Be U: Nine of Coins, Nine of Vessels

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Nine of Coins, Nine of Vessels

Tarot Card Time! Because I'm shaking inside and I notice the cards sitting on the counter top, I go and pick two which I imagine are sending off heat energy.

I was on my way out the door to meet the plumber for this house inspection and I knew I was going it alone. Getting in through the lock box is hard even for the realtor and I have learned to bring a butter knife as my fingers do not allow me access alone. I need the butter knife to pop open the box to get the door key. This is how the realtor and I have been getting in after keying in the lock box code because the box itself seems to be warped.

So, as I'm nervous because I hear myself saying I have no idea what comes after this last inspection; I allow anxiety of this unknown in and I have anxiety of not even being sure I'm doing the right thing.

I do know I have to do it though. Yikes

So, how funny it is that I pick two cards and both are the number 9. My favorite number; and the number meaning 'completion' some would say.

9 of Coins
*"Nature provides for you. You may reap what you have sown. The message could relate to living off your investments, having more leisure time, or enjoying luxuries. You have life with ease. The card also shows that true health is provided by Nature - the world soul, or the Anima Mundi."

9 of Vessels
*"Take all your emotions and memories, and let bygones be bygones. Be on your way. The emotions and memories associated with the past are your foundation, and can be built upon, but cannot be changed. Do not try to change the past, but look to the future. Do not worry; you are sure footed and will not stumble."

*From the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

So, as I'm driving to this house that I love, I am in the community and at a stop sign. I allow a man with a golf cart and his dog to go first. We motion back and forth for a moment or two and he goes on his way. What a hoot that shortly after I'm in the driveway of this house - sure enough, here comes the man in his golf cart with his dog and he pulls in the driveway across the street. I got a 'tickle' out of this as we were at least one mile away.

May you be open to joy and 'tickles' from the Universe and may you trust yourself to walk through. 'Let bygones be bygones and be on your way'. May you walk through with as much ease as possible even if you know great discomfort. Follow the drive within. 'Nature provides for you.' Go YOU!...

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!