Weather or Whether

I wake up this morning to a much cooler morning.  I wonder if this is what had me aching yesterday.  There has been an abrupt change in weather and it is cooler and rain is threatening. 

I like the rain.  The coolness I have not learned, yet, how to embrace it quite as easily.  I feel weary and tired of feeling weary and tired when the weather affects me so.

I must believe that this is my 'ride'.  I must believe that where I am is where I'm supposed to be.  I believe that acceptance of these beliefs will allow the most inner peace possible. 

I had been resisting who I am for most of my life.  I had created a persona to take out in the world with me.  I became brilliant at ignoring my inner voice and living outside of my own inner feelings and voices.  I learned to disregard my innate knowing and create whatever I wanted to fit in well and easily with every situation and moment.  Perhaps, unconsciously, I had become what I thought the situation called for me to become. 

I now know this was always the elephant that I carried with me and resisted life instead breathing in life.   When I exercise or was at the beach are/were my happiest of days.  This is what connected me to me. 

I do remember, however, walking/jogging the beach many times in my youth and looking at the horizon thinking and believing that the emptiness and answers I was searching for was 'out there'.   At that time, I had no conscious inclination that everything I need for fulfillment of self is within me.  It needs to be connected 'out there'.  However, if I do not hear, listen, respond, live and share what is within me, I cannot truly connect myself to anything or anyone.

I first have to be connected to me.  Own me.   Love me.   This is where and what inner peace is to me.

The time has come to live you fully.  The time has come to connect to your own inner voice, feelings, beliefs, dreams, desires, and idiosyncrasies and live your life through these - through you.

I believe I know my truth.  I believe we all do.   For me, it's being brave enough to unlearn not to be me after learning otherwise and to learn to be me.  Just be me.

May you unlearn not to be you after, perhaps, learning otherwise; and learn to be you.  Just be you.

                                              Photo from Iyanla VanZant, Facebook

Achy Breaky

My body aches as I wake up this morning.  It is tired, it is uncertain as to what happened to it this week.?.!.   I allowed high levels of fear/stress in and my body is reneging.    [As I look up the word renege to make sure I am using it correctly - the word of the day is 'fusty' which means old fashioned or out of date]. 

I am learning that 'my' house is fusty.  With the two main inspections complete (very thoroughly I'd like to add), there are many, many minor things that are fusty and need attention such as doors sticking and not working properly, new cases for keypads in and outside of the house and power washing.  There are two big things - A/C unit and roof that need attention.  So, as I'm walking through, I am learning much to be able to make a clear and concise decision regarding this house.  I am wondering if I want to make it my own... 

My goal is to simplify my life.  My goal is comfort,   My goal is joy and happiness.   I know hard work.  I do not want another house to be a large part of my daily time consumption.   I am so very grateful I had what I had and lived how I lived.  I want more time diversification including a profession where I can support people to create their own life as their own goals become known to them. 

I sit in an indecisive mode.  I know the right/best answer for myself is within myself.  I wait for it as I process and feel all the information I have acquired this week.

What comes to mind is the quote of my great friend, "Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.  May you be your own best friend."  Debbie Hershey McMahon   I want to be my own best friend. 

It is my thoughts and my 'human' obsession or connection to the outcome that got me stressed this week.  It was my fear of walking through the unknown and doing a job that, perhaps, was not really mine to do.  Yet, I achieved my goals and I want to pat myself on the back big time for achieving my goals no matter what it took. 

I say I trust that it will all work out as it is supposed to and I believe this to be true.  However, I allowed emotions to hang out and gander around with each situation that arose this week to walk through the process.  So, while I'm trusting the outcome, I choose to also trust the process that gets me to the outcome. 

Deep Breath...  

This change of thinking, being, doing, saying, living, breathing is WORK.  Yet, staying stuck in old patterns that are harmful, uncomfortable and show themselves again and again everyday --  I'm no longer having this as part of who I am.   I'm 'doing the work' like Iyanla VanZant says.  "Do your work." 

May you be open to doing the work that is 'in your face' just now.  Embrace it, process it, trust it and allow your most authentic self to live it, just now and in this moment.  Bring the real you - with all your real feelings, thoughts and emotions - into every situation that arises before you.

During the process and unto the outcome, ALLOW it all as you stand strong in who you are.  Do not fight, ignore, or run away from your truth.   Allow it as easily as you can. 

Nine of Coins, Nine of Vessels

Tarot Card Time!   Because I'm shaking inside and I notice the cards sitting on the counter top, I go and pick two which I imagine are sending off heat energy.

I was on my way out the door to meet the plumber for this house inspection and I knew I was going it alone.  Getting in through the lock box is hard even for the realtor and I have learned to bring a butter knife as my fingers do not allow me access alone.  I need the butter knife to pop open the box to get the door key.  This is how the realtor and I have been getting in after keying in the lock box code because the box itself seems to be warped.

So, as I'm nervous because I hear myself saying I have no idea what comes after this last inspection; I allow anxiety of this unknown in and I have anxiety of not even being sure I'm doing the right thing.

I do know I have to do it though.   Yikes

So, how funny it is that I pick two cards and both are the number 9.  My favorite number; and the number meaning 'completion' some would say.

9 of Coins
*"Nature provides for you.  You may reap what you have sown.  The message could relate to living off your investments, having more leisure time, or enjoying luxuries.  You have life with ease.  The card also shows that true health is provided by Nature - the world soul, or the Anima Mundi."

