Just had the fire alarm go off in my home. "Fire, fire, leave the premises" was what it was saying LOUDLY. Oh Boy! I was lighting the fireplace and I guess the chimney is full of debris and smoke filled the house quickly. A fireman came and all. I could hear the sirens in the distant. I'm guessing the alarm company calls the fire company immediately.
Happy Halloween!
What an interesting day.
Life. It's interesting.
My wish for you is that you know some humor in all your 'interesting' moments.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Clear Idea
"Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."
Exerpt from the book "The Alchemist - 10th Anniversary Edition" by Paulo Coelho
Exerpt from the book "The Alchemist - 10th Anniversary Edition" by Paulo Coelho
Alive
"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Howard Thurman
Are you doing what makes you come alive?
Picture of a waterfall in Hawaii taken from a helicopter.
Are you doing what makes you come alive?
My Favorite Poet
Again, I open to Mark Nepo's book "The Book of the Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have" and his words help me in the moment...
"The truth is that what we want or dream of doesn't always last. It tends to serve its purpose in our development and then fades away, losing its relevance. And we can do enormous damage to ourselves by insisting on carrying that which has died."
"There are times walls are necessary, but more often we can protect ourselves by being who we are. Neither hiding nor revealing ourselves will prevent our share of pain, but in being who we are, we get to be part of the Universal stream, not just a nut in a a shell waiting to fall."
May you know what helps you in your moment.
"The truth is that what we want or dream of doesn't always last. It tends to serve its purpose in our development and then fades away, losing its relevance. And we can do enormous damage to ourselves by insisting on carrying that which has died."
"There are times walls are necessary, but more often we can protect ourselves by being who we are. Neither hiding nor revealing ourselves will prevent our share of pain, but in being who we are, we get to be part of the Universal stream, not just a nut in a a shell waiting to fall."
May you know what helps you in your moment.
Another's Words
I picked a card out of my tarot deck* and it was the Three of Swords.
It reads "You are experiencing sorrow, pain and suffering, either emotionally or physically. This card also shows that your own thoughts are behind your suffering, and your disappointments come from your expectations. Remember that pain has a purpose and opens the way to growth. Tears shed are like rain, nurturing something new."
My mind can be a great manipulator; I have created a great farce (a ridiculous sham). I think I'm ready to know what is real in my life instead of creating 'unreals' in my mind.
I must say that this 'work' is exhausting to me.
Are your expectations based in reality?
*from the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guilley and Robet M. Place
It reads "You are experiencing sorrow, pain and suffering, either emotionally or physically. This card also shows that your own thoughts are behind your suffering, and your disappointments come from your expectations. Remember that pain has a purpose and opens the way to growth. Tears shed are like rain, nurturing something new."
My mind can be a great manipulator; I have created a great farce (a ridiculous sham). I think I'm ready to know what is real in my life instead of creating 'unreals' in my mind.
I must say that this 'work' is exhausting to me.
Are your expectations based in reality?
*from the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guilley and Robet M. Place
Letting Go of What Never Was
I think this is what I'm working on today. Letting go of a relationship I never had but always wanted; letting go of a love that is inside of me and was never allowed to be used. Letting go of what was in my mind to allow what the reality of what is.
I don't really want to do this. I have no choice if I want to be 'light'.
May you release what isn't helpful and be open to what is.
I don't really want to do this. I have no choice if I want to be 'light'.
May you release what isn't helpful and be open to what is.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Dad
A father is a strong man that protects his children and his family. A father is someone to look up to and love with all your heart and know that he feels the same about you. Or is it?
My experience is that he abandons his family and he ends up being only what I created in my mind.
The reality of who my father is, unfortunately, is far from what I imagined, needed and wanted.
The truth is he is fun, loves living, makes people laugh and feel good in his presence and, yet, wasn't there for his family and the most important thing to him was always his own freedom. His most proud statement could be that he did live as an 'island'; a one man show.
I know that he did the best he could with what he knew and the experiences he lived. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) it did not measure up to fit any of my needs, desires or dreams.
He is now very sick. I did what I could for a man I had extremely little communication with over the last 40 years. I do not know him other than what I write and I have the bond of his blood and my heart only. We did not do very good on the human (living on this earth) side of things.
I am highly saddened and do not want to accept this reality. I know until I do, the situation has me; I do not have it.
I am determined to accept my truth. I am not accepting at this time.
Are you accepting the truth and reality of your life as it is?
My experience is that he abandons his family and he ends up being only what I created in my mind.
The reality of who my father is, unfortunately, is far from what I imagined, needed and wanted.
The truth is he is fun, loves living, makes people laugh and feel good in his presence and, yet, wasn't there for his family and the most important thing to him was always his own freedom. His most proud statement could be that he did live as an 'island'; a one man show.
I know that he did the best he could with what he knew and the experiences he lived. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) it did not measure up to fit any of my needs, desires or dreams.
He is now very sick. I did what I could for a man I had extremely little communication with over the last 40 years. I do not know him other than what I write and I have the bond of his blood and my heart only. We did not do very good on the human (living on this earth) side of things.
I am highly saddened and do not want to accept this reality. I know until I do, the situation has me; I do not have it.
I am determined to accept my truth. I am not accepting at this time.
Are you accepting the truth and reality of your life as it is?
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Exciting
It's exciting to see where life is going to bring me. I am so 'blind' right now. I trust.
In this moment, anyway!
May you trust that you are exactly where you need to be; doing the best you can with what you know and where you've been.
In this moment, anyway!
May you trust that you are exactly where you need to be; doing the best you can with what you know and where you've been.
Leaving for North Carolina, USA
I'm heading to North Carolina today to visit/help/see my dad and go forward from there. I have all the emotions right here with me and not sure which one to grab onto. So, I am trying to be okay with not grabbing onto any of them and just go with it. It's all I can do. It is enough.
His doctor told us yesterday that if there was a time we were thinking about visiting; this would be it.
He lives by himself (because this is what he always prided himself on) and his health may just be making this impossible anymore. His freedom is the most important thing to him. I don't want to be the one to take it away from him.
I know he did the best he could with what he knew at the time and continues to do so; just like me. There is a lot of strength in him. Joy to him is living his own life without any limitations to his freedom. He has done this.
I am scared. Yet, something is telling me I'm suppose to do this and it feels the right thing for me. Maybe I'm suppose to see what I see and take it from there. It certainly was never in my plan of things to do in my life.
However, this is my plan in this moment.
Just, what if, him leaving me was the best thing he could have done for me. I like who I am today. Would I if he stayed.
May you really like yourself today.
His doctor told us yesterday that if there was a time we were thinking about visiting; this would be it.
He lives by himself (because this is what he always prided himself on) and his health may just be making this impossible anymore. His freedom is the most important thing to him. I don't want to be the one to take it away from him.
I know he did the best he could with what he knew at the time and continues to do so; just like me. There is a lot of strength in him. Joy to him is living his own life without any limitations to his freedom. He has done this.
I am scared. Yet, something is telling me I'm suppose to do this and it feels the right thing for me. Maybe I'm suppose to see what I see and take it from there. It certainly was never in my plan of things to do in my life.
However, this is my plan in this moment.
Just, what if, him leaving me was the best thing he could have done for me. I like who I am today. Would I if he stayed.
May you really like yourself today.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Ace of Swords
Fun with the Tarot Cards again.
*Ace of Swords
"You are blessed by the beginning of something new in the intellect: an idea, a positive direction, enthusiasm, profound thinking, or originality. The message also relates to the intellectual process that helps to bring creativity and inspiration into the physical plane."
I choose to take this to mean that I think differently than I did. With this, comes new beginnings and positive direction. I'd like to think that it will also help with my ability to use my brain and not just my heart when making decisions and following my inner knowing. That by putting all this together will get me moving in the direction of my dreams.
Are you moving in the direction that you know is best for Being You? When lost in your heart; can you choose to use your intellect to help you move forward? When lost in your intellect; can you choose to use your heart to help you move forward?
