Be U: The Porcupine, "No, I mean Raccoon"

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Porcupine, "No, I mean Raccoon"

While getting bodywork today, I mentioned the porcupine, but I immediately said, no, I mean the raccoon.

So, Ted Andrews book, Animal Speak, once again....If porcupine has showed up in your life, take a look at your life.  (I've been doing this almost constantly lately.) "Are you allowing other people's opinions to prevent you from exploring activities that could otherwise be fun and enjoyable? Are you overly sensitive to the barbs of others? Are your barbs inappropriate or taking the joy from others? Are you still allowing the barbs from long ago to aggravate you and sting you? Sometimes it is necessary to remove the old barbs, no matter how painful, so they do not fester and poison the system."

"Porcupines can show you how to enjoy life and maintain a sense of wonder about it, in spite of negative conditions. They can teach you how to protect the inner child from all of life's barbs and can show you the strength in your vulnerability."

During this 'massage', the masseuse is telling me how courageous I am and that she admires me (oh, I'm liking this). I'm saying I don't feel courageous. She says just how you move and accept and feel what is happening on the table. I say "do you want to see courageous". I push my body into her hands and I start sobbing like a scared, hurt child from the pain and emotion stored there. "I'll show you courageous", I say.  Afterwards, we laughed, a lot.  It was an experience to say the least. (I want to share that I have worked with this wonderful lady many, many, many hours for many, many years.) This kind of trust was achieved by work on both our parts. I asked her later if she was wondering how long she would push back, she shook her head Oh YES.

What 'fun', right?   OH MY.
...

Racoon, it can't possibly be as suitable!....

Raccoon is one of the most adaptable animals. The paws are very dexterous. Raccoons can be expert at opening lids, latches, doorknobs and such. (everything I'm not good at) They love to explore. The most striking feature is the mask that it wears. Concealed behind a mask, people could become something or someone else. They are tools for transformation. The hidden aspect, the secrecy, helps promote the transformation. It helps us to change what we are to what we want to be. It can teach you how to wear a healing mask or show you the face you shall become. The raccoon holds the knowledge of how to change our faces.

This is very exciting to me because I relate almost completely.

Have you seen any porcupines and/or raccoons lately? Like you have time to look for animals these days? ha.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!

Coming for the Real You.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Porcupine, "No, I mean Raccoon"

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