Be U: 26

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, April 24, 2017

26

Yesterday was my 26th wedding anniversary with my husband. We have been with each other for 32 years.

How can 32 years be so... Amazing.

We have done a lot of what we have planned. We have experienced much of what was not planned. We have had wonderful, beyond my wildest dreams moments. We have had some of the greatest challenges I ever could have imagined.

We are love with all it's many phases.

This journey of marriage is unlike anything else. It feels so good knowing that we are still by each other's side and still supporting each other and creating from what comes from within both of us; each of us. Building together. Breaking down together. Growing together;

while individually allowing, asking, wondering, emitting our own individual selves.

This being human; this growing individually, this growing together... This...

This is and has been and will continue to be a ride of our lifetimes. It is what we have chosen; what we have created and we have experienced that makes us us.

Some things have come with ease. Some things have come with difficulty and, still, have unknown answers.

The highs were among my highest. The lows have hurt and changed me forever.

It is the journey that is experienced. It is the journey that touches us. It is the journey that makes us us.

My husband is my soulmate. He has given me the greatest of love. He has challenged me like no other.

Within me lies the love for him that will never be for anyone else. Within me - what is within me is what and who I am.

Within each of us - what is within each of us - is what creates the experiences, the fabulousness and the challenges that touch us like only we can be touched.

May you be open to the love of your life. May you let this love grow. May you be true to who you are and how you receive another. May who you truly are create your path going forward.

Anniversaries come and go. Our humanness and our love changes, challenges and allows us to soar with every breath that we take.

I am grateful for my husband; the man that he is and the woman I have known and am because of my love for him.

Together we GrOw forward.

May you individually, together GrOw forward from the truth and love of yourself and others.

Happy day to you. Happy opening to all of your experiences, challenges and rewards. Live on as only you can.

Each day is a new day. Happy Anniversary to you being you...

Happy Anniversary to the only man for me. I am glad we chose each other.

May you, the reader, always choose yourself and your love. You and it is what matters most in your lifetime.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!