*From the book, "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place
*Ace of Swords
"You are blessed by the beginning of something new in the intellect: an idea, a positive direction, enthusiasm, profound thinking, or originality. The message also relates to the intellectual process that helps to bring creativity and inspiration into the physical plane."
I choose to take this to mean that I think differently than I did. With this, comes new beginnings and positive direction. I'd like to think that it will also help with my ability to use my brain and not just my heart when making decisions and following my inner knowing. That by putting all this together will get me moving in the direction of my dreams.
Are you moving in the direction that you know is best for Being You? When lost in your heart; can you choose to use your intellect to help you move forward? When lost in your intellect; can you choose to use your heart to help you move forward?
*From the book, "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place
Doesn't Feel Happy
I walked two of my dogs this morning and it's dark, serene and cool outside. They are paving my quiet road. Leaves and dirt are plentiful. I saw myself worrying about the black tar and walking on the loose stone. I felt stressed working with the two leashes so they wouldn't get tangled. I realized I was focusing on what bothers me instead of the fresh air, the evergreens, the joy of my dogs.
The tip of my fingers were numb even though I had hand warmers on. My cheeks were numb and tight. I can say my hands were not purple. However, I'm realizing that in this kind of weather, I do not allow myself to feel vibrant and alive. I want to feel shut down and closed off. I don't know a reason why.
I wonder what time of year my dad left. I'm going to ask him.
This cold, damp, and raw air doesn't feel happy on me. Is there a true reason for this or is it just how it is.
Exhaustion is setting in. I do not want it to. It is here.
There is this restless energy within me and I can't seem to capture it or know what to do with it. Is this what exhausts me?
I'll be with this a bit. I know if I wait long enough, things will be different. On with the day.
Is there something that continuously doesn't feel happy on you? Is there something you want to do about it?
The tip of my fingers were numb even though I had hand warmers on. My cheeks were numb and tight. I can say my hands were not purple. However, I'm realizing that in this kind of weather, I do not allow myself to feel vibrant and alive. I want to feel shut down and closed off. I don't know a reason why.
I wonder what time of year my dad left. I'm going to ask him.
This cold, damp, and raw air doesn't feel happy on me. Is there a true reason for this or is it just how it is.
Exhaustion is setting in. I do not want it to. It is here.
There is this restless energy within me and I can't seem to capture it or know what to do with it. Is this what exhausts me?
I'll be with this a bit. I know if I wait long enough, things will be different. On with the day.
Is there something that continuously doesn't feel happy on you? Is there something you want to do about it?
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Winter
"I will be okay in all the upcoming winters. I deserve to be okay. I can enjoy the winter."
These are the words that came out of my mouth today. I haven't felt this, thought this and certainly have not said this in a very, very, very long time.
I am surprised that I was able to voice this. I'm not sure where or what part of me this came from. I'm not sure what it means for me.
I look forward to it being true for me.
When I first started this 'Winter' post, I forgot the words that I said during today's doctor's appointment. I only know I talked positively about the cold winter. As I wanted to share these with you, my mind went blank.
I received an e-mail forwarded from an old high school friend today (she became a very important part of my world although we haven't seen or talked with each other in a long time) that read "God is good. Change is coming. God saw your sadness and said hard times are over."
As I'm typing this, I realize that I received another e-mail, just today, (from a woman that I've only spent a few times with many moons ago and yet feel fully connected to her heart) that was a video of many different types and colors of flowers fully opening up with lovely background music. It felt like a loving gift to me.
Coincidence? I do not know. And, I can't make this stuff up!
I need to just leave this as is.
May you be experiencing joyfulness today.
Note: It took me over one hour to type this post. Never, ever have I felt more mind boggled.
These are the words that came out of my mouth today. I haven't felt this, thought this and certainly have not said this in a very, very, very long time.
I am surprised that I was able to voice this. I'm not sure where or what part of me this came from. I'm not sure what it means for me.
I look forward to it being true for me.
When I first started this 'Winter' post, I forgot the words that I said during today's doctor's appointment. I only know I talked positively about the cold winter. As I wanted to share these with you, my mind went blank.
I received an e-mail forwarded from an old high school friend today (she became a very important part of my world although we haven't seen or talked with each other in a long time) that read "God is good. Change is coming. God saw your sadness and said hard times are over."
As I'm typing this, I realize that I received another e-mail, just today, (from a woman that I've only spent a few times with many moons ago and yet feel fully connected to her heart) that was a video of many different types and colors of flowers fully opening up with lovely background music. It felt like a loving gift to me.
Coincidence? I do not know. And, I can't make this stuff up!
I need to just leave this as is.
May you be experiencing joyfulness today.
Note: It took me over one hour to type this post. Never, ever have I felt more mind boggled.
Vague and Confused
I heard on the Doctor satellite radio today that when we are feeling vague and/or confused about certain directions to take in any situation; instead of being fearful of this feeling; know that it's the brain's way of allowing and opening up for change and a better way.
So, in other words, do not run from the feeling; embrace the feeling.
I am trying to embrace whatever feelings, thoughts, emotions that are a part of me and allow and process them. I feel I've been doing this for a very long time. It has become somewhat easier; more natural.
I fought it longer than I've been doing it, however. I ran instead of allowing my true feelings and thoughts to come into play.
I am now totally out 'playing' the real me. There is an underlying peace with this for me.
May you allow any uncertainty you may have bring YOU out to play.
So, in other words, do not run from the feeling; embrace the feeling.
I am trying to embrace whatever feelings, thoughts, emotions that are a part of me and allow and process them. I feel I've been doing this for a very long time. It has become somewhat easier; more natural.
I fought it longer than I've been doing it, however. I ran instead of allowing my true feelings and thoughts to come into play.
I am now totally out 'playing' the real me. There is an underlying peace with this for me.
May you allow any uncertainty you may have bring YOU out to play.
Monday, October 24, 2011
State of Flux
I'm in a state of flux regarding a lot of different avenues of my life. My father; what to do or not to do to help ease his life. A career; am I ready to embark on one? Florida - what do I do this winter? My health - waiting to see if the cold affects me less this year because of the hormones and all the work I've done on myself.
I can say I haven't turned on my heat in my house and this is A BIG DEAL. As soon as it would hit below 60 deg. F outside, my heat would be on to take the chill out of my home. I'm not feeling the chill too much this season yet. In fact, I was outback with the dogs and catching the stray fish from the closed fish pond. It was 46 deg. F. I felt like a real wilderness woman! It felt quite invigorating.
So, I'm just watching as I engage in my day-to-day life of what is going to come from my relationship of my life in this world.
How exciting! How unknown! How interesting! How 'flux-ful' I feel. AND, I'm okay with being in this state of flux. I know it allows any possible dream to become a reality.
If you find yourself in a state of flux, may you know the greatness that can come out of it! Y O U.
Just Be U.
I can say I haven't turned on my heat in my house and this is A BIG DEAL. As soon as it would hit below 60 deg. F outside, my heat would be on to take the chill out of my home. I'm not feeling the chill too much this season yet. In fact, I was outback with the dogs and catching the stray fish from the closed fish pond. It was 46 deg. F. I felt like a real wilderness woman! It felt quite invigorating.
So, I'm just watching as I engage in my day-to-day life of what is going to come from my relationship of my life in this world.
How exciting! How unknown! How interesting! How 'flux-ful' I feel. AND, I'm okay with being in this state of flux. I know it allows any possible dream to become a reality.
If you find yourself in a state of flux, may you know the greatness that can come out of it! Y O U.
Just Be U.
Hopeful
Monday morning. 46 deg. A quiet calm in the yard. Dew on the grass. Pond fish just hanging low.
I'm hopeful that today is going to be a good day. I'm hopeful I am going to have energy and good things are going to happen in our world for each of us.
My hope is that we are knowing our truth, sharing our truth and living our truth.
We CAN come together and live moments of earnestness (seriousness in intention), awareness and collective strength dealing with our many issues of coping, great change and becoming a world of peace and happy abundance for all. We, if we want to, can relax into the excitement of life and may we know that we have each other to help us with our struggles and share our joys.
I am hopeful today that I can live/be this by just being my true self.
