Pilates

I am on my way out the door to take a personal pilates class.

I am nervous.  I am unsure.  I am praying.   I am hoping to get through and to love it.

We shall return with the true outcome and not this noise of what the outcome will be.

The nerves are on high alert and my body is so excited.  My mind is telling me I'm nuts and afraid.

-------

1.5 hours later

It was wonderful.!  My body was so happy and my cells, muscles, ligaments and bones were doing a happy dance and so excited to be moving!!!

Yay!

I did it!

And, I go back tomorrow!

If you want to start moving more, may You do just this!  Move your wonderful body so it can know how wonderful and amazing it truly is and that it is loved; by you!

May you move you!  May you love you! 

May you move your body and love your way through.  May you meet yourself where you are at.  (if this is something that you want to do)

     It may look like this!  But, may you give yourself the all clear anyway.  You can.  You are this powerful!  I believe in YOU.

Connection City Blues

The wedding in the city was a smash!  It was a fun, lively, one-of-a-kind wedding celebration week, weekend, day, moment, hour, and minute filled with transforming and evolving [constantly breathing] breaths.

Ha!

Me in the 'big city' is quite da hoot.  Especially, that I haven't walked in a true city for a couple of years.  I've been to many.  I've frequented some.  I've walked through them on and off for most of my life.  I have never been a city girl.  I've always felt most comfortable near the beach and more comfortable in the country (suburbs).  And, every city I have ever been to has always taken a hold of a piece of my heart and expanded it.  I think just out of the sheer connection of constant activity and bustle.

Going for a walk, alone, to take in the sights and shop for an outfit, and interact with people of all calibers, beliefs, different stories, same stories but different reactions, was very invigorating for me. 

I did, however, in my own belief, see many of my fellow human beings so embedded in what they were doing; needed to do; were thinking about doing that I did feel the disconnect and divided world that is still very current and alive.

It is a currency of individualized living.  I have lived this way.  I know this way.  I now want more. 

While it is still my hope and wish for each of us to live as our own natural, powerful, empowering and 'better one's self' way, I also want us to be doing this together.

Tall order; perhaps.  Can it happen...  I don't know.  Do I want it to... A resounding YES.

The way it can happen is for us all to be aware, involved, caring and open from the depth of ourselves to the outer edges as far as one can reach.

It starts with me.  It starts with you.  It starts with her; with him, with them, with us.

I can only live what I know to be true from my own natural, powerful, empowered to better myself state.

You can only live what you know to be true from your own natural, powerful, empowered to better yourself state. 

We must accept where we are at this moment in time.  We must bring our truest, most loving of one's self to each situation we encounter.

We must be aware, open, allow and support as many individuals that is within our power to do so.  If we have connected this way with one other person today; as our truest, most loving self, it is a good day.  It is a great start. 

Let us connect through love and compassion and the belief and understanding that we all just want to be loved, cared for, cared about and know that we matter.

As each one of us feels this, knows this, believes that this is true with who we are, we win.   I want to win.

May you want to win and make it so...

                                                

 

Wedding Take Two

I'm going home to my hometown for the weekend to attend the second out of four weddings this year for our family.    Yay!

Love is in the air.

Take care of YOU.  Be good to YOU.  Let Love carry YOU.   Let Love be in the air for YOU.

May you start with love of self first because, just maybe, this is what works best for us all.

May I offer if you ever feel yourself a bit discombobulated (or probably better to say when you feel yourself discombobulated), ask yourself what is your goal in this moment and keep yourself focused on your goal; again and again and again.   Goal(s) can change as many times as necessary.  Focusing on the goal stays steadfast.  "Just 9Be YOU: Be You to Completion"

Hugs.

7 p.m. August 24, 2016

It is 7:03 pm on Wednesday, August 24, 2016.  The days are getting shorter.  The nights are getting longer.

It is dusk now.  There is a storm in the distance and the skies are grey and darkish. 

I noticeably see the darkness setting in earlier every night as the days go by.

