Be U: Change

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Change

How do I sit in this 'change' that went (in my mind) from Shambala (a place of peace and harmony for all living creatures) to 1632 (the street address) to Collegeville (the town) to a cold, almost lifeless building.   Yikes. (now, that's a process!)

I sit at my computer, after moving my computer table back to where it was, and there is no pretty light on it, no crystals, no pretty pearl-like strands, no in bin.... just a table with a computer on it. Yikes.   And, this is such a minute piece of the whole.

Anyhoo, I sit here wondering what is going to come across this page and I have great hope it is brilliance instead of harshness.

I sit here looking out the windows and see great lush greenery, wet and heavy from the rain. I see the pond waterfall streaming down the natural rock and I see the blue water of the lovely pool. I have been totally blessed to know this beauty - to create this beauty - to live amongst this beauty.

My heart is heavy with sadness and my heart is beating with gratitude. I will always know how lucky I was to experience this kind of living. From the comfort to the door handles that were best for my hands to the heat in the floor to the comfort of the furniture to the beauty I see everywhere I look.   Because it was my choice, my heaven on earth, my whims that I allowed to create what is. I'd like to point out that while I believe this was like heaven on earth; there still was hardship -- so, perhaps, in reality - there are glimpses of heaven on earth and I am unsure if there really is a place that is heaven on earth. I'm thinking that the human experience is about so much more.

I will forever know love, gratitude and the inner knowing that one can create whatever one wants with twists and turns; one has to choose it, believe it, do it and go with it....   and if one works from the inner being of oneself.... WOO HOO -- One has it going on!! lol

When you hear your own 'whispering'; may you listen and respond with belief that you know what's going on. My belief is that you do.

When you find that you are uncomfortable, let this discomfort lead you into your own comfort.   It is what is best for everyone.

Just Be You......   I believe.

May you take the time to get to know yourself and respond to yourself with belief, trust, truth and love.

You are the 'chooser' of your thoughts, reactions and actual steps in each situation that arises within your individual world. Choose for you and lovingly one has more to give to our world. "Tall order from where we've been as a whole.

My wish is that this choosing becomes more natural, accepted and supported.

Choose YOU.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!