Be U: Knowing Nothing

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Knowing Nothing

It has been (what feels to me) a long time since I have posted. I come with an empty mind and full heart.

The weather has gotten cooler and it is more alive and less stagnant. It is a wee bit crisp and lighter. The skies are more blue and the greenery against it is beautiful as I look up at the dancing fronds of the palm and coconut trees that I love to watch.

My house is in small chaos with boxes all around again as I unpack the last round of my 'stuff'. My hands are so sensitive I choose to only do a wee little bit at a time. If it isn't easy, I'm letting it sit. I do not have the drive or desire to continue to completion just now. So, I sit in small chaos. My human brain allows me to ignore it because I choose to.

It is amazing how our human brains can ignore and/or not pay attention to things we choose. The saying that there is an elephant in the room and no one talks or deals with it... most of us humans are pretty good at letting it sit dormant and out of our thoughts.

I had some "Be U" tank shirts made for my own enjoyment and I am enjoying them. A rainbow of colors.

I did not know fear about the upcoming winter weather this year! Huge for me! and peaceful. I so love not having to think so much about fighting the elements of the cold weather, darkness and snow. I am where I belong. I know gratitude for this. Peace is on inside of me where the weather is concerned.

I have all my fountains going in various parts of my home and I enjoy the flow of water and the sound of it trickling down stones, over crystals and through man made rock.

The bird loves being out on the patio and the dogs love walking in the neighborhood as much as I. My cat seems very content as well. We are creating a home.

We are one - my family and I and we are supporting each other to live our best lives individually; together as best we can for today. We have made a pact to do so.

We are settling in, albeit the hardest 'settle' I've experienced as far as moving into a home goes. And, it is okay.

My beautiful home up north is still for sale and it weighs heavy. I pray for a perfect buyer to come and love it as much as I did. Can't make this stuff up.... So, I pray and wait and know that everything will work out in the time it is supposed to. Even as I feel challenged with this, I trust it is where I'm supposed to be; what I'm supposed to experience.

Wherever and whatever you are in your life,

May you know and trust that it is all for your higher good of the big picture of your life and you are always okay.

If you are great, may you enjoy every breath in one of the peaks in your life. If your not feeling as fortunate just now, breathe every breath knowing that you are creating another peak and during this 'down time', it is your greatest opportunity to do so. And so it is...

I wish you all 'inner knowing' and living your life from the inside out through love; together.

Unknown

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!