9 of Vessels
*"Take all your emotions and memories, and let bygones be bygones.  Be on your way.  The emotions and memories associated with the past are your foundation, and can be built upon, but cannot be changed.  Do not try to change the past, but look to the future.  Do not worry; you are sure footed and will not stumble."

*From the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

So, as I'm driving to this house that I love, I am in the community and at a stop sign.  I allow a man with a golf cart and his dog to go first.  We motion back and forth for a moment or two and he goes on his way.  What a hoot that shortly after I'm in the driveway of this house - sure enough, here comes the man in his golf cart with his dog and he pulls in the driveway across the street.  I got a 'tickle' out of this as we were at least one mile away.

May you be open to joy and 'tickles' from the Universe and may you trust yourself to walk through.  'Let bygones be bygones and be on your way'.  May you walk through with as much ease as possible even if you know great discomfort.  Follow the drive within.  'Nature provides for you.'  Go YOU!...

Sleep

Sleep is very important to the human body and mind.  Without sleep, I get sluggish, irritable, moody, and tired.  Some studies show where weight gain happens if we do not sleep enough because we eat to combat fatigue. 

Many of us get 5 hour wake up drinks, drink coffee, sodas, drugs - whatever it takes to stay awake.  Why, then, do we not just sleep when we feel tired and can.  If we decided to do this as a society and supported each other in same, perhaps, we would all be more restful.

This comes up for me because I did not fall asleep until 1 am last night.  This is late for me.  I woke up a 6 am.  This is early for me.  I have a bit of a brain fog and I'm overtired where I can't relax or rest.

I know this process that I am 'buying into' to purchase this house that I fell for is what kept me up last night.  I have a plumber coming today to be certain on how the plumbing works or doesn't work in this house. 

Never say never.   And, I am choosing to take this route.  Something in me is driving me to take this route, yet, I am the one moving my legs and speaking instruction on how to carry on and through.   I'm uncertain what happens after today.  I truly have one or two ideas and I truly do not know anything for certain. 

Faith, trust and will drive me.  However, the anxiousness/excitement/fear that is coming with me - that I am allowing - is not how I want to proceed.

The anxiousness and fear are here because I'm not trusting myself to know what to do because my mind tells me I do not.  My being tells me to 'walk through and see where you end up.  You have you, regardless.' 

I choose not to lose sleep over this path and I choose to learn and be open, loving, professional and get the job done to as far as I can.

My mind functions better with enough sleep.  I am stronger with enough sleep.   I am more me with enough sleep.

May you let yourself sleep when you are tired and experiment if a proper amount of sleep is for you.  May you learn if you function better or worse with the proper amount of sleep.   Many believe we know the proper amount for ourselves...   Is this true ....

Perhaps, this can be an interesting experiment to see when, how and where you allow yourself downtime consciously and lovingly And the effect it has on you.  Be kind, gentle and loving to yourself.  Give yourself what you need.  My wish for you. 

                                          "Beautiful" Pictures of Nature! Facebook

As I

As I get closer and closer to leaving this apartment complex (which I knew I needed to experience and belonged here as well) and am somewhat grateful for the experience of it.... Ha,  I am meeting the depth of some of my neighbors.  This one today told me to look up Abraham Hicks.  (The name is familiar to me and I will be googling him next.)

While I've said hello to this man that takes care of his child and the mom must be the 'breadwinner', he assures me that everything we say is what makes things true.   If I say I get stuck, I get stuck.   If I say, I can't always stay connected, I don't always stay connected.

So, as I go forward from this conversation, I surely am going to say I stay connected to all that is.   I flow easily through all that is.   I heal completely to be all that I am.  I'm going to live at this new house and make it my home.!   hoot.

This man on the playground with his little one that hangs and swings all by himself and isn't two yet - and does so beautifully  I might add -- this man says there is no unhappy.   He is always walking around with cheer and hellos for everyone.

This is me from years ago.  While I still say hello, and I'm still open to share 'cheer', inside of myself it isn't easy as it once was.

So, I'd like to state that this cheer is inside of me and it is as easy as it once was....He says we have two emotions - feeling good and then not as good.  Hmm. 

I think we were built with and I know I have felt more than two emotions.  I have learned to believe that all things are not white or black.   There is much grey.  And, I understand how he could say we only have two. 

However, he says we are all connected to the Source - yes.   We are all one - yes.  We are the power that we are looking for - yes, it is within us through this Source/God/Universal Wisdom. 

So, as I come in from walking the dogs, I am blessed with shared energy and grateful to be open to continuous flow of what is.

May you be open to continuous flow of what is.  May you allow everything you feel, think, breathe, do flow on into and out of the awesome state of YOU. 

Inspection

I'm going to the inspection of 'my' house here in Florida this morning.  I am meeting people there to inspect it for me and the realtor to let us in.

I am shaking inside as this is all new to me and I find great discomfort in it.  Yet, it's exciting and a must to see what this house is actually about and if it is something that I really want to compete at an auction for.

Many people are very comfortable with auctions.  I am not one of them. 

I walk on because there is a drive in me to do so.  I walk through the fear of what feels scary and is definitely unknown to me. 

My insides are shaking.  Yet, I have this.

When it's something you really want to do - even if you are shaking from the inside out - may you allow yourself to 'have it' and walk on. 

