Be U: Car 54, Where are You...

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, November 8, 2018

Car 54, Where are You...

Our world is not in the place I wish it to be. There is so much suffering. There are so many with great hardships. There are so many experiencing pain. There are way too many in the hurt(ing) stage and not in the awesome stage.

Is it a product of our thinking... Has 'society' taught us to be so assuming, judgmental and hard on our own selves...

Having access to every part of the world has shown us many different ways, beliefs, people and living creatures. I have never been so bombarded with things that I so wish I didn't see. And, yet, 'see' I did.

While this is very difficult and heavy for me, it is important to reach out from our most loving place that resides within us. Love can and will win. Love can and will change things. Love can and will uplift people.

When I feel supported and loved, I fly higher.

When I feel unsupported and unloved, I have less pizazz.

Are we all built this way from the beginning and then as we grow we can continue to incorporate this or we can open to changing it... I am uncertain.

I feel people need people. We need each other. If I was the only one on the earth, I don't think I could tolerate it. People make me laugh. People lift me up. People connect me to my truth. People make me question myself. People can help me to stand strong in who I am and want to be. Yet, I have the last thought!

It is in my beliefs that make me who I am. When I am told something that I just flat out know it is not of me, no matter what they say, it has no affect. When I am told something that I question or already find challenging, it can greatly affect me. So it still comes back to me and my beliefs. Just what if it all came back to you and your beliefs.

I believe that we all want to believe things that make us feel our greatest. Yet, we don't always choose this. Is it out of habit; is it out of not believing we deserve it; is it out of thinking we do deserve it...

May you think the things that make you feel your greatest; as often and as much as possible. May you think the things that make you fly. May you think to create peace within. May you think the kind of thinking that uplifts you.

We are all people-in-training. We can still be awesome while training. We can be not our best and still be awesome. We can mess our thinking up and by just being aware that we did, there is awesome to be had.

So, wherever you are, may you connect to your awesome in as much of and as often as possible.

May you think what feels good. May you be loving. May you let love be a part of everything you think and may you share love in everything you do.

Love on.. That's where you will find your ultimate You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!