Be U: Look Out

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Look Out

I'm feeling a bit irritable at times recently. I feel a bit overwhelmed as well. I know that I am okay just as I am. I do not like the feeling of irritability and/or being overwhelmed. I'm allowing it, trusting it, and being with it in hope of reaching 'good'.

I still believe that most are learning how to be in our world today as it is. Many are not liking some things that they encounter throughout the day. Most do not want violence and/or hostility in their day. Most want peace and harmony.

With all of us putting the request for peace and harmony out to the universe so we can be more at ease and know excitement through peace, perhaps, we can accomplish 'life' coming from feelings of what we like (while we still have feelings that come up for us of what we do not like) with an open heart, love, desire, knowledge and the ability to change for the good of all.

I know I want ease and peace during the chaos while I do my share to disengage from chaos and go with the flow and embrace togetherness in my individuality.

I heard today to embrace what makes you different. I had a conversation yesterday how when we feel different many of us want to hide or ignore this difference (that mostly started from a very young age) for fear of being rejected.

It is now time for us all to embrace what makes us different. Time to embrace what we know to be true for us and share this part of ourselves as a puzzle piece creating and completing a less mysterious and largest, most glorious puzzle of life here on earth. I'd like to see what great accomplishments and just plain greatness may come from it. I believe.

May you put your truth outside of yourself with love, ease and gentleness.

I definitely want to see the beauty that is you from your deepest core. I'd love to see who we are underneath the pain, underneath the hurt, underneath the anger and with full-on trust, truth and telling it like it is for YOU through love. What a hoot this world would be. Ahhh, I can feel the beauty of you now. LET IT SHINE. LET IT GROW. LET IT BE. No more fighting what is inside of us just because that's what we may have learned and/or created for our self for the sake of not being laughed out, joked about, throttled or misunderstood.

May we all be open to each other's loving individuality.

Pearls-of-learning.com

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!