Be U: GRATEFUL

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

GRATEFUL

I sit here in front of the computer, at the desk, on a big black soft cushioned chair realizing how lucky I am. I am here day in and day out sharing stories, thoughts, 'aha moments', beliefs, hardships, fabulousness and different situations with many.

I learn every day many new things on how the Human Being, and it's deepest of self connected to the Spirit, lives, breathes and thinks. I LOVE THIS.

How lucky I am to be doing what I love; to have the time to just be in the middle of truest of life's situations that many wonderful people are willing to share with me.

I am reminded of a Facebook post (from Rebel Thriver) that was a picture of a Light House setting off a beacon of light and the caption read "Lighthouses don't go running around all over an island to find boats to save; they just stand there shining." Anne Lamont

This resonated with me and brought me peace. While I don't want to claim that I'm this beacon of light that can shine for others... I need to claim that I'm this beacon of light that can help others shine their own light.

I am aware of many 'healers' and people 'coming out of the woodwork' and sharing their desire to help others grow; to be better, live happier, healthier, more fuller lives.

Our world is changing for the better.   I believe.   I look for it so I see it. IT IS PRESENT. Good things are happening. Our consciousness is becoming one as many are willing, some are forced and some may have to be carried kicking and screaming AND we are more aware of how the inside of ourselves affects the outside world and, also, how the outside of ourselves affect the inside of who we are and what we feel (how we are responding to same). In truth, as I'm proofreading this, I realize that I am all three of the above.. willing, forced and kicking and screaming. Yikes

We are more aware than ever.

I am grateful to feel this the way I do and, while it is a heavy load (and one I've been afraid of for so long because of how I perceive(d) myself), I AM GRATEFUL to any and all who have helped me in this lifetime grow into this STRENGTH to FEEL THE WORLD and the individuals in it.   Now, I hide because I do not know how to do more or better just now. Yet, I want to.

I think, just now... Who am I to have this beautiful gift...   Who am I not to share it...

Oh the webs of resistance I weave. I've gotten very good at it.   I know that there is no where left to hide. My time has come. I am learning that it is far from the big deal that I feel it to be.

I'm excited, anxious, in awe and scared that this is true. I am open to BE ME. My fear comes from... if threatened, will I survive? Of course, I will. And, if I don't I wasn't meant to. And, I have to give it all I have.

Please let me not hold back anymore.   Let me rip.   Egad

May you not hold yourself back anymore. BE YOU OUTLOUD. BE YOU LOUDLY. BE YOU PROUDLY. BE YOU FULLY. BE YOU LOVINGLY. BE YOU WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE, ARE AND CAN DREAM UP.

BE U

YOUR TIME HAS COME.

Ashland Farms

Thank you to my husband for supporting me financially while I explored and traveled many, many, many paths to 'wholeness'. I could have never done it this complete if it weren't for YOU. I travel on.. with you.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!