Be U: Hello Hello

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, November 8, 2018

Hello Hello

Hello. Hello!

I'm wishing you peace inside of yourself...

It's been a busy couple of weeks clearing out my home to make it look like a house. Living in a house and not a home, surely for me, is not the most comfortable thing to do. And, yet I know great gratitude for living the life that I do.

Our plan is to still move over to the intracoastal waterway and get high. 21st Floor high! It is exciting and it is challenging. I have moved into quite a few new houses and made them a home. It is losing it's appeal that it once had.

I am so ready to be rooted without the thought of one day moving again. I've lived most of my life out of two places because I chose to.

In my younger years, 18-25, I lived in my apartment and then an apartment at the beach during the summer months. Then, I lived in my home in Pennsylvania in the summer and my home in Florida in the winter. I did live in New Jersey for awhile and commuted to my job in Pennsylvania 1.5 hours one way each day. For two years between this home and my previous home, I lived in an apartment in my 50s. That was very interesting to me. Never say never because we surely never know what life will show us. May we always say yes through all that is shown us and flow as best as possible through each experience.

This could prove to be very interesting if we rented this house out just for the winter and then visited between the two -- only five (5) miles away from each other but completely different lifestyles. My home now has a backyard. My home on the 21st floor will not. Ha!

We do have this house up for sale or rent so I trust the Universe to show me our best way. Guess I can't help myself. Yikes.

I so just want to be settled somewhere. This transitional stage is very challenging to me. I know it can be exciting too. However, right now, I feel challenged more than excited. Again, it may be because I've been fortunate (or is it unfortunate) to be able to do this more than a few times throughout my lifetime.

What matters most is our own perspective. We are the ones living our own lives. We are the ones experiencing them only as we can. We are the ones involved. May we be the ones to choose flow instead of stagnancy; love instead of fear; ease instead of hardship.

May you be open to living the life that is yet inside of you.

I am experiencing purple in my feet, hands and face as I'm letting this challenge me and it is leaving room for the scleroderma to live louder inside of myself. In truth, I am beat; I currently hurt. Yet, I am open to it all working out beautifully.

May you be open to believing that your life will all work out beautifully. If this is asking too much just now, may you be open to being open that your life will all work out beautifully. If you are already in this beautiful stage of your life, live it up, beautifully, with great gratitude.

Namaste

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!