It is my beautiful niece's 29th birthday!  This will be her last year as a single woman because she is engaged and scheduled to be married 1/7/17!  How exciting.   I am so proud and so in love with her.  Many men lost out because she is a catch of all catches.  The man that 'won' her heart will be good to her.  He knows kindness, listening and excitement.  They are a match made in heaven; so to speak.  A match with many similar loves, morals and lifestyle.

Anyway, back to 7 p.m. and it getting dark earlier and earlier.  I used to dread this time of year.  I would start to 'close' my beautiful backyard and started to think about closing the pool; the koi pond.  My backyard really and truly felt closed to me as the cooler air came in and the darkness with it.  Sure, it was beautiful when it snowed.  But...  I am so glad that I am now living in year round 'summertime'.

How blessed I feel.

I am no longer afraid of the weather change.  I no longer fear deep pain and agony with the cold coming upon me.

I am now safe and happy in year round warmth and lush living.  Nothing 'goes to sleep' here for the winter months.  Not even I! 

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't enjoy the palm fronds (love the word frond and what it means!), the greenery, the lush landscaping, and everything feeling open and alive. 

I was born to live here.  And, here I live.  Happiness is in every cell of my body with this thought, knowing and truth. 

I did always think that 'here' would consist of daily views of the ocean and salted waterways.  My goal is to get to a place in my life where I am again watching the sun come up over the water and the sun setting over the water.  This is the way I want to go 'out'.  Yes, I need nothing more grand than to be able to watch the sun shining and 'singing' to me on the water.  Of course, the moon on the water has its own magic.

In fact, magic is everywhere.  We only need to believe and to look to see it.

May you believe and see magic in your life.  Voice your gratitude if only to yourself.  Feel your gratitude in every cell of your being.  Breathe gratitude in as many breaths as possible.

In gratitude we know blessings and magic.  Here is this 'magic' word coming up again.

The earth traveling around the sun and the moon - magic.  Especially, the fact that we need do nothing and life happens. 

Wherever you are on this beautiful, mysterious and magical earth, I know there is magic.  Sure there are other things too.  Harsh things.  Terrible things even. 

It is my hope, belief and way of life to focus on the beautiful, mysterious and magical things that connect us to each other; deep within our own selves, together.

As each one of us creates our own best and happy life, less will want to reach out and harm.  When I am happy and good, it is hard to think or speak a harsh word.   When I am struggling and hurting, it is easier to speak a harsh word, yet, it still feels better to stay in and on the vibration of love.

May you feel better feeling love and may you comprise and build your life on the betterment of your life through love. 

Love or worry does not change the outcome of something that is meant to be.  It surely does change the experience of same.

May you experience your life through love.  Let go of worry.  Know magic.  Be magic.  Share magic.

Through the darkness and the light, we can choose love.  We were born to choose love.  Life has a way of getting in the way and teaching us stuff outside of love.  We came to this earth innocent and loving.  May you connect to your vulnerability and your love.  May you allow it.  May you share it.  In this alone, there is magic.

Magical you on.

No, I am not lactating. Yet, anyway!  Everyone that knows about the new drug self-trial that I am on wants to know if I have any signs of lactating.  No.  I happily do not.  I am trying to mimic and increase prolactin in my body as it increases naturally in child-bearing/rearing.  I am doing this, with my doctor, because when I was pregnant with my daughter, I had no symptoms of scleroderma.

It is worth a try.

I do not feel my emotions so deeply.  I feel achy and heavy.  My body and my mind are relaxed; certainly more than I am used to.  These things I do know.

My husband still gets 'shocked' every time I touch his arm or hand as he notices there is great heat in my hand.  He says he has never ever felt this with my hand before.  This, we both find fascinating.

We evolve on.  We transform on.  It is probably good if we trust on and love on. 

May you trust on.   May you love on.

Let love lead you into your true self and keep you on your best path.  May you trust yourself to do this.  May you trust the process that your life is embedded in or is embarking upon.

The Universe has us.  God has us.  The greater power than ourselves has us. 

