Resistance

There is resistance inside of me.  Resistance to accept what is...  All that is.

There is a tension in my body that is uncomfortable and maybe even awkward.  I don't like it.  If I could I would run from it.

I cannot.

I must be with it, feel it, allow it, and even while not understanding it - open to it.

Much is being shown to us (me) that doesn't work the way it used to. There are multiple options to most things these days.  All the answers, right and wrong, are at our fingertips through Google and the web.

I enjoy the answers to what age a movie star is.  I don't enjoy so much, the information on calories, gluten-free foods, all different diets and medicine dosages and side effects, etc.  The knowing is not always helpful in making the right decisions.  These decisions can feel hard and unknowing even with knowing...  maybe especially with knowing.   Ha.

We are being open to the awareness of what we are actually creating, involved in, sworn to and challenged by.

It is a new way of life.   Things cannot be swept under the rug.  The elephant in the room is more noisy than ever.  The 'that only happens there' is affecting us here.

We live outside of our comfort zones more than we ever used to merely by breathing in this day and age of what is.

So, as I do my best to stay open to what is, I find myself irritable and cranky at times. 

All I can do is walk through; speak and live my truth and be as open minded and open hearted as possible. 

May you walk through life speaking and living your truth and being as open minded and open hearted as possible.

Perhaps, the best way to where we are going is through where we are now.

26

Yesterday was my 26th wedding anniversary with my husband.  We have been with each other for 32 years. 

How can 32 years be so...  Amazing.

We have done a lot of what we have planned.  We have experienced much of what was not planned.  We have had wonderful, beyond my wildest dreams moments.  We have had some of the greatest challenges I ever could have imagined.

We are love with all it's many phases. 

This journey of marriage is unlike anything else.  It feels so good knowing that we are still by each other's side and still supporting each other and creating from what comes from within both of us; each of us.  Building together.  Breaking down together.  Growing together;

while individually allowing, asking, wondering, emitting our own individual selves.

This being human; this growing individually, this growing together... This...

This is and has been and will continue to be a ride of our lifetimes.  It is what we have chosen; what we have created and we have experienced that makes us us.

Some things have come with ease.  Some things have come with difficulty and, still, have unknown answers.

The highs were among my highest.  The lows have hurt and changed me forever.

It is the journey that is experienced.  It is the journey that touches us.  It is the journey that makes us us.

My husband is my soulmate.   He has given me the greatest of love.  He has challenged me like no other.

Within me lies the love for him that will never be for anyone else.  Within me - what is within me is what and who I am. 

Within each of us - what is within each of us - is what creates the experiences, the fabulousness and the challenges that touch us like only we can be touched.

May you be open to the love of your life.  May you let this love grow.  May you be true to who you are and how you receive another.  May who you truly are create your path going forward. 

Anniversaries come and go.  Our humanness and our love changes, challenges and allows us to soar with every breath that we take.

I am grateful for my husband; the man that he is and the woman I have known and am because of my love for him.

Together we GrOw forward.

May you individually, together GrOw forward from the truth and love of yourself and others.

Happy day to you.   Happy opening to all of your experiences, challenges and rewards.  Live on as only you can. 

Each day is a new day.  Happy Anniversary to you being you...

Happy Anniversary to the only man for me.  I am glad we chose each other. 

May you, the reader, always choose yourself and your love.  You and it is what matters most in your lifetime. 

Where I'm At

I'm sitting in the heaviness of life.  The change, the challenge, the truth, the so many cameras everywhere and the so many posts/shares and connections on social media.

We are all alive and living. 

There are some things very positive and some things not so positive in each of our lives.  We know ease in some things and unease in others.

I am transmuting into staying in the positive as much as possible.  Believing in the success of walking through the challenges and coming through as my best of self.

I have and know love.   I have and know success.   I have and know challenges.  I live without many answers.  I live with answers in this moment.

I live.

I have been doing pilates and am grateful that I do.  It keeps me limber and keeps my body happy.  I always feel good after I am done.  What a gift to one's self movement is.

I am not eating my cleanest and am aware and still trying to be kind to myself during these times.

