Be U: Instead

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Instead

I am learning more and more that I, as a human, have an easier time when I go with what is real in my life rather than focus on what I think my life 'should' be like. (Yikes, how did this word 'should' sneak back into my thoughts.)

It's not an easy place for me to stay. Things/people/situations come into my life; such as breaking down of my home before it's sold. When I tell myself I accept it because this IS after all my goal to move out (breathe), ...

no can do.... I'm still not accepting it in most cells of my body. I still want it to not have happened this way.

And, just like for decades, when I wanted the fact that my father left me to not be my truth... I remember just one day realizing that this was my truth and just because I didn't want it so... had nothing to do with the fact that it was my truth in this lifetime and it never ever was going to change... Acceptance came. I even got to clarity that he didn't really leave me. He did the best that he knew how to do and he left and there wasn't anything I could do about it then or now. I found myself saying that I like who I ended up being and if he had stayed... well, I very likely would have turned out different.

So, that I am sitting here with nothing on this desk but my lap top in a 'naked' house that echoes is my truth today. (Ouch) The sooner I go through the stuff in the garage and continue throughout the house what someone else started, perhaps acceptance will set in and I will have peace in the (perceived) chaos. Will I ever be totally grateful that I didn't have to do it.... Hmmm No clue. I could get there, perhaps.

I still have my pond, saltwater fish, and bird that has been untouched and, in truth, the pond is my favorite thing of the whole house. I am extremely grateful for the life, sound and constant flow of this beautiful man made pond. The frogs jump, the fish eat vigorously and swim beautifully with their colored bodies sparkling in the sunlight at the water's top. The plant life grows and reaches up toward the sun to offer color, shape and life. It's a beautiful thing. I feel like I'm out in nature as soon as I walk out the back door. It is my tranquil place. I love that I have a tranquil place.

May you have your own tranquil place and may you visit it throughout the day. A tranquil place can be a place one envisions in one's thoughts -- one can create anything at all by just imagining and seeing it in your mind's eye. You have the power. I can 'take' my pond wherever I go. "The whole universe is within you." Unknown

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!