I am safe even when my feelings and emotions are telling me otherwise. 

This is one of those times when the greatest fight present is between what I know and what I feel.  Yikes.

May you trust yourself to handle and know what to do in every situation that arises.  Please let me do what I 'preach'.  lol

                                                     Bird on treetop

Nap

I am waking up from a nap in the middle of the day.   Wow.   Not a usual thing for me and waking up early to go to a horse show had me tired in the middle of the day.  And, wow, what a great sleep it was.   Very relaxing and my body and mind loved it.  I feel very relaxed and happy that I let myself - gave myself - this treat.  Today it was just what my body needed.

How nice it is when we treat our self with respect, love and honor. 

May you treat yourself with respect, love and honor.

Perhaps, you deserve your own respect, love and honor the most.  After all, you are the only one that you are always with!  May you always be there for your self.

Lady

Lady of Vessel from the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place.

"You have poise, grace and self-control.  Your inner beauty shines out.  You have an inner appreciation of how you handle yourself.  You are mastering what you have."

Oh, I like this one!  lol

May you believe in all you have inside of you and all you were born with.  Anything you can believe, you can connect to and be.  Just be you... All of you.

House

I'm still going after 'my' house here in Florida.   I'm inspecting it now and seeing what if anything needs to be repaired.  I'm sure there is something.  I don't even know if it can be mine and I'm taking it as far as I can take it to find out.  

What a process.

Just amazing.  Something inside of me will not give up.  I need to see if I want to make it mine.  Is it where I belong going forward...  Only way to find out is to head in this direction as best I can.

This is connecting to my innate knowing.   I don't know what the answer will be and I know I have to do everything possible that I know to 'play it out' and see what happens.

I hear myself saying how can one make sense out of non-sense.   I have changes in my changes.  I feel calm when I think I am there.  I am fearful following this dream.   It is a dream into almost everything that is unknown to me.  With it being held by an auction house; with is being sold 'as is' and 'where is'...  I am walking somewhat blindly.    I am not walking without myself, my brain, my desires and my heart.   I have all with me.

It is all I can ask for from my self and I trust the process that I will be 'placed' right where I can work best for the good of my life and all those I touch.

May you trust the process and believe you, too, will find yourself where you can live your best life and support others in doing the same. 

Right Place

"Your right place is the one in which you are receiving the most edification.  The fact that other people receive a benefit is the icing on the cake.  Do what is healing to your spirit, and without effort you will offer the world healing in return."   Alan Cohen in his book "A Deep Breath of Life"

May you be in your 'right place' more and more and more and more often.

                                                   Unknown (Facebook)

Base Instincts

From the book "A Deep Breath of Life" by Alan Cohen

"Dr. Martin Luther Kind, Jr., is one of my heroes.  I respect him because he relied on the power of God, truth, and love rather than falling back on base instincts."

I, too, respect Dr. King, Jr. because he relied on the power of God, truth and love.

However, I believe the power of 'God', truth and love are my base instincts.  Sharing 'truthful loving' of all that is just may be the most innate knowing we humans have.   I believe. 

May you share your truthful love in all that you are and all that you do.  Respect ourselves and, perhaps, we cannot help but to respect others.

Alan Cohen

Oh BOY!  Alan Cohen!!!  WOW!

I was walking outside with my dogs the other day hanging in the side yard of the apartment complex and a 'neighbor' came walking by with his Sheba dog.  We started talking and he offered me to read Alan Cohen!  AND WOW.   I almost immediately felt like I was reading what was in my own mind written much more eloquently than I know how.

The book I'm reading is "A Deep Breath of Life" and it is a daily thought or group of thoughts for each day of the year.   It is very much like the book that I read by Mark Nepo and had so much fun, joy and it offered me more connection to myself and the universe.  Where Mark Nepo is a beautiful poet sharing thoughts that I so connect to, Alan Cohen is a beautiful writer able to write his deepest truth and share his lessons/teachings (and what I feel connected to as well) onto pages of a book.  I feel so blessed to have connected to these, and many other, creative beings. 

How exciting!   One of the dates, February 22 (a day before my awesome sister's birthday) is entitled "Just Be You"!!!  How excited I was when I saw this!   Hoot!  Big, big hoot for me!

Below are a few excerpts from this exciting book and 'right on' man.  lol

"Support me to walk my walk.  My power comes from being what I am."

"I pray to follow my spirit and walk past fear to make my dreams come true.  Powered by enthusiasm, I step forward to greater things."

"The nature of a consciousness shift is the release of an old belief system, replacing it with a new and grander one.  Just when you think you know it all, life comes along and says, "Here, let me show you a bigger universe!""

"Show me the life that is available to me, and let me live it.  I am willing to be wrong about what I thought were my limits."

"In a Time magazine interview, evangelist Billy Graham admitted he was rethinking hell.  "Hell may not be an eternal dispensation," Rev. Graham noted.  "It may just be a sense of separation from God.""

...  which to me can also be associated with a sense of separation from self

"Illuminate my path that I may bless the world."

May you 'see' the path that is illuminated for you and as you walk this path of what is YOU, may the world be more blessed because of it.

                                                         Unknown

Track

"Will Rogers said, "You might be on the right track, but if you are sitting on it, you are going to get run over.""  From the book "A Deep Breath of Life" by Alan Cohen

I thought this was pretty good.  Being on track is what I want to feel I am.  And, I surely do not want to get run over.  I want to build my on track forward.

