Be U: Ohhhh this House thing

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Ohhhh this House thing

Ohhh I find myself, at times, so irritable while I'm doing everything I can imagine/conjure up to get information on this beautiful and empty home that I can see myself living in.   I can find no answers/no connections that will help me or show me how to purchase it for certain. There is another home I like a lot; I just do not get as excited when I think about it. Perhaps, this is the one I'm supposed to 'enter'.

I've written at least 10 letters, made several calls. I'm ready to just go and move in and see what happens. Like I would have the nerve to do this! lol

We are gathering our paperwork.   We are logistically trying to see where our life is on paper and in person.  I am so very unsettled and uprooted and I'm choosing to be out of my mind fighting living as I currently live because I can see the future getting closer.

It is such a hoot that I always knew Florida, USA would become my main address.   It is funny, and NOT, that this was never the way I saw it or felt it happening.

This is extremely good that my life is not easy as it opens myself up to myself way more than is comfortable. I'm learning that I am me no matter where I am and where I live. I can choose to be me. I can choose to care about people. I can choose to love on.   I can choose to support and participate in life no matter where I live because, truly, my home is where I am. It is inside of myself connecting to all that is and the truth of how I think, feel, breathe, share and am.

No hiding behind anything. Facing everything that is real in life. Taking on the evils and embracing the good. This may be what pain and/or discomfort can produce. (I have been talking to a 'friend' [a beautiful, sensitive, brilliant young woman] on Facebook who works with "the street kids". They have no building to call home. Their street is their home. They have no parents. She and her information regarding these street kids have awakened me to something much greater than myself.)

WOWZA. The evolution of humankind is vibrating/showing itself/connecting and I'm not sure there is one person that knows exactly what and where and how and who and why they live as they live. Not with 100% certainty. This may be exactly what being human is about. A ride to learn, grow, become and connect to the essence that flows through us all.

Wherever, whatever, however, whoever you are living as and being just now, embrace the 'home' that is inside of yourself and build from here. Build from the truth that you connect to within and (perhaps, have been ignoring/pretending/shutting off/wishing it to be different) without.

May you know and breathe the essence of the life that flows through you gently and kindly; within and without.

Know the essence of your life. Connect to the essence of your life. Follow the essence of your life. Iyanla VanZant

Essence - the basic, real, and invariable nature of a thing or its significant individual feature or features (dictionary.com)

blatherskite - a person given to voluble, empty talk; nonsense; blather (dictionary.com word of the day) I thought this was funny because to me if feels of the opposite of what I am going for.

"Beautiful!" Pictures of Nature

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!