May you be earnest today being the greatest part of you; by just being the true you.
I'm hopeful that today is going to be a good day. I'm hopeful I am going to have energy and good things are going to happen in our world for each of us.
My hope is that we are knowing our truth, sharing our truth and living our truth.
We CAN come together and live moments of earnestness (seriousness in intention), awareness and collective strength dealing with our many issues of coping, great change and becoming a world of peace and happy abundance for all. We, if we want to, can relax into the excitement of life and may we know that we have each other to help us with our struggles and share our joys.
I am hopeful today that I can live/be this by just being my true self.
May you be earnest today being the greatest part of you; by just being the true you.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Prayer
Please allow me to embrace and enjoy participating in my life as it is now, today. Please show me how NOT to wait to meet a certain person; achieve a certain goal; or acquire a certain thing before I am ready to fully participate in my life and to know the joy of living today.
Today is what life is all about; it is what living is. There is nothing more nor nothing less than now. Now, as I am, I am living.
Even as I think of today as just another day, please let me know the beauty, the existence of connectedness, and the unhurried pleasure of being in my life as it is today.
Today will soon be tomorrow and it will be gone forever. Help me to embrace what is today.
Amen
My wish for you is that you are enveloping your life, as you are, today.
Today is what life is all about; it is what living is. There is nothing more nor nothing less than now. Now, as I am, I am living.
Even as I think of today as just another day, please let me know the beauty, the existence of connectedness, and the unhurried pleasure of being in my life as it is today.
Today will soon be tomorrow and it will be gone forever. Help me to embrace what is today.
Amen
My wish for you is that you are enveloping your life, as you are, today.
Mark Nepo Suggests
"Breathe deeply, and meditate on what is oldest in you." .....
My answer is knowing there is a 'greatness' here inside of me.
May I reiterate the great poet; (who is becoming such a presence at BeU)
"What is oldest in you?"
Mark Nepo, Thank you for the presence of your words. You are indeed a 'present' to me and the world.
My answer is knowing there is a 'greatness' here inside of me.
May I reiterate the great poet; (who is becoming such a presence at BeU)
"What is oldest in you?"
Mark Nepo, Thank you for the presence of your words. You are indeed a 'present' to me and the world.
Beautiful Explanation of Grief
Again, I open "The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have" by Mark Nepo and it touches me exactly where I need it to. Amazing.
"I've learned that grief can be a slow ache that never seems to stop rising, yet as we grieve, those we love mysteriously become more and more a part of who we are. In this way, grief is yet another song the heart must sing to open the gate of all there is. In truth, there is a small one who suffers in each of us, an angel trying to grow wings in the dark, and as this angel learns how to sing, we lose the urge to hide. Indeed, when one heart speaks, all hearts fly. This is what it means to be great-to speak what feels unspeakable and have it release what waits in us all." Mark Nepo
Thank you, again, Mr. Mark Nepo. Eloquence and Brilliance
My hope is that you are one with your greatness today.
Dew on a Dandelion...Artist Unknown
"I've learned that grief can be a slow ache that never seems to stop rising, yet as we grieve, those we love mysteriously become more and more a part of who we are. In this way, grief is yet another song the heart must sing to open the gate of all there is. In truth, there is a small one who suffers in each of us, an angel trying to grow wings in the dark, and as this angel learns how to sing, we lose the urge to hide. Indeed, when one heart speaks, all hearts fly. This is what it means to be great-to speak what feels unspeakable and have it release what waits in us all." Mark Nepo
Thank you, again, Mr. Mark Nepo. Eloquence and Brilliance
My hope is that you are one with your greatness today.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Do I
Do I let things get to me or do they just get to me?
My Pekingnese, who had back surgery, is climbing onto the very top pile of wood out back to check to see where the squirrel went up in a tree.
My Aussie is barking because that's what some dogs do and he is getting old and cannot move as easily, so when he gets excited he barks instead of runs.
I dropped my can of hair spray and somehow a hole was punctured into it's side and the contents under pressure flew out all over everything.
My fish pond is being closed for the winter and they have a light tarp on top to catch the leaves but it is not secured and I worry that the fish will get caught in it and not do well.
It is down to 48 degrees.
I often can just stop and laugh and take alot of it in stride. This morning, no can do.
I'm pretty miserable and on edge.
Am I choosing to feel this way; allowing myself to feel this way. Am I caught up in an old habit of response.
It certainly doesn't feel good inside my body.
Is this life taking over me instead of me taking over my life. Is this just what it is and one hour from now (or less) none of this will matter.
So many options.
Perhaps, I will choose to just go on to the next thing and breathe and let it all pass; since, in reality, it is behind me already anyway!
How do you deal with life's little nuances? How does it feel inside of you?
My Pekingnese, who had back surgery, is climbing onto the very top pile of wood out back to check to see where the squirrel went up in a tree.
My Aussie is barking because that's what some dogs do and he is getting old and cannot move as easily, so when he gets excited he barks instead of runs.
I dropped my can of hair spray and somehow a hole was punctured into it's side and the contents under pressure flew out all over everything.
My fish pond is being closed for the winter and they have a light tarp on top to catch the leaves but it is not secured and I worry that the fish will get caught in it and not do well.
It is down to 48 degrees.
I often can just stop and laugh and take alot of it in stride. This morning, no can do.
I'm pretty miserable and on edge.
Am I choosing to feel this way; allowing myself to feel this way. Am I caught up in an old habit of response.
It certainly doesn't feel good inside my body.
Is this life taking over me instead of me taking over my life. Is this just what it is and one hour from now (or less) none of this will matter.
So many options.
Perhaps, I will choose to just go on to the next thing and breathe and let it all pass; since, in reality, it is behind me already anyway!
How do you deal with life's little nuances? How does it feel inside of you?
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Would U Like To...
Would you want to be your children and would you like you as your parent?
Would you want to be your spouse and would you like you as your spouse/significant other?
Would you like to be your parents and would you like you as your child?
Would you want to be your friends and would you like you as a friend?
Would you like to be your sibling and would you like you as a sibling?
Would you like to be your co-worker and would you like you to work with?
Would you like to spend the rest of your life with yourself... because this is the only choice we have!
What do you want yourself to look, feel and be like to have a great life with yourself? Mmmmm
Would you want to be your spouse and would you like you as your spouse/significant other?
Would you like to be your parents and would you like you as your child?
Would you want to be your friends and would you like you as a friend?
Would you like to be your sibling and would you like you as a sibling?
Would you like to be your co-worker and would you like you to work with?
Would you like to spend the rest of your life with yourself... because this is the only choice we have!
What do you want yourself to look, feel and be like to have a great life with yourself? Mmmmm
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Not Certain
I'm not certain where I'm at just now. I think I might just be buried in grief; the grieving process.
Someone professional suggested to me that I'm grieving my old self; that as I'm creating this next chapter of my life, I am grieving letting go of the old one... Maybe.
I have friends that are struggling. I try to help. Some, maybe, are not ready for help. I grieve this.
My father turning frail and needing help. Me, not being sure how much I can/want to help him and, surely, I do not want to be in this position. However, this is where I am at. This saddens me greatly.
I am finding that during this time, I am also reminded of my childhood. Thoughts just keep popping up of things long forgotten.
My mind is quiet from alot of different voices. This is the nice part. I truly don't know if I'm numb or if I'm accepting. Probably both.
However, I am grieving.
Grief (dictionary.com)
keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.
Someone professional suggested to me that I'm grieving my old self; that as I'm creating this next chapter of my life, I am grieving letting go of the old one... Maybe.
I have friends that are struggling. I try to help. Some, maybe, are not ready for help. I grieve this.
My father turning frail and needing help. Me, not being sure how much I can/want to help him and, surely, I do not want to be in this position. However, this is where I am at. This saddens me greatly.
I am finding that during this time, I am also reminded of my childhood. Thoughts just keep popping up of things long forgotten.
My mind is quiet from alot of different voices. This is the nice part. I truly don't know if I'm numb or if I'm accepting. Probably both.
However, I am grieving.
