'.

Amen.  Alleluia,  Please let peace, possibility and potential of each situation guide you to your destiny that is within you and bring it without to live all that you are now, today, as your fullest, most awesome self.  Boo-yah!

Miserable

I didn't want to come 'here' as I'm moody, miserable, irritable and cranky.  I don't want to share this part of me.  I'm not sure I know how.   I'm going to type and see what comes up.

I'm sulking because I am looking for new doctors to take on 'my case' of ill health and pain; a diagnosis of scleroderma.

I have had the same doctor for 30 years and another for 15 and as they are 1200 miles away now, I need to replace, restart and refresh my connection to new professionals -- to look at my symptoms with new awareness and new information, perhaps. 

Just making the phone calls makes me angry.  I guess I am mad that I have to still search for help in trying to feel better, stronger. 

I wanted to be 'healed' by now.  My truth is that I am not.

I hurt.  I get dizzy.  My energy level is low.  My desire to accomplish anything is questioned.  My ability to do 'enough' is frustrating me as I judge myself. 

So, I guess I am sulking.  So, I will sit in my sulk; walk around in my sulk; be with my sulk as best and as true as I can.

I don't even want to be with me.  !

Yesterday, I thought I was 'good' at not letting things bother me.   Well, today, it is another story! 

'Momma told me there would be days like this'....  Yikes.

May you embrace your feelings that you don't want to feel and breathe in and out from the depth of them.  I believe it is worth a shot to see where it brings us.

I embrace my 'sulk' as best I can. 

Achy Breaky

The temperature has dropped 20 degrees.  My body knows this.  I feel an uncomfortableness through my body.  I am so used to this feeling.  I usually don't welcome it.  Today, I feel like I am welcoming it.  I have no clue why.  I'm not liking it, but I am welcoming it.

The muscles feel like they are tense and tired.  My hands are not purple.  This is different news.  The achiness is so loud.  My thoughts go to taking a pain pill so I don't have to feel it.  And, it has been all morning and I have not taken enough to not feel it.  I have taken little. 

I am so very torn between taking medicine for the quiet, numbing affect and feeling what I feel.  Does the medicine make me feel things I don't want to feel...  Is it scleroderma making me feel certain ways... 

I no longer know.  To get help in deciphering this has been impossible for me.  I will still look for guidance and professional advice. 

I live in a world where the people that dispense medicine know the medicine is my best path.  The people that want to do alternative ways guide me into herbs, meditation, inner knowing.   I am uncertain which works for me as I've tried much and I still ache when it gets cold, especially so quickly.

So, what is a woman to do.  I walk on.  I breathe through.  I stay open to finding my best path as I live the path that is here for me to live.

Confusion is prevalent.  To continue to reach out and still be pained is difficult for me currently. 

I am where I am and I do what I do.  I love on and through and out and in.  It is all I know in this moment. 

May you be who you are in this moment.  May you connect to the love that is you.

                                                                Unknown