May you be on track and know what you want to do with it; or at least be open to building the best track for yourself going forward.

                                               In Power Sisterhood, Facebook

Being You is Okay

"She told him all that and more.  She told him what was in her mind and what was in her heart, and she told him things she'd never told another soul.  And it occurred to her that for a woman who opened her mouth every other second, there was an awful lot inside of her that she'd never shared.  And then, when she was done (and, in truth, she didn't even realize she'd finished; she just kind of ran out of energy and dwindled off into silence), he reached out and took her hand.  "It's all right," he said.  And it was, she realized.  It actually was."  From the book "To Sir Phillip, With Love (Bridgertons)" by Julia Quinn

Who you are, what you think, how you feel, how you experience life.....  is YOU.

And, You are okay.  You being you from your depth of your innate knowing is the most lovable thing you can share.

May you share YOU.  May you Just Be U.

Bundle of Jumbo

Within, I am a bundle of 'mish mash' information and do not really feel like gathering it, placing it or connecting to it as I do not have a plan of usage just now.  yikes!

Most of it is exciting, life changing, moving forward possibilities that when gathered, placed, connected to and used will be brilliant.  I believe this with everything in me.

It does FEEL too difficult to tackle just now.  And, tackle it I will.

I will tackle it gently, lovingly, openly and with my truth of who I am and what I feel.  Oh, what a strange place this can be.  I am completely here in the moment with what is and feeling the truth of myself and watching, being aware and connecting to myself as the observer of myself.  And, it is so exciting, I have no words.

I am jumbled up with this information just now.  I feel lost when I know I have been found.  I am connecting to all that I am from conception (perhaps, even before) to this present moment.   It is all blended inside of myself and I feel and believe like I have my whole complete self here on Earth.

The other night for two hours in the middle of the night I found myself finding songs and listening to songs that I used to listen to again and again and again as I child.  I may not have heard these songs for 40 years and I knew the words and I remember singing and dancing to these songs again and again and again.  I would perform them for anyone who would watch.  I think it was my chosen but unconscious way of bringing my whole self into alignment in the now.

As I type this and think these thoughts, it sounds like a 'lulu' to me.  And, it feels like I am connected to the most real part of myself.  Authentic Me - Whole Me   Look out  lol

I will be spending the day with this information and I am open to living, giving and receiving life through this self that is me.

I'm excited and happy to participate and have this experience.

May you find and participate in an experience that you are excited and happy about.   May you feel, know and breathe yourself in it and through it.  Gather, place and connect to the information that is inside of you and use it as/when you are ready.

YOU were born beautiful.  You are beautiful.

Sun is Up

It's another day.  A new beginning.  A continuation.  The few minutes spent as we awake can determine how we will 'see' the day ahead.

Offer yourself a good thought, an open perception, an exciting vibe.  When I believe it will be a good day, it usually is.  When I perceive it to be a hard day, it usually is.

Listen to how you tell yourself your day will be... See if you are 'right'..

A few things coming to a 'head' this week.  My house up north will have the 'guy' that can offer to get the job done.   'My' house down here is being explored by realtor and lawyer to see what needs to be done to acquire it; if even possible.   This is not a normal way to buy a home.  Perhaps, this is a new normal.  All I know is that it is different for most of us involved and a hoot it is not.  Perseverance and knowledge is crucial.  We walk on learning what we learn and doing what we do.

I get nervous and then I look at pictures of this house and I connect to a calmness.  And, yes, I could be nuts! 

I am open to receive all the good plans that I can envision and perpetrate. 

Let's rock and roll!

(oh brother)

May you be open to 'perpetrate' all that is inside of you to your outside world and use and allow it wisely.

                                          Beautiful Pictures of Nature! Facebook

Different

By changing things up within our own small world, even in the smallest of ways we can change the flow of energy around and within us and create a new 'flow of energy' that embraces life differently and more fulfillingly; if this is our desire.

Today I walked my dog.  I walked Tiffany.  (Little Bear was not interested in walking although she seems happy and pain-free.  She does not like getting her leash on.  She hides from me to go out if I have the leash in my hand.  She, like me, likes feeling free.  She comes to the door once I put the leash down.  (But this is for another time, perhaps.) 

I walked the dog in the sunshine, 66 degrees and through a quiet morning in the apartment complex.  I walked the dog with my sandals on.  However, it just worked out that I had two pair of sandals at the door and something in me decided to grab one from each pair.    So, I changed things up this morning.  It felt weird, strange and glorious because I did what my impulsiveness told me to do.   I listened with only a little questioning about the weirdness of it.   Ha.

Live the life that comes from inside of YOU.  It is the most glorious life to live -- YOURS.

May you connect to this life inside of you that is you and bring it with you in all that you do.

Pain

I'm realizing that, just maybe, 'my' pain can be my friend.  The pain that shows itself to me arises to teach me something; lead me differently, or awaken me into an evolved me.

Today I will embrace any pain or discomfort that comes my way and see what happens.

I pay attention to all that is within me.  The fun parts and the difficult parts.  They are all me.   I choose to embrace them all.

May you embrace all of you and allow others to do the same.