You have you.  We can have each other.  You matter.  I care. 

We can believe that everything that is happening is here to teach us a mere mortal lesson and as we let go and forgive ourselves and each other; as we support our own self and each other, we are evolving, transforming, growing, becoming and being everything that we are destined to, yet, live out.

No, you are not losing your mind.  No, you do not need to do more.   No, you are not anything negative that you may call yourself.

You are responding to your surroundings; your life.  Let your truth and the place of love within guide you. 

May you respond favorably and be your own friend and, please, NO, do not ever beat yourself up for being who you are.   Instead, love yourself through.  My wish; my hope for you.

Be cool man, be cool...

Food for Thought

I noticed this morning as I was eating a sticky cinnamon bun, brought in from out of state, and that brought me back to many happy memories, I was eating it thinking of what I was going to eat next.  My thoughts were that this alone would not be breakfast and what was I going to have next.

I think this just may be the 'way of thinking' that has gotten me to gain 20 lbs.  As I am eating one thing, I'm not tasting it, smelling it, noticing the textures; the colors.   I am thinking what am I going to eat next.  And, to this I replied a slice of margherita pizza.

Yikes.  Not a big surprise, then, that I have put on 20 lbs.

I can say my thinking came from stress; out of nowhere; not my responsibility.  Perhaps, the first two just may be accurate.  However, the thought that it is not my responsibility is untrue.

Everything I choose to eat and the way I choose to eat it is my responsibility.

It is my hope that with this awareness; and through love of self, I will do different/better as I do want to lose these 20 pounds 'soon'. 

Hmm.  Soon is an interesting word to show up here.  Soon does not mean just now.

I ponder this.  I will continue to ponder this.

May you be gentle with yourself and hear the thoughts that you are thinking and take the responsibility to change them or keep them as to what works best for you.

Good news is that we do have the power to choose what we want.  The not so good news may be that we do have the power to choose what we want.

Perhaps, if we choose through love and nothing opposite of love, we win.

May you win!

Deep Breath

May you stop.  Before you continue, please (if you choose) relax your shoulders, feel the ground or chair beneath you [supporting you entirely] and take a deep, full breath..  ...

My cells of my body and the cells that make up my brain feel scattered, spastic, jumping from one way of being to another and unable to stay focused and/or in a state of homeostasis.

Is it my body, mind, soul and spirit searching for where it feels most comfortable...  Have many of us worked hard, discovered much, revealed and reveled in different circumstances and experiences and are now looking for a place 'to land'.  To stand in homeostasis and know relaxation, a feeling of being grounded and to be beautifully settled in the truth of who we are and who we want to be.

Sounds magical to me.  Feels magical believing in it.  I feel whole in experiencing it.

May you allow yourself to feel, be, do and breathe exactly how it is you are experiencing same.  May you be the one to experience and know your breath, your feelings and what you are comprised of and living as and with.  Try not to judge it.  Try to be one with it all. 

From this place, let your own love; the magic of you - grow out/up (evolve) into our world and everything that you want to be and are supposed to live.

Live whole by letting, allowing and opening to the truth of and the experiencing of all of your cells that comprise your whole self. 

I am either really and truly crazy or really and truly brilliant or somewhere in the middle.  Experiencing my own cells, I feel I have touched on all of these aspects of life; of living; of knowing and being. 

May you bring YOU ON.

Loss

I lost a dear neighbor and friend last night.  She died at a beautiful old age.  She shined brighter than the sun when she smiled.  Her energy was contagious. She had more energy than many of us combined.  Truly.  She moved in and out and around daily; did gardening in her bathing suit; walked with her bird on her shoulder and her dog Molly.  I couldn't walk by and her not invite me in to show me something new or special.  She helped the Vets graciously and extensively.  She was very successful in all ways and she was so very humble.  She lived vivaciously until a month before she closed her eyes and left her body.  

I am blessed to have known her.  I am sad.  And, I will always carry her energy in my heart, body and soul.  If I am really lucky, she 'contaminated' me with her contagious energy.!.

