"I So Get You Now"

I found myself saying to a dear friend (a long time friend) yesterday, "I so get you now". 

I was asking him why he was so highly focused on getting his kids in from the cold without jackets on even for a few minutes; not allowing them to use the salt shaker at all (even for a one-time deal in a restaurant--they do not have a salt shaker in their house which I totally understand--) and having them take proper nutrients fairly constantly.  It was, to me, like his life's mission.  Admirable, and constant.

 He told me how bad salt can be (which I agree); asked me what if they get sick - I said let's say they do, then they will heal and get better like the majority of kids. I asked him if they use the shaker once a month what will happen to them.  I think I sensed a small shift happen at that moment in his thinking.  I never saw or felt this before other than in my own self.  Maybe he was having an aha moment; I'll have to ask him to know for sure.  However, I was sensing quite a fear around him about his kids getting sick.

Then what he said to me next -- I GOT HIM!  I understood. 

He said when he was young (remembers as early as second grade), he was sickly and had to get constant shots for allergies and always going to the doctors.  He said his immune system was always in a weakened state.  It was awful.  I realized how terrible that must have been for him.  I felt sad that a little boy had to go through that.  I think it must have been hard and scary for that little boy.  I told him how sorry I was that he had to deal with that.

But, I got it.  He was feeling/thinking/believing that if he didn't stay on top of his kids health, that his past could become his children's lives.  He did not want that for his kids, understandably.  It, perhaps, became one very strong life mission of his to keep his children from that fate.

In fact, his family was tense and almost always waiting for dad to suggest, discuss, force, take away something that would continue this goal of his.    

As we continued to talk, I heard him say the words 'amped up' as in amplify.  I said 'that's a perfect word for you'.  I gave him (not literally) an 'amp button' that he could carry around with him and dial it up and down as needed.  I gave his wife (who complained of his constant health lecturing) a remote for this button that she could also dial down or turn off (I was pretty sure she would never want to turn it up!).  She could use it and had to have his permisson first.  So, basically, she has to vocalize what she feels and see if he can understand and feel it also.  Together they can figure out where this dial is best to work productively through love. 

Me, thinking that I'm seeing them both enjoying this as much as I was, felt like doing a dance.  I thought this just might work for them.  I, with everything I am, certainly hope it eases something in their lives.  I felt like, together, we 'all done good'. 

Look out, I'm coming after the real U next!  ha.  ha.

(Thank you, dear friends, for sharing this moment of openess and investigative fun with me.  Thank you for your permission to publish this on my blog.)