Grief (dictionary.com)
keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.
a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow
May we all learn how to let go of what doesn't work for us any longer and create what does work brilliantly.
May we all learn how to let go of what doesn't work for us any longer and create what does work brilliantly.
My brilliant daughter took this brilliant picture.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Just Hanging with What Is
I'm here just living and doing my thing with what is in front of me. I feel like I'm in a whirlwind of change and it's hard to grasp or take hold and go with it.
There is excitement in the air and, with it, there is chaos, uncertainty and the unknown.
I'm just participating in my life and laughing, feeling, crying and just about everything in between.
I'm experiencing life. I'm trying to stay in the moment and not let my brain take me anywhere else but right here where I am now.
It is not easy; it is not impossible.
There is a 'charge' in the air that I reside in and I know that anything is possible. I'm holding on tight and want to allow what is to flow. I want to let go and just be involved in everything around me.
Do I dare?
Do you dare to let go and just live in the life that is yours; without questions...even if only for today?
LIVE WHAT IS.
There is excitement in the air and, with it, there is chaos, uncertainty and the unknown.
I'm just participating in my life and laughing, feeling, crying and just about everything in between.
I'm experiencing life. I'm trying to stay in the moment and not let my brain take me anywhere else but right here where I am now.
It is not easy; it is not impossible.
There is a 'charge' in the air that I reside in and I know that anything is possible. I'm holding on tight and want to allow what is to flow. I want to let go and just be involved in everything around me.
Do I dare?
Do you dare to let go and just live in the life that is yours; without questions...even if only for today?
LIVE WHAT IS.
Outside a Resident Development in LaQuinta, CA
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Getting Cooler
The temperatures are dropping here in the Northeast United States area. Autumn is here and Winter is right behind.
I FEEL IT. Again, probably for the 31st year in a row, I ask myself..."Can the colder weather actually affect me so negatively?" "It doesn't make sense."
And, yet, I experience this every Fall.
Mmmmmm. This human experience is interesting. Interesting is one word for it.
What 'word' are you experiencing today?
I FEEL IT. Again, probably for the 31st year in a row, I ask myself..."Can the colder weather actually affect me so negatively?" "It doesn't make sense."
And, yet, I experience this every Fall.
Mmmmmm. This human experience is interesting. Interesting is one word for it.
What 'word' are you experiencing today?
Chores
When I am away from my home, I feel alive, happy and loved. I want to get out of bed and get up and 'do the day'.
When I am home; I am wondering what I am telling myself that makes me feel sad, depressed and alone.
Is it because I never stayed home as a child. I never had a loving, 'together', relaxed family atmosphere.
Is it just a long, endured, learned habit to be out and about doing and being.
Can I learn to do and be BETTER at my adult home.
It's a lovely home. I have everything I could possibly want and need. All I see is work; what feels like a huge chore.
Can I learn to have clients here in the gym, aerobic, yoga, massage, sauna area? Can I learn to feel alive here again?
The first several years (maybe 10) of clearing the land, having the house designed and built, getting it up and running was a real joy for me. We had parties, fun, celebrations all the time. Somehow, I have let it turn into more of a burden than a joy the last 2 years or so.
Is it since we sold our Florida escape home? It was nice being in Pennsylvania 6 months and Florida for 6 months. When I got 'tired' with one life, it seemed I could go on with the other. Yet, not having deep roots any one place was sometimes difficult. I am realizing that I have lived all of my life this way. As a teen, driving around so I didn't have to go home. In my 20s, running to the shore, to a rental property, every weekend during the summers. Living at the shore but working 80 miles (one way) away 5 days a week. In my 30's, relocating back and forth from the New Jersey shore to Valley Forge, Pennsylvania and living in a condo while building a home for more than one year. In my 40's, owning and taking care of four homes - 2 rental properties and 2 of my own homes, each having one in Pennsylvania and one in Florida. Now, in my 50's, I have one pretty big home in Pennsylvania and no where to run to. Mmmmm. Do I dare settle down and grow roots somewhere? Do I know how? Do I want to know how?
This facing what is and owning what I do and am is no small, nor fun, feat. I'm just sayin.
What does Dr. Phil say, 'if you don't acknowledge it, you can't change it'. Oh, it is so not fun to really look at and acknowledge alot of things!
Ok. I acknowledged where I am today. Now, to the changing part..... (I do not feel different yet!)
Where do you feel most alive, happy and loved? May you have it each and every day; if only for moments.
When I am home; I am wondering what I am telling myself that makes me feel sad, depressed and alone.
Is it because I never stayed home as a child. I never had a loving, 'together', relaxed family atmosphere.
Is it just a long, endured, learned habit to be out and about doing and being.
Can I learn to do and be BETTER at my adult home.
It's a lovely home. I have everything I could possibly want and need. All I see is work; what feels like a huge chore.
Can I learn to have clients here in the gym, aerobic, yoga, massage, sauna area? Can I learn to feel alive here again?
The first several years (maybe 10) of clearing the land, having the house designed and built, getting it up and running was a real joy for me. We had parties, fun, celebrations all the time. Somehow, I have let it turn into more of a burden than a joy the last 2 years or so.
Is it since we sold our Florida escape home? It was nice being in Pennsylvania 6 months and Florida for 6 months. When I got 'tired' with one life, it seemed I could go on with the other. Yet, not having deep roots any one place was sometimes difficult. I am realizing that I have lived all of my life this way. As a teen, driving around so I didn't have to go home. In my 20s, running to the shore, to a rental property, every weekend during the summers. Living at the shore but working 80 miles (one way) away 5 days a week. In my 30's, relocating back and forth from the New Jersey shore to Valley Forge, Pennsylvania and living in a condo while building a home for more than one year. In my 40's, owning and taking care of four homes - 2 rental properties and 2 of my own homes, each having one in Pennsylvania and one in Florida. Now, in my 50's, I have one pretty big home in Pennsylvania and no where to run to. Mmmmm. Do I dare settle down and grow roots somewhere? Do I know how? Do I want to know how?
This facing what is and owning what I do and am is no small, nor fun, feat. I'm just sayin.
What does Dr. Phil say, 'if you don't acknowledge it, you can't change it'. Oh, it is so not fun to really look at and acknowledge alot of things!
Ok. I acknowledged where I am today. Now, to the changing part..... (I do not feel different yet!)
Where do you feel most alive, happy and loved? May you have it each and every day; if only for moments.
Conference
I don't know why I am so hesitant to write about the actual conference. I took wonderful Mind/Body Connection classes; TaiChi classes; Emotion through Movement; I walked the Labyrinth. I enjoyed a Spa for the Soul class; Brain/Body Movement Class; Pilates Mat Class and many more.
I now realize I was hesitant because I didn't pretend like I was like everyone else. I brought my complete awareness of my true self (probably for the first conference ever) with me.
There were mostly professional fitness instructors and coaches. People that exercise daily and teach others and encourage others to do the same. I felt 'less' because I came more from an inner search of oneself and not from a place to learn more to bring back to my clients as I have from way back.
This owning who I am completely, in this type of atmosphere, was quite interesting and brought a new plane of existence to myself. One I'd rather not claim as my own, yet, it is my own. I did claim all of me and life went on. And, it went on brilliantly. Ohhhhhh! eye opener!
My resistance to claim what is true for me emerged and still emerges apparently. So, as I move forward with all of me - life can only teach me more and I am open to learning. I am open to release as much of this resistance of accepting myself with scleroderma as I am able. Step by step I suppose.
It's a whole new 'game' for me. I've had it for 30 years, guess it's time to play it for real. I always thought if I accepted it, it would take me over; it would win. I now (for the most part) believe that by not accepting it, I wasn't totally accepting myself. Learning....gotta love it!
Is there something you have been resisting (admitting, learning, acknowledging, or dealing with) the truth about that has been staring you right in the face for a long time? Are you ready to own all of your truth?
You have greatness regardless; we are born with it.
Cute Sign in LaQuinta California, lol
I now realize I was hesitant because I didn't pretend like I was like everyone else. I brought my complete awareness of my true self (probably for the first conference ever) with me.
