Be U: Merry Christmas 2014

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Merry Christmas 2014

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it.   Merry-ness to all.

I am in my new home decorated kind of nice and it surely is comfortable. I am hooked on this Facebook 'party' and I see many people struggling with feeling allowed to be who they truly are; especially with family.

May I offer to bring your true and open self with you to whatever celebration you attend or create. May you be courageous enough to show your family/loved ones who you really are and how you really feel. Baby steps are allowed.

I am learning to do this in everything and I am learning that it is what brings me my greatest peace. I walk away from the pain if it is the last thing that I do. I am so lucky that my family is now at a point where they know to question me and encourage me just a little further than what I know how to give at times. When I believe that what I am feeling are childish feelings/beliefs, I find myself hesitant. This is when it really is wonderful when my loved ones encourage me to share. Just thinking and judging my feelings this way is what stops me from sharing.

What I feel is real. Perhaps, I don't need to judge my feelings at all. Just let them be here. Let me own them. Let me share them. This is truly where the miracles happen.

Even if I don't get the response I want or think I need, I know that I am standing in my truth. My truth is beautiful. I only want to love and be loved.

Perhaps, now is a better time than ever - while we are all gathered, many feeling stressed or discomfort... be the first to walk in your truth; from your heart.   You will only gain YOU and what an awesome gift that is for all.

You know what is best for you. I honor where you are.   I wish you to be fulfilled and living in your loving truth. Let them see your vulnerability; your sadness; your need for love.

Merry Christmas and the gift of YOU is what we all need. You were born this way for a reason. You were born this way to complete and add to the puzzle of life. Bring your puzzle piece with you.

May you be true and loving to you which in turn is true and loving towards others. Only you know if today is the day.... or if there is a person or person(s) you can do this with.

I wish you joy, peace and love from within, without.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!