                                                               Unknown

Tarot Time

While I'm creating many new roads--the exact roads that are inside of myself, sketched in my being--I am unable to 'be' without feeling the dabble of the tools that I am holding.  I'm not really sure what this means other than I know that what I am here to do now--and perhaps have completely resisted or time was just not precise until now--I can feel this new life being created on the outside of myself.  Yes, I am completely involved in this.  However, I am building through my human form that which has already been 'built' within my being. 

And, while I'm wondering if you can make any sense out of this, because I know I am not speaking it as clearly and as eloquently as I would like, the feelings inside of me are clear and eloquent, just not yet palpable.

So, as I find great discomfort within and under my skin just now, I reach for the tarot cards to just see what shows up. 

Two of Staffs
"Like begets like; and one torch lights another.  Your enthusiasm is contagious.  The small branch on the grounded, feminine staff that is aflame represents the offering of the union.  Whether the offspring is a child or a result of work this will take on a life of its own.  Alchemically this card represents the seed of three, which is contained in two.  Or, the small flaming branch might represent something which has its own energy and chooses not to join in the union."

The Hermit
"The search for truth can be a long and solitary journey.  When the path is not clear, we may wander a bit, but we have divine light to guide us.  We have come a long way on our path, and are at the end of a segment of the journey.  Now it is time for solitude, meditation and introspection.  We must turn inwards to examine where we have been and gain perspective.  We must integrate the wisdom we have acquired during our journey."

From the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

When you read, see, and/or feel things outside of yourself, may you take what suits and sits best within your truth and grow on through this.  You are in control of which way you want to grow and which road you want to create.

Love

I allow love to enter in all I do.  Where there is love, fear and worry cannot reside.  Love on.

May you love on.

Topsy Turvy

I feel like my life, my relationships and my world are being turned upside down, around, sideways, and straight up. 

I am challenged with much that is presenting itself to me.  Just being and feeling my humanness, communicating in relationships, and walking on unknown paths create these all-new challenges.  I am walking through all the gray matter that, perhaps, I have long ignored.  

Perhaps, nothing is truly black or white. 

I am learning to ask for what I want.  I am learning to own and communicate my feelings and needs.  I am learning to share the real me at all times, in all situations and in person.

Much of my energy is uncomfortable as I learn.  I get very excited learning new ways; better ways.  I am noticing that I'm losing the ability to form words during these challenged times as they are truly new and unknown to me. 

I don't want to feel something negative and pretend it is not so.  I don't want to feel appreciative and not voice same.

I am learning to be human in a more spiritual way.

So, while things may feel topsy turvy to me, it also feels right and I believe that the direction I am in is correct for myself and for all those I love.

Whoo hooo.

May you allow your energy to be what it is and be open to learning how to best and most easily navigate through it and in it.

                                                     Randy Halverson

See

I'm open to seeing what the day brings!  I'm open to ease, excitement, connection and love.  I'm open to walking, laughing, jumping, and being with what comes.

I read something this morning from Dr. Wayne Dyer - Patience is peace in the ability to trust the process. 

May you know patience today as you bring the essence of you into everything you do.

Olympic Openings

I just completed watching the recorded Olympic Opening Ceremony in Russia.  Wow!

What a way to share the history, heart and people of a country!  What a story that was shared. 

What a way to realize how similar and hopeful we all are!

What a beautiful togetherness we can create when we choose to!

May we be willing to create togetherness and support of same until we are living it daily.

Choose to connect through peace in all our diversity.   This was my take away message.

They surely ignited the possibility. 

I like it.  I like it a lot!

May you connect to your own peace in all your own diversity first.  Then, bring it into our world and offer same to everyone and everything you encounter.   I certainly feel like I'm living with much diversity now and getting my peace on as best I can.

My wish.

Too overwhelmed

I'm feeling too overwhelmed to come here and see what comes up for me.

My mind is not focusing on any one thing.  My mind is scattered and truly not wanting to participate in my day.

I have the house up north issues; a house hunt down here issue; I have an apartment issue; I have stuff in storage issues; I have pet issues; I have issues on top of issues that I do not have answers to.

There is change in my change going on hourly. 

I'm not allowing myself to feel safe.  I'm not allowing myself to feel settled.   I'm not being open to trusting all that is around me.  I am trusting my self to feel my truth.  I'm not trusting my truth to take the right action to create the best world for me.  Hmmm

This is interesting.  I'm not trusting myself to make a decision based on how I feel.  I'm still hearing other opinions as more correct than my own; more 'knowing' than my own knowing.

Oh, I don't want to do this.   I'm not following my gut or my peace as much as I would like to.  I'm wanting to give more than I have.  I'm wanting to fulfill outside of myself instead of inside of myself.   This is why I feel like I do.

Oh bother!  I am still learning.  I am still not always following my inner knowing.   I still am not just being me. 

This is out of wanting love; wanting to please outside of myself first and not wanting to hurt or make anyone mad at me. 

It feels childish, perhaps, because it is.  I am not being the adult with all the tools to do my best.   I am being the child living like the best knowing is outside of myself.

They say 'awareness comes first'.  Well, awareness on.   I don't much like it.  I will sit with it and be open to doing better.

May you do, live, and know that you have the best 'knowing' for your life over anyone else.  May you allow yourself to have the final say and follow and own what is inside you to do.

 

Happy Valentines Day

May you BE LOVE and SHARE LOVE.

Risk Everything

Risk Everything.  Never lose Yourself. 

