Be U: The Same Person

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Same Person

Are you the same person you were when you were little? Do you feel the same way underneath it all? Are you connected to that little you? Is that young you in the adult you?

(here we go)

I remember when I realized I was nothing like the little girl I was. I think I 'killed' her off or 'buried' her away. I did not have a connection to that little girl other than a few memories of her childhood. I did not feel like the same person then and now. That little person was someone I knew; not someone I was. I was astounded to discover this.

I went home and asked my then boyfriend (who is now my husband (crazy guy)) if he was the same person he was when he was young. He said most definitely. Wow. This was a shocker to me.

As I continue on this path; as I learn about myself and allow myself to be me, I am finding and connecting to this little girl again. She is who I am now. How peaceful and exciting and right for me.

I went as far as using my dominant hand to write a letter to my little self; myself as a little girl. I then used my less dominant hand to write a letter from my little girl to my adult self. It was very strange and a little unnerving but my little self was so happy to finally get recognition and someone to care for her the way she needed to be cared for. I think she said "I am so happy you are here". It's been a long, tedious process. However, together we 'rock' and together we share and together we know and give and love. My adult self now has many, many more 'tools' and abilities to guide and love and comfort the little girl inside of me that so needed guidance and love and comforting.

She is my joy and I am her safety net.

I hear that abused children leave themselves sometimes to be able to survive. I guess I did the same thing. I was not physically abused or abused verbally forthright even. I chose to shut down, turn off, not feel because there was too much pain in the adults that were around me. I did not want to create any more pain for them by them needing to deal with me. So I gave up the person I was. My thoughts, my dreams, my needs; I buried or dissolved. I molded myself into what others needed me to be to be able to cope with their lives (as much as I could anyway). I'm sure I wasn't always hiding within.

I rejoice in knowing and being the person I was born as. I am sure I still have a way to go. My guess is that I will always be growing. Connecting with my little self was probably one of the most joyful connections I have made in this lifetime.

Where is your little self? Is he/she right there with you? Dare you talk to her/him?

Not sure this can be done easily without feeling really weird and off the charts at first! Not sure this can be done easily at all. It was not easy for me.

I do know it can be done. With courage, truth, love and acceptance, anything just might be possible.

No comments:

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!

Coming for the Real You.

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Same Person

No comments:

Post a Comment