Be U: Myself

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Myself

I'm finding it hard to talk about myself. I feel like a 'downer' and a 'Loser' and a 'complainer'. I see myself talking about outside things.

Perhaps, there is so much chaos in my thoughts just now because of the unexpected reality of my life. I'm here to learn about myself, share my journey and, perhaps, support you to be kind, easy and loving towards yourself. To just be you; through it all.

I'm not as willing and able to give 'support' like I have been in the past. I'm feeling sorry for myself. I want to feel sorry for myself. I want to sulk a little. I want to give myself extra love and attention.

I want to love inward, yet I want to feel outward. I want to make whatever words that come out of my fingers to be more about what is on the outside of myself than what is in. This is new for me; I think.

I'm confused.   I'm concerned. I'm dreary and sad.

Okay, now that I've admitted and felt this, I can choose to let it go.

I let go of my confusion, my concern, my dreariness and my sadness.   I try not to label and try to just be.

I walk through and on into a sunnier day. I love. I love exactly as I am because I am reacting as I am. I'm not sure how this makes much sense and it makes perfect sense.

I am not wanting to be what I am not.   I am wanting to learn to be exactly as I am and allow it, process it, embrace it and keep creating going forward.

I think stuck in the muck is much worse than feeling the muck between my fingers, in my cells, and throughout my brain. Feel it all. Be it all. AND, IT CHANGES.

May I offer that whatever you are, whatever you are feeling, however you are, whoever you are just now in this minute. BE IT.   BE ALL OF WHO YOU ARE. Move on from here through love.

It is easy to do this when life and our hearts and mind are all in sync.   My hope is that you have experienced this and we will all experience it more and more as we become our truest of selves together.

However, to feel all of ourselves; to be open to all of what is and support each other creating the best life for all of us tomorrow..... this is the time.   Now is the time to do better than we ever have together.

May you do better than you ever have by just being who you truly are and supporting others to do the same.

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!