I am connecting to my loved ones and open to sharing our lives with each other.  This may be my favorite of all times; past, current and future. 

I am open to continuing to living my best self in each moment and with every breath.

I am open to believing.  I am open to knowing what I know.  I am open to challenging what I know.

Just because something worked for me greatly in my past does not mean it will work well with me in my current life.  I am open to knowing and living what does.

I remain open hearted and open minded.

I know physical pain more than I know relief.  I know myself more than I ever did.  I know that I know very little in the grips of life.  I believe I know what I am supposed to know today.

I am open to further relief.  I am open to living my greatest self.  I am open to supporting all of life that touches me to my best ability.

I remain open.

May you remain open to who you are and what brings you joy and how you handle challenges.  May you find and live your greatest of self; again and again and again.

Live on.

Quality

It is the quality of life that we allow or disallow that affects us, our beliefs and our way of life.

What has great quality to one does not always have great quality for another.  What is important to you is not always important to another.  What is important to another is not always what is important to you.  Don't give up your positive (high quality) thinking because you hear another challenge or not understand same.  Keep what is right for you. 

What you think matters.  What you think creates.  What you think affects your whole being.

You are always listening to your thoughts even when you don't know you are doing so. 

May you be aware of your thoughts.  The more aware of them that we become, the more we can choose to allow or disallow each thought to stay or dissipate within us.

When you think a quality thought of positivity, your life feels more positive.  When you think of hurtful things, we feel hurt.  When one focuses on one's breath, we just are.

We are in control if we choose to be.  We can choose our thoughts.  We can choose how we feel.

Some times are much easier to do so than other times.  Some times it feels impossible to think outside of a thought that so deeply hurts us.  It may feel impossible but it is not.  By just doing so, we are enabled to do so.  May you just 'go there' even if you may not fully feel it.  Try it out.  Love yourself through. 

What are your recent thoughts and do they benefit you or do they weigh you down...

May you take a deep breath and allow the thoughts that are beneficial and disengage and/or change the thoughts that are not in your best self's dynamic.

You have the power to choose.   May you choose well.  May you choose you. 

Time

There is a time for everything.  A time to rest.  A time to work.  A time to play.  A time to regroup. 

May you allow this time to know what is being asked of you and let it be so.

'It is what it is and it ain't what it ain't'...  unknown

I'm feeling caught between professional and social desires and obligations.  I'm wanting to grow a business and needing to connect with family. 

I am not balancing between health, social connection and creating professional connections like I feel I am ready to do.

Is this because the time still has not arrived for me yet...

May you trust that if something is supposed to happen for you and/or with you that there is nothing that will stop it from happening.

Do your best to be open to divine timing, placement, allowance and creation.

Stay in your truth as much as you can.  Relax into your truth as much as you can.  Allow your truth as much as possible.

The time will be when the time comes.

Let's trust this together and be open to it happening.  It all happens for our own greater good and growth.

Whether your time is now or yet to come...  it's all okay and you are enough.  You matter.  I care. 

Namaste'.

Butterflies

I have unresolved anxiety going through my body.  My breathing is more shallow and I am uncomfortable and frustrated.  I have felt this way for a few days now and I want to ignore it and pretend it is not happening.  I definitely don't want it to be present.

Alas, it is.

There is a fear inside of me.  A feeling of being unsafe and not protected.  I think it is from hearing about and witnessing [on the TV and through others] many stressful and scary situations and I am letting myself feel that it is more real life than the friendly, helpful, caring and loving world that I have first hand witnessed as well - even moreso.

There is talk about scary things.  There is talk of people being unsettled and angry.  There is talk of people being sick and challenged to the max.  There is change and cameras everywhere.

How does one feel safe when such an environment is felt within.  Is it even real...   Is it less real and more imagined...  Is it real somewhat and taken care of too...  and is it just plain real in certain situations...

How do I connect myself to the feeling of safety and relax.  Relaxing from the inside out... 

I take a deep breath.  I tell myself that in this moment I am okay.  I am okay with everything that is surrounding me and involving me.  I am safe in this moment.  In this current moment, I am okay.   I may not feel it.  I may feel a host of things.  And, in truth, in this moment, I am okay as I sit here and type these words and sentences out.