There were mostly professional fitness instructors and coaches. People that exercise daily and teach others and encourage others to do the same. I felt 'less' because I came more from an inner search of oneself and not from a place to learn more to bring back to my clients as I have from way back.
This owning who I am completely, in this type of atmosphere, was quite interesting and brought a new plane of existence to myself. One I'd rather not claim as my own, yet, it is my own. I did claim all of me and life went on. And, it went on brilliantly. Ohhhhhh! eye opener!
My resistance to claim what is true for me emerged and still emerges apparently. So, as I move forward with all of me - life can only teach me more and I am open to learning. I am open to release as much of this resistance of accepting myself with scleroderma as I am able. Step by step I suppose.
It's a whole new 'game' for me. I've had it for 30 years, guess it's time to play it for real. I always thought if I accepted it, it would take me over; it would win. I now (for the most part) believe that by not accepting it, I wasn't totally accepting myself. Learning....gotta love it!
Is there something you have been resisting (admitting, learning, acknowledging, or dealing with) the truth about that has been staring you right in the face for a long time? Are you ready to own all of your truth?
You have greatness regardless; we are born with it.
Conference
I've been thinking about this conference that I attended. It is the same one I've been attending yearly for 6 consecutive years. This is the first year I brought my disease with me, so to speak.
I was true to who I am. It brought greatness in the form of sharing all of me with the people I came in contact with and learned alot about others and enjoyed meeting them and spending time with them. It brought despair in the form of having to leave one class because I was unable to manage the moves (bow and arrow movement with fingers sticking up--I felt I stuck out like a 'sore thumb' - ha) and the room was so cold my hands were purple. Also, it was cool in San Diego and some of it was outside and in the morning at 6:30 it was 54 degrees F and I was unable to participate comfortably.
So, I stayed aware of and accepted my limitations. I showed all of me to whomever I shared myself with and I survived and can say, for the most part, that I was true to myself. There was one class where we were hitting a stick against each other's stick (as in a battle) and it would have been better for me not to do this one; I wasn't true for this moment and at the end of this class I shared that my energy level was not on (what I perceived) was as high as everyone elses' playing level. In the classes that people were clapping while exercising I was a little off because I can't clap easily; however, I persevered. All in all, I am glad I went; I had great fun; felt I was 'home' and learned and experienced new things. I love learning and experiencing new things!
I have a hard time admitting to myself how I do have this disability and I am hindered some in such a physical professional field. However, it could be much, much worse and I am grateful for what I can do. Very grateful.
What are you grateful for today?
San Diego, California Sunset
I was true to who I am. It brought greatness in the form of sharing all of me with the people I came in contact with and learned alot about others and enjoyed meeting them and spending time with them. It brought despair in the form of having to leave one class because I was unable to manage the moves (bow and arrow movement with fingers sticking up--I felt I stuck out like a 'sore thumb' - ha) and the room was so cold my hands were purple. Also, it was cool in San Diego and some of it was outside and in the morning at 6:30 it was 54 degrees F and I was unable to participate comfortably.
So, I stayed aware of and accepted my limitations. I showed all of me to whomever I shared myself with and I survived and can say, for the most part, that I was true to myself. There was one class where we were hitting a stick against each other's stick (as in a battle) and it would have been better for me not to do this one; I wasn't true for this moment and at the end of this class I shared that my energy level was not on (what I perceived) was as high as everyone elses' playing level. In the classes that people were clapping while exercising I was a little off because I can't clap easily; however, I persevered. All in all, I am glad I went; I had great fun; felt I was 'home' and learned and experienced new things. I love learning and experiencing new things!
I have a hard time admitting to myself how I do have this disability and I am hindered some in such a physical professional field. However, it could be much, much worse and I am grateful for what I can do. Very grateful.
What are you grateful for today?
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Stuck
I have nothing. I'm home from a fabulous trip. I took fabulous courses. I moved my body all day, every day. I loved it.
Now, I'm home and I want to keep moving and the habit of just hanging around, being with the dogs, seeing what everyone else is doing has taken me again. I've allowed it. How easily I fell back into my routine here.
I know I have to make a conscious effort to change things up. I know only I can do this. I know the only way to do this is to do this.
Why am I resistant? Old habits die hard? Lazy? Easier to just let things lie?
I feel alive when I move and surround myself with people. I am scared I won't be able. I'm not scared that I won't be good at it. I will be. What if I start something and my health doesn't allow me to follow through once I commit?
Oh, how scary I'm making it. If I start working and cannot do it; then I stop, yes? BUT, what if I start and it allows my health to be better. Now, I'm talking.
Step by step. Baby steps are allowed. I want to get/do/be what I want. I can do this. I can make the change to create more life, happiness, success and even pride of myself again. I can have a career again. It's time.
Dang, why am I so afraid then. Is this again about -- what I want the most in my life can sometimes be the scariest thing to do in my life?
I say bring it on. I'm ready. I can do this.
What are you afraid of that you want real bad? Do you dare to go after it?
We won't know unless we try.
Now, I'm home and I want to keep moving and the habit of just hanging around, being with the dogs, seeing what everyone else is doing has taken me again. I've allowed it. How easily I fell back into my routine here.
I know I have to make a conscious effort to change things up. I know only I can do this. I know the only way to do this is to do this.
Why am I resistant? Old habits die hard? Lazy? Easier to just let things lie?
I feel alive when I move and surround myself with people. I am scared I won't be able. I'm not scared that I won't be good at it. I will be. What if I start something and my health doesn't allow me to follow through once I commit?
Oh, how scary I'm making it. If I start working and cannot do it; then I stop, yes? BUT, what if I start and it allows my health to be better. Now, I'm talking.
Step by step. Baby steps are allowed. I want to get/do/be what I want. I can do this. I can make the change to create more life, happiness, success and even pride of myself again. I can have a career again. It's time.
Dang, why am I so afraid then. Is this again about -- what I want the most in my life can sometimes be the scariest thing to do in my life?
I say bring it on. I'm ready. I can do this.
What are you afraid of that you want real bad? Do you dare to go after it?
We won't know unless we try.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Time for New Roads
I am seeing alot of turmoil in many people's lives currently; including my own.
I believe that this is a great opportunity to live as I am and as I see fit for me. The old roads are more bumpy than they used to be. There seems to be more detours than usual for many of us.
I wish I had encouraging words of wisdom to say and to help us through these changing times. The unknown can be a scary place. And, the unknown can allow us to create anything that we can dream and/or conjure up.
As I move forward into this greatly changing and sometimes challenging world, I'd like to believe in myself, in my truth and in my relationships with others. I know great people. I know anything is possible.
May the possible come to you today as you venture out beyond what you know. May you trust that you are enough just by being who you truly are.
Morgan's Restaurant at LaQuinta Resort in California
I believe that this is a great opportunity to live as I am and as I see fit for me. The old roads are more bumpy than they used to be. There seems to be more detours than usual for many of us.
I wish I had encouraging words of wisdom to say and to help us through these changing times. The unknown can be a scary place. And, the unknown can allow us to create anything that we can dream and/or conjure up.
As I move forward into this greatly changing and sometimes challenging world, I'd like to believe in myself, in my truth and in my relationships with others. I know great people. I know anything is possible.
May the possible come to you today as you venture out beyond what you know. May you trust that you are enough just by being who you truly are.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Drive
Just drove around LaQuinta, CA, in a convertible for a couple of hours, and checked out the sights. It is beautiful to me. With flowers, palms, cacti, mountains, hummingbirds, roadrunners, and heat; nature is quite spectacular and abundant here.
I'm grateful I am able to 'just be' and enjoy and take it all in.
My wish for you is that you are 'taking something in' that you totally enjoy today!
I'm grateful I am able to 'just be' and enjoy and take it all in.
My wish for you is that you are 'taking something in' that you totally enjoy today!
Home from CA
I'm home in Pennsylvania, USA today. The weather is quite different than the sunny weather out west. The trees have started to change into the beautiful, colorful display of fall. Orange, red, yellow and the summer green is bursting forth all around me. I love this time of year. Soon, there will not be any green left in the leaves and they will start to fall.
