Be U: Imagine

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Imagine

"Imagine" -- what a great song by John Lennon -- but I'm getting off track...

"In your imagination, you can replace the thought of I will one day be in a better pace, with I am already in my mind where I intend to be. This may sound irrational because you are accustomed to evaluating your life on the basis of what your senses tell you is your reality."

"Wishes Fulfilled: Mastering the Art of Manifesting" by Wayne W. Dyer

I believe I lived much of my life this way. I know when I was in my 20s and would sometimes feel lonely and 'single'... I would tell myself again and again that for right now "I can do what I want with who I want how I want and when I want where I want. I know my life won't always be this way. I know things change all the time so I'm going to enjoy this while I have it."   It worked beautifully for me. I had great fun and often. I lived the life that was inside of me to do so and I knew fulfillment. My 30s were the same as I married and had a beautiful baby girl. A friend had told me that "they grow up so fast, enjoy every moment" and I did!

In my forties, I was so busy raising a child and building and upkeeping homes and traveling to and from Pennsylvania to Florida, gathering animals, taking on volunteer hospice work, inviting people to live with me as they healed their lives....   I just was in each moment and I feel I did well.  I know much gratitude for it all.

My late forties, something in me changed.   I got tired. I wanted change. I wanted - no I needed more peace within. I didn't want to keep going as I was.   I wanted to slow down, stop, go deep within (full time) and see what would come out of this.

So, here I am at 53. Why do I not tell myself that this part of my life, too, will change. Enjoy it exactly as it is because it is certain to change. Why am I allowing it to feel 'hard'.   Perhaps, this is just where I need to be right now to move forward; to learn; to grow. While it doesn't feel as 'fun', 'easy' or 'as rocking'... it is my truth and a lot of it is hard for me.

AND, I do have in my head and mind and being that I will live in a beautiful house again.   I will have a career in supporting others to live the best of themselves. I will be content, thriving, loving, happy and jovial again.   I know it.   I feel it.   I believe it.   I do already have it in my mind that great ease of a fulfilled life I will know again.

For now, I am supposed to be unfulfilled because that is what I am. I am in great transition of living more in Florida than anywhere else.  A dream I knew I would achieve at the age of 18. An 'imagination' that I knew was going to happen. I purchased my first home here when I was 40. I sold my second home here when I was 49. I have gone deeply inward and have learned and felt much. Most of it not easy nor fun.

And, it has made me ready. I am ready for the next chapter of being my own self sharing what is inside of me with whoever wants or needs it. I am ready to fill myself up again.

Life is brilliant. Each one of us have brilliance in us. Sometimes we want to ignore our brilliance whether out of fear of this brilliance, fear of others not being comfortable with this brilliance or, simply, fear itself.

There is no where left to hide. It is time to come out and 'play' as you. You are exactly what your/our world needs to move on to bigger and greater and happier connections and 'things'.

Live YOU. Live the YOU that is in your imagination. May you let your imagination come to life. The time has come. Love and truth of your imagination rides on. May you connect.

A beautiful door on a beautiful house in the community I want to live.

Unknown

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!