Be U: Mini Vacation

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Mini Vacation

I'd like to try to take you on a mini-vacation. I'm thinking you deserve one today!

Imagine that you are laying on a soft, fluffy cloud. It envelops your body and supports you completely. You are supported from your head to your toes. Your mind is on nothing but yourself laying on this cloud that fits you perfectly and supports you completely. You let go and just are just because. You are completely pain-free and content. You take several deep breaths and you feel the cloud starting to take you away - taking you to one of your favorite places. Imagine your perfect place. Imagine the rate of travel, the perfect temperature, the perfect sounds and smells. Just be with you and your cloud traveling to the most perfect destination.

Once you arrive, you feel the beauty. You are one with it. You sense the feeling of complete freedom and time doesn't matter.. You see things that make you smile.. You feel the smile deep within your heart.. You love this place and it makes you feel the best that you can feel.. You have everything you need in this place. You do whatever you enjoy doing. Stay for a bit and be with it all.... The perfect picture and you are in it.... Breathe deeply again and relax your body even more... Let go even deeper... Enjoy the feelings, the sights, the smells, the sounds. Feel the happiness of what is. This is your vacation. You can have or do whatever pleases you. Close your eyes and imagine. Stay as long as you'd like..

Take another deep breath, and prepare to go back to your cloud (if you left it) and again feel it's softness; feel the complete support enveloping your body and nourishing your soul as you lay down. You are completely safe and have whatever is important to you in this moment. Let your cloud bring you back here to your present. Let it carry you however it feels right to do so today.

Now, start noticing your body now without the cloud. Notice how you feel, your thoughts, your environment. Notice how you can take this feeling with you wherever you are.

May you take your happiest feeling of you with you today.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!