I don't like what it means...winter (little sun and very cold temperatures); but today it is glorious. The colors help me to feel like I'm walking through a portrait of magnificent life energy where anything is possible. The array of color is breathtaking and alive.
I've come home to some 'dad' issues. How involved do I want to get; how involved can I get. Not having him in most of my life and now with his health failing; do I force myself more into his life or do I let things be. The only word that comes to mind when I think of this life situation is unfathomable. I'll carry on; of this, I am sure.
My dogs were happy to see me. It is like I never left. My cats greeted me as well; also, the birds were singing happily this morning. I have one lovebird who is 18 years old and still brings me great joy.
I had a very interesting time at the grocery store. There was a lady two people in front of me checking out with what seemed like a thousand coupons. There was, yet, another lady right in front of me that decided she only wanted to spend $1 of her $2.48 credit on a box of tissues. I kid you not; I was in the checkout line for 40+ minutes before it was my turn with only these two ladies ahead of me; each with very small orders. I thought there must be a camera on me to see how one would react to such a trial. I don't know what to take away from this, but I talked my way through it finding out the first lady saved $81 on her bill and the second lady was so mad by the time she had her turn; I think, maybe, this is why she came up with only using $1 instead of the whole $2.48 on her one box of tissues. At the end of me checking out, the cashier handed me a card to write in online to give her a free lunch on the grocery store. At first, I thought it was a free lunch for me. After looking at it twice, I realized that was not the case. What a weirdo thing! I went with it and let it go.... or let it go enough not to know anger over it anyway. I had to have been 'punked' even though no one ever came out to say it. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.
So, I'm back and settling in and hope to get my pictures up and working and be better at sharing myself once again.
I feel subdued and quiet as I find where I'm heading on from here.
I feel like I'm just sitting in this body of mine with acceptance, excitement, bit of fear and wonder. I'd like to start implementing a plan. Perhaps, I could have done this while I was in the grocery line! LOL
What is your biggest emotion today and is it helpful or hurtful; or maybe somewhere in between? How are you reacting to it? Do you want to keep it or change it?
Maybe, for just this moment, it is best to just let it be... Only YOU know.
I don't like what it means...winter (little sun and very cold temperatures); but today it is glorious. The colors help me to feel like I'm walking through a portrait of magnificent life energy where anything is possible. The array of color is breathtaking and alive.
I've come home to some 'dad' issues. How involved do I want to get; how involved can I get. Not having him in most of my life and now with his health failing; do I force myself more into his life or do I let things be. The only word that comes to mind when I think of this life situation is unfathomable. I'll carry on; of this, I am sure.
My dogs were happy to see me. It is like I never left. My cats greeted me as well; also, the birds were singing happily this morning. I have one lovebird who is 18 years old and still brings me great joy.
I had a very interesting time at the grocery store. There was a lady two people in front of me checking out with what seemed like a thousand coupons. There was, yet, another lady right in front of me that decided she only wanted to spend $1 of her $2.48 credit on a box of tissues. I kid you not; I was in the checkout line for 40+ minutes before it was my turn with only these two ladies ahead of me; each with very small orders. I thought there must be a camera on me to see how one would react to such a trial. I don't know what to take away from this, but I talked my way through it finding out the first lady saved $81 on her bill and the second lady was so mad by the time she had her turn; I think, maybe, this is why she came up with only using $1 instead of the whole $2.48 on her one box of tissues. At the end of me checking out, the cashier handed me a card to write in online to give her a free lunch on the grocery store. At first, I thought it was a free lunch for me. After looking at it twice, I realized that was not the case. What a weirdo thing! I went with it and let it go.... or let it go enough not to know anger over it anyway. I had to have been 'punked' even though no one ever came out to say it. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.
So, I'm back and settling in and hope to get my pictures up and working and be better at sharing myself once again.
I feel subdued and quiet as I find where I'm heading on from here.
I feel like I'm just sitting in this body of mine with acceptance, excitement, bit of fear and wonder. I'd like to start implementing a plan. Perhaps, I could have done this while I was in the grocery line! LOL
What is your biggest emotion today and is it helpful or hurtful; or maybe somewhere in between? How are you reacting to it? Do you want to keep it or change it?
Maybe, for just this moment, it is best to just let it be... Only YOU know.
Thank You
Thank you for visiting my blog. My goal has always been to reach out to help others while I write about finding me.
It is amazing to me how much I have learned about myself and how much change, through owning my truth, I have experienced.
I 'heard' myself stating facts that I wasn't consciously aware of. I 'saw' myself saying the same thing more than once and not realizing I was thinking the same thing again and again.
I have brought me to the surface of myself with help from blogging. I have learned that there is great peace in being true to oneself and sharing this self with others.
I want to thank all the people from the United States, Netherlands, Russia, Romania, Italy, Poland, Indonesia, Portugal, Canada, Singapore, United Kingdom and all the other countries that have, from time to time, visited my blog.
I truly hope that, perhaps, at least one post of mine sparked something in you that has helped you connect to the inner most you. My wish for you is that you choose to continue to connect to the true beauty of you and show up in your world each and every day.
My wish for the world is that we connect, allow, and share each other's beauty of our true selves more and more each day.
I believe the power in this might just be beyond our imagination!
It is amazing to me how much I have learned about myself and how much change, through owning my truth, I have experienced.
I 'heard' myself stating facts that I wasn't consciously aware of. I 'saw' myself saying the same thing more than once and not realizing I was thinking the same thing again and again.
I have brought me to the surface of myself with help from blogging. I have learned that there is great peace in being true to oneself and sharing this self with others.
I want to thank all the people from the United States, Netherlands, Russia, Romania, Italy, Poland, Indonesia, Portugal, Canada, Singapore, United Kingdom and all the other countries that have, from time to time, visited my blog.
I truly hope that, perhaps, at least one post of mine sparked something in you that has helped you connect to the inner most you. My wish for you is that you choose to continue to connect to the true beauty of you and show up in your world each and every day.
My wish for the world is that we connect, allow, and share each other's beauty of our true selves more and more each day.
I believe the power in this might just be beyond our imagination!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
2nd Leg of Trip
I'm still in California and the weather here in the LaQuinta desert is quite nice. High was 90, it is now 75 degrees Fahrenheit at 8:30 p.m. It is comfortable for me. I love it.
The Mind, Body, Fitness Inner IDEA Conference in SanDiego was fun, exhilarating, and enlightening. To be at a conference where they encourage participants to be as much of themselves as they can be is quite wonderful and feels like 'home' to me.
I can't wait for our world to insist on this for each and everyone of us. I believe we are on this path (even if we choose not to be) and it is not the easiest of paths for alot of us. I feel alot of us are in some kind of transition whether chosen or forced. However, I'm hoping that we find ourselves open and honest and explore more often where we are; what we feel; and how we do things AND what works and doesn't for ourselves.
I'm finding my blogging isn't coming as natural for me currently. It's probably because I'm in a hotel room with my husband and I am used to blogging without TV, without interruption, and without anyone around but my dogs. I am grateful that my husband did come this year. With our daughter almost 17, it is time for us to learn how to be alone, together, again. (This is a whole different topic.)
It's interesting how habits, for me, can be hard to change. How, naturally, what I've known and done wants to keep happening whether it is good for me or not. How changing it up at all takes complete focus and determination.
Good news is, if I want a new habit, I can create it. Bad news is, I have to focus to do different. I have to make a conscious effort. It doesn't usually come just because I want it to or think about it.
I guess this is where I say change doesn't happen until I change something.
If I want to eat better, exercise more, live fuller, create a new habit; I cannot just say it. I have to choose to actually make a plan, be aware and incorporate it.
What is your body asking of you today? Do you want to change something about the way you are doing something even if just for the day?
The Mind, Body, Fitness Inner IDEA Conference in SanDiego was fun, exhilarating, and enlightening. To be at a conference where they encourage participants to be as much of themselves as they can be is quite wonderful and feels like 'home' to me.