"Risk to be Loved."  Creig Crippen

Well, I surely am risking much.  I do not know why I am so driven to purchase this house or to find a way to purchase this house here in the South Florida community I wish to call home. 

I just wrote a letter to an owner that was named as such on one website that just showed itself to me tonight.  I do not know if it is a name of a person that has access to sell it now or if it is the person who may have left it when they had had enough of that life.  I do not know why I am being so risky and writing so many letters and 'spilling my guts' in wanting to acquire this home.  I'm not sure who I am or why I am.  I only know that I am.  (like that makes a lot of sense....) 

So, while I'm in the pursuit of something that many say is 'unpursuitable', I realize it is ok and even invigorating to risk being true to myself. 

It just may be a good idea to risk always being true to one's self as long as the drive comes from within, from true feelings, from love and from no harm to others. 

Risk asking for what you want.   Risk being what you want.  Risk wanting what you want.  Risk doing what you want. 

May you risk everything while you stand in the truth of your own desires.  If you speak your truth, whatever happens from this truth, one can stand strong in love of self and kindness with others. 

My my my my my

Our insurance agent had to again cancel visiting the property up north.  It has been over 5 weeks and we are still without a plan of reproduction.

I am talking to a few people and each one has things ('stuff') in their life that they have never dealt with before and they are life altering/life changing things.

We are walking forward; a bit in the dark.   I am anyway.   I am walking a lot in the dark.  I was never really afraid of the dark.  I am a bit apprehensive in this darkness, however.

I am being told that 'my' house (in Florida) will be back on the online site and to keep watching for it.   I am trying to figure out how best to contract with this current apartment complex as to be able to move out when I'm ready and yet to enjoy it as best as possible while I am here.

I have beautiful weather.   I allow the breeze of the sun shined air to caress and calm me.

I am spinning in the circle of life and I am hopeful that I will stop in a grand, helpful and healing place.

I feel like I'm standing with my arms up high and spinning and spinning in circles like I did when I was a kid so I would become dizzy.  Now, I'm spinning and dizzy without the actual movement!   Oh my!

I still trust the process of life.  I still know I am okay even as I do not feel so.  I still stand strong in all that I am and all that I feel.  I know some of my greatest days are ahead of me yet.

I know these days that we are living now can be enjoyed and they provide the stepping stone for the top of the mountain that, if you are not on it just now, you will be. 

As you become more and more connected to feel who you are; as you live and share all that you are; as you connect to all that there is, you create your mountain that is yours to stand on.

May you find your way to stand on your mountain and love on from here. 

                                                     Unknown

Free yourself

'Free yourself my beautiful friend.  Free yourself from self judgment.  Free yourself from the prison that may be self induced from time to time.  Free yourself to be your total truth of all that you are.  Allow all that essence of life that only you can exude.  Free yourself to BE YOU just as you are now in this moment. 

Dare you let it be okay for just this minute...  Dare you love from the deepest part of yourself and feel it run through your blood...

I love you so much.  I smile when I think of the truth of who you are; at the essence of your life flow; the uniqueness of you.'

(excerpt from a note I wrote to a friend who has cancer)

May cancer be a dis-ease of the past and may all dis-ease disappear as we love ourselves just as we are and treat ourselves and each other as such.

Note:  I know there is so much more going on; however, if we love and support ourselves and each other would we allow and participate in all this other 'stuff' so willingly, knowingly and/or blindly...  I don't know.

                                                      Unknown

Feel

I learned yesterday to feel what I feel.  That I feel what I'm feeling for real reasons.  Embrace myself and especially allow the feelings that I want to resist come up and feel them, process them and let them go.

Resisting is what messes with me the most.

Let the essence of my life; my breath; my energy of living; flow on and through. 

It is all I have from time to time.  It is enough. 

I'm okay even as I feel differently.  I'm open to allowing life to flow and I know I stand strong in me and who God made Me to be.  ('M' was not made capital on purpose but I' keeping it as such.  lol)

Stand strong in you.  You have you.  Whatever comes around the corner, you've 100% survived and you will continue to.  And, now, you are even better at reasoning, thinking, knowing, doing and being than you ever were before.

Woo hoo.  Tipping point.  And on the other side of this is magic.

(excerpt from an email that I sent to my sister)

May you be open to all the goodness that is waiting to come your way just by allowing YOU to BE YOU.

                                                          Unknown
 

Spiritual leaders

I seem to be noticing that all my 'spiritual gurus' and people that I like to listen to and connect with are all aligning with each other's teachings, words, and thoughts as to what they are offering in regards to rethinking, regrouping, processing, pushing onward and living fully.

What I hear in my thoughts or feel in my body, I then read or hear or feel in the world.

I think our alignment, each and every one that chooses to follow this path of awareness, togetherness, connection and alignment, is finding its way to the forefront of our humanness.

It is quite a hoot and I hear, see, feel and notice others hearing, seeing, feeling and noticing these actions and reactions that the universe has always been ready to show and/or has always shown.  However, most of us humans, perhaps, have not been ready to 'see'.

More and more are ready to see as there is nowhere else to look.  There is nowhere else to be.  There is nothing better to do.  It is time we all connect to our inner deepest self and live the lives we have inside of us as miraculous and infinite possibility.

As I say this, I believe this with everything that I am.  As I say this, I feel such a discomfort in my belly; an irritability in my bones; a frustration in my mind; a strong anticipation in my heart; an unsteady vibration that wants to flow free.

