Be U: Fog

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Fog

It is a foggy morning here. The ground is wet from the rain of yesterday and the air is drenched with a strong mist.

This reminds me that sometimes life is foggy. We can not see 'it' clearly. It's okay. We are here for the experiences, good and not so good and some that feel downright bad. Sometimes we learn the most through our darkest of experiences. I believe there is always something good, in the bigger picture of things, that comes out of the bad. It may not feel more powerful than the bad and I have to believe that in the picture of my overall life, hard experiences present(ed) me something special to create the me that I'm supposed to be marching on as. It seems that this is the 'experience of being human' the short time we are here on this Earth.

As I write the above paragraph, I feel something. I feel hesitation, I feel hope, I feel the world. I do not know what each person is going through and I know some very awful and hurtful things go on here. Some unspeakable even. I breathe more shallow just typing these words. My experience is that when my daughter was born, all of this 'ugly' became more pronounced for me. I didn't want her to have to live in any of this 'ugly' or even know about it as to let it enter her on any level. I know this is not possible. When anyone or anything hurts, it is felt and passed through the universe. Hence, it is felt by every one on an extremely sublime level. It flickers our world. Just as the joy of who we are lifts our world.

Perhaps, a perfect dent in this hurt would be to truly and lovingly share ourselves. It's easy to share ourselves through laughter and openness. And, we all close down, close off, close in and close out. Just what if we could all use the following tool, when we feel ourselves closing because of our own discomfort, and while helping ourselves, we could help each other. I'd say beautiful breathing would amplify. This is my hope.

"I feel ___________ when you ______________; therefore, what I need is _______________."

The first time I tried this it was in a professional setting. When it worked for myself and the other party -- I was amazed! I haven't used this in a long time. I think I may just say it differently these days. However, if you are uncomfortable and this is shared with the person that you are feeling the discomfort... positive change can happen. It may not always and in most cases, I believe it does. Change will definitely occur. Being stuck day after day in the same discomfort is not a great option.

To speak this was and still is, at times, a very scary place for me. And, when this fear is walked through, universal power can align and good things can be felt by all. I believe.

Speak your truth lovingly and empowering life happens. Woo hoo.

There is a theme here these days and I hear it throughout much of humanity...

May you go inward, know who you are and share this with every breath you take.

THE TIME HAS COME. We, the people of this planet, are ready to create a world full of light and cohesive togetherness; a world that has less pain and struggle just by lovingly sharing our truth.

You are you and I am me. Everything we need to be just this we were born with. We are all here now at this greatest evolution and planetary change that has ever taken place for a reason. Please help our world by choosing to be you; your light and all that you are. Shine yourself on and through the fog.

(yikes)

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!