I can't wait for our world to insist on this for each and everyone of us. I believe we are on this path (even if we choose not to be) and it is not the easiest of paths for alot of us. I feel alot of us are in some kind of transition whether chosen or forced. However, I'm hoping that we find ourselves open and honest and explore more often where we are; what we feel; and how we do things AND what works and doesn't for ourselves.
I'm finding my blogging isn't coming as natural for me currently. It's probably because I'm in a hotel room with my husband and I am used to blogging without TV, without interruption, and without anyone around but my dogs. I am grateful that my husband did come this year. With our daughter almost 17, it is time for us to learn how to be alone, together, again. (This is a whole different topic.)
It's interesting how habits, for me, can be hard to change. How, naturally, what I've known and done wants to keep happening whether it is good for me or not. How changing it up at all takes complete focus and determination.
Good news is, if I want a new habit, I can create it. Bad news is, I have to focus to do different. I have to make a conscious effort. It doesn't usually come just because I want it to or think about it.
I guess this is where I say change doesn't happen until I change something.
If I want to eat better, exercise more, live fuller, create a new habit; I cannot just say it. I have to choose to actually make a plan, be aware and incorporate it.
What is your body asking of you today? Do you want to change something about the way you are doing something even if just for the day?
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Don't Should
"Don't 'Should' on Yourself." (Anonymous)
If you hear yourself saying you should or shouldn't do something, or
you should or shouldn't feel a certain way;
can you ask yourself "Who says?.."
How does a 'should/shouldn't' thought make you feel?
If you hear yourself saying you should or shouldn't do something, or
you should or shouldn't feel a certain way;
can you ask yourself "Who says?.."
How does a 'should/shouldn't' thought make you feel?
Observation
"Observation is action." Anonymous
Can you choose to take 30 seconds (or more) to sit here and observe your breath AND how you feel in your body as you sit here right now in this moment?
Where is there tension in your body? Are you sitting evenly or lopsided? Are you feet flat on the floor or elsewhere? Are you shoulders relaxed? Are you breathing all the way into your belly? Are you breathing through your nose or your mouth? Is your jaw clenched or relaxed?
Mmmmmm.
Can you choose to take 30 seconds (or more) to sit here and observe your breath AND how you feel in your body as you sit here right now in this moment?
Where is there tension in your body? Are you sitting evenly or lopsided? Are you feet flat on the floor or elsewhere? Are you shoulders relaxed? Are you breathing all the way into your belly? Are you breathing through your nose or your mouth? Is your jaw clenched or relaxed?
Mmmmmm.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
No Easy Access
I am in CA for the week. I do not have easy access to the internet here at the hotel. I'm taking wonderful classes of Tai Chi, Yoga, Pilates, Meditation and Drumming.
It is a hectic schedule and I love this stuff!
I'll be writing more in a few days. I'm wanting to share some stories.
May you be totally be aware of the stories that you are living!
It is a hectic schedule and I love this stuff!
I'll be writing more in a few days. I'm wanting to share some stories.
May you be totally be aware of the stories that you are living!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Where I'm At
I made it to California. In San Diego, where I am, I see it as many, many people with beautiful mountains, the wonderful ocean and parks and alot of professionals. Very congested, and with much diverse beauty.
The time change of 3 hours is interesting. My body thinks it is 8 pm. Here in CA, it is 5 pm. The sun in shining on me and the air is cool. There are jets flying across the sky fast, strong and loud. Their is beauty in this. May be MIGs, may be I don't know what I'm talking about! (after research I learned a MIG is a Russian jet; in United States they may be called fighter jets (I'd rather just think of them as fast and strong!))
The flight over was nice and easy. 6 hours.
I was lucky to have a massage this morning and what came to my mind during this time was "Silly Putty". It felt like silly putty was on the inside of the base of my head, blocking my life force; burying my cranial sacral pulse. I don't know if you know what silly putty is, but as a child I would put this very thick, heavy, soft and pliable claylike substance on a newspaper article and the imprint would come up on the silly putty. I knew this was telling me that my own 'imprint' was standing by to incorporate change. To me, this meant, my cells, et al have an imprint on how I process and live out information. I am now allowing a new imprint to embody my body, mind and spirit. Me, myself and I are ready to 'play' differently in many aspects of my life.
The authentic me - The me without many masks or without harshly judging my own inner knowing. To just let 'me' flow - the accepting me.
My open minded masseuse thanked me for the session and showed much gratefulness. In her doing this, I feel it truly helped me to take and trust my new imprint through love and to live on and move forward in owning my truth openly and fearlessly.
I will be glad when I don't get exhausted from doing this work and, instead, get energized while allowing it to feel like play.
If you had an imprint on how you process and live information through your own inner knowing, is it the imprint that works best for you?
The good and bad news is you are the only one that can change your own imprint.
The time change of 3 hours is interesting. My body thinks it is 8 pm. Here in CA, it is 5 pm. The sun in shining on me and the air is cool. There are jets flying across the sky fast, strong and loud. Their is beauty in this. May be MIGs, may be I don't know what I'm talking about! (after research I learned a MIG is a Russian jet; in United States they may be called fighter jets (I'd rather just think of them as fast and strong!))
The flight over was nice and easy. 6 hours.
I was lucky to have a massage this morning and what came to my mind during this time was "Silly Putty". It felt like silly putty was on the inside of the base of my head, blocking my life force; burying my cranial sacral pulse. I don't know if you know what silly putty is, but as a child I would put this very thick, heavy, soft and pliable claylike substance on a newspaper article and the imprint would come up on the silly putty. I knew this was telling me that my own 'imprint' was standing by to incorporate change. To me, this meant, my cells, et al have an imprint on how I process and live out information. I am now allowing a new imprint to embody my body, mind and spirit. Me, myself and I are ready to 'play' differently in many aspects of my life.
The authentic me - The me without many masks or without harshly judging my own inner knowing. To just let 'me' flow - the accepting me.
My open minded masseuse thanked me for the session and showed much gratefulness. In her doing this, I feel it truly helped me to take and trust my new imprint through love and to live on and move forward in owning my truth openly and fearlessly.
I will be glad when I don't get exhausted from doing this work and, instead, get energized while allowing it to feel like play.
If you had an imprint on how you process and live information through your own inner knowing, is it the imprint that works best for you?
The good and bad news is you are the only one that can change your own imprint.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Me, Myself and I
I keep hearing myself tell myself that I am going to this conference as me, myself and I. That's all. Please help me, Jesus.
I hope I don't scare people.
No masks.
I'm interested to see where I end up.
What would you, yourself and U feel like/look like/be like, in all your glory,...and nothing else?
I hope I don't scare people.
No masks.
I'm interested to see where I end up.
What would you, yourself and U feel like/look like/be like, in all your glory,...and nothing else?
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Leaving for CA Tomorrow
I'm heading out. Excited to see the world with this new me! Scared too.
What a day I had today. I was bombarded with many emotional situations. I learned so much about myself again.
I am happily exhausted.
May you know, that if you are having a stressful moment, there just may be information available for you to learn and to grow at this time. May you trust where your inside knowing is leading you. May you listen and hear.
What a day I had today. I was bombarded with many emotional situations. I learned so much about myself again.
I am happily exhausted.
May you know, that if you are having a stressful moment, there just may be information available for you to learn and to grow at this time. May you trust where your inside knowing is leading you. May you listen and hear.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Blessings
A wonderful and brilliant woman told me about the book "My Grandfather's Blessings" by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.
Below is an excerpt from this book that I'd like to share with you.
""That is how it feels to me," he told me. "I am always tuning my orchestra. Somewhere deep inside there is a sound that is mine alone, and I struggle daily to hear it and tune my life to it. Sometimes there are people and situations that help me to hear my note more clearly; other times, people and situations make it harder for me to hear. A lot depends on my commitment to listening and my intention to stay coherent with this note. It is only when my life is tuned to my note that I can play life's mysterious and holy music without tainting it with my own discordance, my own bitterness, resentment, agendas, and fears.""
"Deep inside, our integrity sings to us whether we are listening or not. It is a note that only we can hear. Eventually, when life makes us ready to listen, it will help us to find our way home."