My heart goes out to her family and to the many 'beings' (human and animals) that feel the great loss of her physical presence.  It is my hope that they believe and/or know that her love, joyfulness and her giving way will stay within them always.  May she rest in peace and truly understand how important and special her life here on Earth was. How her 'touch' is everlasting.   I will miss her brilliant light in my neighborhood. 

May You allow yourself to feel any loss that you may be experiencing and take the empowering part of what was (and is) and live uplifted from/through the 'energy' that once graced your life.  May you be extra kind and gently loving with yourself as you mourn. 

There is no set-in-stone guidebook on mourning.  There is not one way.  There is your way.  May you honor your way and honor any others' way(s) also. 

May we honor each other in all ways, always. 

Experiment

Sometimes, all we can do is experiment.

Without experimenting, we do not know many outcomes.  Without experiencing things our self, we do not know how one feels (or 100% how we would feel) regarding certain situations and/or circumstances.

I have now been advised to take a drug that can cause lactation, both, in men and in women. 

We have come to this because when I was pregnant and until after I was done nursing, I had no signs of scleroderma; not even purple hands.

Another doctor and I have tried progesterone cream in the past to mimic pregnancy.  I am learning better now that progesterone is mostly prevalent in pregnancy but prolactin is prevalent during pregnancy and nursing.

I have to try it.  I have to know.  Do I want to be lactating..  No.  Do I want to be pain free and healthier.. yes.  So, I will try this pill that may cause lactation.  It reacts to increase our prolactin levels in our hypothalamus which is the part of the brain responsible for production of many hormones, temperature regulation and houses our pituitary gland which is known as the "master gland' which helps the system work well in unison (homeostasis).  The hypothalamus creates homeostasis in our bodies which can help keep our immune system 'normal'.   All very interesting 'stuff' to me. 

So, with some 'weirdness' and even 'shame', I take this pill as another experiment in finding healing from dis-ease.

I know where the weirdness comes from but what about the shame...

I think it comes from not being perfect.  To need something different, alternative, or not the normal.  Just to need (for me) seems to bring the feeling of shame up.

I am sure this is from childhood.  Things I told myself about my feelings of not getting my needs met.  Things I told myself of being too needy.  Things I told myself that I was wrong about how I felt.  Things other people told me that I took as truth. 

Hmm.  Interesting indeed.

That is all 'bull'.  I am allowed to get my needs met.  It is my job to get my needs met.  It is okay to need.  Being in need is part of being human.  Feeling is a part of being human.  Feeling is a wonderful part of life.  Could we imagine life without feelings in it.  How dull it would be.  Feelings just may be our human way of creating, following, allowing, growing and becoming a better version of our self.  Feelings can fulfill us.  Feelings can feel 'un-fun'.  And, yet, these 'un-fun' feelings are what changes our path or let's us know that we can do different, better, more or even less than we are doing.

May you experiment with your feelings by allowing them and even befriending them.  Your feelings are real for you.  Your feelings are what makes you you.  No one else feels exactly 100% all the time the way you feel.  How unique we all are.

Feel away.  Allow love to be present as much as possible.  Allow openness to bring you forward through evolving, transforming, becoming and, yes, feeling all that is present to feel.  It is time to feel the real you [all of who you are] and let your feelings guide you with your breath, your self, your life and your experiences.

May you feel everything that presents it self to you.  Perhaps, through love, compassion, gentleness and truth. 

 

                                                           Picture Unknown

Thank YOU

I just want to thank you for stopping by here and 'visiting' with me.  It is my hope that I can touch something inside of you that will spark your own beauty, growth, inner knowing, strength, or whatever it is you need in the moment to connect to the truth of who you are and to let the real you grow, shine on and live out.

The people from the countries listed below are currently here with us.

May we be our own best friend; our own best self and live our own best life; individually, together.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  It is my honor (and sometimes with fear, but always with truth and openness) to share my individual life with you hoping to connect to you(rs) and hoping for you to connect to your individual self and life that is you/yours to yet live. Whatever it is that your loving wish is for yourself, I wish this for you.

