Be U: Home from CA

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Home from CA

I'm home in Pennsylvania, USA today. The weather is quite different than the sunny weather out west. The trees have started to change into the beautiful, colorful display of fall. Orange, red, yellow and the summer green is bursting forth all around me. I love this time of year. Soon, there will not be any green left in the leaves and they will start to fall.

I don't like what it means...winter (little sun and very cold temperatures); but today it is glorious. The colors help me to feel like I'm walking through a portrait of magnificent life energy where anything is possible. The array of color is breathtaking and alive.

I've come home to some 'dad' issues. How involved do I want to get; how involved can I get. Not having him in most of my life and now with his health failing; do I force myself more into his life or do I let things be. The only word that comes to mind when I think of this life situation is unfathomable. I'll carry on; of this, I am sure.

My dogs were happy to see me. It is like I never left. My cats greeted me as well; also, the birds were singing happily this morning. I have one lovebird who is 18 years old and still brings me great joy.

I had a very interesting time at the grocery store. There was a lady two people in front of me checking out with what seemed like a thousand coupons. There was, yet, another lady right in front of me that decided she only wanted to spend $1 of her $2.48 credit on a box of tissues. I kid you not; I was in the checkout line for 40+ minutes before it was my turn with only these two ladies ahead of me; each with very small orders. I thought there must be a camera on me to see how one would react to such a trial. I don't know what to take away from this, but I talked my way through it finding out the first lady saved $81 on her bill and the second lady was so mad by the time she had her turn; I think, maybe, this is why she came up with only using $1 instead of the whole $2.48 on her one box of tissues. At the end of me checking out, the cashier handed me a card to write in online to give her a free lunch on the grocery store. At first, I thought it was a free lunch for me. After looking at it twice, I realized that was not the case. What a weirdo thing! I went with it and let it go.... or let it go enough not to know anger over it anyway. I had to have been 'punked' even though no one ever came out to say it. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.

So, I'm back and settling in and hope to get my pictures up and working and be better at sharing myself once again.

I feel subdued and quiet as I find where I'm heading on from here.

I feel like I'm just sitting in this body of mine with acceptance, excitement, bit of fear and wonder. I'd like to start implementing a plan. Perhaps, I could have done this while I was in the grocery line! LOL

What is your biggest emotion today and is it helpful or hurtful; or maybe somewhere in between? How are you reacting to it? Do you want to keep it or change it?

Maybe, for just this moment, it is best to just let it be... Only YOU know.

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!