Be U: Beginnings

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Beginnings

Perhaps, I need a 'life coach' to be a life coach.

I am ready.   I am ready to work. I am ready and prepared to be able to offer my services to those who want them. I have gone through much training. Personal training and challenges and classroom lessons and seminars.   I have passed the tests that professionally enable me to offer my services as such.

And, here I sit. Somewhat frozen still.

I know that in my head I have four possibilities - four thoughts - four places that I would be beyond happy to work; happy to share my knowledge; happy to spend time involved in what presents itself.

One would be the country club where I live; at their fitness center and/or spa. Another would be at an "enlightenment center" which is just around the corner from where I live. Another would be a "rehabilitation center" here in the area. And, perhaps, the most 'out-of-the-park' connection would be to work with Oprah and connect somehow to help support and better our world. She does have almost the whole world in her hands. HUGE responsibility.   Through "Just 9Be U, LLP", perhaps, I can touch down on all and/or more.

Each time I connect or think about any of these possible options, I get excited, happy. I know that I am capable and would be a positive presence. Each time I think of reaching out and committing, I get scared and there are many cells in my body that want to stop me from committing.

I think I am over the 'what if' of what if my family needs me. I know that I am stuck in the 'what if' of the what if my health stops or won't allow me. It is a real fear.

And, I know it is only a fear. Man, fears can feel so strong; so devastating. They can freeze me up, out and solid.

So, while I am starting to feel 'antsy' doing what I've been doing, I am not seeing my legs stepping forward into something different.

I shake in anticipation.

It seems at night, I am less afraid, feel my best and starting to feel like I can take on the world; so to speak. It is the morning that my fearful 'cells' are more prominent and I hear myself saying 'what were you thinking - how can you possibly commit to anything when you feel this way'.

A wonderful friend and hairstylist I know suggested that the way I feel in the morning is only temporary; to think of it this way. That's some pretty good advice. I've been working with this.

It is my hope that one day I am going to wake up and just know, be and go. I know I am ready. The 'doors' that I am connecting to and finding open will turn into fruition for me and I will be where I know I am going.

I read statements that say 'Be patient. Things happen in the exact right time and the universe has you.'

I also hear myself saying that I am a loser; albeit, with relief, I am hearing this less and less.

I find myself knowing that where I am today and where I have been is exactly educating me, preparing me and gearing me up for what is definitely to come.

It is, once again, the fight between Mercedes and Flair. The two parts of me that is the biggest war I will ever encounter; the war within one's self.

I am open to things happening, my legs moving, to stand in (and have) confidence and trust in my ability to do exactly what is inside of me to do.

Maybe it is a good idea to enjoy where I'm at because we all know that life, ['I, you, us and we'] never stays the same forever.

May you embrace where you are while you 'play with', 'visit' and 'work with' everything else about where you want to be and go...   And, when it is time, you will know and you will go and you will be ready as you are ever going to be and you will 'jump'...

Namaste.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!