Thank YOU.   Namaste.



United States

Russia

Germany

France

Mauritius

Mykonos

China

United Arab Emirates

Canada

Romania

Jordan

Malaysia

Jamaica

Saudi Arabia

India

Thailand

Believe

'When life feels like it is falling apart, it may actually be falling into place'...

How nice this feels to think of the unknown; the changing; the challenging; and the topsy turvy way that life can be and feel and present itself as like it is falling into place rather than falling apart.

When you are experiencing a lot of change and are uncertain in the ever changing moments, just what if life was falling into place for you instead of falling all apart.  It may actually be doing both but to think that it is falling into place feels more stable and more safe than not. 

'The only thing for certain is change.'

Sometimes we have small moments of positive change.   Sometimes we have weeks and/or months or even years of change that we have to settle or resettle ourselves in.

Sometimes things feel like they stay stagnant or same old same old.

When I look at the big picture of life, it seems to find its balance within.  In each of our lives, we have known happy times.  We have known difficult times.  I have heard it said that life is like a tapestry.  On this side of being human and alive, we see strings, knots and overlapping lines.  Once we leave this human body, we see the other side of the tapestry and it is the most beautiful and clear picture of our life.

It is okay to not know.   It is okay to not feel okay.  It is okay to be in a disheveled way of living.  It is okay to not like it.  It is okay. 

I am learning that when I walk through with my truth, my open heart and mind, I am walking through my life as best I can. 

I am bringing the best part of me; the part that knows fulfillment and wholeness just because I trust the big picture of life and I know 'it is what it is' and even through pain, we are alive and have the ability to choose love as often as possible.

May you choose love; love of self, love of our ability to choose the way we see things, love of our ability to believe in positive possibilities and change; love of others, and love within the moment as often as possible.

May you believe in your own power to know, be and experience love.

No Words

I have no words as I come to my computer and open up this blog. 

No words in my mind that want to type out through my fingers.

I resist as I'm not optimistic.  I'm not with good news.  I'm with tiredness, weakness and not knowing where I go or what I do next.

A doctor has me trying a new medicine for circulation to my extremities.  It is one I have not tried before.  I must try it in hope to get energy and blood flow to my brain.

My brain seems really tired and heavy today.  It is abuzz with vibrating nerves and tinnitus.

I breathe deep.  I sit heavily in my chair.  I notice that my shoulders are relaxed; my core is holding me up.  My feet are on the floor.

I connect to the beautiful picture of the palm tree and the pelican.  I connect to the fountain flowing continuously.  I connect to the really green bamboo shooting out from its leaves its happiness.

I do not know anything that feels important today. 

I must allow it to be okay.   I want to allow it to be okay.  It feels best when I allow it to be okay.  Just maybe, it is okay.

Perhaps, where you are, right now in this minute, it is okay. 

May you just believe that 'it' is okay and in this minute you are okay.   Breathe.

Just maybe, you are even 'awesome'...  Whatever word that comes to your mind that is positive, may you use this.

May you feel life inside of you and around you.  Perhaps, no judgment, just feel life. 

Perhaps, just for this minute, it can be a beautiful self given gift.  Accept all as it is (if only for this moment). 

Breath

Our breath.  Your breath.  My breath.

How so many of us can take breathing for granted.  Our bodies breathe in and out without us having to do anything.

Some people with asthma and/or other dis-eases know how important breath is. 

When one cannot 'catch one's breath', it can be scary, horrible, and life threatening.

Without our breath, we do not live.  With our breath; perhaps, with each breath, we can know peace and allow for relaxation, stillness and gratitude. 

How grateful I am that my body breathes for me and as I let my mind wander to my breath, 'noise' shuts down, my body relaxes and I feel the strength of who and what I am.  I know my breath and I know stillness of living in my breath.

I've been doing this a lot lately.  Just watching my breath and also 'playing' with the uptake and output of my breath.  