Are you playing to your one of a kind sound that is yours alone?
Below is an excerpt from this book that I'd like to share with you.
""That is how it feels to me," he told me. "I am always tuning my orchestra. Somewhere deep inside there is a sound that is mine alone, and I struggle daily to hear it and tune my life to it. Sometimes there are people and situations that help me to hear my note more clearly; other times, people and situations make it harder for me to hear. A lot depends on my commitment to listening and my intention to stay coherent with this note. It is only when my life is tuned to my note that I can play life's mysterious and holy music without tainting it with my own discordance, my own bitterness, resentment, agendas, and fears.""
"Deep inside, our integrity sings to us whether we are listening or not. It is a note that only we can hear. Eventually, when life makes us ready to listen, it will help us to find our way home."
Are you playing to your one of a kind sound that is yours alone?
Today
Today, where I find myself, I find it best to trust that this is where I am supposed to be. If I was supposed to be somewhere else, doing something else, living a different life...that is where I'd be.
For today, I am trusting that this is the path I am supposed to be on and all this newness and unexplained-ness and awareness is supposed to be right here with me.
I am right where I'm supposed to be for today. I honor it; I feel blessed and I am okay right here, right now, right in this minute.
My wish for you is that you trust that you are where you are supposed to be; to be open and aware while embracing change that helps to create the great, open road ahead of us.
I am not having the easiest of times; however, I trust and know the blessings that are my life. When I find myself scared, frustrated, angry or alone, it does not feel like joy and I know these feelings will pass. At times, I feel myself resistant to feeling these unjoyful feelings. However, I believe I cannot get to the all of me until I feel and let go of everything that I consider 'ugly' inside of myself.
Do feelings not expressed leave an impression? Do feelings expressed move on and out of us?
I remember, once, worrying about if I release this ugly feeling by screaming (in my car or a safe, private environment), punching a pillow or stomping around, what happens to it. I was concerned that someone else might get it. It was responded to me that it is only energy. It is neutral energy once released. I choose to believe this.
For today, I am trusting that this is the path I am supposed to be on and all this newness and unexplained-ness and awareness is supposed to be right here with me.
I am right where I'm supposed to be for today. I honor it; I feel blessed and I am okay right here, right now, right in this minute.
My wish for you is that you trust that you are where you are supposed to be; to be open and aware while embracing change that helps to create the great, open road ahead of us.
I am not having the easiest of times; however, I trust and know the blessings that are my life. When I find myself scared, frustrated, angry or alone, it does not feel like joy and I know these feelings will pass. At times, I feel myself resistant to feeling these unjoyful feelings. However, I believe I cannot get to the all of me until I feel and let go of everything that I consider 'ugly' inside of myself.
Do feelings not expressed leave an impression? Do feelings expressed move on and out of us?
I remember, once, worrying about if I release this ugly feeling by screaming (in my car or a safe, private environment), punching a pillow or stomping around, what happens to it. I was concerned that someone else might get it. It was responded to me that it is only energy. It is neutral energy once released. I choose to believe this.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Uncertain
I'm uncertain about alot of things right now and it's okay with me. I don't need to know why, how or what of anything.
I'm just being and feeling and working through all that I am feeling. This feeling stuff isn't the easiest at times. I understand why drugs and alcohol are so prevalent in our culture. Feeling is not always easy.
I do believe it's the only way to get the truth of who I am. I am choosing to feel everything inside of me.
I'm holding on tight and taking the ride of my life.
It is amazing how happy my body is that I am not fighting what I feel, think or am anymore.
Are you allowing yourself to be and feel everything that you are and have inside of you? Do you dare? Baby steps are acceptable.
Oh what a party it is...
I'm just being and feeling and working through all that I am feeling. This feeling stuff isn't the easiest at times. I understand why drugs and alcohol are so prevalent in our culture. Feeling is not always easy.
I do believe it's the only way to get the truth of who I am. I am choosing to feel everything inside of me.
I'm holding on tight and taking the ride of my life.
It is amazing how happy my body is that I am not fighting what I feel, think or am anymore.
Are you allowing yourself to be and feel everything that you are and have inside of you? Do you dare? Baby steps are acceptable.
Oh what a party it is...
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Emotions
"To rule your emotions means to let them alone. They are a force of Nature. You are the source of your own satisfaction; do not look to others to provide that for you. Do not allow others to take away your happiness. It is only necessary for you to control your own behaviour, which is independent from the emotions."
King of Vessels - from "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place
King of Vessels - from "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place
Conflict
Conflict to do what works best for me, which in turn, I believe, will work best for the ones I love is processing through me.
Have I come to a stalemate.
Do I drive 8 hours to see a man who I call Dad and, yet, do not know. Do I stay put and talk to him and pray for him from a distance. Do I go overnite 3 days before I have a scheduled flight to CA.
My inner knowing is telling me to throw caution to the wind and go. My mind and body is telling me to stay put because I will only see him for one hour, if that. They are doing many tests and he will be drugged up. He will not know I am there. I will know I am.
Oh, the conflict of what is.
I am having so much fear, emotions and feelings throughout my body and mind. The lost, frightened, frozen child is here not knowing which way to turn. I hope to hold her hand and show her the way. I can do this now. I just have to choose it.
---------------
My dad just called. He told me not to come. There is my answer.
May you, mostly, know what is best for you without waiting for others to know your answer.
Have I come to a stalemate.
Do I drive 8 hours to see a man who I call Dad and, yet, do not know. Do I stay put and talk to him and pray for him from a distance. Do I go overnite 3 days before I have a scheduled flight to CA.
My inner knowing is telling me to throw caution to the wind and go. My mind and body is telling me to stay put because I will only see him for one hour, if that. They are doing many tests and he will be drugged up. He will not know I am there. I will know I am.
Oh, the conflict of what is.
I am having so much fear, emotions and feelings throughout my body and mind. The lost, frightened, frozen child is here not knowing which way to turn. I hope to hold her hand and show her the way. I can do this now. I just have to choose it.
---------------
My dad just called. He told me not to come. There is my answer.
May you, mostly, know what is best for you without waiting for others to know your answer.
California Here I Come
Soon, it will be that time again. Time for the Mind, Body, Fitness Conference that I go to every year. This year, instead of the desert, it is on the beach. How nice.
I feel like this year I am going as a one year old. Starting from scratch; hoping to find my way in this field again. I'm bringing my inner depth along with my body. For the first time, my inner depth is stronger than my body. It feels like a whole new ball game. I have to process through it and learn how to play this game.
It's called "Inner Idea" and the 'inner' part is right up my alley for now. We do Tai Chi and Yoga, Meditation and QiGong. We take nature walks and have moonlight meditations. This will be my sixth year in a row.
This year, I am open to the whole me attending. Very scary (will there be an ambulance involved?); very exciting (will I be behind the podium?). Probably neither. But, this is where my thoughts range. Oh my.
I feel like the world is surely throwing a lot of 'things' around just now.
May we catch what works for us and allow the energy that doesn't correspond with our happiness to process forward ionly as good energy for others to catch.
My hope is
We can grow anew together. We can continue forward together. We can create the world we want. We can share it all with peace in our hearts.
I feel like this year I am going as a one year old. Starting from scratch; hoping to find my way in this field again. I'm bringing my inner depth along with my body. For the first time, my inner depth is stronger than my body. It feels like a whole new ball game. I have to process through it and learn how to play this game.
It's called "Inner Idea" and the 'inner' part is right up my alley for now. We do Tai Chi and Yoga, Meditation and QiGong. We take nature walks and have moonlight meditations. This will be my sixth year in a row.
This year, I am open to the whole me attending. Very scary (will there be an ambulance involved?); very exciting (will I be behind the podium?). Probably neither. But, this is where my thoughts range. Oh my.
I feel like the world is surely throwing a lot of 'things' around just now.
May we catch what works for us and allow the energy that doesn't correspond with our happiness to process forward ionly as good energy for others to catch.
My hope is
We can grow anew together. We can continue forward together. We can create the world we want. We can share it all with peace in our hearts.
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