Be U: Appointments

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Appointments

I am back to making and having appointments with contractors to upkeep this property. What a hoot. Things break and when there are many rooms in a home, many things break... The upkeep is constant.

Good and not so good to most everything. I love being in this home and it's natural beauty of wood, stone and marble. I love being comfortable and in open space with lots of windows. I love sharing it with people I love.

Having to give it constant attention and many contractors coming and going -- this just may be the not so good part. I enjoyed it greatly for 10 years. The last 5 I was slowing down much. I think even some of the contractors are overwhelmed with the amount of work. One or two people can not do it all.   It needs a task force. Ha.

So, as I wait for the dishwasher guy to come to repair the dishwasher, I sit in quiet. I put other things off as I wait.   This is how I do it. I have gotten better at doing my thing while I await. I have gotten better at being me through it all. I don't cater to the contractors' times as much as I used to. I work with them to create what is best for both. I do need the work done and I have to be open to when they can come out and do it. However, I have learned that I do not need to go all the way out of my schedule to accommodate theirs. This was something I needed to learn, I suppose.   And, learn I did; mostly. Hmmm.

So, as I await today's contractor, I have others to call, more are coming tomorrow and the list is endless. Anyone who owns a home, understands upkeep. Yikes.

So, while I did wish for a small home where I could get up and open the refrigerator... I did get this wish in my apartment in Florida, USA. And, while I enjoy this vastness and beauty of this resort home in Pennsylvania, it is nice not having constant activity in and out of one's home.

So, as I ponder all that is in my world, I create anew; dreams to be somewhere in the middle of these two homes and to have a bit more space than the apartment and a bit less activity of the house.

As I type this, I hear myself questioning if I sound like a spoiled thing or unappreciative of what I have.   Yet, I know that I have worked very hard and have given up time with my loved ones and other things to create where I am. I'd like to stand strong in where I am and not hear the questioning whispers of what if, how about, oh my, etc. etc.

All the good in your life... May you know you are deserving and helped create it and participated, planned and made happen where and what you are. May you know and own fully everything that makes you happy. As you do, so do I....   As I do, so do you.

We are all on earth at this time living life together. There is happy on our road always. Own it, choose it, allow it, live it.   Just be you and it comes to you because it is already yours. Believe.   I do. I want you to also.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!