Be U: Bundle of Jumbo

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Bundle of Jumbo

Within, I am a bundle of 'mish mash' information and do not really feel like gathering it, placing it or connecting to it as I do not have a plan of usage just now. yikes!

Most of it is exciting, life changing, moving forward possibilities that when gathered, placed, connected to and used will be brilliant. I believe this with everything in me.

It does FEEL too difficult to tackle just now. And, tackle it I will.

I will tackle it gently, lovingly, openly and with my truth of who I am and what I feel. Oh, what a strange place this can be. I am completely here in the moment with what is and feeling the truth of myself and watching, being aware and connecting to myself as the observer of myself. And, it is so exciting, I have no words.

I am jumbled up with this information just now. I feel lost when I know I have been found. I am connecting to all that I am from conception (perhaps, even before) to this present moment.   It is all blended inside of myself and I feel and believe like I have my whole complete self here on Earth.

The other night for two hours in the middle of the night I found myself finding songs and listening to songs that I used to listen to again and again and again as I child. I may not have heard these songs for 40 years and I knew the words and I remember singing and dancing to these songs again and again and again. I would perform them for anyone who would watch. I think it was my chosen but unconscious way of bringing my whole self into alignment in the now.

As I type this and think these thoughts, it sounds like a 'lulu' to me. And, it feels like I am connected to the most real part of myself. Authentic Me - Whole Me   Look out lol

I will be spending the day with this information and I am open to living, giving and receiving life through this self that is me.

I'm excited and happy to participate and have this experience.

May you find and participate in an experience that you are excited and happy about.   May you feel, know and breathe yourself in it and through it. Gather, place and connect to the information that is inside of you and use it as/when you are ready.

YOU were born beautiful. You are beautiful.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!