Be U: Mercedes Diamond

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Mercedes Diamond

I am giving myself a new pen name today. From "Mercedes Flair", which started off as a belly dancing name that turned into a pen name for me; I am now knowing/calling/referring to myself as "Mercedes Diamond". !

"We" have been together and through a lot. Since I started this blog in 2010. We have experienced, delved deep, and shared much.

Today, while waiting for my next "Neuro Spatial Alignment" massage, I just knew that today would be the day to change my name.

It was a two hour massage and I asked to start at my calves. They were tight, screaming and wanted attention. As she was working on this area, my neck, head and throat became tingly. It felt like I had a cone on my head with the tip sitting above my sternum and beautiful, bright and happy 'diamonds' came up and out and dispersed through the large end of the cone into the atmosphere. I knew that, while the massage personnel and creator of this Neuro Spatial Alignment (Clemme Montgomery Consalve) was working on my legs, she was also working on the opening of all that I am.

She went from there to my sternum and stayed here for the next 1.5 hours. I felt my heart and chest open up and white light coming out and going in. I felt my second grade self - the self that shut me down as not to bother the adults in my life - lay there and accept and share all that was going on. We fully became one again. She was no longer afraid. I was no longer separated from her.

Yep, this can be considered 'woo woo' to many. And, like I've always said, when I lie on the massage table and let myself go wherever I am led - I feel the most real that I ever feel. This was no exception.

So, I go on from here. I don't know what this means. I do know that it was deeply relaxing, releasing and it felt like I let go of the negative nerves that often hounded me. I believe we worked with my chakra system, my being and my innate self.

Clemme kept saying that she works with/at the origin of each client.

We shall see what we shall see. I shall live what shows itself to me. I believe in, trust in, and love myself in a way that I have me. I so have me... in this minute anyway, ha!

May you see what you shall see. May you live what shows itself to you. May you believe in, trust in and love yourself in a way that you know you have you. Amen.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!