I take another deep breath and wonder why I've gotten myself so freaked out.  How can I let go of this 'freak out' and sit heavily in peace...

I become aware of the chair underneath me supporting me.  I feel my feet on the floor.  I feel my shoulders relax.  Even as I feel spastic energy within 'bebopping' all through me, I know - my brain ensures me - that I am okay.  Something within ensures me I am ok and will continue to be ok - through it all.  I am just living the human experience - my human experience.  It is as it is best for me. 

I ask for calm.  I ask for breath.  I ask to let go.  I ask of myself to change things up and let it pass.

I connect to the trust inside of myself that knows I will know what to do when the time comes to know.   I connect to the truth inside of myself that I have survived everything in my past with a 100% survival record.  I connect to the complete relaxation and heaviness of my body in this moment.  I connect to my breath as my mind lets go of the thoughts that created this anxiety. 

In this moment, I am okay.  It is how I roll.  Ha!

May you breathe into yourself and hold on to the calm, the letting go, the relaxation that is yours to own.  May you know that in this moment, you are okay.  No matter what is going on, you are still okay in this moment.   You may not like what you are feeling or what you are dealing with, but in this moment you are okay.

Trust that everything you need for this lifetime you already have.   Everything that you want to be, you already have it within you to be so. 

May you let your heart lead you.  May you let your soul soothe you.  May you let your knowing be comforting.

May you let yourself feel and be what you feel and are in this moment.  Let peace in.  Let love in.  Let an open heart and an open mind present this moment in life to you.

May you let yourself be you.   Feel it all.  Allow it all.  Love through it all...  as best you can.

Group hug.  We have this. 

Experience your humanness as this is what we are on this earth to do.   May you experience it as only you can; from a place of compassion, gentleness and openness.

Let the butterflies fly gently.  Let who you are be enough...  because it/you are.

Be in Love

It is sometimes easier to notice what we don't like in life; what doesn't feel right in life; what part of our body hurts or wants attention through pain.   It is sometimes easier to know this than what feels glorious in/to us. 

May I offer to, perhaps, choose to see what you love.  What is beautiful to you...  What you are grateful for...  What feels good in your body...

Maybe, train our minds to focus on what is working and let this grow...  what is bringing us joy and swim in this...  what does feel good and feel gratitude for this.

Check in with yourself, perhaps, and watch where you see your mind focus; what thoughts are more prevalent; what feels best on you.

I think as we do this, we build ourselves; we expand.  We strengthen our cells, our organs, and our bodies.  We feel joy, pleasure, contentment and unison with what is.  It is so much easier to accept happiness than it is many other emotions.

Just what if they are all 'just' emotions.  Happiness, sadness, peace and unrest...  What if these are all just feelings of the human being that we are.  What if we just accept them all.  Live true in them.  Let our own self-love lead us through them all.

May you let yourself experience what you are feeling right now in this moment.  Do not label it.  Do not resist it.  Just breathe and feel it.  Let it pass through.  Let it breathe with your breath. 

Talk to it if you choose.  Write about it.  Cry it out.  Dance it out.   Laugh through it.   Whatever comes up for you to do from the gentlest place within you.  Let it.   Do it.  Be it. 

Feelings of ours just may lead us to exactly where we are supposed to be.  Just what if we are exactly where we are supposed to be.  We can't stay here forever.  Change is inevitable.  Accept it as best you can.  There are supposed to be things that are much easier to accept than others, perhaps, simply because this is how things are. 

Yes, we like certain things way more than others.  We invite and allow certain feelings.  Just what if we let our true self experience what is present for us and move on, forward and through from here.

May you believe in yourself.   Believe in what you feel.  Believe in processing through as best you can.  Believe that on the other side of what you may be trying to dismiss or ignore, is the life that creates and allows you freedom to be you... in all the humanness that is you; whatever it is that shows up to you.  Feel the wonderful and the [what feels like] impossible. 

May you let the freedom to be you live.

Perhaps, this is what we are here to learn, live, accept and experience.  Through your truest of self - live.