I know we are heading towards complete fulfillment and I need it now.  yikes.  lol

I don't want to live only parts of myself.  I don't want to participate in part of life.  I don't want to not allow parts of me to feel.  I don't want to run, hide, numb, resist or ignore.

I want to participate fully in the life that is/was planned for me to live.  I don't want fear of failure, nor fear of huge success, to stop me in my tracks and tell me I am not ready.  I AM READY.  Now, if I can only tell my human this, game will be ON.!.!

May you know that you are ready for your dreams and your being to be fulfilled and may you allow fulfillment by just living all that you know, are and breathe. 

Namaste'.   From the depth of who I am to the depth of who you are, I honor you.

Getting Me

The online site that is selling 'my' house (the one I would like to purchase) has just taken it off the market again in my mid-bid.  One cannot make this stuff up.

I trust that this is the way it is supposed to be as this is the way it is.  My mind spins from the roller coaster ride I have chosen to ride again and again and again.

I have written one last letter that I have saved for just now that tells my story of why and how I feel and my own inflicted connection to this house.   This type of letter is new to me and I have nothing to lose so I may send it.

It is my truth about living in an apartment, losing my northern home through a frozen pipe burst and looking for a home in the community that I wish to live in and how it has not been a smooth process.

I know the 'seller' has every right to revoke the sale.  I know that I emotionally attached myself to this home on my own accord.

I know that I will be okay as I walk through this.  I am realizing that when I feel angry or hurt, I also tend to feel childish and not want to feel this anger or this hurt.  I realized, with help from a very helpful friend, that my best path is to feel what comes up and let it process through me.

I am in my truth.  I am standing strong in my truth.   I am sharing my truth.   This is what I've been wanting to do all along.  So, I am going to do it.

This is what comes from living and sharing my truth and because of this, I believe in myself; I am connected to myself; I am honoring myself.   I am okay. 

I trust the process of life and I trust myself to know, feel and be myself through it all.  What a greatest of gifts I can give to myself and my world.

May you trust the process of life and know, trust, feel, and be yourself through it all.  What a greatest of gifts you can give to yourself and your world.  Whoop, there it is!   lol

                                                               Unknown

You.

"Let the world know why you are here, and do it with passion."  Dr. Wayne Dyer

I liked this.  I'm ready to own my uniqueness.  Own what I find joyful.  Own what I am scared of.  Own my heart, mind, body and soul.

We are each unique.  We have great similarities and not two of us are exactly the same.

Use your uniqueness to awaken your passion(s) if you have already not done so and.... fly.

Today, I choose to be light and free and ......  ME.

May you choose to be light and free and ..... YOU.

We already have everything we need to be just this.  It is this simple and this complex.

LIVE.  Give yourself permission to just LIVE as you feel it in each moment.  Watch the miracle of you transpire, excel, burst open and reach the totality of you.  Just what if this is the fulfillment we are each looking for.  Just saying.

                                                             ME

Ohhhh this House thing

Ohhh I find myself, at times, so irritable while I'm doing everything I can imagine/conjure up to get information on this beautiful and empty home that I can see myself living in.   I can find no answers/no connections that will help me or show me how to purchase it for certain.  There is another home I like a lot; I just do not get as excited when I think about it.  Perhaps, this is the one I'm supposed to 'enter'. 

I've written at least 10 letters, made several calls.  I'm ready to just go and move in and see what happens.  Like I would have the nerve to do this!  lol

We are gathering our paperwork.   We are logistically trying to see where our life is on paper and in person.  I am so very unsettled and uprooted and I'm choosing to be out of my mind fighting living as I currently live because I can see the future getting closer. 

It is such a hoot that I always knew Florida, USA would become my main address.   It is funny, and NOT, that this was never the way I saw it or felt it happening.

This is extremely good that my life is not easy as it opens myself up to myself way more than is comfortable.  I'm learning that I am me no matter where I am and where I live.  I can choose to be me.  I can choose to care about people.  I can choose to love on.   I can choose to support and participate in life no matter where I live because, truly, my home is where I am.  It is inside of myself connecting to all that is and the truth of how I think, feel, breathe, share and am.

No hiding behind anything.  Facing everything that is real in life.  Taking on the evils and embracing the good.  This may be what pain and/or discomfort can produce.  (I have been talking to a 'friend' [a beautiful, sensitive, brilliant young woman] on Facebook who works with "the street kids".  They have no building to call home.  Their street is their home.  They have no parents.  She and her information regarding these street kids have awakened me to something much greater than myself.) 

WOWZA.  The evolution of humankind is vibrating/showing itself/connecting and I'm not sure there is one person that knows exactly what and where and how and who and why they live as they live.  Not with 100% certainty.  This may be exactly what being human is about.  A ride to learn, grow, become and connect to the essence that flows through us all. 

Wherever, whatever, however, whoever you are living as and being just now, embrace the 'home' that is inside of yourself and build from here.  Build from the truth that you connect to within and (perhaps, have been ignoring/pretending/shutting off/wishing it to be different) without.

May you know and breathe the essence of the life that flows through you gently and kindly; within and without.

Know the essence of your life.  Connect to the essence of your life.  Follow the essence of your life. Iyanla VanZant

Essence - the basic, real, and invariable nature of a thing or its significant individual feature or features (dictionary.com)

blatherskite - a person given to voluble, empty talk; nonsense; blather  (dictionary.com word of the day) I thought this was funny because to me if feels of the opposite of what I am going for. 