I can breathe with my nose - one or both nostrils.  I can breathe with my mouth.  I can feel cooler air coming into my body; warmer air going out.  I can just watch it and not judge but just let it happen.  I can count to 10 as I breathe in.  I can count to 10 as I breathe out.  I can control my breath.  I can hold it. 

I can breathe in and imagine filling my belly up like a balloon would fill with air.   I can breathe out and let the air 'escape' from my belly as my belly pulls in.

I can fill my lungs up to capacity.  I can empty them until there is no more air to come out.

We humans have breath.  How beautiful breathing can be.

May you breathe and be aware that you are doing so; just maybe, from time to time...

 

Permeation

I picked up an antibiotic yesterday.  I finally found my way to getting a prescription for same.  It does feel right for me to take it.  I know to take probiotics as the antibiotic works on killing the bad bacteria but it also kills the good/healthy bacteria.  So, with a probiotic, the good bacteria has a chance of living/growing.  It is my understanding that it works something like this.  Certainly layman terminology.

So, I will take it for 10 days and see what happens; if anything.  My thumb did start to heal on its own; heading in this direction for sure.  It has been itching.  My whole hand and all of my fingers have been itching.  It is my experience that a itchy wound can be a sure sign of healing. 

It is dark in my room where I sit to type this.  Out of the window, I see my fountain with the little water spout bubbling up over the side of smooth greenish stones.  I really enjoy it and I feel gratitude for it.

I recently realized that there is a difference in knowing gratitude; being grateful for and feeling gratitude.  When I was offered to feel the gratitude in my body that I was sharing, I immediately felt my heart opening up and outward.  It was quite beautiful.

I'd like to offer you to know gratitude; talk about gratitude; think in grateful terms; share your thanks and feel gratitude within your body.  Allow it to spread throughout the experience; the moment of you feeling gratitude.

Like an antibiotic spreads throughout our bodies searching to kill off bad bacteria, let gratitude permeate your body, mind and soul to relax; open up to; and experience the joy of being thankful.  It carries one far. 

May you let gratitude carry you far.  May you experience it within, without and in as many moments of your life as possible.

Gratitude on, in and out.

 

Healing

Healing is such a beautiful thing!  I am healing.

The rash is just about gone and my thumb is quieter than it has been for about a month.  I heal!  My body heals!

This is a wonderful experience for me!  I can heal!  I am doing it as I sit here typing a post to you!  Yay!  Yeah baby!  How wonderful!

I don't have the experience of healing too much in my 'repertoire'.  I am adding it to my subconscious mind and to every cell that makes up 'me'.  I can heal.

I am extremely tired.  It takes an awful lot of good, empowering, powerful energy to heal.  I am healing.

So, as I tire easily by the slightest of movements, I accept this as my truth because I am healing.

I always have found the human body and the way it works to be fascinating.  How glorious is it that we do nothing and we breathe; our heart beats, our food digests and so much more.  Simply miraculous. 

Our bodies want to do what they were born to do.  While our body is a human form, it is also a spiritual process. 

The way we come about.  The way we miraculous work on 'auto-pilot'.  The way we heal.  There is a lot of unknown about it and it can be a trusted work of art. 

Spiritual to me means trusting the unknown that we are living as; in; with and about.  The spiritual essence of myself is to be, breathe and move forward not knowing much; not knowing how I will; and not knowing (fully) from whence I came to where I am going... but trusting it all because I believe in something way bigger than myself.  'Spiritual'. 

Of course, there are many more definitions that could be conjured and looked up I am sure.  But a positive belief in something unknown to have a miraculous outcome can be known as spirituality; to me.

May you get out of your own way and let your own 'spirituality' live strongly within without.   May you heal and let the journey of healing take its own unknown course and just believe it is possible to be so... if this feels right for you.

I wish for you fulfillment in good health; a good life; and an excellent journey.  Believing through all the harsh experiences and challenging times propels us through life in a fulfilling, good and excellent way...  just maybe.

May you believe in your experiences, who you are and where you have been and where you are going.  May you believe in your own awesomeness.  The miracle of you.