Be U: Where I'm At

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Where I'm At

I am in sunny and warm Florida. I am in a new home for 3 months now. I am still reaching out, knowing and sharing with many people the depth of who we all are. It is my calling. It is my blessing as I live here on this Earth with you.

I am more settled than I've been for years. I still feel the need for more settling in as my goal is to get the cars in the garage and have everything that I am keeping in its place as best I can.

I know great gratitude for this. I know peace in this. I know happiness in this.

My insides are achy. My thumbs have ulcers. My mind is less confused. And, my mind would love easy answers to have a healthier body. One that doesn't fight against itself as all autoimmune dis-eases do.

I am reaching out to professionals to see the latest medicine and discoveries where scleroderma is concerned. I'm reaching out to professionals to help me to accept this pain and how best to process it.

We received a bid on our house up north. It is lower than I would like and we will walk through this to see the outcome. I bring my true and honest self to it and ask for guidance how best to navigate so all walk away as fulfilled as possible.

I did yoga out back on the patio with my awesome daughter yesterday. It was lovely. My body was so happy. I surely connected to many parts of my body that wanted my attention feeling the tightness it was showing me.

Most of the window treatments are done. I'm going to go with sheer orange on my office window. The color is just 'calling' me! Hoot.

I'm still eating quacamole and garlic hummus everyday and still crave it.

I'm trusting the process of life as often and strongly as I can. I know in the big picture of my life, these little things that are 'bothersome' or 'scary' are only stepping stones to a stronger, happier, more fulfilled life.

It is the dark and the light that propels us and makes me me. It is the dark and the light the propels us and makes you you.

The human experience is light and dark. I say send love to the dark and be love in the light. Love through it all. Love yourself - all of you as best you can. You are unique. You are made to be here on this earth just as you are. Share you. Share your uniqueness. Love your uniqueness. You matter here in the big picture of living. You were born to matter because you do.

May you live in your uniqueness that our world needs just because you were born with it. It matters where you are at. May you be kind to yourself or whatever it is you need just now - may you give it to yourself; if at all possible.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!