                                                        "Beautiful!" Pictures of Nature

5 of Clubs

Just for fun.

I picked the 5 of Clubs from serenapowers.com and this is what it read.

"Five: New friends and a successful marriage. Help from friends."


"We get by with a little help from our friends." Beatles

May you enjoy your friendships and thank one another for them and cherish them.  I do.

Out on the Town

I'm going out tonight to celebrate a dear friend's 50th birthday.  It has been a while since I've been 'out on the town' and I am excited and I am anxious.  There are many women and very few that I know. 

I go with the intent to honor my girlfriend.  I go with the intent to be open to awareness of what is and to enjoy a good dinner, a nice conversation or two and a have a nice time.  Hey, and if dancing is involved - so much the better!  lol

Getting dressed up, putting on make up, going out at night alone; this is old school for me and also currently very new for me.  I often spend time with my dogs (as you know) and not out on the town.

I am open to seeing the world through my 'new' eyes filled with difference, enlightenment, excitement and hope that togetherness comes easily.  It is my desire to just be out celebrating and letting go of everything but this intent.

I may be in for a rude awakening.  I will stay true to myself.  I will support the party and I will support my friend.

I'm hoping for Chilean sea bass and laughter and kindness.

May you request what you want from the Universe and may you receive what you request especially if it is the best thing for you because this would also be the best thing for our world.  I believe.

Celebrate life.  The essence of our life is surely something to feel and to participate in.

May you feel your essence and let it take you places.

                                               The Attraction Signal

RockStar

Let the rock star in you come out and play today.

Allow yourself freedom to release what is inside of you.

Let the joy that has been buried show itself today.

Invite and be open to receive and live special moments today. 

Let the whole of you relax, breathe and live.

Let the essence of your life energy take you where it wants.

Play and dance to your own music today.

Embrace all that you are.

    in three simple words.....

JUST BE YOU

My wish for all of us; to live this way more and more and more until it is second nature.  I want it to be habit forming.

Allow your life and every unlived part of you to come alive gently and magically.  Let YOU unfold.  Ahhhhhh.

                                                      Emmanuel Dagher

Worldwide Olympics

The Olympic Opening Ceremony is happening in Russia very soon.

I read on Emmanuel Dagher's facebook page that this is a great time for us all watching and even those that are aware of it; for each of us to offer up and send out good, healing energy for togetherness.  To be open to the possibility of the greatest love of all  to take hold, surround us and support us as a planet and as one world, united.

I will be doing my part.

May you offer your love and support to our world during this time as well (if it feels right to you to do so).

Together, we can allow peace to live through us.

                                                     Photo by Anton Jankovo

Mo Money

Auction came and went again.  It was "unsuccessful" by the online website's view of things.  I'm thinking although I was the highest bidder and the only bidder this time, they still want more money; they want the "reserve met" without telling me what the reserve is.  My, my, my, my, my. 

I'm questioning how important this house is to me.  I'm telling myself there is a reason I am not getting it so easily.  I walk through until I don't want to walk this path anymore.

When it's an auction, is not one supposed to bid and bid until there are no other bidders and you are the top bidder and YOU WIN! and you can have the object that was bid on for said price.   Apparently not.

New rules, new ways, new options, new paths have been and are opening all around us. 

May you participate in creating these new rules, new ways, new options, new paths by being true to you and to others.

Truth on.  Yikes!...  Because some truth is really hard to walk through.  Love yourself and share this love while you walk and you can 'walk' anywhere, anytime, anyway as the Best You that you are.  And, you are a miracle which makes you pretty awesome.

Weird

I may be weird.  And, I'm learning how to be confident in my weirdness! 

May you be confident in what makes you unique.

                                                                 Unknown

Victor Hugo

"All the forces in the world are not so powerful as an idea whose time has come."  Victor Hugo

When your time is right, there is nothing that will stop you. 

May you believe.    I believe.

Visions

"Your visions need you."  Martin Soulreader

Our visions, our dreams need us to plant, grow and process them.  Without ourselves, our dreams cannot become our truth.  Without our dreams, we cannot become what we can imagine for ourselves.

Dream.  Dream whatever is inside of you to dream.  Do not fear your dreams.  Embrace them and let them grow.  Now is the time. 

May you become your wildest of dreams.

Tonight

Tonight, again, this online auction for this house that I fell for will be ending.   I have the top bid and I know that it doesn't really mean anything definite.

They can pull it right out from under me or they can offer me to make a deal that I don't want or they can offer me a deal that I can accept.  Anything is possible.

It is 77 wonderful degrees outside and my husband is on his way home from being on the other side of the world.

Ice/snow/wind/rain is bombarding the midwest and upper northeast United States and it almost sounds like a frozen, long and hard encounter with Mother Nature. 

No one and/or nothing stops Mother Nature or the Universe.  We can only allow life to happen and consider it and respond to it and create what is in our power to do so.

It can be a hoot.  It can be frustrating.  It can be wonderful.   It can feel horrible.  It can be horrible.  Perhaps, it can 'just be' if we choose to think of it this way.    

May your tonight be everything beautiful.  If it is not, may you find the strength of your spirit supporting you and guiding you through.  May you be open to receiving what you perceive as good.  If you need to, may you, maybe, just let things 'just be' for a while.